Apathy by L.K. Reid

Skylar

Zane St. Clare was eighteen years old when he died.

Only a year older than me, and as bright as a supernova, I couldn’t help but fall for his charm and pretty face that always seemed to be adorned by a smile. He shone so bright that every single person that had ever met him, wanted to be in his presence, to soak that brightness, that positivity.

And now he was gone.

Maybe if we weren’t just a bunch of spoiled brats who thought that they could play with dangerous things, he would still be alive. Maybe if we reported everything we knew about his disappearance, he would still be alive.

A thousand “maybes”, a thousand missed opportunities, regrets, and anger, but none of those could fix what we did. I went over what happened a million times, thinking it through, trying to figure out the missing pieces of the story and who had kidnapped him, but it was futile chasing after something that was lost. I guess that’s what hurt the most, what annoyed me the most was the fact that they never caught the person that killed him.

Or perhaps what annoyed me the most was the fact that I blamed myself for what happened. If it wasn’t for that stupid idea we agreed to, Zane would still be here.

“You’re fucking slow today,” Lauren started, stopping a few feet in front of me.

Since we were in elementary school, we used to go to the cabin on the riverbank owned by my parents. Kane’s family used to own the one on the other side of the river, until… No, never mind. I had to stop thinking about that night and everything that happened prior to it.

If I continued thinking about Zane and what could’ve been done to avoid that fatal night, I would end up in an asylum. The drugs we were taking stopped working three days ago, when the images haunting me day in and out, continued flashing in front of my eyes.

It’s been seven days since Megan went missing, and people were already losing hope of finding her. She either ran away or worse—she was dead.

It was Lauren’s idea to come here today and spend the night. Winworth wasn’t exactly the place that had events going on during the weekend, and since all of us seemed to be shaken by what happened with Megan, she wanted to cheer us up. Truth be told, cheering us up was just an excuse to organize a party. Most of us had simply closed ourselves off, hiding away from the world, dancing with our demons, drowning in the numbness overtaking our bodies. But Lauren, being Lauren, was undoubtedly already bored sitting in her house for the entire weekend.

And who could blame us? The memories of May twenty-fifth kept crawling back into my mind, reminding me of the mess we made. And we couldn’t tell anybody. No one knew about the plan Zane made, or who was involved.

Zane was a wild card, always wanting more than he already had. He was the brightest one of all of us, but he was also the reckless one. When he came up with that idea… I still couldn’t understand why none of us said no. And we should’ve said no.

One of us should have been mature enough to dismiss the crazy shit he was coming up with.

Zane wanted to escape, to run away, but in order to do all that, he needed money. A lot of money. The kind of money none of us had, regardless of who our parents were. When he spoke about a life outside of Winworth, free from the clutches of our parents, free from all this darkness surrounding us, this suffocation we were all going through, we all said yes.

He wanted to fake his own kidnapping, and like reckless fools, we all agreed to help. Little did we know that the little prank we were pulling would turn out to be real. He was supposed to be kidnapped on May fifteenth, and his parents were supposed to be contacted on May nineteenth for the ransom. He wanted to fake his own death and get a new identity, but he never got to do that.

He never got to do that, because on May seventeenth, we lost all contact with him. He was supposed to be in Seattle, hiding out, waiting for the ransom to be delivered to the old amusement park on the East Side of Winworth. One of us would have to take it after they all cleared out.

But when he didn’t answer his phone, when all communication was lost, we knew that something was wrong. Kane even went to Seattle to see him in person, but Zane was nowhere to be found. We tried everything—his friends from Seattle, places in Emercroft Lake where he could’ve gone, but he wasn’t there. We thought he was pulling a prank on us, trying to scare us, but when the night of the party rolled over, when we were all gathered at the cabin owned by the St. Clare family, that’s when all hell let loose.

When the blazing inferno started illuminating the night, when we almost burned down with the house, we knew that somebody else was fucking with all of us. When the firefighters arrived at the scene, when the fire started reaching new heights, they pulled out the body.

A body that didn’t belong to any of us because we managed to escape.

A body that belonged to a boy I liked, to our bright star. We realized that playing with fire and trying to escape from this godforsaken place might be harder than we ever thought. In one night, our innocence burned away. Our dreams shattered as windows on the second floor exploded. The place we all loved burned with our friend, and the life we knew disappeared in front of our eyes, eaten by the angry red flames in the middle of the night. We never found out what really happened.

No one ever came out as a culprit, and all five of us kept our mouths shut about the plan we previously concocted. Police questioned us. Kane and Zane’s parents pretended to be devastated, but the truth was—they never even realized that he was missing.

We swore to take that secret to our graves, but not a day passed where I didn’t think about the future Zane could have had. If it wasn’t for six silly teenagers who thought that the world danced how they played, he would’ve been alive.

Maybe if I said something or did something. Maybe if we told them what we knew about his whereabouts when we realized that he was really missing, he wouldn’t be dead.

I had too many regrets about things we did and secrets we kept. But the problem with the skeletons we were keeping in our closets was that they never really stayed hidden. And even if they did, they ate you alive. They pulled your soul, they damaged your heart, and they made you paranoid to the point where you didn’t want to exist anymore.

I didn’t want to exist.

I just wanted to forget about everything. I wanted to forget about our plans, our dreams, and silly little promises, because they were all gone. They all burned away with that fire. Even though they said that he was dead before the fire, it didn’t help knowing that while we drank and partied inside the house, his body was in one of the rooms.

We hadn’t been there since that happened, and while we wouldn’t be going to the same cabin, it didn’t help that if you looked toward the other side of the river, you could still see the remnants of the cabin where our lives changed.

I didn’t think that any of us were ready for death to knock on our door, regardless of if it was for us or someone we cared about. I wasn’t ready to face the reality—I would never be ready. Zane was more than just my boyfriend. He was my friend. Him, Kane, Lauren, Danny, Rowan, Beatrice, and I, we all grew up together, and when he died, it felt as if a part of us died with him.

I wasn’t the only one feeling that way. I could see how Danny and Rowan watched his locker in the school. Or how all our eyes traveled toward the place where he used to sit in the cafeteria and in the crypt. We all missed him, but it was more than that.

We all blamed ourselves for what happened.

Unfortunately, none of us knew how to move on without destroying our own lives. At least, I didn’t know.

Self-destruction always came easily to me, and it always came in different shapes and forms. People often thought that self-destruction came in the form of drugs or alcohol, but that wasn’t the truth. When your mind was telling you that you shouldn’t exist, when everything you ever loved started feeling insignificant, you found ways to destroy little pieces of yourself so that nobody else would notice.

I was a coward who didn’t want to leave my brother. I was a coward who didn’t want to slit my wrists, because I always thought about the people that would have to clean up the mess. I was a goddamn coward because I did nothing when someone I used to care about was in trouble.

I was still a fucking coward because I didn’t want to help Kane, who was still struggling with the death of his brother. So, I destroyed myself.

Pills, alcohol, faceless strangers in the middle of the night, sleepless nights, and toxic thoughts, I used them all, because feeling nothing was better than feeling everything. When the drugs hit my system, when alcohol burned my tongue, I couldn’t remember the smell of burning flesh, or the screams echoing in the night. I couldn’t remember the tears on Kane’s face, or the fear on Lauren’s.

I couldn’t feel the searing pain in my soul, the guilt, because they numbed it all. They made me forget, and I didn’t want to stop.

Even when he touched me, when he made me do things, I couldn’t feel anything else but the pure disgust, because I allowed it to happen.

I played the game of a perfect little smile when Dylan asked me if I was okay, because I couldn’t let him see the depraved thoughts in my head. I craved violence because the pain of the body always quieted down the pain in my head.

“Skylar!” Lauren yelled, and I realized why.

I was standing on the edge of the cliff, where we could see a part of the river as it went toward the town. If I took one more step, this could all end—my life, my pain, their pain, memories, everything. This suffocation could cease to exist.

But what about those I would be leaving behind?

I couldn’t leave Lauren, not now. I couldn’t leave Kane, even though he scared me more than he excited me now. They lost one friend, and I couldn’t be the next one to die.

“I-I’m sorry.” I took a step back. “I was just thinking.”

“Dude.” She grabbed my arm, pulling me further backward. I could hear the panic in her voice. I could see the fear in her eyes, because we both knew I wasn’t all right. None of us were. “You looked like you were about to jump.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I laughed, but it sounded fake. It always sounded fake, but none of my friends called me out on it. None of them commented, because all of their smiles looked the same as mine—fake. “I would never jump.”

My words seemed to do the opposite, and instead of reassuring her and removing this fearful look from her face, her lips tightened into a thin line and the grasp she had on me became harder, as if she could hold me, save me, from what I was about to do.

I couldn’t explain it to her without hurting her, but this deadly waltz of life was killing me slowly. Day by day, hour by hour, I was always doing something that was bad for me. I was killing my body, and I was killing my mind, because being a walking dead felt better than feeling everything I felt in May.

“Just… Be careful. Okay?”

I nodded, since I couldn’t taste any more lies on my tongue and agreeing that I was going to be careful would be the biggest lie of them all. Lies, secrets, dark whispers, they were slowly wrapping around my soul, choking me, cutting off everything good and light.

“Any news on Megan?” I asked as I stepped away from her. Lauren finally let my arm go, but the weary look on her face was ever so present, and I wanted it gone. I wanted her to think about something else, instead of worrying about me.

She shook her head, pulling the bottle of water from her backpack. “No,” she answered as she uncapped the bottle. “They have no new leads, nothing. She literally disappeared from the face of the earth.”

“Do they think it’s—”

“Connected with Zane,” she interrupted me. “No. Dad thinks she ran away, but her parents are dismissing that theory.”

Lauren’s father was a sheriff in town, and she managed to get all the information firsthand, before it even came out to the public.

“Did she have a boyfriend?” I asked, and took a bottle from her, taking a mouthful of water.

“We’re talking about Megan, Sky. She didn’t go anywhere but to school and church. Hell, she was practically a saint. Church was the only place where she spent time, if we exclude school, so that whole theory of her running away with a boy makes no sense. If one of us disappeared, then yeah, maybe you could suggest that we ran away with some guy, but not her.”

“Then where the fuck is she?”

Don’t get me wrong. I felt bad for her and her family, but I didn’t exactly give a damn if I never saw her again. This whole situation was hitting too close to what happened with Zane, and with all those other girls missing and then appearing after a couple of days close to the town. It sent chills over my skin, and I couldn’t shake this feeling.

“I have no idea,” she shrugged. “I just hope she turns up soon. Dad’s been spending more time at the station than at home, and I hate this sinister feeling floating through the city.” That makes two of us.

Sometimes living in Winworth felt more like a nightmare than real life. I wasn’t sure if it was the environment or everything that had happened in the last year, but I had a feeling that the streets of Winworth carried more secrets and more darkness than any other place in the country. Maybe it was the constant foggy weather and rainy days, but the atmosphere was almost never cheery.

The one thing I did love about this area was the nature. If you were lucky enough, you could hear the wolves howling deep into the night, or you would see squirrels preparing for the winter while you walked through the forest.

Winworth was surrounded by mountains on all sides, with the thick evergreen forest climbing up, covering the stones of the mountain. Hikers loved this area, and they usually went to Emercroft Lake after finishing here. On those rare sunny days, you could see the mountain tops playing with the clouds, and instead of the macabre song of crows, you could hear the soft chirping of the birds.

I turned around, taking in the horizon in front of me as the sky started darkening, and the night slowly started cloaking Winworth. I could see a couple of lights being turned on in the distance, but we couldn’t see the entire town from here. Only a couple of houses on the northern part were visible from here. I loved this feeling of being able to escape it all at least for a little while.

The ping from my phone pulled my attention back from the sight in front of me, and to the unknown number showing on my screen.

Huh?

I took a step forward, moving away from Lauren who was too busy taking a picture of the sight in front of us, and started unlocking my phone. A deafening roar tore through the silent afternoon and the ground beneath my feet crumbled down. As I started losing my balance, I could barely hear Lauren screaming my name.

I slid down between the trees, shielding my head as I went deeper into the forest. The colors of the forest blurred together, and I closed my eyes, fighting the force of gravity pulling me lower and lower. I gasped for air, feeling the pain in my ribs, on my back, on my legs, my body turning from one side to the other as I rolled down the hill until I hit something solid, knocking my breath out.

“Fuck!” I yelled, trying to straighten myself up. The smell of wet soil and pine trees surrounded me as the ringing sounded in my ears. My back hurt, my head ached, and I couldn’t hear Lauren anymore.

Opening my eyes slowly and seeing the darkness surrounding me, I realized I went down further into the forest than I initially realized. The trees blocked the light down here, and I started feeling my pockets for my phone. I must have dropped it while rolling down here.

Goddammit.

With my hands, I started touching the ground, trying to understand my surroundings. Branches and wet ground played beneath my fingers until I touched something cold, something foreign and sinister.

“Oh my God,” I gasped.

My heart thundered inside my chest, and as my fingers explored further, I knew. I just knew.

I was touching fingers.

Cold, wet fingers.

As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, the scream tore from my throat, followed by the onslaught of tears and fear like no other.

“Skylar!” I could hear Lauren now, but knowing she was near did nothing to soothe my nerves.

There was a body in front of me. A dead body.

Her blonde hair was caked in blood, and the lifeless blue eyes stared at me, the terror etched on her haunted face. I followed the line down her neck with my eyes and shrieked when I realized that only half of her body lay in front of me. Her torso was ripped away from her legs that were disposed of next to the tree above her head. The clothes on her body were ripped open, exposing her midriff and the slope of her breasts. Her bloodied intestines mixed with dirt and leaves were scattered all over the place, creating a connection between her legs and her upper body.

“Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.” I started scrambling backward, trying to get as far away as I could.

My hands caught on something sharp as I tried moving away from the girl, from her stare, but the pain never really registered in my mind from the shock I was going through.

I could see the light shining through the dark forest, and as it caught on her soulless face, I drew a shaky breath, fighting the tears that were freely falling down my cheeks.

“Sky… What the fuck?” Lauren’s voice echoed around us. “Oh my God!” she screamed. “Oh my fucking God!”

Her hand landed on my shoulder, and she started pulling me further backward, the light from her phone still illuminating the girl.

“I-It’s Megan,” I cried out. “Lauren, that’s Megan!”

I knew that face. I saw her smiling more times than I could count. I saw those eyes twinkle when she talked to her friends and when she was happy. There was no happiness on her face right now. There was only terror, a nightmare, and I didn’t want to think what she went through.

“Sky, what is that?” Lauren pointed to Megan’s stomach, illuminating the area.

The foreign-looking inscriptions and sigils were carved into her stomach, creating dried, bloody marks. The scream that was building up inside of me escaped, thundering around the forest. There was so much pain on her face. So much fear, that even in death she looked like she wanted to scream. Her face was pale, bruises on her cheeks, with blue lips open at half-mast.

“This is—”

“We need to call the police, Lauren,” I interrupted. “We need to go up and call the fucking police.”

I felt dirty and violated. When I looked down, I could see the blood over my hands, and I wasn’t sure if it was mine or hers.

“Fuck,” I mumbled, rubbing my hands over my pants. But the more I rubbed, the more it started spreading. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…”

“Hey, hey.” Lauren took my hands into hers, dropping the phone to the ground. “Stop it.”

“She’s just… She—”

“I know, Sky, but you need to get up and we need to get the hell out of here.”

I tried. I really did try getting up, but as if the weight of the world rested on my shoulders, my legs wouldn’t work. They remained plastered to the ground.

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you fucking can,” she argued. “Come on.” She gripped my arms and started pulling me up. My knees shook as I finally stood up, leaning against the tree.

Her presence was overwhelming. The stench of death was everywhere, and I wanted to bathe myself in bleach to remove this depravity from my skin. But I knew that this was going to be just another demon to haunt me.

“Skylar?” Lauren started, her voice strained.

I turned around, following her line of sight. “What?”

She was staring at Megan, at her torso, and as she turned her phone up, I could see exactly what. I didn’t see it before, didn’t notice it, but I couldn’t move my eyes from the spot now.

My name was carved into her chest.