In Death I Live by Lindsay Becs

ZORA

“Didyou know that fish can’t cough?” Cruz asks.

He lies on his stomach next to me, his finger slowly circling my nipple. I’m lying on my back in his bed between him and River, who’s on his side, one leg wrapped around one of mine as he watches Cruz.

It’s where we landed after the bath water turned cold. None of us were ready to leave the comfort of the room or the dynamic we have going between the three of us quite yet.

In a different time and place, I’d be embarrassed and uncomfortable, but for whatever strange reason, I’m not. Not with these boys. And I’m not completely sure why that doesn’t freak me out more than it does.

River chuckles, his head falling to my shoulder. “You are so random.”

Looking at Cruz, a smile pulls on my lips. “I like it.”

Pulling himself up my body more, he pecks my lips. “I knew I liked you best.”

“Hey!” River protests, shoving at Cruz’s shoulder, making him bark out a laugh.

“Now, boys,” I jokingly scold, patting both of them on their heads.

Hozier sings about taking us to church while we lie together, once again, each of us falling silent.

Stretching my arms above my head, I yawn. “I never want to leave this bed.”

“You don’t have to,” Cruz says and then blows on my nipple to make it pebble before covering it with a soft and warm open-mouth kiss.

“I’m always so fucking tired. I don’t know why. I’ve never slept this much in my whole life,” I muse as another yawn pulls from me, making my eyes water.

River snuggles into my side, his face in my neck. “You’ve probably never been dicked by four guys who fuck you so good either.”

I think about that for a second. “True.”

River sits up and stares down at me, his brows pinched with concern. “You paused. Why?”

I swallow over the thick knot in my throat. “No reason.”

This time, Cruz moves to loom over me too. “No lying when you’re in one of our beds, baby girl.” The look on his face lets me know he’s disappointed, and I hate it. Especially when it’s directed at me. “Why did you pause before answering, Zora?”

Cruz doesn’t call me by my name often, and when he does, it’s usually when his serious, protective side is coming out.

Hearing them ask me about something I don’t want to tell them makes me overly aware that I’m stark naked between them. Reaching down, I pull up the sheet to cover me—and maybe my secrets.

“I don’t think so, angel. We aren’t hiding things here. We’re putting all the cards on the table,” River tells me, pulling the sheet from my fist.

“You said you hadn’t been shared before. Was that a lie?” Cruz asks.

Closing my eyes, I answer. “Not completely.”

“Baby girl, talk to us,” he pleads, and I hear the sincerity in his voice.

“I don’t want to,” I grit out through my clenched jaw. Tears sting in my eyes and I will them not fall, but they do anyway, sliding down the sides of my face.

“Zora, what happened to you?” Cruz asks as River kisses away the drops of sadness.

I take in a deep, stuttered breath. “I didn’t grow up with all of this,” I start, not knowing how much to share without it being too much. “I bounced around foster homes. Not all of them were great.” River slides back into my side, nuzzling into my neck and wrapping an arm around my waist. “That’s how I met…” I don’t dare tell them that the very man who planted me here, the very one they hate, turned from my protector to my abuser to my lynchpin in life. “A guy,” I tell them, keeping it vague. “That guy turned into two and then a few more. There were times they passed me around and used me as their own personal toy. Not often—thank fuck—because he was possessive over me, but it still happened a few times nonetheless.”

River’s lips press to the side of my neck. “Is he the same person who hurt you?” he asks, his voice calm and soothing. Cruz pulls on my leg to bend at the knee, and then I feel his fingers trail soft paths up and down the inside of my thigh. That mixed with River’s voice puts me in such a relaxed state, I feel like I’m dreaming. “The man who hurt you and sent you to us, did you know him?” River continues to ask.

Mrs. Delmore sent me up to get Sasha from her room to go on a grocery run. Sasha is one of the older girls who lives here. She’s almost eighteen, which means she’ll be leaving soon. Good for me since she hates my guts.

I lift my fist to knock when I hear her say, “We got a new girl.”

We aren’t allowed to have friends over, so I wonder who it is she’s talking to. And about me, no less. I pause and wait to hear more.

There’s a deep huff before a low voice says, “Like Delmore has room for any more kids in this fucking house.”

“She’s a tiny thing. Won’t take up much room,” Sasha chuckles.

“How old?”

“Thirteen, I think,” she answers, then adds, “Too young for you.”

“I don’t fuck kids, Sash. Fucking hell.” The deep boom of his voice startles me.

Not wanting to hear any more, I lift my hand again and knock. “Yeah?” Sasha calls out, sounding annoyed.

I inch the door open to side-peek inside. I’m met with dark eyes that I’m assuming belong to the deep voice I heard. He has tattoos and is wearing torn jeans. His hair is shaved short, revealing another tattoo on the side of his head. I wonder how bad that hurt. His face is the opposite of the rest of his harsh exterior. He’s the hottest boy—man—I’ve ever seen this close up.

“What do you want?” Sasha snaps at me, pulling me from my thoughts.

Tucking my hair behind my ear, I stand there looking at the floor, feeling embarrassed.

“What’s your name?” the guy asks me.

“Zora,” I answer quietly.

“Look at me, Zora.” Slowly, I lift my head, and when my eyes find him, he smiles at me. “Sasha is a bitch,” he says. My eyes widen that he called her that right in front of her. When she starts to protest, he lifts his hand and she shuts up with a pout, making me want to laugh, but I hold it back, not wanting to give her more reason to hate me. “Don’t let her or anyone else push you around.” I nod, and he asks, “What did you need?”

“Mrs. Delmore wants you to go get more milk from the store,” I tell Sasha with more confidence now than when I first came in.

He nods with a smirk in approval, and I feel my cheeks heat. “Looks like you need to go,” he tells Sasha, who gets up in a huff, pushing past me on her way out. He pats the bed, inviting me to sit with him. Nervously, I do.

“Sash said you’re thirteen. That right?”

“Yep,” I answer, picking up paper and rolling a joint like one of my mom’s boyfriends taught me.

“I’m Slater.” Looking up at him, my eyes widen. I’ve heard stories about him. “I’ll make sure no one messes with you.”

I stare at him, biting into my lip, thinking that over. “But why?” I ask.

“Because if you can roll that good, then you’re one of mine now.” He grins, nudging my knee with his and making me blush again.

Nodding my head, I hum an “uh-huh.”

Cruz chuckles lowly. “Is that a yes to both questions?” River asks.

“Yes,” I answer. “He’s not a good person.” My face pinches as if I’m in pain as realization slams into me. “He’s going to hurt Remi,” I admit as another wave of tears fall. “Please don’t make me say anything more,” I whisper. My eyes pop open, looking at the ceiling. “He’s going to kill me.”

“Shhh… angel. It’s okay,” River soothes. “We’re not going to let anything happen to you.”

RIVER

After Zora fell asleep,I left her with Cruz to go find Domonic. He needs to know what we just found out.

Knocking on his office door, I wait for him to tell me to come in, and when he does, I waste no time entering. “You don’t usually come in here. Must be bad,” he says when he sees it’s me.

“The guy who hurt her and set her up to be here, she knew him. It wasn’t random. She said she met him years ago when she was in the system,” I tell him straight away.

Dom’s head falls back to rest on the back of the big office chair he sits in. He stays quiet for a few long minutes, letting what I just told him sink in.

Then, picking his head up, he looks at me and asks, “Do you believe her?” Confusion must cross my face. He goes on, “Do you think he forced her here and is using her brother”—he puts quotes around the word brother like it’s a lie—"to get her to do his dirty work? Or do you think she’s a good actress and is really in on it with him?”

Anger burns in my stomach that he could think that of her. We’ve all seen her break—multiple times and in multiple ways. My nostrils flare. “She’d have to be a pretty fucking good actress,” I spit at him. “How could you think that? You saw her the night we picked her up.”

He runs his hands down his face, elbows landing on his desk as he leans into his hands. “I’ve seen a lot of shit through the years, River. People aren’t always as they seem.”

“You can have your reservations, but I believe her.”

“She’s still keeping secrets,” he adds, looking up at me with a lifted brow.

“We all are.” With that, I leave him in his office to stew. Knowing him, it’s only a matter of minutes before he hits the gym to work off his pent-up frustration at the situation and all of us. Including Zora.

Me? I run. So, that’s what I set out to do. Jogging up to my room, I change into joggers and a hoodie, put on my running shoes and pull a beanie on my head to keep out the cold. Popping my earbuds in, I turn on the loudest music I have and head out for a run.

I’m a mile in when something hits me. She hasn’t asked to leave. Not once. Greyson took her shopping, but he said she never tried to escape him or leave. Besides that, she’s stayed inside. In my room or the main area of the compound mostly. She hasn’t even asked to go outside.

It may be almost winter in Colorado, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go outside for anything. The boys and I have a big bonfire night celebration before the snow starts to hit. I’ll have to ask them about it when I get back to see if that’s still on. We don’t have many traditions. We don’t even really celebrate any of the holidays much, but the end-of-fall bonfire is one we haven’t missed in years.

When I make my way back, I head straight to the kitchen for some water. Greyson walks in while I’m wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. He pulls my hat off my head, gripping onto my hair and tilting my head back. He smacks a kiss on my lips before letting go. “What’s wrong?” he asks, knowing that running is my biggest stress reliever.

Where do I begin?He stares at me, waiting for me to answer. “Found out that Zora knows who hurt her and set her up.” His eyes widen in surprise. We all assumed it was random or an acquaintance, at best. Her knowing Shadows is a turn of events we hadn’t thought of.

Draining the rest of my water, I lean over the counter. “Then, on my run, I realized she hasn’t asked to go outside or leave or anything since we brought her here.”

“I took her shopping,” he says, thinking what I had too.

Nodding, I go on sharing my thoughts. “Yeah, but you offered. And then you said she never tried to leave or get away or anything.” He nods slowly, taking in everything I’m saying. “She didn’t know any of us at all at that point. Me some, but not really. She still doesn’t, if we’re being honest here.” I shuck off my hoodie, now sweating from my five-mile run mixed with the heat in the house. Running a hand through my hair, I lean over the counter again. “She should have been terrified of us. Day one. But she wasn’t. She saw us—me—as her savior. Whoever this fucker is, she’s petrified of him. He’s hurt her—probably a lot—threatened her and her brother and who knows who else.” I pause, thinking again. “It just doesn’t make sense. There’s something we’re missing.”

Greyson, who’s stood quiet while I rambled on, looks over at me. “If she’s that scared of him, it makes sense that she would rather stay inside and with us. Lesser of two evils.” He shrugs. “What’d Dom say?”

“He still doesn’t trust her.”

“Can’t blame him.”

“I guess, but it still pisses me off.”

“Aww…” Grey chuckles. “Someone has a super-soft spot for her.”

“Fuck off.” I shove him with a laugh. “Which also makes me remember the other thing I was thinking about.”

“Someone has a clear head today,” he jokes.

Rolling my eyes, I ask, “Are we still having the bonfire? You know snow is hitting us anytime now.”

He lifts a shoulder again. “Ask Dom. You know that’s his call.”

“Fucker has too much power,” I grumble.

“Don’t be a jealous fuck, Riv. It’s not a good look on you,” he says, patting my cheek with a smirk as he leaves the room and me.