Sailor Proof by Annabeth Albert

Chapter Five

Derrick

The back of my neck had started prickling the moment Arthur’s mom sat down with us. I wasn’t going to like whatever this question was, and my stomach did the same gnawing thing it did whenever one of the sonar reports came back with an error. Our chief of the boat was huge on everything running on “automatic.” It was his favorite phrase, and one I used with the sailors under me too. Automatic was good because it meant nothing unexpected was gumming up the works.

However, not a damn thing about this whole damn enterprise with Arthur was on automatic. New complications kept coming up, and unlike on the sub, I felt woefully unprepared for the challenge of playing Arthur’s fake boyfriend.

“What’s the question?” Arthur’s tone was a little more demanding than mine might have been. Jane had always been good to me, and the whole Euler family in their sitcom-y perfection with the happy parents and four rowdy boys and huge extended family was fun, like visiting a theme park of what a family was supposed to be like.

“So, you know our family reunion is coming up.” Jane turned toward Arthur, who was already frowning. She tapped his arm in a gesture that was somewhere between motherly and commanding officer. “You’ll be there. And you should bring Derrick.”

“Uh...” Arthur and I made near identical horrified noises. I’d been to the Eulers’ home in Anacortes for various holidays and gatherings, but I’d only heard stories about their big, over-the-top extended family reunions that happened most years.

“I think you should both come.” Jane’s smile never wavered. “Aunt Maureen is already texting me about you two.”

“How does she know?” Arthur frowned.

The gnawing in my stomach increased and I pushed my plate aside. This thing was fast spiraling out of control.

“Your video is everywhere. It made Maureen’s social media feed because it’s trending. Your cousins follow the makeup video crowd like your friend Sabrina, but Maureen said your welcome home kiss is so viral it’s even in her military family groups and other places.”

“Good.” Arthur beamed wide enough to risk straining something, then sobered. “I mean, that’s neat. Inspiring others and all.”

His happy reaction gave me pause. This whole time he’d seemed rather laser focused on getting our kiss viral and on outside reactions to it with no sign that he himself was thrown for a loop by it as I was. Maybe it hadn’t been that spectacular for him. Maybe he did things like this a lot. But I was still rattled, even now, hours later, and I didn’t like it.

“How does going viral relate to the family reunion?” I asked.

“Well, everyone will want to see you,” Jane said like this should be obvious. “Also, it’s fun. You should come. Arthur could use the company.”

“I’m not sure about getting leave,” I hedged.

“Calder said most of your crew has a couple of weeks off after you finish the return-to-port duties.” She nodded like a poker player who knew she had the winning hand.

“Did he, now?” I glared right at Calder, who had turned toward us at the sound of his name. It was true that our commanding officer and the chief of the boat had both been bugging us about scheduling our leave, stressing the importance of R&R after a long deployment. But that didn’t mean that I wanted to extend this ruse any longer than we absolutely had to.

“Dude. You’re not going to be able to go anywhere on base without people talking about this anyway.” Calder shrugged. “You might as well come.”

Oh fuck. I hadn’t even thought about that. If the kiss was viral, that meant that I was probably the subject of the thing I hated most—base gossip. God, I did not want to spend weeks waiting for it to die down, knowing people were talking as soon as I left a room. The whole point of this thing had been to avoid the pitying looks and whispers I’d had ever since Steve and I imploded.

“Yes, come.” Jane patted my arm. “It would make me so happy. Arthur doesn’t call nearly enough these days, and knowing he has someone responsible at last is giving me such joy.”

“Mom. I’m not a westie puppy looking for a good owner,” Arthur grumbled.

Meanwhile, my jaw tensed. I didn’t like the idea of disappointing Jane, who had always made me feel so welcome. And it didn’t matter whether it was now or next week when Arthur shared news of our convenient breakup, she was going to be bummed, and that sucked.

I needed an out, and no one was giving me one, including my best friend.

“I need to check the leave calendar before I can consider the invite. Calder, I think I left my phone in the car. Come with me to look for it?” I gave him another hard stare until he nodded.

My phone was perfectly safe deep in my pocket, but I needed an escape. Once we were outside and out of view of the windows, I whirled on him. “Way to help me out.”

“You need a vacation.” Calder leaned against the car. “Senior Chief says it. The commander says it. But you don’t listen. Knowing you, you’re planning on turning your leave into another mentorship or other opportunity at the base. You can’t work all the time.”

“Says the guy who wants to advance as much as me.” I didn’t bother disputing his prediction, which was correct, but I didn’t see the problem.

“Maybe. But I know how to relax.”

“And joining your family reunion is how you want me to relax? Are you trying to set me up with Arthur?”

“What? No way.” Calder laughed. “Arthur’s not into you in that way, and I’m assuming it’s mutual. But you saw how happy Mom was about this development.”

“There’s no development.” I tapped the car for emphasis.

“I know that. And you know that. But she doesn’t. And it’s wonderful.” Grinning, Calder continued to lounge against the door. “All her focus is on Arthur, and I haven’t had to field a single question about who I’m dating or hear not-so-subtle hints about grandkids. Fucking awesome.”

“I’m not coming along simply to get the heat off you.” I paced in front of him.

“No, you’ll come because it’s fun. This year they’re taking over this family camp near Port Angeles on the Olympic Coast. Kayaking. A little lake for swimming and paddleboats. Volleyball. You do remember how to let loose, right?”

“I don’t like lying.” Pivoting on my heel, I gritted my teeth.

“It’s not lying as much as just being Arthur’s roomie for the event and getting to hang out with me and Ollie and everyone else.”

“I’m still not sure...”

“Thinking about how jealous Steve will be at your vacation photos should be incentive enough, but I’ll swap bunks with you for the next deployment.” Calder knew that I hated being on the bottom bunk, hearing the creaks whenever one of the other two shifted in their sleep, and the top bunk had marginally more space and privacy. And making Steve jealous spoke to my petty side, which I probably needed to stop indulging.

“I’ll think about it.” The offer was tempting but still probably not worth carrying out a fake relationship. “Not sure how many more kisses I’ve got in me, though.”

“That bad, huh?” Calder chortled, and hell if I was going to tell him he had it all wrong.

“Something like that.”

“It’s a family event.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “Not even the newlywed cousins will spend the whole time making out. Just treat him like any other buddy. Easy.”

Easy. Yeah right. Nothing about this whole thing was easy, including how my body still hummed with the memory of how soft Arthur’s lips were and how he’d tasted. No way could I pull this off for days on end.