The Heart Chaser by Gina Azzi
Luca
“You sure you don’t need me this weekend?” I ask my sister Justine over the phone.
“No, really. I’m okay,” she says.
I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. While part of me is relieved, another part of me is worried. Flying to Philly every chance I can is taking a toll on me. Physically, it’s a lot, and emotionally, it’s draining, but if Justine needs me on the one-year memorial of Dean’s death, I’ll be there, my contract be damned.
“You were just here last weekend,” she reminds me. “You paid your respects to Dean then.”
“I know but…”
“You can’t keep doing this, Luca. Flying back and forth, showing up at the boys’ hockey games, bringing Laura flowers after her dance recital… It’s sweet and I really appreciate it. But it’s too much. You have a career, your own life. You can’t keep putting it on hold for us. We’re all managing just fine.”
Her words are a salve to the guilt I’ve been buried under since Pop’s heart attack. After Dean died, Pop stepped in big time to be a father figure, a role model, to Justine’s three children. But since Pop’s surgery, I’ve tried to fill those shoes. And damn, they are some pretty big shoes to fill, especially since Dean and Pop were two of my role models. “How’s Pop?” I ask instead.
“He’s getting stronger. Jenni says he’s doing really well on his new diet and he’s sticking to the PT. We’re okay, Luca. I promise.”
“If you need me, for anything—”
“I’ll call,” she promises. “You’re going to make some woman very happy one day.”
I snort. “I doubt that.” I think about Abbi and the hardness in her eyes, the splotchy red circles on her cheeks, when she saw me at Jolene’s with Carmen. For a moment, I read the jealousy in her expression, and it provided me with a strange sense of relief. In fact, that flicker of envy is the only thing that kept me from introducing Abbi to Carmen, my college teammate’s little sister, who has become like another kid sister to me since she started attending Boston College three years ago. I take her out for a bite at the start and end of every semester and check in with her from time to time since her family is far away in Utah.
Seeing Abbi at Jolene’s messed with me. All of a sudden, she’s everywhere I turn, a sickening reminder of just how badly I messed up last summer. I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that Abbi’s distant toward me, acting like we didn’t share a sexy weekend together, like we didn’t exchange some serious conversation, or that when she does look at me, there’re too many conflicting emotions she’s trying to lock down just under the surface.
I tune back in to whatever my sister is saying. “For dinner.”
“Huh?” I ask.
She sighs. “Robbie’s up for a promotion.”
“Right,” I say, remembering that my brother was angling for a promotion at the Philadelphia police department where he’s an officer.
“If he gets it, you can come for that dinner. It will be a happy occasion, a celebration, instead of all the depressing things our family’s been dealing with.”
“True.”
“And, I was saying, you should bring a woman.”
“A woman?” I snort.
“Don’t pretend to be a saint. I see the internet gossip.”
“You shouldn’t read that shit. And these women are only for a one-night thing if you get what I’m saying.”
My sister swears at me. “Mama and Jenni raised you better than that.”
Her words cause my stomach to ache. She’s right; they did. But, they also didn’t have to step up for everyone else all the time to know how impossible it is for me to have a real relationship. “I’ll be there. No woman.” I shut it down.
“One of these days, Luca…”
“On that note, I’ll let you go.”
My sister laughs. “Call Nikki. Valentina has bronchitis and—”
“I ordered her new inhaler.”
“That was nice of you. We don’t say it enough, big brother, but we couldn’t do it all without you.”
“It’s nothing,” I say, the thread of shame in her voice tugging at my heart.
I’m one of five kids and, other than my brother Ricky who is serving in the Army and stationed in Texas, I’m the only one to leave Philadelphia and financially level up. There’s not a damn thing I wouldn’t do for my family and I hate when they make it seem like they couldn’t live without me. Because they’re all smart, resilient, hardworking people. It’s just that I can guard a hockey goal better and that’s not exactly the noble, awe-inspiring job they make it out to be.
“Talk to you later, Jus,” I say.
“Love you, Luca.”
“Me too.” I end the call and move to toss it onto the kitchen island.
Before I do, my attention snags on a new message.
Noah: Hey, New BHH outreach is having its first event in two weeks. Signed you up.
Of course he did. As much as I want to be involved in the team’s new initiative to bolster hockey participation among Boston’s youth, will my presence ruin Abbi’s kick-off? Will she even want me there?
Noah: Also, pizza and video games at my place tonight? Indy’s got a girls’ dinner. I’ve got Emmaline. Come through.
Me: Okay. See you in a bit.
A swell of gratitude toward Noah stamps out some of my previous annoyance. He’s a good dude, super inclusive, and has reached out several times since Pop’s heart attack. Since I’ve been spending so much time in Philly, I’ve barely kicked it with the guys unless it’s right after an away game and we grab a bite.
Besides, now that Noah’s a dad, he’s been trying to watch the baby more when we’re not traveling so Indy can have a social life. What that means is he usually employs the rest of us in babysitting duties with promises of pizza, wings, and beer. Clearly, it works.
And, Justine’s right. I do need to keep living my life. It doesn’t mean I’m not putting my family first. I’ll still drop everything to show up for them and they know it.
I take a quick shower and tug on some ripped jeans and a sweater. Swiping my winter coat, I head over to Noah’s.
I knock on the door to his and Indy’s ridiculously cramped tenement apartment and shuffle back a full step when Abbi Walsh greets me.
When she sees me, her smile dims. “Hey.”
“Hi,” I say, placing my hand in the center of the door so she can’t slam it in my face.
She narrows her eyes. “You coming in?” She moves to the side.
I sigh and study her, noting the smudges under her eyes. She’s exhausted. What the hell happened the other day at The Meadows? Is she in trouble? “How’ve you been?” I ask slowly, wondering if she’ll give me an inch.
Abbi rolls her eyes and I press my lips together, both annoyed and impressed that she won’t even give a damn millimeter. “Fine. You?”
“Abbi, look—”
“It’s fine,” she cuts me off, having no idea what I was even going to say. And it’s obviously not fine since the look in her eyes could rival a dragon’s.
“Noah signed me up for your first event,” I blurt out.
She nods. “I saw. You coming?”
“You want me to?” The last thing I want to do is make her nervous or uncertain about her first event. I’m not trying to throw her off her game.
Her expression softens slightly. “Of course. I want what’s best for the kids, for the program.”
“Then I’ll be there.” It seems like a truce of sorts but in the next instant, she turns away and I’m not so sure.
I follow her into the apartment, slapping greetings with the guys and saying what’s up to Indy and Chloe.
“I just ordered pizza and wings,” Noah informs me, tossing me a beer.
“Where’s East?” I ask, referencing Noah’s brother and one of our wingers.
“He’s in a meeting. He’ll swing by afterwards,” Austin explains. “Yaeger and Sims are coming through too.”
I nod. I’ve been really proud of Easton Scotch for turning his life around. After his second stint in rehab, and finding something special with Claire Merrick, he’s got a good thing going.
“Claire?” I ask, looking around. No way the girls are going out to dinner without the life of the party.
“We’re going to pick her up.” Indy flicks a wrist. “She still refuses to buy a car but I think it’s just so she never has to be DD.”
I grin and Abbi laughs, the sound causing me to look at her again.
Her eyes are that same marble swirl but she looks happy and even though it shouldn’t matter, it makes me happy to see her here, among friends, smiling.
“I got it!” Indy snaps her fingers and points at Abbi.
“Got what?” Chloe asks, placing her phone in her purse.
“Aiden,” Indy states.
Austin swears under his breath.
“He’s perfect,” Indy continues, oblivious to Chloe’s wide eyes and Austin’s sharp look. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner.”
“Think of what?” Noah asks, turning to glance at his girl.
“A man for Abbi!” she announces, excitement and exasperation in her tone.
Austin’s neck snaps in my direction and then Abbi’s.
My body locks down and a sick feeling explodes in my stomach. Fuck. Abbi’s thinking of dating? I mean, of course she is. Why the hell shouldn’t she?
But when we hooked up, there was that mess with…what’s his name? Phil. Yep, that’s it. Guess she kicked him to the curb. The realization makes me happy for about point two seconds before Indy’s words sink in. Abbi Walsh is single and ready to get back out there.
I turn to look at her but she avoids my gaze. “Who’s Aiden?” I ask.
“My best friend,” Indy says. A cry sounds through the baby monitor and she makes a face. “That’s our cue, ladies. I’ll tell you about him over dinner.” She passes Abbi her coat.
Abbi shrugs into it and I try not to stare. But it’s hard because she looks hot. Real hot. Skintight leather leggings, a cropped maroon sweater, and sexy-ass boots that fold over her knee. Her coat is camel colored and cashmere. She pulls her long hair out of the back of her coat and I nearly groan as the scent of her shampoo, sweet vanilla, floats my way.
Why the hell does she look so good for girls’ night? Does she have plans afterwards? Plans with a guy?
Jealousy swirls in my stomach.
“Baby, can’t you change her before you go?” Noah asks Indy, pointing at the screen of the baby monitor where Emmaline turns in her crib.
Indy laughs and kisses Noah on the cheek. “Don’t wait up.”
Noah groans as Austin, Chloe, and Abbi chuckle.
But I don’t laugh because I feel like fucking screaming.
I’m sorry! Don’t you see it’s better this way? You deserve more than I can offer.
Instead, I ignore Abbi completely as she stalks past me toward the door. Her scent wafts over me, the heat of her body ripples over mine, and then she’s gone.
Austin cuts me a sharp look but doesn’t say anything. When Noah reenters the room with baby Emmaline, I’m grateful as hell that no one besides Chloe and Austin know what transpired between Abbi and me over the summer.
The last thing I need is the team getting on my case for treating Abbi like shit. Because it’s clear that they already like her. The way she answered Noah and Indy’s door like they’ve been friends for ages, the way Yaeger stepped up for her in the hallway last week, are little signs that if my teammates knew the truth, they’d think I’m an asshole.
I’ve never tangled up with a Hawks employee before. And definitely not with a girl in the group’s inner circle. Right now, Abbi Walsh is both. If I needed more reasons to stay away, I just found them.