In Death I Live by Lindsay Becs

ZORA

When I open my eyes,I feel disoriented at first, not remembering where I am. I try to move, but my entire body aches. A wincing moan, louder than I intended, leaves my mouth, sounding raspy from my still-dry throat.

“Here, angel,” River says softly, helping me sit up and handing me a glass of water. Closing my eyes to tamp down the pain zinging through every part of me, I take small sips of water. “You think you can swallow some pills to help with the pain?”

“I’ll try,” I croak. Taking the pills he offers, I swallow, my hand on my throat feeling them grate against my esophagus on their way down.

His warm hand comes to my back, rubbing in soothing circles as I continue to drink down the water in the glass. “Why didn’t you tell me, angel?” he asks quietly.

“I didn’t want any of this,” I answer him as a tear escapes my eye. Turning to look at him, I soak in every part of his Adonis face of perfection. “I was scared,” I admit.

“Of me?”

My face pulls in devastation from his question. How could he possibly think he’s the monster in my nightmares?

I wake up feeling my arms being untied. My shoulders ache—my whole body aches really. Slater tosses a shirt at me. “Put this on.”

With a wince, I sit up and put the shirt on through a cry of pain. Something is definitely broken.

“What’s the number to text when you can?” he asks, helping me stand. I rattle off the number that he and Kale have drilled into my head the last few days. “Good. Let’s go.”

My legs wobble, and I fall against the bed. Having a small amount of pity on me, he lifts me up and carries me down the stairs and out to a car.

Closing my eyes, I lean my face against the cold window, drowning in the sound of the rain for as long as I can.

“Zora!” Kale snaps, waking me from my state of relaxation. “Let’s go.”

I open the door to step out and fall into Slater. “You’re going to do so good, glow worm; I just know it.” I can hardly keep my eyes open, but I know he’s smiling. Always fucking smiling.

His lips press to mine, hard and unyielding, his tongue pushing inside as he kisses me, stealing another part of my soul. He turns me around so my back is pressed to his front and whispers in my ear, “Just a little something to remember me by while you’re away.” A sharp, burning pain erupts over the inside of my thigh, and I know he cut me to leave a mark. A scar. A reminder of him.

He pushes me forward, making me stumble and fall to my hands and knees just as a crack of thunder sounds in the dark sky, followed by blinding lightning. The lone shirt I’m wearing is already soaked from the rain pouring down on me in its attempt to wash me clean.

“Go! Walk! Someone will pick you up,” he commands. I’m not even on my feet yet when I see them drive away, leaving me on the side of the dark road.

Dropping my head, I scream through a cry, the sound rivaling the loud thunder that descends from the night sky.

Pushing to my feet, I barely stand without falling again. My body is broken and tired. My heart and soul empty with no will to fight.

Until I see him behind my closed eyes. Remi.

Pushing forward, I take a step. Another.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

I count as my body trembles and quakes with cold fear that freezes the last of my will to give a fuck about myself.

Five hundred sixty-two.

Five hundred sixty-three.

Five hundred sixty-four.

Trudging my way down the road, I keep walking toward the nothingness that fills the expanse in front of me.

Three thousand eight hundred forty-five.

Three thousand eight hundred forty-six.

Three thousand eight hundred forty-seven.

Through the haze of my mind, I see light coming from behind me. Someone is talking to me, but I can’t hear anything past the ringing in my ears.

“No,not you. You’ve been the only good thing to happen in all of this,” I tell him, then look to my lap as embarrassment washes over me from how I was with Domonic before the shit hit the fan.

Gripping my face in his hands, he pulls it up to look at him. Another tear falls, wetting my cheek under his palm. He stares at me for such a long time, I wonder if he’s going to kick me out and call me names. None of it would be new to me.

I know I’m here to be used, to deliver information and nothing more. But these boys are so different from how I thought they would be. Nothing like Slater and Kale, thank God.

It’s a weird feeling that I trust these boys I hardly know more than I trust the two I’ve known most of my life. Call it survival. Call it choosing the lesser of two evils. Call it my gut feeling if you want. All I know is that I like the side I’m on right now. I’ll give myself to these boys, and I’ll take the moments they give where I can feel good and get lost in them while they do the same with me.

But instead of pushing me or hurting me for keeping something from him, he leans in and presses his lips to mine. A soft touch. Just holding us there, glued together and unmoving. I’m tense at first, and then I melt into him and his touch as his lips never leave mine. “Kiss me,” I whisper against his mouth.

His tongue glides across the seam of my lips until I open for him. Slowly—torturously slowly—he kisses me. Everything about it is drawn-out and languid and the most passionately sensual kiss I’ve ever had. More tears seep out of my eyes, mixing in the salty taste with our kisses. His lips peck sweet kisses all over my face, taking away all my tears and fears as I allow myself to get lost in him.

River doesn’t belong here. He’s not like the rest of them. He should be far away from this life. He told me he was a demon from hell, but if he’s a demon, it’s only because he was an angel forced to serve Satan. He’s full of so much good. I feel it every time I’m with him.

“You aren’t like them,” I tell him as he kisses down the side of my neck.

He scoffs. “I’m more like them than you think, angel. I just know how to hide my teeth better,” he says before sinking his teeth into my skin so hard I know he left a mark. Maybe even drew blood. His tongue licks from my shoulder up to my neck as his hands begin to rub the sore muscles in my back. “I want to take care of you as much as I want to break you,” he whispers in my ear. “Lie down on your stomach.” I do as he says and then feel him straddle me, his hands sliding under the shirt I have on.

He kneads and massages every part of my shoulders, back and arms until I feel like I’m drunk from how relaxed I am. The aching that I woke with dissipates as he skillfully relieves each knot.

Then he turns around to face my feet, still straddling my middle. He begins to work his strong fingers on my legs, which I didn’t realize ached just as much as the rest of me. When he leans forward to reach farther down my legs, I feel his hard cock at the crest of my ass, making me grin into the bed.

I’m almost asleep again when he moves off of me. “That was amazing,” I moan, wishing it could last forever.

Kissing my temple, he says, “I’m going to go so you can sleep more.” All I can do is hum in response, already feeling myself falling back asleep.

* * *

After sleepingfor what felt like days, I make my way downstairs in search of River and the rest of the boys, biting back my smile when I hear them all ribbing each other in the living room.

Cruz is the first to notice me, his face breaking into a wide, breathtaking smile. “Hey, baby girl. You finally feel rested?”

Dipping my head, I walk farther into the room. “Yeah. I don’t even know how long I was out, but it feels like I just slept for ages.”

“Hungry?” Cruz asks, lifting a brow in question.

I nod. “Starving actually.”

Standing, he walks to me, taking my hand in his as he keeps walking toward the kitchen. “How about a grilled cheese?”

I turn my head back to the living room and lock eyes with River, who gives me a wink and smirk. I beam back at him before turning back to look at Cruz. “That sounds amazing.”

Acting slightly like a caveman, he literally picks me up and places me on one of the stools at the kitchen island before pulling out all the fixings to make grilled cheese. I watch him in silence as he makes three sandwiches.

As they toast on the griddle, he hands me a bottle of water. I drain half of it in one go, running the back of my hand over my mouth when I’m done.

My mouth waters when he sets a plate piled high with grilled cheese in front of me. “I hope these aren’t all for me. There’s no way I can eat all of those myself.”

“Pfft! One’s for me.” He grins, grabbing one and taking a big bite.

Picking up one for myself, I bite into it and moan at how good it tastes. I’m not sure how long it’s been since I last ate, but I know it’s been at least two days, if not more. “How long was I asleep?” I ask around a mouthful of gooey cheese and bread.

Turning to look at the time, he says, “Eighteen hours.”

“Holy shit.”

He shrugs. “It’s normal.” He says it like they always chain up girls to torture answers out of them. And then I wonder how often they actually have. “Don’t look at me like that. I don’t like that part.”

I cover his hand that’s resting on the counter with my own. “I know.” His brows pinch together. Then he steps around the counter, turning the stool I’m sitting on, and moves to stand between my legs, resting his brow to mine. “I was going crazy knowing you were down there.” I audibly swallow, not knowing what to say. This is the most intimate we’ve ever been aside from when he kissed me before he left me down there. “Do you forgive me, baby girl?” He sounds so… sad. Regret dripping from every word he whispers to me. Closing my eyes, I nod my head against his.

In the next second, his lips meet mine. Soft and consuming all at once. He tastes like melted butter and freedom. My hands go to his waist as his sink into my hair, holding me closer to him. Then he pulls away all too fast, and I’m left feeling breathless. Running his thumb over his bottom lip, he smiles at me and I know that look can’t mean anything good.

Or can it?

Taking my hand, he pulls me to stand, and then I follow him back into the living room with the other boys. Cruz sits on one of the couches, gripping my hips back until I fall down on his lap. I don’t fight the unexpected gesture. Instead, I relax into him. Turning sideways on his lap, I bend my legs and rest my feet next to his.

“You play video games, Zo-Zo?” Greyson asks, looking at me from the other end of the couch Cruz and I are on.

I snort a laugh. “Nope. Wasn’t ever available in the houses where I lived.”

“You want to try?” he asks, holding out a controller for me to take.

“I’m good.” I smile. “I’ll watch you boys play for now.”

“Alright. You can watch me kick Cruz’s ass then.” He smirks as Cruz grabs the offered controller.

“Ha! You wish you could,” Cruz jests back.

“Now, now, ladies. Let’s keep the game civil,” River laughs from one of the other couches. Looking at him, I see he hasn’t taken his eyes off the TV. It’s some shoot-em-up type game with blood and guns and knives.

Domonic stays quiet, only letting out a slight scoff of a laugh as he keeps playing.

It doesn’t take long before the four of them are deep into their game. Yelling and cursing and trash-talking each other. I slide out of Cruz’s lap to get a round of drinks for everyone. When I come back in carrying longneck brews for each of them, I’m given verbal thanks by each without anyone actually looking at me.

“How old are you guys anyway?” I ask when I sink back into the couch next to Cruz, taking a sip from my own bottle.

I’ve been wondering since I got here but never felt like it was the right time to ask. They don’t seem too much older than me, but I’m terrible at guessing ages. Hell, most people think I’m barely eighteen when I’m actually almost twenty-one.

Cruz smirks at my question. “How old do you think we all are?”

“Hmm…” I hum, putting a finger to my lips. “Are you all the same age?”

“That’s cheating,” Greyson tells me with a smirk of his own.

I take my time looking at each of them, trying to decide. Finally, when I think I might be right, I take my guess. “I’m guessing Dom is the oldest at twenty-five. Then, Grey and River are twenty-three. Leaving Cruz as the baby of the bunch at twenty-two or twenty-one.” I wince, pulling a face. “How far off am I?”

“You got two of four right,” River answers.

I wait for him or one of the others to tell me which two I got right, but no one says a thing. “So…” I hedge.

“You got me and Grey right,” Domonic answers.

“Damn.” I smile.

Cruz nips at my ear, making me giggle. “I’m not sure if I should feel offended or not by your assumption of me being the baby,” he teases.

“Are you?”

“He is,” Greyson says through a wide smile.

Cruz rolls his eyes. “Technically, yes. Greyson’s birthday is one month before mine, but we’re both twenty-three.”

I look over at River, waiting for him to divulge his age. “I’m twenty-four, angel.”

“For some reason, I think you already know, but I’m twenty. However, my birthday is next month,” I tell them.

“Oh, well, then we can’t let you drink any more of that alcoholic beverage, can we?” Cruz teases, grabbing the beer out of my hand.

“Hey!” I complain. Pursing my lips, I add, “Please, I’ve been drinking since before I had boobs.”

“I’m going to need to see proof of said boobs before I can give this back, I’m afraid,” Cruz says through a wicked grin.

Lifting a brow, I smirk and ask, “Oh yeah? You jealous you’re the only one who hasn’t seen me naked yet?”

Dropping his controller in his lap, his face drops. “What? How am I the only one?” He seems so devastated by this fact that it’s hilarious, making me laugh.

“Well, let’s see here. River fucked her. Then, Grey and I helped her get off—on the very couch your sitting on—as she dry-humped me before I fucked her. Twice,” Domonic says dryly.

My mouth falls open in shock at how he put it all out there so simply like it’s…normal.

“Shit. Guess I am then,” Cruz replies like it’s an everyday thing to share a girl.

“Wait,” I say, feeling confused. “Do you all…” I pause and lick my lips. Can I even ask this and not feel like a total slut for being okay with everything I’ve already done and wanting more? Closing my eyes, I ask, “Do you all normally share?” When I open my eyes, I’ve got four pairs of eyes looking at me, giving me my answer. “Oh, fuck,” I say under my breath.

“Scared, baby girl?” Cruz whispers in my ear, causing goosebumps to erupt over my skin.

Turning to look at him, I ask, “Should I be?”

“Depends. How kinky are you?” he counters.