Cruel Surrender by Terri Anne Browning

Ciana

Bain jumpedto his feet as the bed was suddenly flooded with the rush of fluid, his face full of horror. “Your water broke?” he asked incredulously.

All I could do was nod as I tried to breathe through the lingering pain. Dr. Rose had come out to examine me just the day before. She’d said everything was looking great and that she didn’t foresee any issues keeping me from making it to the thirty-three–week goal that we thought would be the safest time to deliver the babies.

But I’d worked at New Hope long enough to know that surprises always popped up. Even when everything was moving smoothly, there was always the possibility of something happening.

“Shit,” Bain groaned, running his fingers through his hair and dislodging his ponytail, making him look like a deranged maniac. “Okay. We shouldn’t panic. We have to stay calm. Everything is going to be okay.”

The contraction finally eased, and I stared up at my husband. Obviously, he was the one panicking. Fighting a smile, I grabbed his hand and jerked him down onto the bed beside me again. “Hey, you need to take a deep breath, okay?”

Tears filled his eyes once again. “I can’t lose you,” he choked out.

“You’re not going to lose me,” I promised. “We’re not going to lose anyone today. Understand? Deep breaths, moye solntse, and then call Dr. Rose. Tell her what happened and that we are on our way.”

He sucked in a deep breath and slowly released it. Grabbing my face, he kissed me hard then pulled out his phone.

Less than two hours later, I was strapped to an operating table with Bain sitting beside me. The scrubs they’d given him looked like they would split at the seams if he breathed too hard. Once we’d gotten to the hospital, things had moved relatively fast after Dr. Rose decided I didn’t need an emergency C-section that would mean I would have to be put under and Bain wouldn’t be allowed in the room with me. As freaked out as he was, I was thankful that he’d be able to stay with me every step of the way until the girls were born just so I could keep him sane.

Dr. Rose and her team were amazing, keeping me informed of everything she was doing, so I was at ease while I tried to distract Bain.

“Kella is already the problem child,” I teased. “And incredibly dramatic. I think she’s going to be just like Zariah.”

“I think she’s just like her mother,” he gritted out, clutching at my left hand. I’d had to stop wearing my rings a few weeks before because all the weight I’d gained had made them too tight. He was rubbing his index finger over where the rings should have been, keeping his eyes trained on my face so he wasn’t tempted to look over the tent that separated my head from the rest of my body.

“Yeah?” I laughed, then whimpered when Dr. Rose pressed against me.

“Sorry, Ciana,” she called from the other side of the tent. “Just another minute and Kella will be here.”

“O-okay.” I tried to keep my voice upbeat, but it was hard when I could barely breathe, even with oxygen tubes in my nose.

Bain’s fingers trembled as he stroked them up my arm soothingly. “Ciana, look at me,” he commanded. “Tell me what to do. I…I’m lost, mo chroí.”

“Kiss me,” I told him as a tear spilled from the corner of my eye. “I need you to kiss me.”

He rolled his chair closer and pressed his lips to mine, just barely brushing them together. Then he moved to my cheek, my eyes, my forehead, leaving no spot unkissed until the room was suddenly filled with the sound of Kella’s cry.

The first team was already waiting to take her from Dr. Rose, rushing to examine her. I was only a few days past thirty-one weeks, but I’d been given meds already to make sure their lungs were developed in anticipation of my scheduled C-section. Beside me, Bain was clutching at my hand, whispering a prayer.

While I listened to Kella crying and tried to hear what the nurses and neonatologist were saying about her, I barely noticed the pressure as Dr. Rose continued to move things around inside me. Then another squall announced the arrival of Elda, and I began to shiver. Whether in reaction to what was going on in the bottom half of my body or fear of what could go wrong with the girls, I wasn’t sure.

“Baby One looks great,” the neonatologist announced. “She’s 1.38 kilograms and 40.64 centimeters. We’re going to give her a little oxygen, but she’s doing great, Mom and Dad.”

“Ciana, we’re nearly there,” Dr. Rose said. “Just a little longer. Are you doing okay over there?”

“As good as can be expected,” I snarked through chattering teeth, making her laugh.

“You’re doing amazing,” she assured me. “And here comes baby Alessia.”

I felt the pressure just as I had when Kella and Elda were delivered, but there was no cry to announce her arrival. The third team grabbed her and rushed to get to work on her, the doctor calling orders to his nurses that made me tremble because I understood everything that was going on, and I was helpless to do anything.

“What’s going on?” Bain demanded. “Why wasn’t she crying?”

“She’s not breathing,” I whispered, fighting back a sob.

His hazel eyes trapped mine, pleading with me to be wrong.

“Baby Two is 1.3 kilograms,” the second neonatologist announced, hesitantly given what was going on with the third baby. “She’s 40.31 centimeters. Her color is great, but we’re giving her a little oxygen. But she’s doing well, Mom and Dad.”

It was hard to be excited that Kella and Elda were doing so well when Alessia still hadn’t cried.

Bain closed his eyes, his mouth moving in silent prayer as I listened to the third team doing their best to get our baby to breathe. The entire operating room was quiet except for the third neonatologist periodically giving orders to his nurses. Not even Dr. Rose and her team, who were still working on getting me put back together, said a word. My heart broke more and more with every second that ticked by in which Alessia didn’t cry.

“I want to see her,” I called out. “Please, let me see her. Sh-she just needs her mama.”

A tiny whimper reached my ears.

“Keep talking over there, Mom,” the doctor urged. “Baby wants to hear your voice.”

“Alessia, I’m right here.” Tears spilled from my eyes down into my hair net. “Y-you’re doing so good, angel. Please, baby girl, breathe for Mama. Please breathe.”

The whimper turned into a full-fledged cry. Beside me, Bain couldn’t contain his sobs. He bent to kiss me, his tears streaming unashamedly down his face. “Keep talking to her, mo chroí,” he rasped.

“As soon as I can move again, I will be able to hold you and your sisters,” I promised. “Just give me a little time. Once I have you in my arms, I won’t let you go. Your papa says that Kella is like me, but I think you are just like him. That’s okay, though. I won’t let you make the mistakes he’s made.”

Someone was already placing three bands on both Bain’s and my arms, one for each of the girls. One of the nurses from Kella’s medical team brought her over. The woman had tears in her eyes as she arranged the baby so I could see her face. She was a good weight and size for a triplet born at thirty-one weeks, but that was still tiny. “We just wanted to say hello before going up to the NICU.”

Bain bent to kiss her on top of her head, being so gentle that it brought fresh tears to my eyes. “See you soon, my precious Kella.”

Soon after, Elda’s nurse brought her over so we could have a moment with her. She was bundled up, so I couldn’t see more than her face, but she was just as beautiful as Kella. By the time they were taking her up to the NICU, the third team was finishing up with Alessia.

“Baby Three is 1.07 kilograms,” her doctor informed us. “And 38.63 centimeters long. This little princess is a fighter and doing much better now, Mom and Dad. But we need to get her up to the NICU right away.”

“Bain, go with her,” I told him.

He shook his head. “I’m not leaving you. Where you go, I go. We will see her together.”

My arm was strapped down, but I pulled it free and grabbed his scrub top, jerking him toward me. “You’re not hearing me.” His eyes nearly bulged out of his head at the strength it had taken not only to free my arm from the strap, but to pull him down to my eye level. If I weren’t so upset that he wasn’t already moving to do as I’d said, I might have been just as surprised as he was. “Go with her. If I was able, I would be off this table right now.”

“I would listen to your wife, Mr. Kennedy,” Dr. Rose advised. “It will put Ciana at ease. Her blood pressure is up at the moment.”

He carefully unclenched my fingers from his top and kissed my hand. “Okay, mo chroí. Okay. I’m going. Don’t worry. I won’t allow her out of my sight, I promise.”

Relief made me weak. “Thank you. I-if you get to hold her, or the others, give them kisses for me. T-tell them how much I love them.”

He brushed a soft kiss over my lips. “I’ll see you soon, my beauty. I love you.”

“I love you,” I whispered. “Take good care of our girls.”

As soon as the door closed behind him and Alessia’s medical team, I heard Dr. Rose release a relieved breath. “No offense, but that man is so intense, a person can’t help but be extra aware of everything he’s doing at any one moment. It’s like a sixth sense as soon as he enters a room. Something telling you to keep him in your sights at all times because your life might depend on it.”

A half sob, half laugh left me. “Yeah,” I agreed. “I’m sure there are plenty of other people who would agree with you.”

“I’ve noticed you don’t have that same issue, although you do seem extra aware of his presence whenever he’s in the same room.” Even though I couldn’t feel what she was doing, I could picture it when I felt pressure on occasion. She kept talking, though, distracting me not only from what was happening to my own body, but from worrying about the girls who were so far away from me at the moment.

I knew their daddy would protect them with his life, but I needed to see them, hold them. Wrap them in the love only their mama could.