Time-Lapse by J.B. Heller

Chapter Five

After thinkingabout Eliza all night, this morning I know what I need to do. I have to keep her at arm’s length. I can’t let myself get any closer to her. Yesterday morning should never have happened.

But I don’t know how to be just friends with her—not when the majority of my thoughts since the moment I got to taste her sweet lips have been about when I can do it again. That and more…

What I should do is stay away from her completely. But I can’t. I’ve grown addicted to that smile. Especially when it’s directed at me. She makes me feel things I shouldn’t. Things I don’t have the strength to handle.

I may not be able to stay away from her, but I can control myself when I’m around her. I think. Fuck, I hope.

She’s waiting at the end of the street for me, like I knew she would be. I don’t bother knocking on her window anymore. Instead, I go directly to the passenger side and get in. “Morning,” I greet her with a smile on my face. She’s singing into her hairbrush.

Instead of answering me, she turns her face in my direction as she belts out the chorus of “Let Me Love You.” More freaking Bieber. My fingers itch to switch the song, but the look in her eyes is telling me she chose it for a reason.

I tilt my head and wait for her performance to finish, then I raise a brow.

She raises one in return, challenging me. But I don’t break.

Finally, she says, “So, did you like my song choice this morning?”

What am I supposed to say? No, I fucking hate Bieber. He’s a tool. Or maybe I should go with something a little more direct? No, you’re not allowed to fall in love with me. Not now. Not ever. I’m not good enough for you.

I look away from her and out the window, choosing not to answer the question at all.

Eliza eventually lets it go and pulls away from the curb, taking us to the rest area.

Silence fills the space between us, and I hate that it’s like this. I liked how easy and natural things were before yesterday happened. I’ve fucked it up, and I don’t know how to get us back to that place.

When we make it to the picnic table we were at yesterday, we sit the same way, facing each other. And I can’t meet her gaze.

Something happenedbetween yesterday morning and afternoon, and it’s eating at Hux. I wish he would just talk to me, but he’s so closed off.

I’m hurt and frustrated. What the hell is going on inside that head of his?

I thought I’d broken through some of that mysterious armor he wears yesterday, but it feels like he’s reinforced it.

My hands come to rest on his thighs. “Hux,” I murmur, “talk to me. Please.”

He takes a deep breath. “I fucked this up,” he says, still not making eye contact with me.

“How?”

His eyes find mine, and he sighs. “I shouldn’t have kissed you yesterday. I complicated things.”

Well, that admission hurts more than his silence. I swallow past the lump in my throat and lick my lips. “Why? I don’t understand. I thought …” I can’t finish my sentence. My emotions are trying to push to the surface, and I don’t want him to see.

I break eye contact and lift my hands from his thighs then stand. I step over the bench and turn my back to him. Lifting my face to the small ray of sunlight breaking through the canopy of trees around us, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

I block out everything around me and focus on the warmth of the sun on my face. I should have known it wouldn’t last. Huxley Haynes opening up to me, being with me—of course it was too good to be true.

At least I got to feel his lips on mine, even if it was just that once.

I take a couple more steadying breaths before I turn back to him. I give him the same smile I give Wayne when I’m humoring him. The one that most people see and think is real, but they haven’t got a clue how I really feel.

“Don’t do that,” Hux says, and I notice his camera in his hands.

“Don’t do what?” I ask.

He puts his camera on the picnic table and stands. “Don’t pretend with me. You never have before. Why start now?”

I should have known he would be able to tell the difference. He’s the most irritatingly observant person I’ve ever met. I shrug. “Why not? You don’t want the real me, so why should I keep giving her to you?”

He clenches his fists by his sides and grits his teeth. “Fuck that, El. You know that’s not what I meant.”

My hands grip my hips, and I stare him down. “Really? Because that’s what it sounded like.”

His expression morphs to one of anguish as he closes the distance between us and takes my face in his hands. “I’m leaving, El. Kissing you is a bad idea. For both of us.” His fingertips push into my hair, and his head lowers a fraction. “Don’t pretend with me. Please.”

His words cause tears to prick my eyes but not fall. “I don’t understand what you want, Hux.”

“I don’t want to hurt you. And if we keep this up, it’s going to hurt a hell of a lot when I go.”

Closing my eyes, I drop my head to his chest. “I know,” I breathe. Because it’s true. It’s going to hurt when he leaves. And he’s right. The closer we get, the worse it will be. But I don’t care.

Hux wraps his arms around me and holds me for a few minutes while I come to terms with never having his lips against mine again.

I am surprised when he lets me hold his hand as we walk back to my car and on the drive to the school. When we arrive, he leans over and presses a soft kiss to my temple before he gets out.

And I sit in my car. Alone. Wondering where I went wrong.

Why can’t I be happy with my superficial friends and superficial life? I was content in it before I started spending time with Hux.

I guess letting loose and being myself is addictive, and I want more of it. But I only seem to have the strength to do that when I am with Hux and my family.

Before I can finish my little pity party for one, a loud tapping startles me. For a moment, I think it might be him, but unfortunately, it’s Wayne.

Sighing heavily, I reach into the backseat, grab my bag, then get out of my car.

“What’s cookin’, good lookin’?” Wayne says while eyeing me up and down.

I inwardly cringe at his obvious perusal but plaster a smile on my face. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” I wink as we start walking through the parking lot.

“You know I would, baby girl. When are you going to give in and go out with me?” He pouts.

I pretend to think it over. “Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe when you make me the right offer.” I trail my eyes over his body and grin at him.

“Damn,” he drawls then bites down on his bottom lip.

I give him a little finger wave. “I’ve gotta run. I’ll talk to you later,” I say as I start walking in the opposite direction. I have to drop Jason’s lunch off.

When I get to Jason’s bag, I glance around to make sure nobody notices me as I slide the two brown paper bags inside of his. Just as I’m about to walk away, I see Hux leaning against the wall a few yards up the hall, and he’s watching me.

I’m not sure how to be around him now. Am I supposed to keep ignoring him while secretly admiring him and exchanging glances with him when nobody’s looking? Or am I supposed to ignore him for real?

He answers my unspoken question when he tilts his chin toward me and sends me a quick wink and a small grin. This time, the smile that covers my face isn’t fake.