More Than This by Dominique Wolf

CHAPTER 27:

Giovanni

H

ours later I woke to the sound of the credits rolling from the movie we had just fallen asleep to. We spent the rest of the day keeping things fairly mundane. We kept the conversation light except for when we delved into the situation with my parents. I didn't know how to process the information, but apart of me knew that I had to accept the fact that the family I once knew was now a fuck up. My parents couldn't continue running around, betraying each other like this. A part of me was saddened by their relationship. It didn't have to be that way. Their relationship brought up the underlying fear and insecurity I always had when it came to relationships at all. My failure to want to commit to anyone still lingered when I was reminded of theirs, but then I’d look at Isabella and remember all the reasons why it would work. She and I were meant to be together. I couldn’t shake that feeling. I believed that with every fiber of my being.

Eventually, we ordered some takeout and put on a bad movie. For the first time in weeks, things actually felt normal. We moved together like we always had and just having her here was what I needed. I immediately felt more at ease. I was better with her around.

She was asleep on the couch next to me and I soaked in her presence. I thought back to the kiss earlier. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I couldn't help myself. Her words were telling me that she didn't want me but her eyes were saying something different. I knew her and I knew when she wanted me, but it wasn't up to me now. Even after everything, she still chose to stay here with me so I would respect her choice to not want to do anything more.

The choice would always be up to her.

No matter how badly I wanted her, I would do anything just to have her in the same room with me, if that was all that was given to me. The alcohol had finally made its way out of my system and all that was left was the pounding headache I had become accustomed to. I slowly pushed myself off the couch and strolled over to the counter. I reached for some pain medicine and popped a couple pills into my hand. I walked over to the fridge and pulled it open, grabbing a bottle of water before closing it behind me. I leaned against the counter and downed the pills. I took another sip as I heard murmurs from where Isabella lay.

“Giovanni?” She murmured into the night.

“I'm here.” I walked over to the couch and leaned against it, looking down as she turned to face me.

She opened her eyes slightly and reached her hand out to me. “I miss you.”

“I'm right here, baby.”

I shouldn't have called her baby. I had no right to do that but it was just so natural to me. That's what she was to me.

She opened her eyes completely and I noticed the tears that stained her, now, red cheeks. “Not like that. I miss what we once were.”

My heart contracted at her words and the pain in my chest from the reminder of what we no longer had continued to ache. Her voice was laced with sadness and it tore me apart. I hated that I had caused her this pain. We were in this mess because I slept with Casey and I wanted nothing more than to go back in time and change what happened. If I had accepted early enough that what I was feeling for Isabella was real, I wouldn’t have fallen back into my old ways. I was angry at myself for fucking up the only good thing in my life.

Without letting go of her hand, I lifted my leg and climbed over the couch. I pulled her closer to me, her arms instinctively dropping across my torso and her head finding my chest.

“I miss you too, mi hermosa,” I murmured, bringing my lips against her hair.

A lump started to form in my throat and for the first time in a while, I felt the tears start to build up. I had really fucked up with her and yet, she was still here. She was still giving me the time of day and allowed me to have her in my arms. She didn't push me away. Instead, she held on tighter and I never wanted to let her go.

“You have to know that I never wanted this to happen,” I whispered.

“I know.”

“You are all I ever wanted.”

She sniffed and I felt her chest rise and fall as she cried into my chest. I pulled away enough to face her as she tilted her head back, her sad eyes meeting mine.

“Baby, no.” I brought my hand up to her face and wiped away her tears. “I don't want you to cry.”

She took a deep breath in and tightened her arms around me. It was well past midnight and the TV reached the timer I had on and automatically turned off. The only light was the moonlight peeping through the open curtains. What was I doing to myself? Having her here in my arms was all I ever wanted, but at what cost? Tomorrow morning she was going to leave and I was going to have to watch her walk away from me again. How many times was I going to put myself through that?

“I don't want you to cry because of me,” I murmured.

“It's not because of you, Gio. It's everything. I hate that we're in this situation.”

I leaned my head back. “Trust me, I hate it, too.”

We said nothing further. Instead, we lay in each other's arms and soaked in the last moments we could get with each other. I love her so much. I love that even though we weren't together, she spent the night with me because she knew I needed her. It was selfish of me to have asked her to do this, but she did, no questions asked. She let me rant about what I needed to get off my chest and she allowed me to be silent when I wished not to continue speaking about it. I had never met anyone like her. The most beautiful woman inside and out. She was compassionate and kind. She was everything I could have ever wanted in someone.

I pulled her closer to me and kissed her forehead. “You don't have to say it back, but you need to know that I love you, Isabella, and I always will.”

I didn't expect her to say anything in return. I had accepted that I would never hear those words from her mouth again.

She surprised me by whispering into the night, “I'll always love you too, Giovanni.”