Every Other Memory by Kaylee Ryan
Chapter 6
Trevin
The sound of a crying baby jolts me from sleep. Sitting up on the couch, I lift my arms over my head, stretching out the kinks. A quick glance around the room in my sleepy haze, it takes me a minute to remember where I am.
Cadence.
Hazel.
My girls.
Crying. Something’s wrong.
On my feet, I rush down the small hall and peek into her room. Her crib is empty but what I see just about brings me to my knees. Cadence is sitting in the white rocking chair in the corner of the room, Hazel in her arms. It’s not the two of them together, sitting in that chair, that’s affecting me, well it is, but not as much as the short shorts and sheer tank that Cadence is wearing. Or the fact that her full breast is bared as she feeds our daughter.
I don’t know if there are protocols for this kind of thing, but I need to be close to them. Both of them. My feet carry me quietly into the room, and I don’t stop until I’m standing beside the chair. I lower myself to the floor and reach out, offering Hazel my finger. My little girl looks at me through sleepy eyes, but her grip on my digit is tight. Not just my finger, but my heart. If you told me a week ago that this little girl would steal my heart in a matter of seconds, I would have told you that you were fucking crazy. Now, as I sit here on my daughter’s bedroom floor with her tiny hand wrapped around my finger and my heart, watching her eat from her mother’s breast, I know better.
This is love.
Is it possible for my heart to be too big for my chest? I feel as though it could explode at any second as I watch the two of them together. “She’s hungry,” I say, my voice thick.
“Yeah. We’re still working on the sleeping through the night thing,” Cadence replies, her voice soft. “She’s done it a few times, but this little stinker loves to eat.”
“I should have let you feed her,” I say, as the guilt washes over me.
“What? No, she would have done this if I would have breastfed her. She’s a little piglet.” There’s nothing but love in her eyes as she glances down at our daughter. “You’ll get it figured out, won’t you, baby girl?” she asks Hazel, with a small grin tilting her lips.
The room is lit with a faint glow of a small pink teddy bear lamp sitting on the dresser. It’s just enough for me to make out the features of the mother of my child. She’s beautiful. More beautiful than my memories painted her to be. Right here, in her tiny pajamas, her hair a mess, her eyes tired, and her breast bared as she gives our daughter the nutrients she needs to thrive, she’s never looked more beautiful. I know that in this lifetime, there will never be a moment that I will think that she looks better than she does right here. Right now.
I need to touch her.
Reaching out with my hand that’s not occupied by our daughter, I rest my palm on her bare thigh, tracing small circles with my thumb. Our eyes meet, and that same electric current ignites between us. The same one that was there that night in the club. The same current that led us to a hotel room for a night of passion that changed me.
No words are exchanged, but none are needed. I can see it in her eyes. They’re hooded, and the sleep is replaced with desire, and if I’m not mistaken, need. I see it in the way she shifts her position in the chair. She wants me.
I want her.
It’s as simple as that. I can’t explain it, and I don’t want to. Never in my life have I met a woman who affects me as Cadence does. I don’t know what it means, and tonight, right now, I don’t care. All I can think about is tucking our daughter safe into her crib and getting my hands and mouth on Cadence.
All. Over. Her.
I don’t have to wonder if she wants the same thing because when my eyes meet hers, her breath hitches. My cock stirs as the memories of our time together replay in my mind. This is nothing new for me. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve taken matters into my own hands, literally, at the memory of that night. Now, here she is sitting before me with a piece of the two of us in her arms.
With each passing minute, the anger fades, and something else takes its place. That something causes a flutter in my chest. I’m as much to blame as she is. “We used protection,” I say out loud. “That night, we used protection.”
“We did. Every time.”
“Then how did we get this little angel?” I ask, nodding toward Hazel, whose eyes are growing heavy as her belly gets full.
“Condoms are not 100 percent effective.”
“Were you not on the pill?” I realize as I ask the question that we should have had this conversation that night, but I was too wrapped up in her and the indescribable connection to worry about the specifics. I suited up. I thought we were good. “Sorry,” I say when I realize how my question sounded. “I’m just thinking out loud. I don’t blame you, Cadence.” Her name rolls off my tongue like a caress.
“No. I’m not on the pill,” she answers. “I wasn’t sleeping with anyone. I hadn’t,” she adds, and I kid you not, my cock aches at the memory of knowing that I’m the only man who’s ever been inside of her. Well, I was the first.
“And now?”
“No. I’m not— I mean, Hazel is my priority.”
“Has there been anyone since me?” I toss the question out there. Partly because I’m curious, and the other part knows that not knowing will eat me alive until I have the answer.
“No.” Her voice is barely audible, but in the silence of the room, I hear her loud and clear. “W-What about you?”
“No. However, that’s not from my lack of trying. I tried random hookups a few times and never made it past a kiss or two. They didn’t taste like you,” I say, leaning in and pressing my lips to her bare thigh. “They didn’t smell like you. You’ve ruined me.” There hasn’t been a woman in my life who could compare to her since that night. Hell, there has never in my life been a woman who has compared to her, and I know as I sit here looking up at her, that there never will.
“I need to lay her down,” she says. Her voice is soft, but I still hear the vulnerability as she speaks. We’re both on a road less traveled. We’ve made it to the fork in the road, and we need to decide our path.
I watch as she stands with our daughter in her arms and carries her to her crib. She places her back on the small mattress and quickly covers herself, much to my dismay. My eyes are glued to Cadence as I watch her kiss the tips of her index and middle fingers and place them on our daughter’s forehead.
“Mommy and Daddy love you,” she whispers, and my heart stops.
“C-Cadence?” She turns to look at me. “Do—” I swallow hard. “Do you tell her that every night?”
“Tell her what?” She tilts her head to the side, and I want nothing more than to trace the slender column of her neck with my lips, but I need to hear her answer first.
“That Mommy and Daddy love her.”
“Oh.” She places her hand over her mouth, and tears well in her eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s a habit, and I know you can tell her now on your own, but I wanted her to know that she was loved, and I knew… something in my gut told me that if you knew about her, you would be in her life, and well, I didn’t have the best childhood. I never wanted her to wonder if she was loved.” She opens her mouth to say something else, but I’m faster. My hand slides behind her neck, and I pull her lips to mine. I kiss her hard as the emotions of her confession wash over me.
At this moment, with our lips pressed together, there is no time between us. No missed moments. It’s just the two of us and the passion that we can’t deny. It doesn’t matter that she left, and it doesn’t matter that I should have told her that it meant more to me than just a night of fun. We’ve both made mistakes, but I don’t want to live in the past. I want to live in the present, with a future that involves the two of us and our baby girl. It’s as if no time has passed as our tongues collide.
“I want you,” I whisper against her lips.
“Bedroom.”
Not needing any further invitation, I lift her in my arms and carry her across the hall to her bedroom. As soon as her feet hit the floor, she’s raising her arms in the air. I waste no time pulling the small tank over her head, allowing her full breasts to spill out. My mouth waters needing them in my mouth. Bending my head, I suck one hard nipple gently into my mouth. Cadence moans, burying her hands in my hair. With the pad of my thumb, I trace the other, giving it equal attention.
“That’s good,” she moans. “So sensitive.”
“Am I hurting you?” I pull back just far enough to ask.
“No. No. No, don’t stop,” she says, panicked.
“Don’t worry, baby. I’m just getting started,” I assure her, before dropping to my knees and helping her out of the tiny boy shorts she’s wearing.
“Trevin.” There’s something in her voice that has me looking up at her, giving her my full attention. “I’m not— I mean my body. It’s different now,” she says with a wobble of worry in her voice. From the glow of the bedside lamp, I can see the rosy color of embarrassment on her cheeks. Then again, that might be desire. I can’t be sure.
My lips kiss just above her pelvic bone over the pale red stretch mark. “You mean the body that grew and created our daughter? The body that gave her life and still nurtures her. Your body is different, Cadence, but it’s sexy as fuck. I wish I could have seen you. I wish I could have cradled Hazel when she rested here.” My hand roams over her belly. “I wish I could have seen your body grow and change with our daughter.” Resting my forehead against her belly, I wrap my arms around Cadence and hold her tight. The enormity of what I’ve missed catches up to me. Those are memories I’ll never have.
I won’t let the same mistake happen twice. We were both responsible for our pasts, but we are the ones who decide our future. I’m determined never to miss another chance for a memory with either of them. I feel her hands in my hair, and when I peer up at her, I see the silent tears rolling down her cheeks. The sight breaks my heart open. I need her to know, need her to understand that I’m in this. That I’m not going anywhere, and if I do, they’re coming with me.
Standing, I cradle her face in the palm of my hands. “I’m here, Cadence. I’m here, and this is exactly where I want to be. I’m not leaving you. I’m not leaving her. I don’t know what that looks like. There are so many things that we’re going to have to work out, but I want you.” I stare deep into her eyes, willing her to believe me. “I want both of you.”
Moving to stand on the tip of her toes, she presses her lips to mine. I can taste the saltiness of her tears, but that doesn’t stop me from tracing her lips with my tongue. I could kiss her like this every day for the rest of my life, and it wouldn’t be enough. No amount of time with her will ever be enough. When we finally come up for air, I grip her hips and toss her on the bed. She bounces a few times as the sound of her laughter fills the room.
“Is she a light sleeper?” I ask.
“Not at all. I read a book that said to keep doing normal household chores so that the baby will be used to sleeping through noises. We won’t wake her up.”
“Don’t move a muscle. I’ll be right back.” Rushing out of the room and down the hall, I grab my wallet from the coffee table and pull out the single condom that has been there for months. Not wasting time, I head back to her room and hold it up. “It’s been in my wallet for a few months.” I walk toward the lamp so that I can see the expiration date. “But it’s still good.”
Cadence shrugs. “It didn’t work out so well for us the first time.”
“What are you saying?”
“Just that they’re not 100 percent.”
“You telling me I can go bare?” I ask, my voice thick at the mere thought.
“Hazel isn’t ready for a sibling just yet.”
“But if it fails?”
She shrugs. “Then, she gets to be a big sister sooner than later.”
I nod. What I don’t say is that I would be perfectly fine with another baby. Fuck me. I want a house full of tiny humans that we create. I’m not a man who’s said he’s never getting married and didn’t want kids. I’ve just never found a woman I wanted to spend every day of forever with.
Until now.
Now I have two ladies in my life that I’m going to hold onto with everything I have and never let go. After ripping open the condom, I slide it over my length and climb onto the bed, settling where I belong—between her thighs. “We only have one. Unless….” I let the unfinished question hang between us.
“Then we’re going to have to make it count,” she says, draping her arms over my shoulders.
“We are definitely going to make it count.” My lips press to hers, and I do exactly that.
