Tempting Him by Isabel Lucero

28

On the way upto the room, he continues to be handsy. In the elevator, he hooks his arm through mine and rests his head on my shoulder.

“I think I’m drunk.”

With a snort, I say, “I know you are.”

“But I still wanna fuck.”

“I think you’re gonna pass out as soon as you get in the bed.”

“No, I won’t. Promise we’ll go to the balcony again,” he says with a mischievous grin.

“We will. At some point.”

He rolls his eyes, leaning back against the wall of the elevator. “I’d love to have you at graduation. It’s in two weeks.”

“Your family will be there.”

The doors open up and I reach for his arm and pull him out.

“I know, but you're their friend. Maybe you can come as a friend of the family.” He snorts, finding that amusing.

I reach for my key and unlock my door. “Let’s get you in bed.”

“Naked. With you naked.”

I ignore him, aware he’s probably way too drunk to do anything. As soon as he hits the bed, the room will start spinning.

“So, the friends you were with...they’re together?”

“Who? Oh. Dom and Trev? Yeah. They fell in love and moved in with each other. We’re all on the same football team. Or were.”

He drops to the edge of the mattress and tries kicking off his shoes, but doesn’t get very far. Instead, he chooses to take off his watch, but he can’t get his fingers to work correctly.

“Let me help,” I say, unlatching the watch band and putting it on the nightstand. “So, just you and them tonight?”

He shakes his head. “Nah. Ronan and Renzo were there. They’re gay, too. Dex was there. He’s straight but he doesn’t care about going to gay clubs with us. Uhh, Bryant and Ivy were there, too.”

I help him take off his shirt, but still at the name Bryant.

“Bryant? The one you said was one of your options?”

He smirks at me. “Jealous?”

“Jayden,” I warn. “Don’t mess with me.”

He bites his lip flirtatiously. “I’m sorry. I like when you get all growly and possessive. Bryant was never an option. He’s a friend. That’s it.”

I squat down, helping him remove his shoes and socks, leaving him only in a pair of jeans. He stands up, unsnapping the button and dragging the zipper down, pushing them past his hips until they fall to his knees. He reaches down and tries taking something out of his pocket, but his phone drops to the floor along with a clattering of coins and balled up dollar bills.

“Shit.”

“Let me get it,” I say, squatting back down to pick up whatever he dropped, knowing he’d probably fall over if he attempted it himself.

Once I’ve gathered everything in my hand, he’s taken his pants off and stands in front of me in his snug boxer-briefs. I glance up, not used to being down in this position while he towers over me. Something about it makes my stomach flip and my heartrate pick up speed, then he runs his fingers through my hair.

“How do you see me right now?” he asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Have you ever thought of me negatively?”

My brows furrow as I stand up. “No, never. Why would I?”

“Well, I’ve been on my knees for you countless times. I’ve been bent over for you. I’ve done all the things you haven’t because you’re afraid that’ll make you ‘soft’ or ‘less of a man’ or whatever bullshit your parents made you believe, and yet you’ve never thought that of me, have you?”

“Jay,” I say softly.

He sits down and gazes up at me. “Just know I’d never think differently of you. Don’t feel self-conscious around me.” He lays back and closes his eyes. “Oh shit. The room is spinning.”

I pull the covers back on his side. “Come on. Get under the comforter.”

He scoots all the way over, nuzzling his face into the pillow. “Lay with me?”

“Of course.”

I climb onto my side and he makes his way to me, pushing his face into the crook of my neck. “You smell so good.”

I wrap an arm around his shoulders and hold him close to me. He kisses my neck a couple times before going still. It doesn’t take long before his breathing evens out, succumbing to sleep.

Angling my head, I press my lips to his forehead and give him a kiss. My chest expands, filled with warmth and contentment. The small act of affection didn’t make me feel miserable or disgusting. It didn’t make me feel inadequate. In fact, I’m only regretting doing it because he’s asleep, and he should be aware that I did it.

I know it may not make sense to many people. How can I not want to kiss or do certain things with men when I’m still actively attracted to and fucking them? Believe me, I struggle with the same thoughts. My dad beat it into me that being submissive was for the weak. Bending over and kneeling for men was not what another man should do. In my fucked up head, I somehow twisted it and thought that as long as I wasn’t doing those things, it wasn’t as bad. After all, a hole’s a hole, right? The difference between a woman’s mouth and a man’s can’t be that different. If I fucked a woman in the ass, what makes it different if I fuck a man’s? Things were only different if I was being fucked, if I was sucking dick, if I was kissing men.

I shake my head, furious with my parents. Enraged with myself. All these years I never allowed myself to be with a man more than a couple times, and there haven't been many men in my life. Jay’s the first guy I’ve been with this long, and as weird and fucked up as our relationship might be, it’s the closest I’ve had to a real one. We hang out, talk, laugh, eat, and fuck. We don’t kiss, and the fucking so far, has been one-sided, but it’s still a very real relationship, even if I’ve been trying to convince myself it’s not.

I wish he wasn’t so drunk, because I’d wake him up and kiss him right now. I’d tell him I’m sorry for being so stupid. I’d offer him anything he wanted, because this means something to me, and I’m just now realizing it.

As my excitement looms, reality sets in. I’m still leaving Michigan. He’s still going to live here. His Dad will want to kill me if he ever finds out. There isn’t a future for us. This is all we have. Three weeks at most. I leave shortly after his graduation.

Now anger burns in my veins. I wasted so much time. I know in the beginning it wasn’t supposed to be anything serious. It was sex, but somewhere over the past few weeks, something changed. I know it and he does, too, and yet I still chose to play dumb. I still pretended this wasn’t anything, because I needed to keep that separation. I couldn’t develop feelings. I couldn’t make it harder for us, but now it feels like I stunted something that could’ve been better.

Not every story needs a happily ever after, right? Ours could’ve been greater, even if we knew it was going to end. Sometimes, it’s about the journey and the lessons learned and memories made.

Twenty-one days. That’s all we have.

“Jay. Jay.” I shake him slightly, trying to rouse him, wanting to talk.

“Mm,” he mumbles.

“I have to say something.”

“Mm.” His brows lift but his eyes remain closed.

“Wake up.”

“Babe,” he groans, turning over. “Let’s talk tomorrow.”

He wiggles his ass into my crotch, seeking my hand with his and pulling my arm over his waist. The term of endearment mixed with his need to cuddle has me grinning like the Cheshire cat.

“Okay.”