More Than This by Dominique Wolf

CHAPTER 49:

Isabella

W

hy did you do that to yourself, Isabella?

I stood in the elevator of my apartment building being reprimanded by the voice in my head. I had pushed her to the far corners of my mind throughout my weekend with Giovanni, but now she was back in full force. I had convinced myself that it would be no problem to have another weekend rendezvous with him. It wouldn't be an issue at all because I'd be able to handle it.

Turns out I was very wrong about that.

It hurt more than before to pull myself away from him, especially after the weekend we just had. Every moment with him was like a dream, but now that I’ve woken up, I had to face reality. He was going to give me my space to figure out what I wanted to do next and now that I was away from him, my shattered heart reminded me of why I should never have put us through that in the first place. I was still the same broken woman I was the first time I found out about Casey's pregnancy. I was delusional to think that a weekend away was going to change the facts.

I unlocked my door and pushed it open, surprised to see Lorenzo seated at my kitchen counter.

“Lorenzo?” I gaped.

“Hi, Izzy.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked. “How did you even get in here?”

I dropped my bag by the entrance and closed the door behind me. I looked around, but there was no one else in sight.

“Reyna was just here. She told me you'd be back soon so she said I could wait here.”

I was completely caught off guard by his unexpected arrival. I didn't expect to see him and if I'm being honest, I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to see anyone. I just needed time to myself. He slipped off the barstool, but remained by the counter, standing awkwardly. I strolled into the kitchen and brought the kettle to boil.

“Coffee?” I offered.

“Yes, please.”

I grabbed two cups and placed them on the counter. My mind was swimming with so many thoughts but I couldn't get a handle on any of them. I leaned against the counter and looked over at him.

“Reyna said you went out of town this weekend,” he said casually.

I nodded, avoiding his gaze. I know I had no reason to feel bad, but I did. I felt guilty that I just spent the weekend with Giovanni and didn't even give Lorenzo a second thought. The last time I saw him, we didn't really leave things on a good note and he spent the whole weekend trying to get a hold of me. I had screwed up by letting him kiss me. I had probably given him the wrong impression and I didn't want that. I enjoyed Lorenzo's company, but it wasn't going to be the same now.

“I tried to get a hold of you.”

“I know, I'm sorry I never returned your calls. There was a lot going on.”

He flicked his eyes to meet mine. “Who did you go away with?”

I pulled my gaze away from him again. I didn't want to say it.

Lorenzo scoffed, forcing me to bring my gaze back up to his. My silence gave him the answer he needed.

“Are the two of you back together now?”

I shook my head.

“Then what are you doing, Isabella?” he asked.

A flicker of irritation flared inside of me at his question. It wasn't what he was asking me that annoyed me, it was the fact I didn't have an answer for him. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I sighed and reached for the coffee on the counter, attempting to distract myself from having to meet his eyes again.

“What are you doing here, Lorenzo?” I changed the subject.

“I needed to see you. I'm sorry about what happened the other day, I didn't mean to behave that way.”

“You don't need to apologize.”

“Yes, I do because that's the type of guy I am. I'll apologize when I do something wrong and learn from my mistakes.”

Why was he telling me this?

Before I could open my mouth to reply, he continued.

“I'm the type of guy who goes after what he wants and I know you don't want to hear this but if I don't tell you now, I'm going to regret this.”

He slipped off his stool and walked over to me, taking the coffee tin from my hands and placing it on the counter. He stepped closer to me, closing the proximity between us. My breath caught in my throat. He was so close to me now that I couldn’t help but breathe him in. He was looking at me with an intensity that made me nervous. His light brown eyes were the same kind eyes they had always been, but there was something more to them now. I watched as his eyes traveled down to reach my mouth.

“You deserve so much better, Isabella,” he murmured. “You deserve to be with someone who knows what he has when he has you.”

“Lorenz-”.

“I just need to say this once,” he interrupted me politely. “I could make you happy, Isabella. I know I could if you gave me a chance to.”

Why was he doing this now?First Nate and now Lorenzo. What the fuck was going on? I didn't want to hear any more confessions. I couldn't handle any more complications. I had so much I needed to figure out, I didn't need to add any more information to the mix.

“I haven't stopped thinking about you since the first night we met,” he said softly. “And I know I said I wouldn't do this, but I can't keep watching you run back to Giovanni.”

“I'm not running back to him.”

“You just spent the whole weekend with him.”

I swallowed and averted my eyes.

“You need to know that I have feelings for you, Isabella, and it's more than just friendship for me. It always has been and I know I could really fall for you.”

The voices in my head were groaning in frustration. I didn't ask anyone for declarations of their feelings and in the last couple of days, three different guys had expressed how they felt.

But my heart belonged to one.

He continued, “And I think you could fall for me too, if you gave yourself the chance.”

I had thought about that before. It briefly crossed my mind. I cared about Lorenzo and there was definitely an attraction but I couldn't give anyone else my heart. Not when Giovanni had a firm hold on it. No one would ever make me feel the way he did. He was everything I wanted.

“Lorenzo, I can't do this right now.” I pushed past him.

“Why not?” he retorted.

“Because I'm still in love with Giovanni,” I admitted and hung my head in defeat. “And I don't know what's going to happen with him and I.”

I watched his face fall at my words. I never wanted to hurt him - I never wanted to hurt anyone but I had to be honest. I wanted Lorenzo to be my friend, but I watched as he slowly started to slip away from me.

“You can't tell me you're thinking of getting back together with him,” he objected.

“I don't know!” I shouted. “I have no idea what I'm supposed to do right now.”

“Isabella, he got someone else pregnant.”

I rolled my eyes. “I am well aware.”

“Are you really going to be able to be a stepmother?”

“Don't ask me that,” I snapped.

“Why not?” he probed. “Are you prepared to stand by and watch while he and Casey raise a baby together? To always be the person on the outside looking in?”

A lump started to form in my throat at his words. This was everything I was afraid of feeling. I was too selfish to be on the sidelines. I was too selfish to come second to Casey and the baby but that's what was going to happen. Of course, Giovanni was going to put his child first. Any good parent would do that and I couldn't expect him not to be that way.

“I don't need this from you right now, Lorenzo.” I choked, the emotion catching in my throat.

“I'm not trying to upset you,” he softened his tone.

I brought my hands to cover my face as the tears started to spill over. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I was so frustrated with everything.

“Izzy,” Lorenzo murmured and walked over to me, pulling me into his arms. “Hey, it's okay.”

“No, it's not,” I cried. “None of this is okay.”

“You don't deserve to be hurt like this.” He tightened his arms around me. “I just want you to think about what will make you happy, Izzy. It doesn't feel like it right now, but you can be happy again.”

It was impossible to see how that could be true. My heart was shattered and all that was left was an empty hole in my chest. Giovanni walked into my life and everything changed. He was everything I didn't know I needed and I couldn't comprehend how I was supposed to let him go. I pulled myself away from Lorenzo as politely as I could and walked over to the counter. I wiped away the last of my tears and took a deep breath in. I didn't want to keep crying, especially not with an audience.

“Lorenzo, I'm sorry for everything that has happened and for dragging you into my mess.”

“Please don't apologize, I'm happy to be here for you.”

“But I can't give you what you want right now.” I met his gaze. “I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know that I still love Giovanni and it's up to me to decide what I'm going to do about that.”

He sighed. “You just deserve better than this.”