In Death I Live by Lindsay Becs

ZORA

I startle awakefrom a loud bang on the door. After a second, I realize that I’m sandwiched between River and Cruz. The feel of being cocooned by their warmth has me relaxing. At least until there’s another bang on the door.

But then it’s followed by, “Let me the fuck in, guys.” Then, what sounds like metal hits the hardwood floor, and there’s another hit to the door that sounds different from the other two. When I hear Greyson mutter an “Ow! Fucking key,” I can’t help but giggle. He’s obviously drunk or high or maybe both.

“Fuck’s sake,” Cruz groans, waking up from the noise Greyson’s making. “Go away and sober up!”

But the door swings open, banging against the wall behind it as it does. “I made it!” he yells. Leaning up on my elbows, I take him in as he stands like a proud superhero in only a pair of grey briefs and white socks on his feet. My head falls back between my shoulders as I laugh at the sight of him.

River, who’s now awake too, throws a pillow at Grey. F someone who stumbled a little bit from just cocking a smile at me, it’s a wonder he’s able to catch it. “I want to spoon too,” he announces, jumping onto the already full bed with us and making the other two boys grunt and groan.

“Seriously, G. Didn’t he tell you to sober up? Go drink some fucking coffee before we have to be outside,” Cruz says. Although he sounds frustrated with Grey, he still slides closer to me to make room for him to join us.

“You know the only way I can sober up that fast is to fuck,” Greyson whines.

Picking my head up, I peek over Cruz’s shoulder to look at Grey, who sees me and gives a drunk, hazy grin. I giggle again; I can’t help it. I think it’s both hilarious and adorable to see him like this.

River puts his hand on the side of my head, pushing it back down to the pillow. “Don’t encourage him right now.”

“But he just wants to fuck,” I say in a mocking pout.

“At least someone understands me here,” Grey says like he’s exhausted.

“Stop whining or I’m going to make you my bitch again,” River says to Grey in a tone of both annoyance and anger. And it’s kind of hot hearing River get worked up and fiery.

“Fuck, I haven’t been in your ass in ages,” Grey says like he’s a daydreaming teenage girl. I turn my head so quickly to look at River, I almost smack our heads together. River just smirks with a shrug.

“Why is it so hot imagining all you boys fucking around with each other?” I ask, pressing the heels of my palms into my eyes.

“Because we’re all hot when we fuck, angel.” River’s deep voice floats over me, warming me while also sending goosebumps over my heated flesh.

“You are not hel—” Greyson starts to protests but stops. Confused, I start to pick my head up to look at him again, but then I hear kissing and a deep moan. I freeze, wanting to look but also not sure if I should.

“There. Now, shut the fuck up and go get some coffee,” Cruz tells him softly.

“You might have relaxed me, but my cock is still fucking hard as steel,” Grey says sleepily as he stands. When I lock eyes with him, he blows me a kiss before heading for the door, bumping into the frame on his way out.

River starts to laugh, and it’s not long before Cruz and I join in too. “Fuck, someone should follow him to make sure he isn’t drinking more,” River says as he stretches.

“I got it,” Cruz offers. “I’ll see you two outside in”—he looks at his watch with a grunt—“about an hour.”

“Yay,” River deadpans.

“Sooner we get this over with, the faster we can move on,” Cruz tells him, pulling a shirt over his head. He leans over the bed and places a sweet kiss on my lips, grinning down at me when he stands back up. He winks at River and then turns for the door, closing and relocking it behind him.

River wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my neck once it’s just us in the bed. “That was interesting,” I say through a smile.

“That was fucking annoying and typical,” he replies.

“I’ve never seen any of you boys drunk before.”

He takes a deep breath. “Yeah. That’s because we usually try to keep a clear head.”

“Then why today, of all days, is Grey getting smashed?”

“He does every time we come out here.”

“But why?” I ask again, this time turning to look at him.

He stares at me, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Because none of us like the things that happen out here, angel.”

I stare at him for a moment, taking in the stress and tension on his face and in his ridged body, a total contrast to how he usually is. “I know there has to be more to this bonfire than you boys are telling me. River, please tell me the truth. What happens at these things every year that has Grey getting hammered, you ready to punch in the face anyone who breathes wrong, and Cruz jumping me in the car.”

His head turns quickly to look at me. “I knew Cruz fucked you before you got here.” He smirks.

“Don’t change the subject.”

He runs his hands through his hair and stares up at the ceiling. “Every year we have these bonfires. There are three parts to them. One, to show those in the area that we are all still alive and well and running the show in the city, state, country and half the fucking world.” He pauses, and the air shifts before he goes on. “The second is to punish or discipline anyone who’s tried to go against us in any way within the past year.”

“You kill them?” I ask, sounding more shocked than I really am. I wasn’t naïve to think that they didn’t hurt or murder people.

He swallows thickly and nods his head. “The last part is that we boys pick a girl to play with. To be ours for however long we want to fuck, torment, have fun, whatever.”

“Are you still going to do that this weekend?” I ask, my voice quiet, giving me away because I don’t want to have to watch them with someone else.

“No,” he says, quickly turning to look at me. He takes my hand in his, bringing it to his lips to kiss. “You have changed everything, angel.”

His words and smile seem genuine. But they are also ones I’ve heard before and falsely believed. It doesn’t matter how much I see that they aren’t anything like Slater or Kale; it’s still engrained in me that people only use me, that I’m not worth anything to anyone.

“It’s okay if you want someone else.”

Turning his body fully, he moves to cover mine with his. “Shut the fuck up, Zora,” he mumbles as he kisses up the side of my neck. “I don’t want anyone else. None of us want anyone else.”

Tilting my head to give him better access to my neck, I dig a little more. “Good to know this is where you picked up your playthings each time. I’m glad to hear that I’m the only one you picked up on the side of the road.” He bites my neck. “Ouch!”

His chuckle vibrates through my body. “You don’t need to be jealous, angel. But I do think it’s pretty hot.”

“River?” He hums. “Are you guys punishing anyone tonight?”

He stops and looks down at me. “Hopefully Shadows.”

I trace my finger over his lips with a grin. “I can live with that.”

“Come on,” he says, smacking a kiss to my lips and rolling off of me. “Let’s get ready for this fun night.”

* * *

“Fuck me. You look smoking hot,”Domonic says when River and I come downstairs.

For the one who’s been the most standoffish to me lately, it’s weird hearing him say that. It’s such a normal guy response and makes me feel good. It’s the exact opposite of how Dom has made me or whoever is in the room with him feel these last days.

“That’s what I told her,” River agrees. “Show him,” he adds with a nod to me.

Turning to the side, I show him the garter belt around my thigh that has some of the knives he gave me tucked into it.

“That’s hot as fuck, but you can’t leave them on display tonight, baby,” Dom says. Again, sounding like he did when I was with him that night and not like the Domonic of the past days.

The belt is wrapped around a pair of ripped black skinny jeans. I’m wearing a cropped tank that shows off my stomach, leaving my weapons of defense out in the open.

“I know. I brought a big hoodie to put on once we head outside.”

“Shame to cover all that up,” River says with a sigh.

“Yeah,” Dom starts, letting his eyes drag slowly over my body, “but smart and necessary.”

Dom’s phone pings then, breaking through his perusal of me. He reads a text and then lets us know that people are starting to arrive. River extends his hand to me, leading me out to where the bonfire is blazing.

* * *

It’s nearing midnight,and the fire is still burning high. The crowd that’s here is beginning to stumble more and more as drinks are consumed freely. Music bumps and thumps into the night air around the trees that encase us.

I never stray far from one or another of the boys. I can always feel eyes or a hand on me from someone. More often than not, it’s River, but once in a while he leaves me to one of the others. Although, I haven’t seen much of Dom since before I came outside.

“Miss Jacobs,” a deep voice says, sending chills up my spine. Turning around, I come face to face with the man who froze me to the bone earlier. The same one who is the very reason I’m here at all. Swan.

Seeing him close up—even if it is only by the light of the fire—I notice the lines that cover his face, showing his wear from harsh years. His greying hair is styled much the same as the boys, and I wonder for a second if that’s part of the pact of being a Swan and living here, doing his bidding. His eyes are dark, and I think they must match the black of his soul.

His lips curve up in the corner when he senses my inventory of his features. “You and I have business to discuss.”

He reaches for my arm, but I pull away, taking a step back at the same time. “I really don’t think we do.”

At my sharp retort, he smiles bigger. “Ah. That’s why the boys like you so much.” His eyes rake over me, making me feel like I need a shower as his dirty gaze roams my body. “Anyway, they seem to trust you. I, however, do not.”

“That’s no skin off my back,” I scoff, crossing my arms over my chest. Even covered in an oversized hoodie, I don’t want him looking at any part of me.

He steps closer and I step back, except I didn’t realize I had a tree so close behind me. My back hits it, giving me little room to go anywhere when he steps into my personal space. Keeping my arms crossed, his chest bumps into them. Leaning forward, his face right in mine, he speaks low and deadly. “That is exactly what I’ll have them do to you if you try to cross me. I will have you skinned alive and then fucked for all to see before leaving you tied to this very tree for the birds to feast on. Am I clear? Angel.” He tacks on the name River calls me, and I hate hearing him say it.

“The fuck you doing?” I hear Domonic yell, followed by loud footsteps toward where we’re standing.

“We’re just getting to know one another. Isn’t that right, Zora?” he says, stepping back with an evil grin that rivals Slater’s.

“Yeah,” I say, my voice cracking, but I don’t take my eyes off of this man who thinks he’s God.

Domonic pulls me away from the tree and Swan. Cupping my face and turning it to look up at him, he asks quietly, “You okay?” I nod, even though I can feel my body trembling. Dom’s lips drop to mine in a quick kiss. “I got you.” I nod again, this time our heads and mouths rubbing together. I take in a deep, ragged breath, keeping my eyes closed to help me calm down and remember that Dom and the others promised to take care of me tonight.

“Isn’t that sweet,” I hear Swan say at my back. Dom’s head lifts, my head resting against his chest now. “Never thought I’d see the day you were brought down by pussy.”

Domonic stiffens but doesn’t move. “I haven’t been brought down by anything. And in case you haven’t noticed, we’re all on the same side, trying to keep your ass alive and away from the one person who wants you dead more than I do.” I gasp and tense in his arms, not liking that he’s threatening Swan. No matter who he is and what he does, Domonic still works for him.

“Ah, there’s the son I know,” Swan drolls.

Wait, what? Son? What the hell… Holy fuck, Swan is Domonic’s dad?!

I snap my eyes up to look at Dom, but he’s still focused on Swan. His father.

“Guess you hadn’t told her that yet?” Swan says through a dark chuckle. “Oops.” I hear him walking away, but I don’t turn to look, my eyes still looking up at Domonic.

“He’s your dad?” I ask after a long pause of neither of us moving or saying anything.

“Unfortunately,” he grits.

“Huh.”

Looking down at me then, I see his lips twitch. “‘Huh?’ That’s all you got after finding out that fun little tidbit?”

Shrugging, I reply, “Guess I don’t know what else there is to say about it. We can’t help the people who made us and brought us into this world. We don’t get to choose them; they don’t get to choose us. We just happen to each other. Some land on better odds than others. You and I just got shitty ones.”

After staring down at me for a long pause, he smashes his mouth to mine. Opening for him, he takes from me. He kisses me in desperation and redemption all in one. It’s passionate and rough, and I wish it didn’t have to end.

He pulls away, leaving several small pecks on my lips as he settles us both like he can’t seem to get enough. His brow rests on mine as our labored breathing evens out. “More,” he says after a while. “When this weekend is done, I want more of you. Of this. Fuck, you got me all twisted up in ways I’ve never been before, Zora. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am going soft because of pussy.” He huffs a short laugh. Then he lifts his head from mine, peering straight into my eyes. “No.” He shakes his head. “I’m not losing anything because of you. It’s because I—we—have you that we’ll win this. This will be over soon.” His thumb glides over my lips. “I—”

“Dom!” Someone calls him, halting whatever he was going to say next.

With a groan, he picks up his head. “What?” he snaps.

“I got something,” the person tells him.

He looks down at me and kisses me on the head. “No wandering off. Cruz is there. Go stay with him,” he tells me, then smacks my ass before he gives me a small smirk and turns to the guy who came for him.

Lifting my fingers to my lips, I grin, watching Dom walk off to do his job. Spinning around to walk toward Cruz, I only take one step when someone grabs my hips, stopping me. At first, I think it’s Dom coming back for another kiss, but then I realize it’s not pine and patchouli I smell.

Bile rises up my throat when I smell his filth, rancid breath and cigarettes. “Miss me, glow worm?”

“Slater!” I squeal when I see him leaning back against his old rusted-out car in the parking lot of my high school. Excited, I rush down the step to get to him, flinging my body into his as I leap. His chuckle hits between my legs as they wrap around his waist when he catches me.

“Did you miss me, glow worm?” he asks as his lips meet mine. Shamelessly, I rut against his body in response as he holds me by my ass. He only laughs harder.

Then it hits me all at once. He slept with me—taking my virginity—and then ghosted.

I bite into the side of his neck. So hard that I taste his blood as it fills my mouth. “Fuck!” he roars, dropping me. “The fuck is wrong with you?” He pierces me with a look that most are afraid of, but not me. He might be pissed, but he won’t hurt me.

“You left me, asshole. I haven’t seen or heard from you in over a week.”

His face softens slightly as he takes a step closer to me. “I had a job to do. You know I can’t tell you about that shit.”

Not wanting him to see the hurt on my face, I keep my head down, kicking at a rock on the pavement. “You could have at least told me that.”

“Zora.” He says my name slowly, dragging it out like he does when he really wants me to listen to him. Picking up my head enough to see him, I meet his gaze and his stupid cute grin. “You’re my girl. No one else.”

Raising my head fully, I lift a brow at him in challenge. “Then why did you fuck Chelsea Tillman last week after you slept with me? If I’m your girl, why do you need that skank?”

“She’s nothing, glow worm,” he says smoothly, now standing directly in front of me. He bends and licks the seam of my lips until I open for him. He kisses me slow and sweet until my head is spinning. “You’re the only one I care about. Everyone else is just a warm body to pass the time until we can be together like we want to be.”

“You promise?” I ask, kicking myself for sounding so needy and desperate.

“Promise.” He smiles down at me a moment before stepping back and leaning against his car again.

Pulling out a pack of smokes, he lights up, taking a few drags before offering it to me. I only shake my head, hating the smell and taste of nicotine. After it being permanently embedded in everything I had for most of my life, it’s the smell I hate most in this life.

“We’ll be a family soon, Zora. That’s what you want, right?” I nod, agreeing because he knows it is. I long to have a redo. To make a family of my own, one I choose to have. One that’s full of love and laughter instead of hurt and hate. “We found each other in the dirt, like worms, but you brightened everything in me that day I first saw you. You glowed, Zora.” Biting into my lip, I dip my head to shield my blush from him. His hand cups the side of my face. “My little glow worm.”

Turning my head, I kiss his palm and then lean into it to feel his warmth. “I missed you.”

All I can doin that moment is look at Cruz, only feet away from me, and pray he’ll look up at me before it’s too late.

But I know it already is when a cloth is shoved into my mouth at the same time my hands are tied behind my back.