Every Other Memory by Kaylee Ryan

Chapter 7

Cadence

A crash from somewhere in the apartment wakes me up. I still and listen but hear nothing. Glancing at the clock, I see it’s after eight, and I never sleep this late. Hazel never sleeps this late. Shit. Hazel. I jump out of bed and race to her room. She’s not there. A deep throaty voice comes from the living room, and I follow the sound. Last night comes rushing back to me. Trevin “Hazel Eyes” is here. I tug at the hem of his T-shirt that I’m wearing, and the memory of him moving inside me causes my body to heat.

My racing heart slows as my mind realizes that it’s Trevin in my apartment with our daughter. Peeking around the corner, I see him sitting on the couch with Hazel in his arms. He’s shirtless, wearing nothing but his boxer briefs, with a burp cloth tossed over his toned shoulder.

“Daddy’s not too good at this yet, pumpkin. You need to bear with me. I promise I’ll learn how to take care of you. I watched Mommy do this yesterday and I think I’ve got it.” He tests a small drop of the bottle on his wrist. “I read this online last night that I should test the temperature here. I guess if Mommy was feeding you, we wouldn’t have to worry about that.”

He offers Hazel her bottle, and she takes it without issue. I can hear her gulps from here. Trevin smiles down at her, and there is nothing but love in his eyes.

“Morning, beautiful,” he says, looking up at me. “You going to come and join us?” He nods to the empty cushion next to them on the couch.

I don’t waste any time walking further into the room to take the offered seat. “Hey, sweet girl.” I lean over and kiss my daughter on the forehead. I expect her to want me, but she just grins around her bottle and goes back to eating.

“I think she likes me.” Trevin smiles.

“I’d say she more than likes you. You’re her daddy. I think she knows that.”

“Really?” The insecurity in that one single word has me reassuring him.

“Absolutely. Babies are smart, and it helps that you treat her like she’s your world.”

“She is.” He looks over at me. “You both are.”

“Trev—” I start, but he stops me.

“No. Let me finish. That night, I wanted to wake up with you the next day and tell you I wanted to see you again. I knew that the one night was never enough. I didn’t know how we were going to make it happen, just that I wanted to. Sitting here with the two of you… the last twenty-four hours have been more than I could have hoped for. I want you in my life. I want to be in her life and in yours. I know it’s soon, but I feel it deep.”

“Sounds like a fairy tale.”

“It is, baby. It’s our fairy tale. I want to live it out with you.” He looks down at Hazel. “Regardless of what happens between us, I have some changes I need to make. I need to find a job and put my place on the market, find a new place here.”

“What? You’re just uprooting your life?”

“You’re here. She’s here. My family is here.”

“But your job, your life is in Lexington.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. My life is in the apartment. My girls.” He leans over and places a kiss on my temple. My heart skips a beat as I will his words to be true.

Before I can reply, there’s a knock at the door. Standing, I go to answer it. “Hey,” I greet Thea. I’m nervous standing before my best friend. How will my relationship with her brother affect our friendship? How will she react to actually being Hazel’s aunt, not just an honorary title we’ve given her?

She looks at Trevin’s shirt I’m wearing, that thankfully comes to just above my knees. “I see things went well,” she states.

“We’re a work in progress,” I tell her. That’s not exactly true, but this is his sister, and I don’t know what he wants her to know and not know. It’s difficult because she’s become one of my closest friends.

“We’re a family,” Trevin says from behind me.

I turn to look at him, and he’s standing with Hazel pressed against his chest and shoulder, rubbing her back.

“Come on, Trev, I don’t need to see all that.” Thea pretends to gag and shield her eyes from her brother. However, I didn’t miss the soft expression in her eyes at seeing him holding his daughter. Our daughter.

“Then don’t come knocking on my girl’s door first thing in the morning,” he fires back.

“Your girl, huh?” she asks, amused.

“My girls,” he corrects. He steps closer to me, and slides the arm not holding Hazel around my waist. I step into his embrace, loving the feel of being in his arms. Loving that we’re his girls.

“What are the two of you doing later? I thought we could maybe take the kids to the aquarium.”

“Babe?” Trevin looks to me.

“Um… yeah, if you want.”

“What time?” Trevin asks his sister.

“Around noon? That will be after morning naps, and both kids will have full bellies,” she comments.

“Good point,” I agree with her.

“We’ll meet you there,” Trevin says. “Now, let me get back to my family, and you need to get back to yours.”

“You do remember that I’m your sister, right?”

“Yes. And I love you, but I just got them, Thea.”

Tears well in Thea’s eyes. “I love you.” She leans in for a hug. “And you,” she says, turning to look at me once she’s released him. “How have I gone all this time and not realized it was my big brother?”

I too have tears in my eyes. “Because I didn’t have a name. I didn’t know where he was from, just that he was visiting.”

“But Hazel Eyes. I should have connected the dots.”

“Why would you? There are millions of men with hazel eyes.”

“Yeah,” she concedes. “You good?” From the soft tone of her voice, I know she’s not asking as my daughter’s aunt, but as my friend.

“We’re good.”

She turns and points at her brother. “Don’t be late.”

“Then leave so I can finish feeding my daughter and work on feeding her mother.” He wags his eyebrows, and Thea, although laughing, pretends to gag.

“I could have gone without that,” she says, opening the door and stepping into the hall.

“Love you, little sister,” Trevin says, closing the door. “I have to give her hell because she’s my little sister, but I’m so fucking glad that she was the one watching Hazel.”

“She’s amazing, and she’s been a huge help to me with Hazel. She was there for me while I was pregnant and during and after delivery. She and my best friend, Shelby. I couldn’t have done any of this without them.”

“I doubt that. You’re an amazing mother.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Bullshit. I see how happy Hazel is. She’s healthy, and you came right away yesterday. You’re the best momma this little angel could ask for. Her daddy too.”

“You got her?” I ask, changing the subject. I still feel a mound of guilt resting on my shoulders, that due to my actions, Hazel lost time with her daddy. Sure, she’ll never remember, but one day she’s going to ask why he was never in any of my pregnancy photos, or photos of her the first three months of her life. I’m going to have to answer for that. “I’m going to make us some breakfast.”

“I wanted to have you for breakfast.” He smirks.

“No condoms,” I remind him.

“Don’t need them for what I have planned.” The devilish smile tilting his lips tells me exactly what that is.

A shiver of anticipation races down my spine. “Real food first, and then we’ll see.”

Snaking an arm around my waist, he pulls me into him and presses his lips to mine. “It’s going to happen, baby. I promise you that.” He smacks my ass and struts back to the living room to finish giving Hazel the rest of her breakfast. I can’t help but wonder how this is my life.

* * *

It turns out I had a hard time pulling Trevin away from Hazel. He insisted he hold her while we ate our own breakfast. He played with her until she was too fussy to keep going. She was a handful as he tried to get her to sleep, but he insisted that he could do it. My mom instincts told me to just take her from him, but then I reminded myself that he is her father. More importantly, he’s here and wants to help take care of her. He wants to learn our routine, what she likes, and what she doesn’t. How do I get in the way of that?

“I have to admit,” Trevin says, coming back to the living after laying Hazel in her crib. “I wasn’t sure I was going to be successful at getting her to sleep.”

“She fights it sometimes. My guess is that she was having too much fun playing with you, and she didn’t want to miss it.”

“Yeah?” His eyes light up.

“Yes.”

“I love her, Cadence.” He shakes his head, and the look on his face tells me that he’s in disbelief. “I never thought—” He smiles. “She’s perfect.”

“She is. She’s such a good baby.”

“You’ve done an incredible job with her. Thank you. I know it was hard for you to do it all on your own. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for both of you.”

“It was unavoidable. The past is behind us.”

“Moving forward,” he says, offering me his hand. “I believe I made you a promise.”

“I’m not going to hold you to that. We really need to get ready.”

“We have time,” he says, not bothering to glance at the clock. His phone rings, and he grins when he looks at the screen. “Hey, Mom.”

I freeze when I hear the word “Mom” come out of his mouth. My attention is focused on him as I wait to see what’s going to happen. Will he tell her about Hazel? About me? My hands grip the hem of his T-shirt that I’m still wearing to keep from wringing them together. Will they hate me? Will they accept her? There are so many questions filtering through my mind.

“Oh, she did, did she?” He grins. “Yeah, I do have some news. Hold on, let me switch to video, and I’ll show you.”

I shriek and take off, running down the hall. His laughter follows me. “That was Cadence,” he explains. “She’s special.” I hear him tell his mother.

I’m in my bedroom with my ear pressed to the door. I’m not ashamed to be listening to his conversation. I would have remained out in the living room, but the last thing his mom needs to see when she meets me for the first time, via video or in person, is me in her son’s T-shirt sans bra, and my hair a mess from our lovemaking the night before.

That’s a hard pass for me.

I’m sure it’s going to be a hard-enough battle when she finds out I kept Hazel from him, even though it was beyond my control. I’m glad Thea understands the entire story. She knows how the night went down. I hate that she has the intimate details of my time with her brother, but at least she knew the story before he appeared back into my life.

“Mom, I need you to remain calm and not scream or cry. You have to be quiet when I show you what I’m about to show you,” he says. I hear Hazel’s bedroom door open. His voice trails off, and that won’t do. I need to hear her response.

As quietly as possible, I open the bedroom door and sneak out into the hall and stand just outside Hazel’s door.

“Mom, I’d like for you to meet your granddaughter. Her name is Hazel.”

The sound of a female gasp hits my ears. “Trevin, explain that gorgeous little girl to me,” his mom says, her voice cracking.

“Cadence, that’s her mom. She and I met over a year ago. It was a night I’ll never forget, and it gave us Hazel.”

“Your dream girl?” she asks. My eyes widen at his mother’s knowledge of our night together.

“That’s her.”

“How did you find her? Does she know that you looked for her? Oh, honey,” his mom murmurs.

“I’m moving home, Ma,” he says. “I need to be here for my girls.” Butterflies take flight, and emotion clogs my throat. It’s as if it’s real now that he’s telling his mother.

“What about your job?”

“I’m going to call Grant Riggins on Monday and tell him. Maybe they have a spot here for me at the Indy location? I’m not sure, and right now, I can’t find it in me to care. I can’t walk away from them. I won’t.” There’s conviction in his voice that threatens to take my breath away.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and slide to the floor, burying my face in my hands. It’s too much. Too many emotions are running through me. Regret that I ran scared, happiness for my daughter who has a father who loves her and is willing to uproot his life to be with her, and then there is this flutter in my chest that’s always there when I think about him. The him from my past, and the him from the present. I feel this deep-rooted connection with him that scares the hell out of me. I’ve never had someone who stuck around. No one except for Shelby, and well, Thea if you count the last year.

My head jerks up when I feel his hand on my shoulder. Trevin is crouching in front of me, a look of worry on his handsome face. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I smile, wiping at my cheeks.

“It’s something.”

“You’re really moving here?”

“Of course, I am. I told you that.”

“I know, but I—” I stop speaking. He doesn’t need me to lay my shit life on him right now.

“Come on.” He stands and offers me his hand. I take it and let him pull me to my feet. He leads us into my bedroom and motions for me to climb into bed. Too exhausted to argue, I do as he asks. “Now, tell me. Don’t hold back with me, Cadence. We know what happens when we do that. Nothing but truth between us from here on out. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I lost my parents when I was young. Well, my mom. I guess my dad was never around, at least that’s what I’ve read in my file. My mom was addicted to drugs. She overdosed when I was six. I went into the foster care system, and was bounced around from home to home. When I was about nine I landed with a family that stuck. They were good to me, but not overly loving. They made sure I had food, clean clothes that fit, and everything I needed, they were just emotionally detached. When I turned eighteen, they allowed me to stay with them until I could move into my college dorm and that was it. Shelby, my best friend, was my roommate my freshman year and we’ve been close ever since. She’s been my person until I met Thea when I moved here about a year ago.”

“I’m sorry,” he says softly.

“I don’t want you to be sorry for me. I just— To hear you say you’re staying and then tell your mom the same thing, it just kind of hit me that Hazel is going to have both parents. That you’re a man of your word, and that she’s not going to grow up like I did. She’s going to have two parents who love her, an aunt who she already adores, and grandparents,” I say, choking on the word. “She’s going to have a real family. Something I never had.”

“It’s not just her, Cadence. It’s you too. You’re her mother. My family is your family. You’re my family.” He leans in close and kisses the corner of my mouth. “I’m not letting you leave me again,” he says, pulling me into his arms.

We lie together, holding onto one another as his words filter through my mind. I know we need to start getting ready for the day, but I never want to leave his arms, or this apartment where, for the time being, he’s not just a memory, he’s all mine.

All ours.