Runaways by Nicole Dykes
Ifeel like shit. I mean, really bad. I was such an asshole this morning before I went to the world’s shittiest job. Cleaning out the basement of a building that flooded when the sewer backed up. It was, without a doubt, the grossest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I have a hundred bucks in my pocket.
I grabbed two tacos on the way home for dinner, and Rae lets me in after looking through the window like I’ve asked her to. There is no peephole.
She looks upset, and I can’t blame her as she goes back to the bed, taking one taco from me. Her nose scrunches, and I actually smile as I put my taco down and strip out of my hoodie. “Yeah. I don’t think I’m ever getting rid of the smell.”
“That bad, huh?” Her voice sounds a million miles away.
I pull my t-shirt off over my head. “You okay?”
She picks at the cheese on the taco. “I’m fine.”
She’s not. Not even close. I kick my shoes off and push my pants down and off too. “I’m sorry about this morning, Rae. I really am.”
I was a dick. I’m always a dick these days. “It’s fine.” She shrugs her small shoulders, and I hate how frail she’s starting to look. If I thought she would take it, I’d definitely let her have my dinner.
She’s wearing one of my t-shirts, and it’s hanging off her. “It’s not.” I don’t sit on the bed because I fucking stink, but I want to. I want to go back to how we were, when I could wrap my arms around her and feel her melt into me. But I don’t know how.
I feel like we’re drowning together, slowly sinking below the surface. And I can’t stop it.
“I need a shower. But then, maybe we can talk.”
She nods her head sadly, but her eyes are focused on the television—some random show I’m not even sure she’s watching—and not me. I go into the bathroom and strip out of my boxers, turning on the water.
It takes the water forever to heat up and never really gets hot, but at least it’s something.
I step in and lather up as much soap as I can, washing my hair and my body, trying to get today’s grime off me. I startle when I hear the bathroom door open. I pull back the flimsy cream-colored shower curtain and see Rae standing there. “You okay?”
She shakes her head. Lifting my t-shirt over her head, wearing nothing underneath. I can see how prominent her collarbones are now, but that she’s managed to hang onto some of her delicious curves even if they’re more muted now.
She climbs into the shower, sending my heart rate soaring at her closeness. We’ve shared a bed every night, but still . . . she’s never felt more far away from me. Now, she wraps her arms around me, her front to my back. “I still stink, Rae.”
I can feel her shake her head. “I miss you.”
I sigh softly and turn around, taking her in my arms, her head on my chest as the water runs over us. “I miss you too.”
“I’m not broken.” I know she’s mad that her voice cracked on the word broken. Her chin tips down, but I lift it with my hand, forcing her to look into my eyes.
“I know you’re not.”
“But you treat me like I am.” The water is cooling down quickly, but I can tell we aren’t moving.
“I’m not trying to. I just don’t want to see you hurt.”
“I know that, but I’m going to get hurt. I’ll get back up, damn it. You have to trust me. And you don’t.”
“You ran.” The words fall out of my mouth before I can stop them, and her eyes flash with regret.
“I know I did. I . . .” She backs away from me and clutches her waist. “I said I was sorry.”
I rinse the soap out of my hair and turn off the water, grabbing a towel and handing it to her before grabbing one for me and drying off. She doesn’t move. “I know you did. But I’m afraid every day that you’re going to do it again.”
She wraps the towel around herself. “So then, shouldn’t you want me with you?”
I’ve thought about it. Always making her go with me no matter what. But that’s not the kind of relationship I want. If she wants to run away from me again, maybe I’ll have to accept it. But another part of me says I won’t.
“I do want you with me. And I don’t. I’m afraid every time we aren’t inside this motel together, we’ll be recognized.”
We go into the other room together and get dressed methodically, both of us just going through the motions. I grab the wad of cash out of my jeans pocket and put it into the pocket of my sweats. Never leaving it on the floor or anywhere but on my person. We sit down on the bed together. “I went to the front desk today.”
My head snaps in her direction. “You did what?”
“I’m sorry. I just wanted to try to contribute.”
“What happened?” I can tell it didn’t go well by her body language.
“He wanted my mouth, or maybe more. But he didn’t have a real job to offer me.”
I stand up from the bed, filled with rage. My hands clench into fists, my mind going back and forth between pummeling that fucker and strangling Rae for being so goddamn naïve. But of course, I’d never hurt Rae. That asshole though? Maybe.
“You went to him? Looking for a job? That greasy motherfucker?”
Her eyes widen at my anger and maybe in surprise. “Yes. I thought maybe I could clean some rooms.”
“And you really thought any job that guy had for you wouldn’t involve his dick?”
“Not every woman is just a place for a guy to stick his dick.” She folds her arms in a huff, and I pace the room. Pissed that she could have been hurt, yet again, when I wasn’t there.
I look over at her, heated and beyond angry. “And if he’d just decided to take it? Then what, Rae?”
She stands up, fury filling her small body as she pokes me in the chest. “Then that would be my problem.”
I’m vibrating with anger. I can feel it everywhere. “Your problem?”
“Yes. My problem. My fucking body. My issues.”
“You and me, as far as I’m concerned . . .” I take a step back because I’m too pissed. My voice isn’t level. I can feel the tendons in my neck pulled tight. “We’re one. So, if something happens to you . . . your body, your mind, your fucking anything, I feel it. I feel all of it. And I can’t stand the thought of anyone else hurting you.”
She has tears in her eyes, and I know they’re of the anger variety and not sadness by the way she’s standing. She’s poised and ready for a fight, one that’s been brewing for many days. Maybe longer.
“You only care about my body when someone else is touching it or threatening to these past few months, but that’s it. Sorry, Law, but we aren’t one.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You know what I’m talking about!” Her voice is loud, but I’m not worried. It’s not like there’s anyone in the rooms around us. “You haven’t touched me.”
I stare at her, more confused than mad now. “What? This is about sex? You’re pissed because I haven’t tried to fuck you?”
She scoffs angrily and flops down on the bed, sitting on the edge. “I’m pissed because you haven’t even kissed me. You’ve barely had any contact with me at all. And you’re a fucking liar.”
I take a step toward the bed now. “How am I a liar?”
She peers up at me, her eyes dark. “You said you didn’t see me as dirty, but now you don’t touch me.”
“Jesus Christ.” I place a hand over my heart in frustration. “You were attacked. I didn’t think you wanted anyone to touch you.”
She stands up now in a flash. “Not anyone else. Except you.”
I stare at her, so lost and confused. My body and mind are exhausted. “I . . .” Fuck, I don’t know what to say. “I need some air.”
“It’s freezing.”
It’s really not that bad today. It’s mid-March, and the high today was seventy. “I’ll be fine.”
I go outside and slam the door behind me, so fed up with everything. She wants me to touch her, but I thought she’d shy away from it. I thought I was doing her a favor by not pawing at her like a horny teenager—which I am.
I lean against the wall, closing my eyes for a minute and trying to breathe through it. I don’t know how to fix anything. Rae isn’t the only one who’s been naïve.
Just as I’m about to give in and go inside, my face explodes in sudden, bruising pain as I’m hit hard with something and fall to the ground.
When I manage to open my eyes, I see a skinny tweaker holding a gun on me. “Give me your money.”
Oh. No.
“I . . . I don’t have any.”
“Liar!” the guy screams, and the hand holding the gun shakes.
This must grab Rae’s attention because the door opens, and she flies out. “Rae! No!” She stops as she sees the gun, but she doesn’t go back inside.
The guy moves the gun on her, and she squeaks but doesn’t scream in fear. I force my body up off the pavement.
“No. Me. Look at me.”
He swivels back to me, the gun on me now, and honestly, I’m not even sure if he has the strength to pull the trigger, but I’m not taking the chance.
“Here.” I slowly move my hand to my pocket and grab the wad of cash, pulling it out. “Take it and go.”
He doesn’t hesitate, just snatches the bills from my hand and takes off into the night. I sink back down to the ground, my back against the brick wall.
“Law.” Rae moves to kneel next to me, my jaw ticking with adrenaline and rage. That was all of our money. “Law, talk to me. Are you okay? You’re bleeding.”
I can’t say anything. I just spent ten hours breaking my back and working in literal shit. And now there’s nothing to show for it.
We have nothing.
