Sinful Kisses by Emily Bowie
CHAPTER 2
“Hey, pretty girl.” A heavy arm is held stiffly and awkwardly around my shoulders. Momentarily, I freeze, not recognizing my fiancé’s touch before my body relaxes. His arm is slung unnaturally, and his presence feels withdrawn.
I tilt my head up, smiling into his deep blue eyes. Alfonso and I have been engaged since the day I was born. I’m one of the lucky ones. He’s my best friend, and I have always loved him.
My life is perfect. I’m the youngest daughter of Nicoli Rossi, the most powerful, ruthless Don in the Cosa Nostra. I can do whatever I please. No one tells me no, because of who my father is. If anyone causes me problems, they have to deal with my father and Alfonso. While my older sisters get stipulations placed on them, I’m forgotten about, allowed freedoms they never had the luxury of.
“Hi, yourself, handsome.” Going up on my tippy toes, I brush my lips over his, only to have him pull away. “What’s wrong?” Hesitation and unease settle in my stomach.
“Your father is watching us out the window.” Alfonso tilts his head toward my father before brushing my dark hair behind my ears. It might look like a sweet and loving gesture, but it sends a chill down my spine.
Alfonso has a telling sign when he lies. He brushes my hair with his fingers, or he winks. My heart does a double beat before it calms. I can’t figure out what he’s hiding. What would make him lie to me? He’s never been one for public displays of affection, but this has nothing to do with it. Alfonso has always been a gentleman, making sure I’m comfortable. I’ve always been the one pushing for us to do more. He’s that sweet and has always cared about taking things slow.
The thing is, Alfonso and I get along so well we never fight. We’re that gut-sickening couple who are always on the same page. We can read each other’s thoughts with a single look. I find it frustrating when he hides what he’s thinking from me. And right now, he’s doing just that. I can’t get a read on him like I normally do.
He’s been trying to pick arguments. Yes, everyone fights; it’s human nature. But we don’t. I’m worried about what it all means.
“My father has been talking about us setting a wedding date,” I casually add. I turned eighteen six months ago. I’ve been pushing for us to set a date. Once we’re married, I’ll be able to relax. I won’t have silly thoughts that Alfonso is hiding something from me. Marriage will make us go back to our normal.
“You’re still so young, Gia. We have our entire lives.” He kisses my lips and gives me a wink.
Before this year, we talked about our future all the time. We both wanted to get married sooner rather than later. When I was sixteen, we tried to convince my father to allow us to. But our mothers decided we should wait until I was eighteen. Well, I’m nearing nineteen, and Alfonso no longer talks about marrying me.
“Do you love me?” I study him. My pulse speeds up as he considers my question.
“I’ve always loved you.” He’s telling the truth. But why do I feel like crying?
“What are you hiding from me?” It comes out more like a plea. My blood whooshes in my ears, blocking out all sounds but him.
He sighs deeply, running his fingers through his thick hair. “I don’t want to fight with you today, Gia.”
“Alfonso, I know every part of you. Why can’t you trust me with what you’re keeping secret?”
“Can’t my love be enough?”
I’m weak. I don’t want to fight either. Or maybe I fear the truth. Like every other time we’ve had this conversation lately, I give my rehearsed answer. “For today it is.”
Alfonso glances back up to the window my father was looking through. “I need to speak with your father.” He places a kiss on my cheek.
He removes his hand from my shoulder, and a deep coldness sweeps into my heart. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not this insecure girl. But why am I acting like one? I watch Alfonso’s back as he walks farther away from me and into the house.
I hear laughter behind me, and I turn around to see my sister Katrina is standing right there. She’s chuckling so hard, tears run down her face. Glaring at her, I cross my arms over my chest. “What’s your problem?”
Katrina has been fighting off a drug addiction. She’s always had a wild streak in her, but lately, she’s become plain old mean. It wasn’t long ago she thought she loved my oldest sister’s fiancé. Could she be fixated on mine now?
“You can’t see it, can you?”
My heartbeat ricochets through my chest. I glance around, trying not to let her get to me. She and I are the only ones on our lawn. I frown, unsure where she’s going with this conversation. It feels anything but friendly. “Katrina, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Are you high?”
She laughs more, and I’m left standing awkwardly.
“Gia, you’re so caught up in yourself you refuse to see anything that doesn’t fit into your perfect life.”
“Stop talking in riddles.” We eye each other. My sister is looking like she hates me. No one hates me. I make an effort to be nice to everyone. My fist curls, and I can feel my nails digging into my skin. I keep my face expressionless, even though I’m hurting on the inside.
“Oh no. This will be more fun to watch it play out.”
The sad part is I believe something is up. And I’m terrified of what it is. “You know, if you weren’t such a bitch, you might have a marriage proposal.”
“I can see tears in your eyes. Deep down, you know what I’m talking about.” She gives me an evil smile. “Trust me, you couldn’t pay me to have a relationship like yours.”
I want to scream and pull her hair. But I don’t move. Instead, I can’t stop the sad smile I give her. “Careful, you keep this attitude up, and no one will love you.” I pause, wishing I could take back those words. Tomorrow, I’ll apologize.
“Just remember—the higher the pedestal, the harder the fall,” she says, walking away, dismissing me like I’m an annoying bug. I love and hate my sister like only family can. No matter what, I’ll always have her back.
I head into our family’s mansion, nodding to the guard on duty. Ours is warring with another mafia family. These are uncertain times, and I try not to think too hard about it. The thought scares me. I worry about the safety of the people I love. They mean everything to me. I can’t imagine my life without them.
Our house smells of fresh bread and garlic. My mother cooks more often when she’s concerned, and she’s been wearing her nursing apron—the one she puts on when she needs to stitch people up.
I stand in the middle of our house. I watch some of my father’s men walk in, heading toward his office. They greet me with a nod. My body is anxious, needing to do something. My fingers fidget with each other. I could go in and cook with my mother. Each week for the last year, I’ve been practicing cooking a new family recipe. I want to cook well for Alfonso when we get married. It’s the best way to show your love. My eyes dart toward the kitchen, considering the thought, but I don’t want the company.
Going through the house, I walk out to our outdoor pool and go on to the green space behind it. I begin with stretching before I do my old high school tumbling routine. Running, I do a round-off, going into a back walkover. I focus on my body, leaving my stress behind. When I twist my body, I feel free. I control how I move. I’m in control of everything when I’m tumbling.
My body twists in the air with an aerial, landing perfectly. I slip down into the splits before I stretch my body to the ground. My brow is damp, and I’m breathing hard by this time.
Clapping has me lifting my head. Alfonso walks toward me with a soft smile. “We need to take a walk.” His tone is serious, and he’s trying hard to mask it with his smile.
My body trembles, my limbs tired and sore. Each muscle fights, not wanting to get up. It’s almost as if they know something I don’t. The hot perspiration that dampened my skin turns cold.
Alfonso is towering over me, his hand out toward me. If I take his hand, we will never be the same. I can feel it deep in my bones.
“Please,” he mumbles.
I try to swallow the lump in my throat. I’m parched, and it feels impossible. My feet move together, and I reach my hand out to his. He pulls me up and doesn’t kiss me like he normally does. I fight hard to stop my body from shaking and unclasp our hands. He leads us toward my mother’s garden. It has high green walls, allowing for privacy.
When we reach it, Alfonso paces, worrying me further.
“Gia, I will always take care of you. You have been my best friend since we were in diapers.”
My hand rubs at the goose bumps peppering my arms. My lips are trembling, waiting for his next words. I watch his face; he’s looking as handsome as ever. He glances at me, and my heart hurts for him. I would do anything to make him happy.
“I have never lied when I said I love you.”
My eyes glisten, and I give a sad smile. Alfonso is my world. I want that life with him. I want to ask questions, but as soon as I open my mouth, I’ll start crying. Inhaling a deep breath, I try to be strong, wanting him to tell me what’s on his mind. I don’t want him to think of my feelings.
He blows out a breath. He stops in front of me, his hands coming to my shoulders before he removes them.
“I…,” he starts, but his words fall short.
My body shakes uncontrollably.
“I… I’ve been keeping a secret.”
My stomach sinks.
He’s running his hands through his hair as he fights to get what he wants to say out. I’ve never seen unshed tears in his eyes before.
“If you still want to marry me, Gia, I’ll marry you. Know I’ll take the blame if you don’t, but I will have to marry someone someday.”
“What are you so scared to tell me?” I ask, tears running down my face.
He visibly swallows. “I’m not attracted to girls how I ‘should’ be.” He doesn’t have to say anymore. I know. It’s like everything clicks into place. He tries to continue, “You know how this lifestyle is….” His eyes are pleading with me to understand, unsure how I’m going to react to the news that the man I’m to marry can never love me in the same way I love him.
Being different isn’t allowed in the mafia. Being gay is unheard of. Everyone is straight—or so they claim. I fear what they might do if anyone found out.
“You can’t love me how I love you,” I state.
He nods, wrapping his arms around me. “I’ve never been unfaithful to you, Gia. I just want permission to live my life.”
“How are you going to do that?” I sniffle. My heart is breaking for the two of us. Alfonso will be forced to live a secret life, while the future I planned for is gone.
“I have my way, but no one will know.”
“You still plan to marry a girl?”
He casts me a sad smile. “Yes. There would be too many questions if I don’t.”
His statement hurts on so many levels. I hate he has to hide who he is. I hate the other woman who gets to have the cover of the life I wanted. I hate he can’t love me in the same way I love him.
“Would you still marry me?”
Alfonso keeps me on his muscular chest. “You deserve someone better than me, Gia. I don’t want to take that chance away from you. I love you like a sister. But I also know how you get when you have your mind made up. You’re very stubborn. If marriage is what you honestly want, then yes, I will marry you.” He sighs out, “I’m just scared that if we marry, you will hate me for it one day.”
Alfonso steps away, guilt plaguing his eyes. His truth has a steep price in the mafia world, and all I want to do is comfort him. I’ve wanted to marry Alfonso for as long as I can remember. I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. But my mind keeps circling back to his words. Would I resent him if we married?
I fight my tears, hating that I’m thinking about my world being turned upside down. It seems selfish that I’m worried about myself, when it is Alfonso who is brave enough to tell me the truth. As much as I would love to marry my best friend, I can’t. He already knew that. Alfonso knows me better than anyone. I lower myself to the ground.
“We’ll break up tonight. You’ll make a scene, and I’ll take all the blame.”
“Can’t we just tell people we broke up?” I ask, a little uneasy.
His hand cups my cheek as he comes down to my level. “No. It has to be something big enough that your father will allow you out of the marriage.”
I silently cry for the two of us. At least this way my father won’t suspect anything. I’ve always felt I was my father’s favorite. He’ll let me marry someone I love, as long as he approves. Meaning—only if they have ties in the mafia. I need to show him the advantage of the new change in plans.