Apathy by L.K. Reid

Skylar

There are those fleeting moments in life where your mind goes completely blank, and all those worries, all those dark thoughts seem to evaporate into thin air, leaving you breathless, free, happy. I didn’t have many of those anymore. I think I could count on one hand the number of times I didn’t have to worry about something, and after so long, I forgot how it felt.

Not to think, but to feel.

I’ve spent years chasing the high that would make me forget about my life and the people around me, but I never succeeded. At least not fully. Yet, Ash managed to do that. He made me forget, made the wheels inside my head stop, and during that time inside that tent, everything was perfect. There were no thoughts, no darkness shrouding my mind, just the feeling of his hands on my body, his lips on mine, and his dick moving inside me.

It felt better than that Oxy I swallowed the other day. It felt better than the whole bottle of vodka I drank at that party in July. And I wanted more.

God, I craved more.

A week has passed since Ash and I had sex, and I felt like I was going to burst if I didn’t get that feeling again. This felt worse than coming down from a high. My skin was itchy, my hands shook, and I knew it wasn’t from any of the drugs, because I took a Tramadol this morning, thinking it was shitty withdrawals that sometimes happened.

But no, this was from him.

He didn’t want to look at me after he disposed the condom, but I didn’t give a shit about that. He didn’t have to look at me as long as he fucked me, as long as he made me forget. Dylan was behaving like a mother hen around me, and even my father came home, constantly asking if I was okay and if I needed anything. My mother was still on her trip in Costa Rica, spending the money she didn’t earn, and I was glad her poisonous mouth wasn’t anywhere near me right now. There was only so much I could take at the moment.

And the messages… Fuck, the fucking messages. I thought it was a prank, that somebody was just messing with me after what happened in the forest, but that was just my wishful thinking. The first one terrified me, but it wasn’t until the second one came that I realized I was dealing with a psychopath. They always came from a different phone number and three days ago I received a third one, explaining in detail everything he was going to do to the next girl, because he couldn’t have me.

Yet.

That yet haunted my days and nights. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t do anything about it, because whoever it was knew everything about me. The only thing I did know is that it was a male because he told me. The sick bastard told me to call him Iblis and to find out what it means. When I googled the name, I found it was what they called Satan in the Quran.

After that interaction, I decided to stay inside at all times. School and then home, because if he found out anything else about me, he could harm my friends, my family, hell, anyone I had any contact with. But I was itching to go out now.

No, I was itching to forget and there was only one person who could make that happen, and he was completely ignoring me. If I thought that first week was bad, it was nothing compared to this one. From Tuesday to Wednesday, he didn’t come to school, and when I saw him on Thursday, he looked at me like I’d killed his entire family. Every time I tried talking to Ash, he either all but ran away from me, or we would be interrupted by Kane. I had nothing to say to Kane, and no matter how much I hurt for him and the memories that were haunting him with all these disappearances, I couldn’t help him.

God, maybe I should go to the police?

But if you go to the police, who knows what would happen. My subconsciousness reared its ugly head.

Fuck.

What was I going to do? I was okay dealing with one monster—at least I knew his face. But this one, this Iblis or whatever his name was, he was an enigma. Was somebody trying to hurt me to get back at my father? But this person never mentioned anything about my father, and if that was the plan, wouldn’t they just kidnap me and get it over with? Wouldn’t he—

“Skylar?”

I jumped from the bed at the sound of Dylan’s voice as he entered the room, and the water I had in the glass I was holding splashed all over my hands.

“Jesus, Sky,” he started and walked toward me. His strong hands enveloped mine, taking the glass from me and placing it on the dresser opposite of my bed. “Are you okay?” He touched my forehead. “You’re extremely pale.”

I lifted my head, fighting the tears and the knot in my throat, because I wanted to tell him. God, I wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn’t. His life was more important than mine, and the psychopaths I had in my life would attack him first if I ever said a word. No matter how much I wanted him to be here with me, I wanted him gone right now. I wanted him to go back to his life in Seattle, to be as far away as possible from here. He was the one person I wouldn’t survive losing.

Dylan was the most important person in my life, and as I stood there inhaling the sweet scent of his cologne, I only wanted a hug. Nothing more. He couldn’t solve my problems, but he could make me feel safe, even if it was only for a little while.

That’s all I needed. Five minutes of peace, five minutes where my mind wasn’t trying to come up with all these absurd scenarios. Five minutes where my body wasn’t shaking like a leaf, from fear, anxiety, from the need to run and run and run, and never look back. But there was always a “but”, if I ran—who could guarantee that the demons wouldn’t follow me?

“Sky,” Dylan murmured again and removed the hair that fell over my face. I didn’t wait for him to ask more questions, because I knew we would only end up fighting. I hated how much he worried, and he hated how reckless I was. So instead, I pressed my face into his chest, letting the smell of violets from the detergent we were using calm me down.

He always felt like home, and as he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight, I let myself relax. I pushed myself to think about happy things, our childhood, and the smell of the freshly cut grass—me running around the yard and Dylan chasing me. I pushed myself to think about the day I would leave this godforsaken town, finally leaving everything in the past.

And it helped.

For those five minutes while he held me, I didn’t think about the darkness lurking around every corner. I didn’t think about Megan’s dead eyes, or the messages popping on my phone. I didn’t think about this insane craving I had for Ash, or the pills sitting in the first drawer of my dresser, calling my name. I didn’t think about any of that.

I allowed myself to be happy, or, well, I lied to myself to calm my racing heart.

“You’re really starting to scare me, Little One,” Dylan whispered, stroking my hair. “This isn’t like you. I’ve been here for two weeks, and you’ve barely left your room.”

I shrugged, not wanting to elaborate on the reasons why I decided to lock myself inside and ignore the rest of the world. Lauren thought I wasn’t in the mood, but it was so much more than that.

“You usually want to do things when I’m here. We didn’t even go for dinner outside of the house, not to mention anything else. Now that I think about it, I can’t remember the last time I saw you eat properly.” He placed his hands on my upper arms and took a step back, searing me with his eyes. “You are eating, right?”

Goddammit, Dylan. Just don’t ask me that. Please, please, please…

Masks were wonderful things, but they had expiration dates just like everything else, and mine… mine was cracking. I don’t know how long I would be able to pretend that everything was okay, when each day was becoming darker and darker, and it felt as if it would never stop.

This endless despair, endless need to disappear, it was suffocating me.

“Skylar.” His tone wasn’t as soft as it was a minute ago. “You are eating, right?”

“If I tell you that I am, will you let it go?”

“Goddammit, Sky!” He started pacing the room, and I started bracing myself for a lecture I didn’t want to hear from him. “Are you out of your mind?” Here we go. “I can literally see the veins beneath your skin! That’s how pale you are.” Yeah, as if I didn’t know. He suddenly stopped a few inches away from me and I didn’t like the serious look on his face. His left eye started twitching, and he ground his teeth before he asked the next question. “Do you have a new boyfriend? Is he making you do this?”

“What?” I laughed. “No! I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Then why aren’t you eating?”

“I just.” I shrugged. “I’m not exactly hungry.”

“Tough luck, Little One, because if you don’t get your ass downstairs for lunch, I’m gonna carry you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me,” he threatened as he started walking out of my room. “Dad is here today, and he wants to see you before he leaves in two hours. You have five minutes.”

Five minutes?

As bile rose to my throat, a well-known taste of anxiety, the drumming in my ears only increased as Dylan started retreating toward the hallway, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I loved my father, but I didn’t want to talk to him today. Judah Blackwood, our father, was just like Winworth. Only two moods existed for him, and if today wasn’t one of the good days, the only thing I would hear during this lunch was him criticizing every little thing about me.

“Dylan!” I protested. “That’s not—”

“Five fucking minutes, Skylar!” His voice echoed through the hallway, and from my past experiences, my brother wasn’t the type of person that would give out empty threats.

I wasn’t lying to him—I didn’t feel hungry—but I couldn’t let him worry about me.

* * *

The smell of roasted chicken seeped into my nostrils as soon as I walked down the staircase, stopping just outside the kitchen. My father was laughing at something, and Dylan’s gruff voice penetrated through the air, warming me from the inside out.

I missed having Dylan here. I knew he was only one text away, but it was different from actually having him here.

My stomach growled as I passed through the kitchen, noticing that none of the staff were here today. Did Dylan send them home? The counters were spotless, dirty dishes were nowhere to be seen, and I wondered if Dylan washed it all. Who prepared the food?

Step by step, I entered the bright dining room, seeing my father at the head of the table, with Dylan on his right side.

“Skylar!” my father boomed with a smile and stood up, walked around the table, and stopped in front of me. “I missed you.”

His arms came around me, pulling me into his embrace. I tried to relax, tried to remember all the good things, but as he dragged one of his hands over my back, I stiffened further, fighting the shivers racking my body. He had been away from the West Coast for a couple of days, attending a funeral for his best friend, Nikolai Aster. I would’ve thought that he would be in a sour mood, but he seemed genuinely happy to see me, even though he saw me just yesterday and lectured me about the importance of my safety and not to wander into the forest on my own.

“You saw me yesterday, Dad.” I fought against the shivers and plastered a smile on my face, finally hugging him back.

“So what?” he asked as he pulled back. “Can’t I miss my favorite daughter?”

“You mean your only daughter?”

He waved his hand and walked back toward the table. “Semantics.” The chair scraped over the floor as he pulled it back and sat down, eliciting shivers all over my body. I fucking hated that sound.

Dylan kept looking at me as if I was going to start crying at any moment, reminding me again how annoyed I was with his behavior. I could understand him being worried, but this whole hovering, worrying, asking me where I was going constantly, messaging and calling me, it just had to stop. I already felt like I was losing my mind with everything that was going on around me, and his suffocating behavior wasn’t helping.

“Sit down, Little One,” Dylan started, indicating a chair next to him. I wanted to ignore him and sit somewhere else, but deep down I knew he was coming from a good place, and if everything else went to shit, at least I would always have my brother.

“So,” my father boomed as he started cutting through his steak. “How are things?”

Really, Dad?

I walked toward the chair Dylan chose for me and sat down, removing the napkin from the plate, and placed it on my lap. I had to bite my tongue and swallow the retort threatening to erupt from me. Mentioning dead girls and my name on Megan’s body, as well as cryptic and psychotic messages were not the themes I wanted to have today. My overthinking was already becoming too much to deal with, and I wanted to enjoy the quiet evening.

“Good,” I murmured. “I’m probably going out in an hour or so.” I refused to look at Dylan, keeping my eyes on the roasted potatoes in the middle of the table. But ignoring him was never truly an option and I could feel his eyes burning into the left side of my face.

“Skylar,” Dylan all but growled, his tone full of unspoken warnings and words I didn’t want to hear.

“Lauren is having a party tonight, just a small gathering,” I continued, ignoring my brother. I picked up a few potatoes from the bowl right next to the roasted chicken and placed it on my plate. I wasn’t hungry, but I’d be damned if I didn’t try.

“Skylar!” Dylan’s voice thundered around us and the fork he was holding went flying over the table, landing on the other side. “I thought we talked about this?”

“No, Dylan.” I turned toward him. “You tried to order me around. You talked, I listened, and I decided not to follow your advice.”

If looks could kill, I would be a dead person right now.

His face darkened, the menacing look replacing the otherwise loving, brotherly look he always had for me. He gripped the napkin he had on his lap and threw it on his plate over the half-eaten chicken breast and potatoes, then stood up.

“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation again.”

“And I can’t believe you’re again trying to boss me around, when I am not a small child anymore,” I threw back. Our father kept quiet, his eyes traveling from Dylan to me, and the other way around. He continued eating, ignoring the blazing inferno spreading through the house.

I never thought I would say this, but I wished that Dylan had gone back to Seattle. At least then he wouldn’t be growly all the time, bossing me around and trying to make decisions for me.

“It’s not safe!” I flinched at the tone of his voice, trying to keep my emotions at bay. Now wasn’t the time to lose it. “There’s someone out there, killing people—”

“And what do you expect me to do, Dylan? Huh?” I was beyond angry. “Should I stop living my life because somebody carved my name on her body? Would that appease you?”

“It fucking would!”

The veins on his neck popped out from the force of his thunderous roar, and his face reddened, making him look as sinister as… No, no, no, I was not going to think about that. Not now, not today.

“You know what?” I stood up, placing the napkin next to my plate. “Fuck you.”

I couldn’t deal with him and his sudden mood swings anymore. He went from protective to overbearing in a matter of two weeks, and that was the last thing I wanted.

“Excuse me?” he croaked out, disbelief lacing his tone.

But I didn’t stop as I walked out of the dining room, heading upstairs.

“Skylar!” His hand wrapped around my upper arm, halting me in my steps. “What the fuck?”

“You heard me,” I answered and shook him off me. “You can fuck off for all I care. I’m tired of the constant hovering, constant yelling, and it needs to stop. I can’t fucking breathe, Dylan!” My chest heaved as I fought for breath. “You are suffocating me. You and your overprotectiveness.”

“Sky—”

His face shattered at my words, but it had to be said. I loved him, God… I loved him more than anything else in this world, but he had to stop with this nonsense.

“I-I didn’t,” he stammered and cleared his throat. “I’m just worried about you.”

I crossed my arms across my chest, letting the anger fuel me. “Well, don’t be. I’m fine, and no one is coming to get me.” The crushed look on his face pulled at my heartstrings and no matter how much he annoyed me lately, I couldn’t be angry at him for caring about me.

He was the only one that truly cared.

I took a step toward him and lifted my hand to his face. He didn’t shave today, and my fingers tingled as I ran my hand over his cheek.

“Dy,” I whispered. “I love you, you know?” He nodded, gulping at the same time. “But I can’t live like this. I can’t be locked inside the house anymore. I need to go out, see other people. I don’t wanna let that monster control my life.”

He placed his hand over mine, holding me hostage for a minute, or two, or three, but it felt nicer than our other conversations since he came back. His eyes sparkled with something unknown, something I couldn’t quite understand, but I wasn’t going to rack my brain over it now.

“You need to let go, Dylan.” I placed my other hand over his other cheek, bringing us closer.

“I can’t,” he croaked. “You’re the most important person in my life. If something happened to you—”

“But nothing is going to happen, silly.” I smiled. “I’m fine, you’re fine… We are all going to be fine.”

I was a motherfucking liar, because I knew, some part of me always knew… I was never going to be fine. Some things in life were survivable, but others… Others ate you alive until the only things left were a hollow soul and a skeleton carrying the body you didn’t want to own anymore.

But I had to make him believe that I was okay. I couldn’t let him see what was really happening behind closed doors, when the monsters we both trusted came out to play. I couldn’t utter a word, because the monster feeding me poison was closer than Dylan thought, which was why I wasn’t as afraid as I should be of the killer out there.

“But you’re my little sister,” he started again. “You will always be mine to protect, no matter what.”

“I know.”

“And this situation… I don’t know what to do, Sky.” He shuddered underneath my touch. “I just don’t know what to do.”

I came closer, plastering our bodies together, and hugged him like our lives depended on it. He would never know how close the darkness lurked. He would never know how poisonous the streets of Winworth were.

Winworth was founded on blood and secrets, and the darkness still clung to it like a newborn to its mother.

His strong arms embraced me, cocooning me, creating a safety net around me. He thought he was protecting me, but I was protecting him. I would always protect him until my last breath.

“I really do need to go, Dy.” He gripped me tighter. “Dylan,” I warned. “Please.”

I could feel his muscles flexing underneath his shirt, but after a few seconds he released me, stepping away from me.

“Okay.” He nodded. “I’ll try to be better.” Oh, Dylan. He didn’t have to be better, he just had to let me go. “But you need to be safe. Okay?”

“Yes,” I agreed. “I will be. Trust me.”

My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I reached for it without thinking, my mind a million miles away from here. I thought it was going to be Lauren, or even the psychopath stalking me, but it wasn’t them.

It was him, and he wanted me to come to our place. He wanted to take one more piece of my soul.