In Death I Live by Lindsay Becs

ZORA

Takingtime to look at each of these boys in front of me, my mind is running a million miles a second thinking about everything.

It’s obvious that River and Cruz have crossed into a new subspace of their feelings for one another. I also know that they both love me and I love them too. I’m happy they finally let their defenses fall to acknowledge how much they mean to each other.

Grey is still searching for validity. I see it every time he enters a room. Hoping that he has a place. That he belongs here with everyone else. He’s so important to Domonic and helps hold everyone together, yet has no idea. He thinks he’s the odd man out more than he’s accepted and needed. But I need him. Dom needs him. We all need him.

Dom is starting to drop his mask, but he still wears it, tied tight around him to shield himself. He cares about everyone in this room—more than any of them know—but he’ll never say it with words. He’s the leader and carries all of us on his shoulders, even when we’d all gladly help carry the burdens and share in the joys.

I’ve known for a while that I was falling for each of these boys, but standing here in front of them now, I know for certain that I’m in love with all of them. Each different. Each unique. Each special. And each one is mine.

“I love you,” I say to all of them, but they all look at me like they don’t know who I’m talking to. Dipping my head, I smile as I feel my cheeks heat from my confession. “I love you all.”

Grey rolls his eyes, trying to brush it off like it’s a platonic love I’m talking about. Closing the distance between us, I go to him first. Cupping his face in my hands, I look into his bright blue eyes. “I’m in love with you, Greyson Abbot.” His face softens, his eyes searching for the joke that isn’t there. Smiling up at him, I press a soft kiss to his lips. “I want you as much as I need you. I love you, Grey,” I repeat.

Leaning forward, he kisses me this time. Sucking my lip into his mouth, his teeth sink down on the soft flesh until the taste of copper fills my mouth. Moaning, he sucks the blood from my lip. “I love you, too, Zo-Zo.” Slowly, I push away from him, sucking my swelling lip into my mouth to taste him more.

Turning to Dom, who’s sitting next to where Grey is standing, I sling a leg over his lap. “You’re an asshole,” I tell him with a smirk. A laugh bubbles up his throat, and it’s so damn sexy when he lets his defenses down. “But you’re my asshole. Our asshole,” I amend with a grin. His eyes go to my mouth, his hand following, gripping onto my throat and pulling me in for a kiss. “I love you, Dom,” I confess as he kisses the shit out of me—this time not while I’m falling asleep. This time, I make sure he hears every word.

He kisses across my jaw before his brow rests against mine. His thumb slides across my bottom lip as he gives me the words I need. “I fucking love you, Zora.” His thumb pushes into my mouth, and I suck on it before biting it. His lips join back in, and we kiss for several more minutes, lost in our own little world before someone clears their throat. Smiling, I look up at Grey, who’s got a cocky grin on his face with a raised brow.

Reluctantly, I get off of Dom’s lap, giving his tented shorts a little tap on my way off, making Grey chuckle and Dom groan.

Turning around, I’m met with two of the most beautiful boys I’ve ever seen. They watch me with hopeful expressions. One I’ve already said these words to when I thought we’d die together. The other, I’m sure—without words—already knows.

I go to Cruz first. Taking his hands in mine, I look up into his forest-green eyes. “Don’t get shy on me now, baby girl,” he teases, making me snort a laugh.

“You are so special. Do you know that?” His brows pinch in concern or question; I’m not sure. Reaching up, I smooth it with my thumb. “You have the biggest heart out of everyone in this room. It was apparent from the first time you snuck in to see me.” We share a grin over our secret. “You became more than just a lover; you became a friend and a shoulder to cry on. The person to feed me and keep me alive most days.” That gets me another shy grin from him. “You fill me with a warmth that I cannot ever live without. I love you, Cruz Morgan. I love you for you. For the love you have for me and for the love you have for River and the other clueless boys behind me.” He laughs at that, sounding on the verge of tears as emotions clog his throat. “But mostly, I love who you are because you are unapologetically you in everything you do.”

Tipping his head back, he lets out a breath and stares up at the ceiling. “Why’d you have to get me all up in the feels like that, baby girl?” He smiles when he looks down at me again, a tear trailing down his face. I reach for it, bringing it to my mouth. His mouth follows, tasting his salty tear on my lips. “Zora…” He says my name like a prayer. Like it’s the answer to everything. “I love you, baby girl. You fill a void I didn’t know I had. And if I’m your warmth, baby, it’s because you bring the ember needed to light our world on fire.”

“Could you be any more gay?” River jokes next to us, making us both laugh and pulling us from our moment.

Cruz holds up a finger to me, asking me to wait. Biting back my smile, I watch as he turns on River, roughly grabbing his face and kissing him. Devouring his mouth in front of all of us. It’s that same unapologetic way I love so much. Because this is Cruz.

Reaching for my hand, Cruz pulls me to stand between them, facing River. Cruz’s lips touch the side of my neck. “Go on, baby girl.”

“Fuck,” Grey whines from where he stands. I look over my shoulder to see him adjusting himself. With a wink, I blow a kiss at him.

Then, looking up at River, I place a hand on his chest over his beating heart. Tears fill my eyes before I even say a word. “You know I love you. I told you before, when I thought I was losing you. When I thought I was going to fail you.”

Tilting his head to the side, he looks at me with a reverence I’ll never get used to. “You didn’t fail me, angel. You never could. But I’ll never forgive myself for not being able to save you from the things you had to endure.”

“Don’t,” I stop him with a finger over his lips. “You forgive yourself because it wasn’t your fault. We made it out. We’re both here and alive and in love.” I pause and smile. “I love you, River. Thank you for saving me that day on the side of the road and every day since. You were the first person in my life to show me what it felt like to be cared for, to be shown genuine kindness and love of any sort. I started to fall in love with you from the back seat of an SUV when I thought I was on my way toward death. But instead of death, you gave me life. You gave me love.”

He nods his head. “I do. I love you, Zora. So fucking much.” He kisses me, a slow, soft kiss that is everything River. “You brought me back to life, angel. You saved us all more than we saved you.”

Turning to look at the others, tears fill my eyes. Leaning against River’s chest, I smile, content and happy. “Now, do you understand? I love you all. If I’m bound to all of you for the rest of my life, I’m not going to be sad about it.” That earns me a few chuckles.

Dom heaves a sigh, not angry, but more in relief. “I guess we have some things to discuss then.”

“First,” Grey says, holding up his hand. “I call dibs on Zo.”

“You can’t call dibs on her pussy!” River yells at him with a laugh.

“The fuck I can’t,” Grey replies.

“Uh, guys?” I start, sliding out from River’s arms. “How about I decide who gets my pussy, huh?” I ask, raising a brow.

Dropping his head in defeat, Grey rubs at the back of his neck. “Yeah, okay.” He turns to leave, looking dejected, and then I feel bad for my joke.

Running to him, I jump onto his back. “Come on, horsey, let’s go!”