Alpha Gray by C.J. Primer

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Gray

I’ve been pacing in my room at the squad barracks since I left the dining hall.  My wolf is still furious, on edge, ready to tear to the surface. I should go run.

Jax took Hannah to the infirmary, but her arm was already starting to heal. She’ll be fine soon enough and won’t even have a scar to show for it. Me, on the other hand… I’m not sure if my wolf will ever forgive me for sending Fallon away.

I haven’t forgotten the way that Hannah was glaring at Fallon on the practice field this morning. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the one who instigated the fight. Still, that doesn’t excuse Fallon’s behavior. I can’t let her get away with something like that just because my wolf wants her. What kind of leader would I be if I let my personal relationships get in the way of pack safety?

I decide to go for a run. Thoughts of Fallon must be seeping into my subconscious, because I swear I can smell her as I go to my door and pull it open to leave.

Fallon’s on the other side, raising a fist like she was about to knock. She sucks in a little breath when she sees me, her eyes wide.

I’m just as surprised to see her, but I try to shove back my emotions, keep my expression blank.

“What are you doing here?” I growl.

Fallon chews on her lower lip, wringing her hands in front of her. Her eyes are swollen from crying and I can smell the salt of the tears that have dried on her cheeks. It sends a dagger of pain straight through my chest as my wolf surges forward with the need to soothe her, to protect her. In his mind, she’s already ours, even without a mark.

“I…” Fallon starts, her voice shaky. “Can we talk?”

I should say no. I should walk away, head out for a run like I planned. I should go get my head on straight before speaking to her. But as she stands there in my doorway, looking so fucking defeated, I just can’t.

I step aside.

Fallon walks into my dorm room, looking around as I pull the door closed behind her. I fold my arms, watching her for a moment as she glances around my room curiously, then spins back to face me.

“Talk,” I say bluntly.

She sucks in another little breath, clasping her hands in front of her again. She wrings them so tightly that her knuckles go white.

“I’m so sorry for what happened,” she begins. “I lost control, and it won’t happen again. Just…” she trails off, and I can scent her fresh tears before she averts her eyes to hide them from me. “Please don’t send me away,” she whispers.

It’s like a dagger straight to my heart. I swallow hard, fighting to retain my stoic expression.

“How can I allow you to stay after you pulled something like that?” I ask. The words taste bitter as they leave my mouth. I’m mad at her- mad that she would do something so stupid and reckless and force my hand. “Why would I let you stay?”

Fallon looks up at me, wiping at her eye before a tear can slip out. “Because all I’ve ever wanted is to be on the squad. It means everything to me. I’ve spent years training, learning how to fight so I could make it.” Her voice breaks a little and she pauses, sucking in a breath. “I don’t know who I am without this. I’m not smart or clever or good at anything else.”

My wolf whines at her self-deprecating comments, but I remain steady.

Fallon’s eyes flutter to the floor. “Please,” she whispers. “It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted.” Slowly, she glances up at me again, holding eye contact. “Until you.”

It’s like the knife in my chest has been twisted. I’m a fucking goner. I want to rush over to her, take her in my arms, and kiss her within an inch of her life. I fold my arms tighter across my chest to hold myself back.

“Fallon…” I heave a sigh. Despite my best efforts, I can’t help myself. I move toward her, opening my arms. Almost instinctively, she falls into them and I pull her close, pressing my face to the top of her head and breathing her in.

It feels like she’s clinging to me for dear life, but I will myself to pull away, reaching down to cup her chin and tilting her face up toward mine.

Her lips don’t move, but her eyes tell me everything I need to know. They’re full of sorrow and regret and I know she genuinely means it. Even so, it doesn’t take back her actions; there’s no rewind button she can hit to erase her mistakes.

I pull away, turning from her and taking a few steps further into my room. The loss of her touch is excruciating, but I have to put distance between us in order to think straight. I turn back to face her, reaching to rub the back of my neck with a hand.

“Do you know why I started the security squad?” I ask, pinching the tense knot of muscles on the back of my upper spine.

Fallon clasps her hands in front of her again. “To protect the six-pack.”

I sigh, leaning back against my dresser. “Right, but it’s more than that.”

“The shadow pack?” she ventures, staring down at her feet.

I nod. “Yeah.” A long pause settles between us before I continue. “You’ve all been taught to fear the shadow pack, but you don’t know how dangerous they are, not really. You’ve never had to face them.”

Fallon’s eyes shoot up to meet mine.

I let out a breath. “I have.”

Fallon

I feel my chest tighten in response to Gray’s admission. It dawns on me that although I’ve been pining after this guy for weeks, I don’t actually know anything about him. I don’t know anything about his background, or how he became Alpha, or what brought his pack to our territory. I didn’t know he’d had a run-in with the shadow pack. The shadow pack has always been this abstract idea; something I learned to fear without knowing much about.

“The shadow pack came for mine,” Gray states, his eyes trailing to the floor. “By the time we knew they were coming, it was too late. We didn’t stand a chance.”

Slowly, Gray returns his gaze to mine, and I can see the pain swirling behind his eyes. “They killed my family.” His voice comes out a little strained, his expression twists like he’s haunted by the memory.

“Less than half of the pack survived. My dad was killed, so they looked to me to step up as their Alpha. We were on our own for a while, just surviving, until we found Reid’s pack. Then the six-pack.”

“Gray…” I whisper. His story devastates me. I go to him, pulled like a magnet, and press my body against his, twining my arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry…”

Gray just shakes his head, settling his hands on my waist. “I don’t want your sympathy,” he says, his voice hard again. His dark eyes are wide, sincere. “I want you to understand how real the threat is, and that it’s out there. I know you have this idealized vision of joining the squad, of becoming a warrior, but it’s not a game. It’s our job to defend the six-pack, we’re all that stands between them and the shadow pack. It’s life or death.”

The gravity of his words is heavy. I want to take his pain away, fight his demons for him. I reach up to touch the scratchy stubble of his jaw. “I understand, and I’m not afraid of a fight. Let me stay… I’ll stand by you, fight with you.”

Without warning, Gray pulls my body into his, stamping his mouth down over mine. Sparks ignite between our lips as I drag my hand up to his hair, tangling my fingers in it. I kiss him back urgently, parting my lips and darting my tongue into his delicious mouth, twining it with his own.

He doesn’t stop kissing me as he slides his hands down to my ass, cupping underneath each cheek and lifting me up. My legs part to straddle him as he spins me around and sets me on top of the dresser, moving one hand to my waist and the other to the nape of my neck.

He presses his body forward into me and I can feel the hardness of his dick against my core. My pussy starts throbbing with wanton need as he nips my bottom lip, dragging it between his teeth. Oh, yes.

His hand moves from my waist to my belly, snaking up under my shirt. He cups one of my bare breasts as he starts trailing kisses down my jaw to the tender skin of my neck and I let out a needy whine, writhing against him.

“I’m so sorry,” I breathe, panting. I feel the need to explain everything to him, to make it all better somehow. “She said you were with someone else, and I just lost it…”

Gray stops abruptly, pulling back to look at me. “What?” he asks, blinking.

I’m immediately kicking myself for saying too much. I don’t want to come off like some jealous girlfriend- it’s none of my business if he’s with someone else. Except it is, it fucking bugs me. I sigh, placing my palms on Gray’s muscular chest. “She said you were with some girl named Kelly on the full moon run, and I just freaked out, I guess…”

Gray scowls, taking his hands off of me and a step backwards. I immediately ache from the loss of his contact. I feel like I need to say something to smooth it over and draw him back in, but I’m at a total loss for words.

“I know it’s stupid,” I mumble, smoothing my hair over my shoulder. “I guess I was just jealous. I don’t know.”

He shakes his head, pacing a few steps away and scrubbing a hand over his face. He’s not saying anything, and the silence is killing me. I hop down off of the dresser, padding over to him. I reach out for his arm and he returns his gaze to mine. I can’t get a read on his expression.

“Were you?” I ask. “With someone else?”

“No,” he replies simply, darting his eyes away and shrugging my hand off of his arm.

“Then what’s wrong?”

Gray heaves a sigh, spinning back around to face me. “This… whatever this is between us, it’s gotta stop.”

His words tear open a hole in my chest, like I just took a bullet.

“Wh… what?” I breathe, my voice barely audible. My own frantic heartbeat pulses in my ears.

He shakes his head, furrowing his brow. “It’s just screwing things up for both of us, Fallon. I’m not focused on the squad and you’re not focused on training.” His voice is strained; there’s so much regret and finality in his tone. “You almost tore Hannah’s arm off tonight, and now you’re saying it was because of me?”

“Gray…” I say hoarsely, reaching up to touch his cheek.

He takes my hand, lifting it off of his face and lowering it. He holds it between his for a moment, then lets go, putting distance between our bodies once again. He scowls, and I’m bracing myself for the worst when he looks at me again.

“I’ll let you stay and train,” he mumbles.

I’m so flooded with relief that I want to fling myself into his arms, but the way he’s looking at me gives me pause. He said I can stay, but in his eyes, it looks like he’s saying goodbye.

“Gray, I…”

He holds up a hand. “Alpha Gray.” He draws a breath, and from his expression I already know I’m not going to like what he says next. “From here on out, things between us have to stay strictly professional. I never should’ve crossed that line in the first place.”

I should be ecstatic that he’s agreed to let me stay and keep training, but instead, I’m… numb. An uncomfortable silence settles between us and he darts his eyes away, stabbing his fingers through his hair again. He makes his way over to the door, turning the knob and pulling it open. There’s my exit cue.

“Yes sir,” I manage to croak. I head for the door, and though I feel him watching me, I can’t bring myself to look his way.

I should fight back, beg for him to keep me, too. It’s not in my nature to walk away when I really want something, but it just hurts so fucking much. I don’t even know why his dismissal guts me the way it does- it’s not like we were in a relationship or anything. We barely know each other; we just had a couple of hot hookups. I shouldn’t feel like my heart is torn open and bleeding right now.

Actions have consequences. I’ve been dealing with the consequences of my impulsive actions all my life, but I’ve never lost so much all at once. I lost my cool, lost control, and almost lost everything tonight. I’ve got my spot at training camp back, but I’ve lost Gray.