Alpha Theo by C.J. Primer

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

Brooke

My chest feels hollow as I muddle through my afternoon at the hub. I hate that I picked a fight with Theo. After I let those nasty comments from Sutton fester, I knew it was only a matter of time- and when I heard him make that comment about his dad and becoming alpha, it tipped me over the edge. I lashed out, tried to hurt him before he could hurt me.

The worst part is that he’s right- he’s so right. Even though I said I was giving him a chance, I always had one foot out the door, unsure whether we’d really be able to work as a couple. Not allowing myself to give in fully, to give myself fully. Refusing to admit to myself that despite our differences, we fit pretty damn well together. We could be happy. We were happy.

But I screwed it all up. Pushed him away in some vain effort to shore up my walls and protect myself. And it totally backfired- in trying to protect myself, I only hurt myself. Because I need Theo- he may be sarcastic and flawed and frustrating, but he’s the best thing that ever happened to me. He’s made me come alive in so many ways- pushed me to take chances, have fun, be more free. Pushed me to become the person I always wanted to be.

I feel like this is all my fault. I’m letting my own damn insecurities hold me back from my fate. It was always Theo. Even before the mate bond snapped in, even before I went to work at the complex, when I was a pre-teen and had a crush on my friend’s older brother. It was always him. I was just too blind to see it, too stubborn to accept it. And now…

As much as I want to run to him and try to fix things, I feel like maybe we both need some space. So I resist the urge to seek him out, text him, or call him. I get to bed early for the first time in ages, and I’m so emotionally drained that I fall asleep quickly.

I’m not sure what time it is when I wake up. Pale moonlight peeks through the crack in my curtains as I shuffle out of bed in the dark, padding barefoot across my room. I can’t stand being apart from Theo any longer- I have to go to him, see if we can work this out.

I tiptoe into the dark hallway of the squad dorms, pulling my door snugly closed behind me. I move quietly down the corridor, seeking out Theo’s room on the other end. I rehearse in my head what I’m gonna say- starting with ‘I’m sorry’. Then I reach his door, drawing a few deep breaths as I raise my hand to knock. I wonder if he’s sleeping.

I don’t know why I decide to check the doorknob before knocking, but to my surprise, it’s unlocked- I twist it, pushing the door open slowly.

I hear a slapping sound from inside- skin against skin. Soft moans from a female, grunts from Theo. Alarm bells sound off in my head as I push the door the rest of the way open and my heart stops beating when the room comes into view.

Sutton’s on Theo’s bed, positioned on her hands and knees facing me, big boobs swinging. Theo’s on his knees behind her, gripping her hips, thrusting into her over and over and over again. Fucking her.

I draw a gasp and Sutton throws her glossy dark hair back, her eyes meeting mine as her face twists into a cruel smirk. Then I look to Theo- he hasn’t even noticed I’m standing here, he’s still just going to town, groaning, hammering into Sutton.

“Theo,” I choke out, tears stinging my eyes. “How could you?!”

He looks up at me. His movements still, but he’s still got his hands on Sutton’s hips, his dick inside of her. There’s a brief flicker of indecision in his eyes.

“Sorry, kid,” he drawls. He presses his eyes closed and starts thrusting again.

A sob tears from my mouth as my eyes fly open, my dorm room softly illuminated by the pale light of the moon through the crack in the curtains. My heart is pounding in my chest, my throat raw.

It was a dream. Just a dream. A terrible, awful dream. A nightmare.

My body is covered in a thin sheen of sweat, tears stain my pillow.

I draw ragged breaths. Just a dream.

It was so vivid- I know it wasn’t real, but it feels like it was. My heart feels like it has been shattered into a million pieces, broken beyond repair.

I reach for my glasses on the nightstand, putting them on my face and blinking at the red glow of the numbers of my alarm clock. 1:04 a.m.

So much for going to bed early and being well-rested. The image of Theo fucking Sutton feels like it has been seared into my brain; I can’t shake it. I feel physically ill.

I toss the sheets off of my body and sit up in bed, swiveling to set my bare feet on the cold concrete floor. I grab my phone off of the nightstand and rise to my feet, padding across the room to my door. I won’t get rid of this icky, unsettled feeling until I see Theo. I have to make things right somehow. Even if it’s one in the morning.

I step into the dark hallway and close the door behind me softly, tiptoeing toward Theo’s room. I’m internally panicking the entire way- what if that dream comes true? What if I walk in on something like that? It would destroy me.

When I approach Theo’s door, I test the knob. It’s locked. Not a dream.

I silently swipe at my phone to unlock it, hitting Theo’s contact and dialing. Through the door, I hear the shrill ring of his phone and rustling sounds before the line picks up and his deep voice comes through.

“Brooke?”

“I’m at your door,” I choke, tears immediately flooding my eyes.

He hangs up. A split second later, the door opens, Theo standing on the other side clad only in his boxers, blinking sleep from his eyes. Alone.

When he sees me, he furrows his brow, his face etched with concern. Then he steps forward, spreading his arms wide. “Come here,” he whispers.

I fall into his arms- into the warmth of his hard chest, the safety of his embrace. I let it envelop me as he winds his arms around me, threading his fingers into my hair, holding my face to his chest.

I can’t fight my tears back. I choke on a sob, winding my arms around Theo, clinging to him as they start to flow.

“Shhh,” he soothes, pressing a kiss to my hair. He walks me backwards into his room, kicks the door closed behind us.

He just lets me cry for a solid minute or two, holding me, rocking me softly from side to side. When I start to quiet, he takes my face in both hands, pulling back and tipping it up toward his.

“What’s wrong baby?” he asks, his voice gravelly. His hazel eyes are still clouded with concern.

“I’m… I’m so sorry,” I gasp, trying to hold more tears back before they spill. I take a few deep, calming breaths in an attempt to regain my composure.

“Me too,” he says earnestly, stroking my cheek with a thumb. “I shouldn’t have said that, even if it was a joke. It was shitty. Disrespectful.”

“No,” I squeak. “I shouldn’t have overreacted. Sutton said some things to me yesterday and rather than just talking to you about it, I let her get to my head.”

Theo frowns, his body tensing up. “What’d she say?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I sigh, shaking my head. “I shouldn’t have taken my own insecurities out on you. Not when you’ve never given me a reason to doubt you.”

He leans in, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “I shouldn’t have left,” he mumbles against my skin. He pulls back again, gazing down at me. “I should’ve stayed, tried to talk it out.”

“I shouldn’t have told you to leave,” I say, my voice breaking. “I’m so sorry, Theo. Can we just…”

“Yeah,” he breathes, pulling me back into his chest. He just holds me for a moment, an understanding settling between us. He doesn’t want to prolong our fight any more than I do.

“C’mon,” he murmurs, scooping an arm under my butt to pick me up. I wind my legs around his waist, let him carry me over to his bed. He sets me down on it so gently, arranging the covers over my body before sliding in beside me.

He takes my glasses off of my face and turns to set them on his nightstand. Then we both lay on our sides facing each other, staring into one another’s eyes through the darkness.

“I had a terrible dream,” I whisper, a shudder running through me at the thought of it. “A nightmare.”

Theo reaches out, tucking my hair behind my ear, stroking my cheek. “About what?”

I chew on my lower lip, my breath hitching. “You. And Sutton. I walked in on the two of you doing it.” I cringe.

“That would never happen,” Theo says quickly, giving a little shake of his head against the pillow. He takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger, staring into my eyes. “Never.”

“I know,” I sigh, reaching out to trail my fingertips over his chest. “It just… it was horrible. It felt so real. I woke up crying, and it took me a second to even realize that it was just a dream…”

Theo leans forward, stamping his lips over mine. He kisses me softly, tenderly, my lips parting, his tongue massaging mine gently. My eyes are still closed when he pulls back, and they flutter open when he starts to speak, his voice quiet, gravelly.

“You never have to worry about something like that, babe. You’re it for me.”

My heart swells.

“I know,” I whisper. And somehow, I do. I trust him more than I ever realized.

He reaches out for my face again, stroking my jawline with the pad of his thumb. His lips tip into a faint smile. “Try to get some sleep.”

I blow out a breath, willing my body to relax. I’m still so tense, so fraught with emotion after that nightmare.

“It’s gonna be hard after that dream,” I say quietly.

Theo narrows his eyes, contemplating. Then he turns over, grabbing for something on his nightstand. Turns back to me.

“Will music help?” he asks, holding his phone between us, the cord for his headphones connected and wound around it.

A smile creeps across my face. “Yes.”

He goes to work unwinding the cord, gently putting one of the earpieces into my ear, the other in his. He swipes a few times and locks the screen, dropping the phone onto the bed between us.

I immediately recognize the song that starts playing, and I wonder if he played this one on purpose.

The chimey piano introduction of ‘Can’t Fight This Feeling’ by REO Speedwagon floats in through the headphone in my ear and I swallow hard, my throat raw.

The first verse starts, the lyrics so apt.

‘I can’t fight this feeling any longer

And yet I’m still afraid to let it flow

What started out as friendship has grown stronger

I only wish I had the strength to let it show’

‘I tell myself that I can’t hold out forever

I said there is no reason for my fear

Cause I feel so secure when we’re together

You give my life direction, you make everything so clear’

A tear slips from my eye onto the pillow. Theo leans forward to press a kiss to my lips, then starts peppering my face with little kisses as the song plays- pressing them to my cheeks, my chin, my eyelids, the tip of my nose.

‘And if I have to crawl upon the floor,

come crashing through your door,

Baby, I can’t fight this feeling anymore’