Pretend Love Romance by Penny Wylder
AJ
My eyes are still closed, but I can smell her, that light, warm scent of clean linens, lemon, honey, sugar, vanilla. All of the good things in life. The scent is faint, overlaid by antiseptic, and that sort of Band-Aid scent all hospitals seem to have, but she’s here. I know it. I can hear her too, now, her low, beautiful voice sounding serious and technical. She’s going to take care of me. She’s going to keep me safe. That sense of security lulls me back into a deep sleep.
* * *
When I wake up again I’m not sure if it’s been minutes or hours. I can feel her this time. A hand is resting on mine. I squeeze it. She says something in that beautiful, soothing voice of hers, but I’m not sure what she says. I’m already slipping under again. My mind only seems to have the strength to wake for a moment, long enough to know that Claire is still with me. That familiar darkness surrounds me again.
* * *
Again, I’m not sure how long it’s been when I wake. A day, maybe? The light is different. It comes through the window in a solid, blinding sheet. The kind of brightness that only comes from morning. My eyes are bleary, caked with sleep. Forcing them to fully open, I look around until I find her. Claire is curled up with a white hospital sheet. There’s a dog-eared romance novel on a side table and a can of diet root beer beside it. Her shoes are off, the toes of her striped socks stick out from the blanket. Her light snores are music to my ears.
I try to say her name but the sound is nothing more than a dry puff of air. My tongue is like a piece of overbaked bread. I don’t think I’ve ever been this thirsty in all my life. I try to call to her again. This time a rasp of sound barely croaks out.
She sits up abruptly, and groggily looks around until finding me. It takes her a moment to wipe the sleep from her eyes. She blinks several times until her gaze seems to focus.
She hits me with rapid fire questions. “How’s your leg?”
“It’s fine. Numb, I think.”
“What’s your pain level?”
“Five.”
“Can you move your toes?”
I demonstrate by giving them a wiggle beneath the blanket.
She lets out a sigh of relief and gets up. There’s a carafe of water beside my bed that I hadn’t seen. She pours some into a plastic cup with a bent straw and brings it to my lips. I don’t think water has ever tasted this good. I chug it greedily until my mouth feels hydrated enough to work properly.
My voice is back to its old self when I ask, “I need you to give me the news straight.”
“The damage wasn’t nearly as bad as I initially thought. You’ll walk again.” Her mouth curves into a frown and my stomach sinks. “But AJ, I hate to have to tell you this, your days of playing football are over, I’m afraid.”
Though it’s not the news I wanted to hear, I already knew my days on the field were numbered. It was just a matter of time.
I sigh. “I had a feeling. I knew the moment that kid hit me that my time had come.”
My eyes start to blur again, but this time with tears. They come sudden and unexpected. Even though I was expecting this result, it doesn’t hurt any less. My whole life has been about this game. Now it’s over.
A few tears slide down my cheek. I wipe them away and glance at Claire to see if she saw them. I’m surprised to find her crying as well.
I reach out to her. She climbs into the bed beside me, careful of my leg and careful not to disturb the different tubes and wires stuck to me.
As soon as she wraps her arms around me, I lose control. I’m weeping all of my pain and loss and disappointment into her hair. My future is stretched out before me, and for the first time in my life, football isn’t a part of it. I don’t know who I am without it. I feel lost. Knowing that mine and Claire’s fake engagement will soon come to an end, I’ll have nothing.
I squeeze her. Maybe a little too hard. I hear the breath rush from her lungs. But she doesn’t protest or try to pull away. I just need to hold her right now. This moment is all I have left of her and I want to keep it with me for as long as I can, memorizing the smell of her, the feel of her skin, the way just being in her presence makes everything better. She clings to me just as hard as if she might be doing the same thing. But I know she’s not. She’s ready to get out from under the spotlight so she can have her life back. With this career-ending injury, I’ll soon be just another retired pro. The public focus will shift to some up and coming rookie, possibly the one who ended me. And Claire will be able to step away, into the shadows without anyone noticing. Except for me.
“Stay with me,” I say in a last ditch effort to hold onto this dream of us that I’ve held onto for so long.
“Always,” she says.
The shock of her words hardly register before she’s kissing me. I kiss her back, pouring every ounce of love I have for her into it. There’s no mistaking the love she gives back.
