Fatal Princess by Ella Miles

Ri

Two days pass.

No one attacks us.

No one comes looking for us.

I’m almost impressed by Ryker’s ability to find a safe house that no one has actually found.

Lucy has been going stir crazy in the house. She’s an extrovert who likes to be busy. She likes school, work, and being around people. Unfortunately for her, Ryker and I haven’t been the best company these days.

Ryker and I have been enjoying the peace and quiet. Neither of us is used to getting a quiet moment to think. And every night, we have met out on the back deck and talked when we couldn’t sleep.

He told me about past loves. About what taking on a leadership position meant. About what he wants for the future.

I tried everything to not talk about Beckett, but in reality, it was all I talked about. It’s all I’ve thought about. Why hasn’t he come?

I thought he would at least come to finish what he started. I’m definitely not expecting an apology.

He’s forgotten all about me now that Odette is back. He’s probably fucking her brains out and hasn’t given me a thought.

He loves her, not me.

I’m so stupid, so foolish.

“Stop it,” Ryker says as we once again stand under the moonlight.

“Stop what?” I ask as I drink my midnight whiskey.

“Stop beating yourself up. It’s not your fault you fell in love with him. It’s his fault he hurt and betrayed you. You did nothing wrong. Loving someone is never foolish, even if they didn’t deserve it. Falling in love with him shows how big of a heart you have. You’re incredible to love someone with so many faults. You saw the best in him, and there is nothing wrong with finding the best in others.”

I sigh. “But is it foolish to keep loving him?”

Ryker sighs as he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. His touch sends chills through my body.

I lean into him, and then our arms are wrapped around each other. We comfort each other the only way we know how, but it’s not enough. Hugging each other is nice, but we would both rather be hugging other people. This is all we’ve got, though.

A throat clears, and Ryker pushes my body behind his. We both drop our glasses and draw our guns, aiming into the darkness of the forest beyond the deck. I try to move out from behind Ryker, but he holds me steadily behind him.

“Who’s there?” I ask.

There is no answer, but a chill creeps over me. I instinctively know who it is.

“It’s okay,” I whisper in Ryker’s ear.

He leans his head in my direction, and I can see the yearning in his eyes. He wishes I wasn’t fine. He wishes he could protect me. He wishes I wouldn’t say it’s okay for Beckett to come back into my life.

I’m not saying any of those things, though. I’m not letting Beckett back into my life. I’m just saying I won’t let him hurt me again. He can’t hurt me again. I won’t let him. But I plan on hurting him plenty for what he did to me.

Slowly I move out from behind Ryker. He tenses, the muscles in his back rippling to hold me back, but I gently shake my head and step around him. I’m not going to face Beckett again while ducking behind another man. I’m going to face him face to face.

“You going to show yourself? Or hide in the shadows like a coward?” I ask, my voice full of sass.

Chuckles ring out, but they don’t belong to Beckett.

I smirk as I see Hayes, Gage, and Lennox step into the light from the deck.

“You might want to put the gun down, Princess, if you expect Beckett to show his face. We all know your motto of shooting first and asking questions later. We all know you’ll shoot his balls off,” Hayes teases, walking up the deck like he’s my best friend.

He comes in for a hug, and I let him wrap around me. I relish his touch. I’ve forgotten how much I consider them friends.

“And he would deserve it,” I say.

Hayes shrugs. “Yea, but then you’d be sad because you still secretly want his cock.”

I growl.

Hayes laughs and then lounges on one of the chairs on the deck like he’s ready to watch a good show.

Lennox greets me next. “Give him hell, Princess,” he whispers into my ear when he hugs me.

I nod.

Lastly, Gage embraces me. “But not too much hell, Princess. He has a story to tell, as I suspect you do too. That story might change your heart quite a bit.”

I frown.

“Why do you let them call you Princess, but I can’t?” Ryker asks.

“There’s no controlling these dogs,” I say with a huff.

“That, and we have an intimate relationship with Princess,” Hayes says.

I roll my eyes. He’s just trying to get Beckett riled up.

Ryker tilts his head and raises his dark eyebrows at me.

I shrug. “I’ve fucked them. Actually, I fucked them all at the same time.” I grin brightly, not ashamed of it in the least. It was still one of the most erotic moments of my life if you exclude my experiences with Beckett. And I do—I want to forget all my times with Beckett.

“We’d be happy to repeat the performance, Princess,” Hayes says.

I glance over to see Lennox and Gage looking at me with heat in their eyes. My core heats at the thought. It’s probably exactly what I need to get over Beckett.

Instead, I turn and look out into the darkness. “Still a coward, I see.”

After a beat, I see his shadow move.

My throat tightens up, and every emotion possible overtakes me when I see him. I avoid his eyes, not wanting to see how he feels when he looks at me. Instead, I examine the rest of him.

His jeans hug his thick muscular legs. His black shirt is tight against his body, but I can’t tell if there is any blood or dirt on it. I suspect that’s why he is almost always wearing dark shirts. There is no gun or weapon in his hand. He stands like an easy target in front of me. Oh, how easy it would be to shoot him in the balls as Hayes said.

I smile at that thought, even though I won’t.

Actually, I might.

But then I look at his face. The hardness, the sadness, the emptiness. The look of longing, and want, and desire. It’s all there in his brown pupils. He doesn’t have to say a word for me to see his pain. He doesn’t have to move a muscle. I know.

Then why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why did you try to kill me?

Why did you go back to her?

Why did you choose her over me?

And why come back to hurt me all over again?

I tear my eyes from him and look at the others.

“Where are Caius and Odette?”

Lennox snickers. “We left them tied up in the cabin by the lake.”

My eyes widen. “What? Why?”

“That’s what happens when you lie to everyone,” Gage responds.

I frown, completely confused.

I look over to Beckett to see if his face will confirm or deny the facts. His expression doesn’t change. He just stares at me like I’m breath itself.

It doesn’t change anything, even if it’s true. I don’t understand what Caius and Odette did to piss them off, but I suspect they are safe. Beckett might be pissed with his wife for running all this time, but she had her reasons—reasons I can understand better than anyone.

Ryker is still gripping his gun, but it’s now aimed down at his side. He’s ready to step in if I need him.

My gun, on the other hand, is aimed at Beckett. He doesn’t flinch when I move the gun. In fact, I’d say his sad eyes are begging me to shoot him to put him out of his misery. That would be too easy, though.

“What are you doing here, Beckett?” I ask, lowering my gun and putting it into the back of my joggers.

If I spill any of his blood, it will be with my bare hands, not a gun.

He doesn’t answer me. He just looks at me, and I swear he’s holding his breath. There is no smart comment. No ‘I’m here to beg for forgiveness.’ No ‘can we talk in private away from all of these guys.’ Nothing.

I bite my bottom lip down so hard in frustration I swear I draw blood.

“Did you lose your vocal cords in a fight, or are you just not going to talk to me?”

Beckett is silent.

I don’t know what game he’s playing, but it appears he isn’t going to talk to me.

Fine.

If he wants to act childish, then fucking fine.

I don’t know what he’s doing here if he won’t talk to me.

I turn toward the guys, hoping they have answers.

Gage is frowning at Beckett.

Lennox rolls his eyes with a soft smile.

Hayes has a shit-eating grin on his face.

And Ryker looks as lost as I am.

I have no idea what to do.

But I have so much pent-up anger inside, so much rage. And my chest—every pump of my heart fills it with pain, and it’s all because of him.

“You were going to kill me,” I say, my voice shaky and my palms sweaty. “You were going to shoot me in the head in front of everyone.” My voice is stronger this time.

I turn back and look full on at Beckett. His hand is in his pocket, and he doesn’t flinch at my words. His lips don’t part to argue back, so I continue.

“You manipulated me, played me because you thought you could pull a confession out of me. You thought I was responsible for your wife’s death.”

I take a deep breath. “All you had to do to find out the truth was ask. You could have shown me the fucking evidence and seen if I could have explained what the hell happened.”

I feel a tear in the corner of my eye, but I don’t let it out. I refuse to show him how much he hurt me.

“Odette is alive. I didn’t kill her. In fact, I helped her. I’m sorry that by helping her, I hurt you. But if you truly love her, you can’t blame her for doing what was best for her. And you can’t blame me for helping the woman you love,” my voice cracks.

I can see the guys out of the corner of my eye stare at me in confusion. But this speech isn’t for them; it’s for Beckett.

“And yet, you come here and don’t apologize. You don’t even have the balls to speak to me. I hate you! I fucking hate you.” My tear slips out, dammit.

I’m out of breath.

I’m exhausted from not sleeping well.

And I hate myself as much as I hate him.

Because I still love the bastard.

He’s not mine, he’s hers, but I still love him. I want the best for him. I couldn’t shoot him even if I wanted to.

I have to stop loving him.

He’s not mine.

He never will be.

It’s not going to be easy, but I have to start the process of healing. There is only one way to stop the bleeding.

I turn to Ryker, who is looking at me with sad puppy dog eyes. I grab the back of his neck and jerk his lips to mine. It’s a harsh, messy kiss. Our lips barely meet. I’m kissing his cheek as much as I am his lips, but I don’t care.

Beckett probably thinks I’m doing this as revenge or punishment for what he did to me. But this is all for me.

I need to move on from Beckett.

I need to stop thinking about him every second of every day. Stop pining for him. Stop believing in the fairytale that one of us will win the games, and we will live happily ever after together.

We are nothing but toxic destruction to each other. He may not have a heart that he ever gave me, but mine is demolished, broken beyond repair. It may never work properly again, but I have to try. I deserve to try. I deserve to be happy. I deserve so much more.

This kiss is the start of that recovery.

I need a night to forget about Beckett. A night to feel alive again. A night to hope.

I expect Ryker to pull away. He’s already kissed me and told me he isn’t the man for me.

He doesn’t pull away, though.

Beckett doesn’t attack us or say anything.

The other guys just watch intently like they wish they were the ones being kissed.

Ryker grabs the back of my neck and tilts me back as his tongue slips roughly inside mine. It’s hot and thick in my mouth and not a bit gentle.

Thank heavens for that. I don’t need gentle. I need rough animal sex to make me forget. I need to forget the man standing not twenty feet from me that I thought was the one I’ve been looking for my entire life.

Ryker’s other hand moves to my hip as he pulls me roughly to against him. My breath catches in my throat as he begins moving his hand up from my waist to underneath the hem of my shirt.

His thumb strokes my bare stomach, and I shiver. I move to pull away, thoughts of why I shouldn’t do this starting to sneak in, but he sucks on my bottom lip, sending an unending wave of pleasure through my body, and I no longer want to disengage.

As great as Ryker is, though, he’s not enough. Not nearly enough.

Not when Beckett is right there.

Not when I want to run to him and tear his clothes off and attack him. I don’t care that he’s married. I don’t care that he loves another woman. I don’t—

Fuck, I have to stop.

I grab the neck of Ryker’s shirt as I start guiding us backward.

I will not look at Beckett.

I will pretend he doesn’t exist.

I will think of all the other hot guys on this deck.

I will think of all the other incredible guys in the world.

That’s my mantra as Ryker and I walk to the center of the three other guys who have been watching us kiss wordlessly.

I pull my lips off Ryker. He protests, trying to pull my lips back against his, but I hold up one finger to his lips. Then I turn a heated gaze on the three guys sitting on the deck.

I don’t say a word, but they all know what I’m asking—the same thing I asked of them before.

The reasoning this time is different. Last time it was about defying my father and giving myself control. This time it’s about moving on, but both times are about saving myself.

I turn my attention back to Ryker as I kiss him once again. I’m not sure if any of the guys are going to answer my request. They have their boss to consider this time. I gave them all an open invitation, but it’s up to them.

Hayes is the first to accept my invitation. He gets up from his seat and comes up behind me, sweeping my hair off the back of my neck and kissing me in the nook at the base of my neck.

I gasp as shockwaves burst through me.

I see Ryker eye Hayes, and for a moment, I think Ryker might protest sharing me. If he does, he can leave. This is about me and my needs. If he isn’t up for sharing, then he can suffer alone.

Ryker doesn’t say anything or seem upset as he nibbles back on my bottom lip. Suddenly he spins me around until I’m facing Hayes.

Hayes grins down at me. “I always knew someday you’d ask for seconds.” Quickly his lips crash down on mine. He tastes like bubblegum and smells like citrus. He kisses lazily like he knows he doesn’t have to try hard to get my panties wet. And he doesn’t. His kisses are fantastic—just enough tongue, just enough pressure, just about enough.

Ryker takes Hayes’s former spot behind me until I’m trapped between two hard bodies. Ryker nibbles on my earlobe, and I buck as his teeth scrape.

Jesus, they’re going to kill me. What did I get myself into?

I want to glance over at Beckett to see what he’s doing. I’m about to break away and do just that when Lennox stands, blocking any view I would have had.

His eyes glaze with need as he walks toward me with a serious expression. Before he even gets to me, Hayes has spun me towards Lennox. Lennox catches me and dips me back as his lips take a turn with my mouth. His might be the most aggressive kiss of any of them so far. It takes my breath away, and I barely have a chance to breathe in his scent. It’s musky and manly, and just like I knew what he’d smell like.

Lennox lifts me back up and spins me back around. His hand palms my breast as I arch into him.

“Take it back. Take it all back. Your pride. Your strength. Your heart. Take it all back, Princess,” he demands into my ear.

I purse my lips, barely able to breathe, before Gage steps in front of me and demands his turn. His kiss is the softest and most tender. His kiss gives me time to breathe, but not enough to think.

Then Gage takes my hand and leads me forward. I look down and see the others have pulled a coffee table from inside out onto the deck. They’ve laid a thick blanket and pillow on top.

I bite on my bottom lip as I stare at the scene in front of me. Thoughts of the last time I let four men have their way with me rush through my head.

Gage releases my hand and puts his hands in his pockets as he watches me make my decision. They all do. Hayes is the only one who raises an eyebrow in challenge.

I smirk at him, knowing this is how I take my heart back. I fuck them—all of them.

They are all great guys, but I probably won’t fall in love with any of them. I’m not sure any of them would want me to anyway. Next time I fall in love, I won’t fall easily. But this isn’t about falling in love. This is about taking back my heart.

I take a step toward the coffee table and then lie down on my back on top of the blanket and pillow. My heart is beating a million miles a minute, my breath is too fast, and I’m sure they all think I’ll back out at any second. But I won’t, I need this.

Then I make a conscious decision—one for my benefit, not his. I look at Beckett and take back my heart.