Alpha Theo by C.J. Primer

CHAPTER FORTY

Theo

I don’t know why I bother going home to Summervale. I’m trying to get more involved with my pack by going to visit once a week, but it always ends in me bickering with my old man and getting stressed out by the tension between us that never seems to dissipate. I stay the night, but the visit’s anything but productive.

I make it back to the complex the next morning in time to run drills with the squad, which helps relieve some of the stress I carried back with me. After they’re over, I hang back with the guys while the rest of the squad files back into the complex to grab lunch.  I’ve got some serious road rash on my left forearm from when Gray dropped me during our last drill, and I rub at it as I approach Jax and Brock, wincing a little.

“Gray got you good, huh?” Brock chuckles, eyeing my arm.

“Yeah,” I mutter. “Got the jump on me.”

It wasn’t the first time, either- I kept making sloppy mistakes while we were running drills. I’m not sure if I’m out of practice since I’ve been spending so much time with the IT unit lately, or if I’m just mentally exhausted from my visit home. Either way, my body has taken a beating today.

“You’re not distracted, are you?” Jax teases, delivering a playful jab to my bicep.

I arch a brow. “Why would I be distracted?”

Is it that obvious?

“Please,” Reid laughs, approaching us. “We saw you following your girl around like a puppy dog on Saturday night.”

I chuckle, rolling my eyes. Of course they’re gonna keep ribbing me about Brooke. Not that I mind- she’s the one thing going right in my life at the moment. “You guys are just jealous.”

“Damn right they are,” Gray says, coming up beside me and clapping me on the shoulder. “Though you deserve to take some shit after all you gave me when I got with Fallon.”

I hold up my hands in surrender. “Okay, in my defense, I had no idea what the mate bond felt like back then…”

“Like that’s an excuse for being a dick,” Brock mumbles, rolling his eyes.

“Maybe not, but I’m a reformed man,” I say nonchalantly, raking a hand through my hair.

The guys chuckle, shaking their heads.

Jax elbows me. “Dude, have you told your dad about the mate bond yet?”

I cringe at the mention of my father. “Nah.” I look down, kicking at the dirt. “I thought about it when I was there yesterday, but then he started being an asshole and I didn’t want to make his fucking day.”

“Wasn’t his whole thing that he wanted you to settle down, be responsible?” Reid asks, raising a brow. “I don’t know what girl could scream settled and responsible more than Brooke Eastwick.”

“She isn’t as tame as she seems,” I smirk. “Girl’s got a wild side.”

“Oh yeah?” Jax asks, his interest piqued.

“She must, to be mated to a deviant like you,” Reid teases.

I reach out to give him a shove, shaking my head and chuckling. “Whatever, man.”

“So I don’t get it,” Jax says, scratching his head. “Why aren’t you telling your dad that Brooke’s your mate?”

I fold my arms, blowing out a breath. “I will, eventually.”

The truth is, I was hoping my dad might change his mind about me based on what I’ve been doing lately, how I’ve stepped up, not who I’m mated to. The harder I try, though, the more it becomes evident that nothing I do will ever be good enough for him.

“Then you might beat Jax to becoming alpha after all,” Gray laughs.

Jax delivers a jab to Gray’s bicep, then turns to me again, grinning. “You think that’s what’ll sway your dad? Having her as a mate?”

“Oh yeah,” I chuckle. “Let’s be real, my old man thinks the sun shines outta her ass. Once I tell him she’s my mate, it’s only a matter of time before my he makes me alpha.”

The grin suddenly fades from Jax’s face.

“What?” I ask, furrowing my brow. Then I realize he’s not looking at me, he’s looking past me. I hear the door to the squad complex snick closed.

I spin around, my eyes immediately meeting Brooke’s.

Shit.

I should’ve sensed her, scented her- and now she’s standing a few yards away, her eyes wide, her jaw slack.

“Brooke…” I start to say, but she whips around, a blur of blonde hair. She pulls open the door, charging back inside.

“Fuck,” I mumble, scrubbing a hand over my face.

Gray frowns. “Don’t just stand here, go get her,” he barks.

I heave a sigh, spinning around and jogging toward the complex as the door drifts closed.

Fuck.

What did she hear? I keep trying to re-play the conversation in my mind as I make my way to the door. My heart’s beating fast in my chest and I feel like a weight has settled in there. Obviously, I fucked up- but what did I say, exactly?

I push open the door, stepping inside and looking around wildly. I duck into the corridor of the dorms, spotting her at the other end of the hallway.

“Brooke!” I call out, but she doesn’t turn around.

Fucking hell.

I take off after her, jogging to catch up. “Brooke!”

I’m a few feet away when she disappears into her room, slamming the door behind her.

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

I skid to a stop in front of her door, raising my fist to pound on it. “Brooke!”

The door flies open and from the way I’m leaning, I almost topple inside.

“Brooke…” I stop short when her eyes meet mine. They’re piercing, a tepid mixture of anger and hurt swirling in them, along with the silver flecks of her wolf near the surface.

“So that’s what you really think of me?” she asks, her tone harsh. “I’m just a means to an end of getting your dad to make you alpha?”

“No, no, not at all,” I breathe, shaking my head adamantly. “The guys and I were just fucking around, I didn’t mean anything by it…”

She narrows her eyes, chest heaving with her ragged breaths.

“Can I come in?” I ask.

She doesn’t say anything, just steps aside to allow me entry.

“Whatever you heard, it was out of context,” I breathe, striding inside.

I turn to see Brooke closing the door, sagging back against it. She folds her arms across her chest, anger still flickering in her gaze.

This is the last fucking thing I need today. I’m already on edge after spending the past 24 hours in Summervale with my father.

I take a step toward her, but she holds up her hand, giving a little shake of her head. I freeze.

“I don’t care what the context was,” she scowls. “Or whether you were joking around. The fact that you said it at all… how do you think that makes me feel?”

I heave a sigh, raking a hand through my hair, tugging at it. “Probably shitty.”

“Yeah!” Brooke scoffs. “Shitty. Used.”

I press my eyes closed, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. “Jesus, Brooke, can we not make this a big thing?” I say exasperatedly.

I blink my eyes open to see her just staring at me disapprovingly. The same look I got over and over when I was back home yesterday. It strikes a nerve.

“That’s what you want, right?” she asks grudgingly. “Just to gloss over everything, pretend it didn’t happen?”

I furrow my brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Brooke stares at the ground, her voice low. “You can’t un-do what you said any more than you can un-do sleeping with half the squad.”

Well that fucking stings. Where is this even coming from?

I roll my eyes, shaking my head. “Because you’re perfect, right? You never say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing.” The words taste bitter as they leave my mouth. “Well guess what? I’m not perfect. Never have been, never claimed to be. Do you know how hard it is to try to be the guy you deserve when you’re so fucking perfect? How the fuck am I ever supposed to measure up?”

“I’m not perfect,” Brooke mumbles, shaking her head. “There are things about me that you don’t know.”

“Because you won’t fucking let me in!” I sigh, throwing my hands in the air. “Admit it, Brooke, you’ve never been all in on this thing between us. You’ve always had one foot out the door, just waiting for me to fuck it up.”

And there it is. The thing that’s been eating at me since Brooke said she’d give this thing a chance- the one lingering doubt I’ve had about being bonded to her. Despite everything, she hasn’t asked me to mark her yet. She’s been dragging it out, waiting for me to screw up. Because as sure as I am about her, she doesn’t know if she wants to keep me.

“How can you say that?” she asks, eyes wide.

I feel bile rising in my throat, my emotions at war with one another. Part of me wants to grab her, hold her, fix this somehow. The other part is so fucking pissed off that I just want to storm out of here and never look back. Go back to living my detached existence, not relying on anybody but myself.

The silence between us is deafening.

“I can’t do this right now,” Brooke finally mutters, shaking her head. “We’re merging Denver’s data into my program today and I need to get back to the hub to make sure everything goes smoothly.”

My eyes meet hers, the rejection in her words searing through my fucking soul. I just stare at her, gritting my teeth. Fuck, is this really how we’re going to leave things?

She grabs for the doorknob behind her, stepping forward to pull the door open.

Guess so.

“Fine,” I grind out, stepping toward the door. I stop beside her, leaning in. “But for the record, I’m not the one bailing this time, you are.”

She just narrows her eyes, shaking her head. I grab the doorknob on the other side, stepping into the hallway and pulling it shut behind me with a thud.

And from the other side of the door, I immediately regret everything. In my mind, I see myself turning back around, pushing it open. Scooping Brooke up into my arms and telling her I’m sorry. Kissing her within an inch of her life.

I don’t, though. Because I’m pissed off, and because unless Brooke decides she’s all in, it won’t make a bit of difference. I can’t be the perfect mate for her any more than I can be the perfect son for my father.

I storm down the hall to my room and change out of my grubby workout clothes. Five minutes later, I’m in jeans, a t-shirt, and my motorcycle jacket, pushing through the double-doors to leave the complex.

My friends are still circled up out on the practice field, and they all look to me quizzically when I emerge from the complex.

“What happened, man?” Gray calls, but I just shake my head.

I don’t want to talk about it. Don’t want to explain. I just want to get out on my bike and hit the forest roads, clear my head. So that’s what I do. I head up to Pine Mountain. I park my bike, sit near the edge of the cliff, and look out over the view. It doesn’t calm me though, like it normally does. It only makes me feel emptier.

This isn’t my place anymore. It’s ours- the place we came when everything started to shift between us. The place where I spilled my guts to Brooke about my past. The place where she was so patient with me, like she was trying to put my broken pieces back together.

Damnit.

For the first time in a long time, I feel listless, out of control. Like I want to throw my head back and scream at the sky.