More Than Once by Dominique Wolf
CHAPTER 24:
“Y
ou can see now that my relationship with my dad is pretty fucked up,” he explained.
After finally dragging ourselves out of the shower, we were lying in bed together - my head against his chest as he played with my hair. I didn't say anything more to him about what happened with his father but he was at the point now where he wanted to let me in so I listened intently as he explained what happened to his family.
“A few years back my dad's company was working on the La Sagrada Familia. He had made quite a name for himself in society and that meant the press was always interested in our lives. We had to attend various society parties and make appearances at public events - at the time I was enjoying being in the public eye but that was until a story broke in the press that had pictures of my dad with another woman.”
I lifted my head from his chest and propped myself up on my elbow to look at him while he spoke. I kept my face as neutral as possible and allowed him to explain more of his story.
“It was a pretty fucked up situation and I was there when my mother found out. The news broke and she found out along with the rest of the public. It was brutal to watch.”
He was staring off in the distance and I could see the pain in his eyes. The pain he was still carrying from this. It was such a terrible situation to be in - mostly for his mother but it affected the entire family and to have it in the press like that just made it so much worse. When you're on the media's radar, you couldn't control what information they were going to share and they didn't care how painful it could be to those on the receiving end. They just wanted a story.
“She broke down and I was the only one there to pick up the pieces. I've never seen her like that - it killed me to see the pain he caused.” His eyes were empty and he was too far into this memory for me to try and break him out of it. “I was so fucking angry. I tried to keep it together but the minute he walked through the door, I hit him.”
I gasped. “You hit him?”
“Yeah, tonight wasn't the first time I've punched him,” he said. “I didn't give a shit. I had to stand up for my mom - what he did was fucked up.”
Everything he was sharing made sense to me. The anger and hostility he had towards his father were completely justified. His dad not only broke his mother's trust but the trust of the entire family. When you have children, they're immediately involved in whatever happens in the relationship - whether it's intentional or not and with a situation like theirs, they could not escape it. It was out there for the world to see and for all of them to deal with.
“My dad hit me back. Like he did tonight. That time he managed to dislocate my jaw though and that just upset my mom even more. Hitting him wasn't my finest moment but I was just so angry at him.”
“I can understand.” I reassured him that his feelings were justified.
“It was all downhill from there. It became more about me getting involved in a situation that, according to my dad, had nothing to do with me,” he scoffed.
He was carrying so much pent-up anger and resentment towards his father with no healthy outlet. I could tell this conversation was forcing him back into a dark place where he had to recall the past and I didn't want to push him deeper into his looming darkness. I reached out and slowly ran my nails against his body, drawing circles on his chest. I wanted to be close to him and I wanted him to know I was here for him.
“Long story short, my mom took him back,” he muttered. “I moved out and got my own place. Took years before we started to even speak again but we both knew that things would never be the same again. We tolerate each other for the sake of my mom. He also likes to remind me that the only reason we have a successful business is that he gave us the opportunity.”
“You worked hard for what you have, otherwise it wouldn't be successful. Just because you were given the start-up doesn't mean that he deserves all the credit.”
He scoffed, “Don't tell him that. We pay him rent for the building anyway so even though he gave it to us, it wasn't a free gift.”
It made me so sad to hear about his family dynamic. When I see families like Reyna's, it made me wonder why people like him and I got stuck with the families we had. I've always wanted things to be different with my own family but they were never going to be like me and I had to accept that. Watching the way Giovanni and his dad went at each other really showed me just how far gone their relationship was. Giovanni was still struggling with this. I couldn't blame him - I felt for him and all I wanted to do was take away his pain.
“Are you going to tell your mother?” I asked softly.
He ran his fingers through his hair, like he had thoughts racing through his mind.
“I'm going to have to,” he said as he sighed. “I don't want to see her hurt again. It was fucked up to witness but I can't lie to her.”
“It's the right thing to do,” I assured him. “Do you think she'll forgive him again?”
“Who knows,” he said. “But I won't. He can't continue to hurt everyone around him and not have any consequences.”
He pulled me closer to him and I draped my leg across his body. I left kisses along his chest, constantly wanting to reassure him that I was here for him no matter what.
“Thank you for telling me.” I had both hands on his cheeks now, cupping his face. “You're such a good man.”
And I meant that. He only wanted to stand up for his mother when she was so publicly disrespected like that. I didn't know how anyone would have been able to handle a situation like that. Looking at Giovanni in this vulnerable state really made my heart go out to him - he was sharing this with me because he trusted me enough with it and I loved that. I wanted him to trust me and lean on me. I wanted to be there for him.
He leaned into my touch and whispered to me. “You're so beautiful.”
I blushed and brought my lips to his. He was such a good man and I was sinking deeper into him. His arms tightened around me and I knew there was nowhere else I was meant to be but in his arms. Forgetting all the bullshit we both had to deal with from our families, we had each other and he was starting to feel like home to me.
Giovanni tightened his arms around me. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“If Nate had asked you to marry him, would you have gone through with it?”
I thought about this for a moment before answering. “Truthfully, if he had asked I would have said yes. It was what was expected of me and I had accepted that a long time ago.”
He was quiet and stared straight ahead, lost in thought. I probably would have married Nate - I wasn't in love with him but I never thought that was supposed to be a big part of marriage. My parents had painted a great picture for me of what a successful life was and the marriage part was more of a decision that suited the plan. I never questioned it - I had thoughts about their way of living but it was all I knew. It wasn't until I was honest with myself that I realized how miserable I would have been if I had gone ahead with that.
I reached up and rested my hand on his cheek. “What's on your mind, Giovanni?”
“I don't know if I wanna get married,” he confessed.
Why was he telling me this?Hearing that didn't really surprise me. How could it? I've been made so aware of his commitment issues, the last thing I'd think he'd want to do would be to get married.
“I'm just trying to figure out where you're at,” he explained. “A few months ago you were ready to get married and now here we are. I just want to know if that's still something you want.”
I was taken aback by his words but I tried to think about things from his perspective. I've never pushed for any kind of commitment with him other than respecting me enough to only sleep with me. He was free to change his mind at any point which made me incredibly vulnerable in this situation. Why would we even need to talk about marriage at all right now?
“I'm not ready for marriage, Giovanni. My life is a mess right now, I'm not even thinking about that if that's what you're worried about.”
“Your life isn't a mess.”
“Well, it's not what I thought it would be. There's still so much I need to figure out so trust me when I say I'm not expecting to get married any time soon.” I pulled away and looked up at him,
“I'm not putting any pressure on what this is,” I indicated to him and me. “All I know is I wanna be with you.”
That was all I wanted. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to wake up with him and be the reason for his smile. I wanted to be who he turned to. I was enthralled by him in every way and I wanted him to be mine but I would never put pressure on what was happening between us to get that.
“I've never felt this way about anyone,” he whispered to me so softly I wasn't sure if he wanted me to hear. I brought my lips to meet his and I sunk into him.
