Delayed Penalty by Shey Stahl

10. Face Off

This is the method of starting play. This is the dropping of the puck by the official between the sticks of two opposing players standing one stick length apart with stick blades flat on the ice. It’s used to begin each period or to resume play when it has stopped for other reasons.

Evan

Before I’m coherent that morning, I’m hard. Thoughts of Ami and those starry blue eyes, pink skin, freckled nose, and those adorably pouty lips fill my head. Fuck.

I know it’s wrong to think of her in this way, but I can’t stop myself.

I have no idea what time it is and don’t really care. She’s in my thoughts and consuming. Turning to the side, I peek one eye open to see that the sun is rising over the city. I got time.

Closing my eyelids tighter, I think of her and my heart beats faster. My hand slides beneath the sheets to my dick while my mind spins with want and memories of that kiss with her.

I think about the first time I kissed her and the little moan she let out, like she’d been waiting on that fucking kiss her entire life, and I’m so fucking hard. Aching, I close my eyes tighter. I think about what it would be like with her, what she would feel like clinging to me the first time and the way her body would feel beneath mine

Groaning, I grip hard, wanting her so fucking badly. I want her right here, right now, in this bed.

Tightening my grip, I move with intent... but... it’s no use, because once I see those images, others flash in my head, and I’m reminded that I can’t. I can’t have her this way. Maybe never.

My stomach clenches, burning with the need to finish, but it vanishes just as quickly. I blink… the memories gone.

Every morning is like this.

It’s not right to think of her like this. And then I’m pissed and want to find the guy who took this from her, and me, and beat the shit out of him because I can’t have this perfect girl in the ways I want... because of him.

The part that’s baffling is seeing her unfazed by it all, as though it never happened. To be fair, in her mind it didn’t happen. She remembers nothing.

Then I get ahead of myself and think if she doesn’t remember, well then it will be okay to fall for her, right? That’s the never-ending mental cycle I find myself in lately.

I have practice Thursday morning. I’m rushing through the day because I know I have a flight to catch in a few hours. Leo and I are in the locker room packing our skates and sticks. Without looking up, I turn slightly toward him. “Someone got pretty rough with Callie the other night,” I tell him, my voice barely above a whisper as I remember the marks on her shoulders.

I haven’t told anyone, but Callie came over to my place with a swollen right eye the other night when we got back from New York. She wanted to watch a movie. She never did say what happened, but after Ami, it doesn’t sit well with me.

Leo stops for a moment, and without looking, he nods and then we get back to what we’re doing.

Though we know Callie gets around, there’s an agreement between us: we look out for her. Leo, Remy, and I, even Travis, we protect that girl and don’t appreciate someone getting rough when she didn’t ask for it.

I know Callie can take care of herself, but I feel Leo needs to know. He will never admit it, but Callie is the one girl he can’t get his mind off lately. They’re best friends but a while back, they had a drunk encounter, maybe more than one, and she moved on. I think if Leo had his way, she’d still be in his bed every night. So he uses a string of endless women to forget the one he can’t have.

Um, that sounds strangely familiar, doesn’t it?

Hell, I bet he gets off though.

Growling, I pull my thoughts away and head out of the locker room.

Hours later, I fly into Pittsburgh to see Ami with plans of bringing her back to Chicago.

Flying into the city, the skyline catches my eye. When I think about Pittsburgh, I think about my childhood, street hockey, frozen hands, and red cheeks where my love for the sport was formed.

The streets of this city were a training ground for me. Back then, I wasn’t thinking about making it to the NHL. I dreamed of it, yeah, but I never thought it would really happen. Now when I drive down my childhood street, I’m reminded of what it means to me that I had the opportunity to become what I am.

Only now, it means more because I have a lot to be thankful for.

Take Andrew for example.

He had the same upbringing as me, experienced the same single-minded athlete mentality, but just as he was about to see that dream come true, he was killed.

I didn’t know him, but hearing the sadness in Ami’s voice when she speaks about him and her family, and being back in Pittsburgh, makes it real.

When I walk inside my parents’ home, Ami is sitting on the couch with Granny B, listening intently to one of her stories. I smile at Ami dressed in that Blackhawks hoodie I got her. She looks good, healthier. Her blonde wavy hair now peeks past her ears and styled with a little gel, giving it a crazy appearance that suits her well. I fight through the urge to run over to her, pick her up and kiss the hell out of her.

“Where do cousins come from, Mase?” Granny B asks when I sit down next to Ami, bumping Ami’s knee with my own as a hello.

I shrug, giving my Ami a confused look before turning back to Granny B. “No idea. Where?”

“Aunt holes,” Granny B cackles, as if it’s the funniest joke ever.

Ami loses it in a fit of snorting giggles. I lean down, my lips at her ear, brushing against the soft skin. I don’t miss the tremble in her body with me this close to her. “Don’t encourage her. She’s like a child. If you laugh at her jokes, she’ll keep spinning them all fuckin’ day.”

Granny B is a fucking nutcase. She lives in our basement because she can’t live alone, and she’s been kicked out of every other nursing home in Pittsburgh. She does crazy shit to get kicked out of them too. Like duct taping her door shut, or spreading a rumor that the guy in apartment C6 gave the nursing staff an STD. That one got her kicked out of the last one. And she writes down everything. She has journals of all kinds of shit, most of which isn’t true. I’m talking like a bookshelf full of them.

I can hear my sister down the hall and my shoulders stiffen. She’s going to embarrass me if I stay.

I bump Ami’s knee again. “I hate to rush you, but we really should go if we’re going to make it back to Chicago in time.”

Ami stands as well and leans into me, her arm sneaking underneath my jacket and around my waist. When she snuggles into me, that same connection surfaces and I catch her stare. We lock eyes and I want so badly to twist and hold her tight against my chest. My breathing picks up as I stare down at her, wanting to carefully slip my hands to her cheeks and my lips to hers. I let myself selfishly melt into her, my body hunching around hers.

“You look like a bear compared to her, Mase,” Granny B mumbles, kicking my shin with her cane as she stands up.

I shoot Granny B a glare. “Why do you always hit me with that?”

“Because you need a good beatin’,” she barks, waddling away.

I glance down at Ami, smiling. “She’s so mean to me.”

“Pretty sure you can take it.”

Over the past few days, I’ve become so comfortable with her on the phone I wasn’t sure how she would react once I saw her again. Apparently, I have nothing to worry about. “You ready to see a game live?”

Her eagerness is adorable. “Yes, definitely ready to see some live hockey.”

“Well let’s not keep you waiting.”

As quickly as I can, we say our goodbyes to my parents and we’re back on the road again. “Sorry to make you leave so quickly.”

“Uh, that’s fine. I’m just excited to see a game, but listen….” She pauses and my eyes draw to hers, nervously waiting on her words. “I can’t live with your parents, Evan. It feels really weird being out here without you. I think I should come back to the city.” She watches my face, as if she’s trying to gauge my mood but then adds, “I mean, I could see if I can stay with Blake again.”

I snort, disgusted. Blake? Fucking Blake? My hands grip the wheel tighter. “Did something happen?” Immediately, anger pulses through me thinking my sister was a dick to her or someone else did something to make her feel uncomfortable. “Was my sister an asshole? Because I’ll drive back there right now and kick her ass if she was.”

She slaps at my shoulder, laughing as she pushes the button to the seat heater. “No, she was so nice to me.”

“Okay.... so what happened?”

“Nothing happened. I just… I don’t know. I feel bad staying there and I really think I need to be back in the city, looking for a job and getting on my feet again.”

“Stay with me,” I suggest without thinking. Did I just say that? The decision and the question stuns me, even as I ask it. It’s completely unlike me. I don’t even bring girls back to my apartment and now I’m asking one to live with me?

“What?” Ami stares at me and I keep looking straight ahead at the road as if I hadn’t said anything at all.

I sneak a quick glance at her and smile. “Stay with me. In Chicago. I need a roommate.”

This one earns me a laugh. “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. My cat hates me. I get lonely.”

“Highly doubtful. And you’ve never mentioned a cat before.”

“That’s because he hates me.” Also, I don’t have a cat.

“Uh-huh.”

Silence lingers in the car, the hum of the road louder than before.

Ami sighs. “Evan, I’m not your charity case. I don’t want to hurt your feeling here, but I hope that’s not what this is. A pro athlete trying to help the poor girl he found or something like that.”

I breathe in heavily, hating how this situation probably looks like this. “That’s not what this is at all, Ami. I assure you.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I’m a good thing for you right now.”

That hits home. And fuck if anger doesn’t slam my chest again. “Why don’t you let me decide what’s good for me?” My answer is harsher than I want. I don’t want her thinking that’s what this is, but to be fair, from the outside, to those doctors, to Ami, it probably does look like I’m taking pity on her. Only I’m not. I’m just insanely drawn to her.

She sighs, taking a deep breath and stares out the window at the passing cars. “I made you mad, didn’t I?”

“No. You didn’t. But just think about it.” I reach across the console for her hand, wanting to touch her in some way. She lets me, a slight tug to her lips. “I’m not home much, the building is secure, and you wouldn’t have to worry. You can still go look for a job or whatever you want, but it’s a place to stay in the city that’s safe. You’ll have your own room and everything.”

She nods, as if she sees my point in this, but doesn’t agree.

“So?” I ask, pushing when she doesn’t say anything after about an hour.

“So?” She grins, stalling.

“Stay with me?”

“What do you think?” Ami gives me a slightly annoyed, somewhat amused side-eyed glance with her cell phone in her hand.

I chuckle, finally relaxing, my eyes shifting to the phone and then back to her. “I think you’re going to say yes.”

“I think I’m going to say yes.”

I grin, unable to keep the relief from my tone. “My cat’s going to love you.”

“Evan, you don’t have a cat.”

I raise an eyebrow. “How do you know?”

She holds up her phone. “Leo.”

Damn it. I knew him snatching her number was a bad idea. “Have you been texting him this entire time?” I try to reach for her phone but she holds it up higher, away from me.

“Yes. He tells me things.”

I stare at her flatly. “Don’t believe anything Leo tells you. He’s a liar.”

“That may be, but he’s funny and I like him.”

I raise an eyebrow again. “Uh, not as much as you like your new roommate.”

“True.” Her laugh rings through the car and suddenly I don’t have any anxiety about the decision to ask her to live with me. Maybe it’s exactly what both of us need.

Seven hours later, we arrive in the city.

My condo at Trump Towers is on the thirtieth floor, facing north, with a somewhat shaded view of Lake Michigan. Leo is on the thirty-fifth floor. I both hate and love that he lives in the same building as me. You can imagine why.

When we pull into the parking garage, Ami says nothing, her eyes following the lights of the city just as they did when we drove to Pittsburgh. Even through the lobby and into the elevator, nothing is said between us, and nerves begin to creep in.

When we get to the door, her eyes find mine as I unlock the door. “I haven’t even seen the place yet, but I can honestly tell you this is the coolest place I’ve ever been,” she says, eyeing the walls outside the condo and the extravagant art in the Trump Towers.

I laugh, wrapping my arm around her and lead her inside. “You should see the view.” I watch carefully as she explores my two-thousand-square-foot condo. There have only been about three or four girls who have ever stayed the night here. Callie is the only one who has stayed multiple times, and she doesn’t give a shit about what my place looks like other than if it has a bed.

I have a feeling Ami will have a reaction similar to Callie’s. It’s just a place to sleep. Sure, it has some perks that some other places don’t, like a private health club, but it’s still just a condo.

The more Ami explores the place, taking in the pictures on shelves, and the decorations Catelyn put in here, the more nervous I get. What if she doesn’t like it here? Is it too fancy? Does she think I’m trying to show off?

“Are you hungry?” I ask when I see that the concierge placed dinner on the counter for us.

“Did you cook dinner? Wait, no, we were driving.” She stares at me, confused. “Where’d this come from?”

“No, I had the front desk order pizza and had it delivered.” I point toward the box from Lou Malnati’s. I wasn’t sure what she would want, so I had them send over wings, a salad, and then my favorite deep-dish pizza: the Malnati Chicago classic. It’s to die for and if you’re in Chicago, get it. You won’t regret it.

“I’m starving!” she says, eyeing the pizza box.

“You like pizza, eh?” I ask, leaning against the island in the kitchen as she sits at the bar eating. Reaching behind me, I grab two bottles of water and hand her one.

“They never had pizza like this where I came from.”

“No?”

“Nope. Just regular food like burger joints and your occasional Mexican restaurant.”

“Wow, the rest of the world is missing out.” I take a bite of my own slice, trying not to talk with my mouth full. “This was the first place I ate at when I moved to Chicago.”

She nods, covering her mouth with a napkin.

“How long have you lived here?”

“Oh, uh, about eight months. I was living with Dave Keller, one of my teammates, but he gets around and I didn’t really want to be living with anyone.”

“Gets around?” Ami moves from standing beside me to sitting on the counter. “What does that mean?”

Shifting my stance, I lean into the island and smirk at her question. “‘He fucks a different girl every night’ type of getting around.”

Ami’s cheeks warm at my words. “Oh.”

I can’t help but wonder if she thinks I’m the same way. Most people would assume I’m the kind that gets around. Twenty-one and a professional athlete. Sure, I’ve been known to indulge a little, but I’m not exactly on the starting lineup in the player game. Like I said, I did my first season, but quickly realized that lifestyle wasn’t for me.

I brush the thoughts away, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable, and change the subject. “Wanna tour?”

She slips from the counter, setting her half-eaten pizza on a napkin. “I’d love one.”

I show her around the rest of my place and where she can sleep in the guest room. “You’re probably tired, huh?”

“A little. I’d love to take a shower if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, totally. You can take one in my bathroom. I don’t have anything in the guest one.”

“Okay.”

She follows me into the bathroom and I point to the cabinet next to the shower. “There’s towels in there and should be shampoo and soap in there for you.”

“Am I going to smell like you when I’m finished?” she asks, a smile on her lips as the florescent lighting makes her skin look so milky and irresistible. I’m fucked.

“Probably.” I laugh, creating distance. I have to. All I can think about is asking her if she needs help undressing and how shitty a person I feel like thinking that.

With a good amount of inner debate, I leave her alone in the shower and fall flat on my bed, slamming my face into my pillow. “What the fuck am I doing?” I growl, gripping my pillow tightly.

My phone dings beside me but I ignore it, knowing it’s probably Leo asking me how it’s going. Ami already told him that she’s staying with me, and he stuck a Welcome Home sign on my fucking door before we got here. I’m not talking to him today.

Time goes by slowly as I try to think of the last time I put clean sheets in my guest room last when I hear a knock. “Evan?”

“Yeah?” I turn to see Ami standing in the doorway in just a T-shirt and nothing on below that. Her tiny frame fills up a fraction of the space in the doorframe, but her emotions are bigger. I can see them written all over her face. She looks… scared

Fidgeting with the hem of the shirt, she nervously seeks out my stare. “Can I... be with you in here?”

Say what?

My heart thuds loudly in my head. It pulses, as if it’s the only sound in the room. “I... uh... you want to sleep in my bed?” I sit up, my throat dry. “I can sleep on the couch or something?” I’m clueless. I have no idea what her intention is until she moves to stand by the bed.

“No.” She shakes her head, her eyes on mine. “With you... in your bed.”

Fuck.

“I’m sorry.” She moves away from my bed with one step back. “Never mind. That’s… I shouldn’t have suggested that. I just didn’t want to be alone.”

Shifting my place on the bed, I pat the empty space beside me. “Hop in.”

Ami blinks, relieved. “Thanks. Not only am I a little... scared, your guest room is freezing.”

“Oh, sorry. I meant to turn the heat on in there.”

“That’s okay.”

Pulling back the covers, Ami shifts to get in the bed with me. I move over, giving her plenty of room. Her stare is drawn to the large windows in my room. “Wow, that’s an amazing view to wake up to.”

I’m not looking at the view. Nope. I groan softly when I realize she’s not wearing shorts under that shirt. “Put on some sweatpants or something.”

She hesitates, looking down at me, and grins. “You’re awfully bossy in the bedroom, aren’t you?” Her brow arches, ignoring me, and slips between the covers, ignoring my request.

Fuck. I’m so fucked.

“I’m willing to be when needed,” I tell her, scooting over to the edge of the king-size bed. “Are you really not going to put on some pants?”

“No. I get too hot when I sleep.”

“Probably because you like it a thousand degrees everywhere you go.”

She still doesn’t put pants on, regardless of my sour tone. So I lie there, my arms crossed over my chest, staring at the ceiling.

Ami rolls onto her side to face me. “Sorry about invading your room. I hate sleeping alone. I once made Wendy stay the night with me in my room.”

I laugh thinking of the morning I came to the hospital before a game to see Wendy uncomfortably squished onto a small couch in the corner of the room. “I understand.” Turning, I prop myself up on my arm, looking down at her. “Is it getting easier?”

She blinks slowly. “It’s easier now.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

With her beside me, the city lights coming in from the windows provide just enough so I can see her eyes close. “When I was little, Andrew used to practice pitching at night because he never had time during the day. I’d fall asleep to the sound his fastball made hitting my dad’s glove. Now, sometimes, it’s all I hear when I’m trying to sleep. It’s comforting, but it reminds me of a time I’ll never get back.”

“How come you weren’t with them?” I ask, still staring at the window.

“I was at the beach with Josh, my boyfriend, at the time. We’d just made it to his parents’ beach house the day Andrew flew out to California with my parents. I didn’t go because...” Her cheeks flush. Even in the dark I can see it. “Josh and I had planned to stay for the night... to be alone.... We were seventeen and had never been alone before.”

I catch on pretty quickly as to what she’s referring to. “Ah, I see. Getting busy while the parents are away?” And why the fuck am I jealous of that?

“Well, we tried. It didn’t work out though.”

“How did you find out?”

“Josh and I had literally just gotten there and my cell phone started ringing. It was Aunt Kaye, my dad’s sister. She was hysterical, and I just knew. It was... I’m not even sure. I’ve never really thought about it or talked about it. Maybe it will help. I don’t know.” She seemed to mentally prepare herself. “It was the worst day of my life. Every nightmare I’d ever thought about coming true did in one afternoon.”

I roll onto my back as she continues.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to forget and I don’t want to forget, but I want to move on. They would want me to move on.”

“You’re right, they would.” I turn my head to look over at her. “What was the first memory you had when you woke in the hospital?”

“It wasn’t a memory. It was a voice. I remembered a voice.” Her eyes are on mine, carefully watching. “I remembered you for some reason. Not your face, not your eyes, but your voice. I heard, “You’re okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

“I said that to you when I picked you up. I was touching your face but your eyes were closed. You were pretty out of it when I found you.”

“Thank you, for saving me. They said I wouldn’t have survived without you.”

“I’d do it again if I had to.” For some stupid fucking reason, I turn and kiss the side of her head. “Saving you brought me starry blue eyes,” I say, teasing her with a light tickle on her hip, trying to bring her out of the sadness. “I know that’s shitty to say because it nearly took your life, but it I mean it.”

I think maybe I’ve crossed a line. I shouldn’t be touching her. But she doesn’t give me any indication that she’s upset by it. In fact, her breathing, it’s not fear or sadness. It’s… arousal. Leaning in, she kisses me on the lips once and then curls into my side. “I’m thankful you did.”

Touching the side of her face, my thumbs brush her tears aside. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” I whisper, my voice strained. “I don’t think I should be, because you’re not ready for this, but the thoughts are there... and I want them to be there. I know that you don’t need someone like me falling for you. Christ, I’m supposed to tell you we shouldn’t be doing any of this, be like this, but when you’re close to me, I stop thinking all together.”

“I know what you mean,” she whispers, moving closer to my body. Before I know it, her chest is touching mine. All I have to do is roll and I’ll have her underneath me. I’m tempted.

My breath becomes shallow as the desire gets stronger. I want her hands on me. I want to give her the weight of my body and feel her beneath me. I want her lips on me again. I want it all.

Fuck.

Ami isn’t doing any better, her breathing harsher, heavier, and damn near panting.

She stares up at me for a moment, and I lift my head off the pillow and press my lips to hers again. Reaching my other hand around to the side of her face, I gently secure her lips to mine.

Before I can stop her, she rolls onto her back and brings me with her, between her legs as our kiss deepens.

My hands shake at what this means, and I see visions of her in the snow again, limp, blood covering her body.

Goddamn it! Not again.

Not wanting to move, in fear I will scare her, I prop myself up on one arm, still kissing her, trying to push those thoughts away. Maybe sensing my sudden change, she grasps the back of my shoulder, attempting to tug me down on top of her, slightly succeeding. Ami’s tiny. I can’t give her all my weight. Still kissing her, I lower her back until she’s lying flat against the mattress, but still hovering over her, dipping down to find the skin on her neck.

It’s not enough.

I want more. I want… everything she’s willing to give me. I remind myself of her age, who I am in her life, what she’s been through, but her eagerness spurs me on.

She tugs more, raising her legs up and around my waist. The shift in position brings me flat against her center. I know she feels me there, hard, ready for more.

A soft moan leaves her lips and into mine, her hold on me tighter as she raises her hips and grinds into me.

“Damn it...,” I groan, and she knows exactly what she’s done and giggles, dropping her head back against the pillow.

“Can all hockey players kiss like you do?” she asks, grinning against my lips.

I smile, still kissing her. “I don’t usually go around kissing hockey players so I wouldn’t know.”

“I should ask Leo,” she teases, threading her fingers in my hair and giving me a squeeze. “He’d know.”

“Don’t you dare,” I growl, lowering my lips to hers again.

“What about Remy?”

“Not a goddamn chance.”

When we resume our kisses, she tugs at my hair. I lose myself. I’m so fucking worked up I have to keep reminding myself I can’t have sex with her. Absolutely not. Out of the question. She isn’t ready for that. But I can enjoy this for a little while longer, right?

Believe it or not, I’m the one who puts the brakes on the kissing when she wiggles again and I find myself dry humping her and fucking loving it.

“Okay,” I gasp, rolling off her. “We need to slow down.”

Smiling, she nods. “Probably, huh?”

Our erratic breathing fills the room as I shift away from her, willing my erection to go down and tame itself.

“Evan?”

“Yeah?” I gasp, trying to breathe normal. What happened to that excellent stamina? Now I’m out of breath? So much for being a professional athlete.

“Do you remember when you walked into the hospital that day and I was awake?” Ami looks over at me, her hands tucked under the pillow, her cheek pressed into it. I nod so she continues, “I was so happy to see you, and then I thought I shouldn’t be this happy. After everything I went through, it’s wrong to be happy, right?” I’m about to reply, but she keeps talking. “Then you spoke and I knew it was okay to feel that way because you were the one I’d been dreaming about. It was you. The one who saved me in more ways than one.”

I press my lips to her forehead once more but don’t say anything. I feel like if I say something it might ruin her moment of clarity, so I keep quiet.

As I pull away, Ami looks over at me once more and I never want to forget this look. It’s one of relief that she finally has someone who’s fighting for her. Or maybe I’m just interpreting it that way because I want to be the one fighting for her happy ever after.