Highlander’s Frozen Heart by Shona Thompson

Chapter Seventeen

Adelleine opened her eyes. She didn’t know where she was at first, and she didn’t know what had happened. All she knew was that the last thing she had seen before she had closed her eyes was the dark waters of the lake near the castle.

Now it seemed to her as though she was back at the castle, in her chambers. It was early in the morning, if the light that came in through the window was anything to go by, and she blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness.

Then she heard a snore next to her, and turned her head to see Magnus, sitting on a chair right next to her bed, sleeping soundly.

How long had she been asleep, she wondered? How long had she spent in that bed, and how long had Magnus been in that chair, waiting for her to wake up?

She would be lying if she said that she didn’t feel a rush of excitement at the thought that Magnus hadn’t left her side. Surely, if he had stayed there even for a few hours, that could only mean that he had feelings for her, just like she had feelings for him.

It was all that Adelleine needed to know to feel better, at least psychologically. Physically, her entire body was in pain in a way that she had never experienced before.

As she looked at him, he woke.

“Adelleine?”

She smiled at him, though she did so weakly, and her hand reached for his. He didn’t seem to be as thrilled as she would have thought when Adelleine held his hand.

“You saved me,” she said, her voice a little hoarse still, “You saved my life.”

“Aye, of course I did,” Magnus said, “I did what anyone would’ve done.”

“Well, not anyone, surely,” Adelleine said, “I’m sure a lesser man wouldn’t have jumped into the freezing lake for me. But you did, Magnus . . . you jumped in that freezing water for me.”

Magnus patted Adelleine’s hand with his own, the one that she wasn’t holding, before he pulled back from her altogether. She couldn’t understand his behaviour. She couldn’t understand why he was suddenly so cold and distant, and she couldn’t help but wonder if she had somehow done something wrong.

“What is it?” Adelleine asked him, “Is there something wrong?”

“Wrong?” Magnus asked, “No, why would anythin’ be wrong?”

He was lying. Adelleine was certain that Magnus was lying, though she couldn’t understand why. She also knew that it wasn’t a good idea to push him whenever he lied, as it never got her the truth.

All that she got out of it was an argument.

“Well . . . do you wish to come lie here, with me?” she asked, “By my side?”

Adelleine figured that being straightforward with Magnus was the best thing that she could possibly do. They had danced around each other for too long, and Adelleine had almost lost her mind trying to figure out what it could be that Magnus wanted.

She didn’t want to delay whatever would happen between them any further. She had almost died, and that had made her realise that life was too short for her to fret and wonder instead of taking what she wanted.

“I dinnae think so.”

The words were like a slap to her face. It certainly wasn’t what Adelleine had been expecting, and it threw her off her rhythm, leaving her speechless.

What was she supposed to tell Magnus now?

How come Magnus had changed his mind in such a short time?

“Do ye wish for me to leave?” Magnus asked.

Adelleine didn’t know what she wanted at all. Magnus’ presence was still a comfort, but things were suddenly too awkward between them. If anything, she knew that Magnus probably wanted to leave the room to avoid that very awkwardness between them.

There was a question in Adelleine’s mind, though, that she simply couldn’t ignore.

“Why did you stay here, with me?” she asked, “How long have you been sitting there? Why did you stay if . . . if you don’t. . .”

She couldn’t bring herself to say it. What could she say, after all? She couldn’t ask Magnus if he had any feelings for her, because it was obvious that he didn’t. She couldn’t ask him when his feelings had changed, because he would lie to her.

“I only wanted to make sure that ye’d be alright,” Magnus said, “I . . . Fergus, he would be devastated if ye died. I didnae ken what else to do apart from sittin’ here, next to ye.”

At the mention of Fergus’ name, suddenly nothing else mattered. It didn’t matter if Magnus had changed his mind about the two of them, it didn’t matter what it was that had shifted his feelings. All that mattered was Fergus, and Adelleine tried to sit up onto the bed, only to have Magnus push her right back.

“Where do ye think yer goin’?” he asked her.

“Fergus!” Adelleine said, “I need to see Fergus! Is he alright? How is he?”

“He’s alright, lass,” Magnus assured her, and only then did Adelleine allow herself to relax once more, sighing in relief, “He’s alright. A little shaken, but alright.”

Adelleine didn’t know what she would have done had something happened to Fergus. Ever since she had taken on the role of his governess, she had begun to love him dearly, as though he were her own child, and if he was hurt or—even worse—dead, then she didn’t think that she would manage to survive it.

She would have followed him to her death.

“Do ye wish to see him?” Magnus asked, “I can bring him here.”

Adelleine nodded eagerly, once again sitting up on the bed, but just a little. Her entire body ached, the muscles on her back stiff after lying down for so long, though she didn’t know how long, exactly, that was.

“Magnus,” Adelleine said, stopping him before he could exit the room, “How long have I been here?”

“I brought ye here last afternoon,” Magnus said, “Ye’ve been here for less than a day.”

It was a relief. Adelleine would have hated to have missed days of her time, days that everyone around her would have to spend in fear of her dying.

Now that she was alone, the thought of death loomed over her, like a dark, stormy cloud. She had been lucky, luckier than most. Magnus had found her and saved her just in time, but that didn’t mean that Adelleine wasn’t suddenly very aware and incredibly terrified of her own mortality.

While she was in the waters, she had been peaceful, almost. She had accepted death and whatever came with it. Once she had found out that she was alive, though, she couldn’t help but fear the day that she would die.

Her hands began to tremble, just a little. Words couldn’t begin to explain how happy she was that she was still alive.

The door to her chambers opened once more, and Adelleine saw Fergus there, standing by the door as though he was uncertain of what to do.

“Go on, laddie,” Magnus told his son, giving him a gentle push, “Go to Adelleine.”

Once Fergus had permission, he ran to Adelleine, climbing up onto the bed and straight into her arms, much to her delight. She wrapped her own arms around the boy and held him close, but then looked at Magnus, who was still standing by the door, just like his son had done.

“I’ll leave ye two alone,” Magnus said, “But Fergus . . . dinnae stay here too long, alright? Adelleine needs her rest.”

“You can stay,” Adelleine offered, and immediately regretted doing so. She didn’t want Magnus to stay there, not really, not after what had happened between them only a few moments earlier.

At the same time, though, she also didn’t want him to leave. It was a strange conflict, one that she didn’t know how to resolve, as one part of her wanted him there and another wanted him gone.

How could she expect Magnus to know what he wanted when she didn’t know herself?

“Nay . . . nay, I think I’ll leave,” Magnus said, giving Adelleine a small, strained smile, “But do let me or one of the guards ken if ye need anythin’. Anythin’ at all.”

“I will,” Adelleine promised, “Oh, Magnus? Where is Isla?”

“Who kens?” Magnus asked with a small shrug, “I never ken where she is these days, but she came to see ye. I’ll tell her to come by again.”

“Thank you.”

With that, their conversation was over, and Magnus was gone. Adelleine couldn’t deny the empty space that was suddenly left behind in her chest, as though Magnus had been occupying it up until that moment. It stung, knowing that his feelings had seemingly changed overnight.

“I’m glad that yer alive, Adelleine,” Fergus said in a quiet voice, barely a whisper, “I didnae want ye to die like Mamaidh.”

Adelleine sighed, low and heavy, and she tightened her arms around Fergus. A boy his age shouldn’t have to worry about such things, she thought, and she wished that there would be something she could do to take his pain away.

“Well, I’m here, am I not?” she asked, “And I’m just fine. We’ll start playing together again before you know it!”

“Promise?”

“Of course I promise,” Adelleine said, “We’ll do anything you want.”

Adelleine held onto Fergus for a long time, until the boy fell asleep. Then, she placed him next to her on the bed, and tried to get some more rest as well, as she still felt weak, and every movement felt like a chore.

She had barely managed to close her eyes before Isla barged into the room, all but kicking the door open. Next to Adelleine, Fergus jumped up, startled just like she was.

Upon seeing them, Isla made an apologetic sound, though she didn’t seem very sincere. She simply seemed too excited to see Adelleine not only alive, but also awake, to care that she had awoken them both.

“Ach, Adelleine!” she said, rushing to the bed and joining her and Fergus, “I’m so glad yer doin’ weel! I was so worried about ye, lass, I thought I’d lose me mind! And ye, me wee laddie, I’m so glad to see ye,” she said, reaching over and pinching Fergus’ cheeks in the kind of way that left him complaining and rubbing his face with his hands.

Adelleine had many things to say to Isla, but before she could do so, she would have to send Fergus away. She pressed a kiss on the top of the boy’s head, and then called the guard to take him back to his room, claiming that he needed more rest.

“I’ll see you soon, Fergus, alright?” Adelleine asked, “I’ll come and find you later, so you’d better hide!”

The boy giggled, just a little, and Adelleine waved at him as he left. Once the door was closed, though, she was miserable once again, and Isla was quick to notice.

“What is it?” she asked, “Why are ye like that?”

“Magnus,” Adelleine said, “It’s always Magnus, isn’t it?”

“Weel . . . he has a way of makin’ people upset,” Isla said, “What did he do the noo?”

“He doesn’t have any feelings for me, Isla!” Adelleine said, and though she was loath to admit it, her words sounded like a whine, “He can barely look at me now. He can barely look at me or talk to me, and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.”

Isla fell silent for a long time, and Adelleine knew that it was a bad sign. Isla was never quiet unless there was something wrong and she knew it.

“I dinnae ken what to tell ye,” she said eventually, with a small shrug, “Magnus is an odd lad, who kens what is goin’ through that thick skull of his? I’m sure he’ll come around soon enough.”

“You don’t believe that,” Adelleine pointed out, “I can tell when you’re lying, Isla. I can always tell . . . in fact, I think everyone can.”

Isla gasped in mock offense, shaking her head and tutting at Adelleine. “Ye are mistaken,” she said, “I am a great liar.”

“Well, you’re lying right now,” Adelleine said, “Just tell me the truth. What is it? Why has he changed his mind?”

Isla hesitated once more, twirling her thumbs together and fidgeting with the fabric of her skirt. “I don’t know,” she said in the end, and that sounded truthful to Adelleine, at least, “I don’t know, but it sounds just like him to change his mind about something like that. He hasn’t taken a single woman after Caitriona died, ye ken that. It didnae matter how many people told him that he should get himself a wife, he never did. Perhaps he came too close to ye and he’s afraid. I ken that it isnae what ye wish to hear, but this is what me brother does. He avoids everyone.”

“So how do I change his mind again?” Adelleine asked, “How do I make him see that we love each other and that is all that matters?”

It was the first time that Adelleine had described that thing between them as love, and she even surprised herself. She had had feelings, of course, but she had never given them a name, not until that moment. It was true, though. It was all true, and she had come to love Magnus dearly.

“I dinnae ken if ye can,” Isla said. “Again, I wish that I could tell ye somethin’ different, but Magnus is a stubborn man, as I’m sure ye’ve already seen. Sometimes, he makes up his mind and there isnae changin’ it.”

“But I must change it!” Adelleine said, “I must! He is the only man I’ve ever loved, and I don’t think I could ever love another as much as I love him, Isla. And Fergus . . . Fergus is like my own son now. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”

Isla sighed, a hand coming up to scratch her forehead, as she usually did when she was deep in thought. “Weel . . . there might be one way,” she said, “I cannae say that it’ll work for certain, but it has worked on many a man, and I dinnae see why me brother would be any different.”

Finally, there was some hope, Adelleine thought. She sat up a little more, leaning closer to Isla with a small smile on her lips, conspiratorial and playful.

“What is it?” she asked.

“If ye wish for him to change his mind, then ye have to show him that he cannae live without ye,” Isla said.

“And how do I do that?”

“Make him jealous, of course.”