My Ten-Year Crush by Olivia Spring
Chapter Nine
Wow. 11.27 a.m.
I hadn’t slept that late in ages. I’d got home from the reunion just before two in the morning, but hadn’t fallen asleep until about three.
I couldn’t stop tossing and turning. I was fighting a battle with my thoughts. On the one hand I had the image of Mike and how hot he looked swirling around my brain, doing all sorts of crazy things to my body. When I closed my eyes, I could still smell his woody, intoxicating scent. Feel his warm, sweet breath tickling my skin and the desire pulsing through me. Wishing he was there on the bed, ravishing me…
But then I remembered the farce of the reunion. All the women cooing over him. Ugh. What I’d felt last night was just physical attraction. Nothing more.
Hot or not, even if things had changed and he’d magically decided he liked me, there was no way I could be with a guy who had women throwing themselves at him all day and night. He was only human, and sooner or later he would succumb to temptation. Adventurous, popular guys like him weren’t designed to be with women like me. That was just the way the world worked.
Anyway, enough about him. I needed to check on Melody. I’d put her and Fatima in a cab before I left. Thankfully Fatima was relatively sober and replied to the text I’d sent to check whether they’d got home safely.
I was glad Melody had a good time—it wasn’t often she got to get out and enjoy herself. I bet she was feeling like she’d been hit by a high-speed train this morning, though.
Me
How’s the head? Hope you’re okay? Remember to drink lots of water to rehydrate and have a decent breakfast. Perfect excuse for a good fry-up! xxx
I had a feeling that it was going to take a lot more than a full English breakfast to help Melody feel better today, though. Hangovers at thirty-one needed a longer recovery time than they did at twenty. Plus she had to get back up to Coventry. That would probably feel like the longest journey ever.
I made myself some toast and cereal, then flopped down on the sofa. I took a sip of tea from my favourite purple mug and thought about the day ahead.
On Saturday mornings I did the weekly food shop. Shouldn’t take long. To keep things simple, I had a food menu for the week, so for example, Saturday lunchtime was normally a chicken burger and home-made potato wedges. Monday lunch was chicken salad, Tuesday dinner was roast salmon, and I always had cod on Thursdays and a supermarket pizza on Fridays (unless it was a special occasion, in which case I’d order one from Domino’s). Planning in advance just made things easier. I always knew what to buy and never had to worry about what to eat. It was good to have a routine.
This afternoon, all I wanted to do was chill and start thinking about how I could make some improvements with my life. Then tomorrow I’d go to lunch at my parents’, which, with the exception of last week, when I was too annoyed to face my dad, I did every Sunday.
My phone pinged. Melody must have surfaced.
I picked up my phone. But it wasn’t a text from her. It was a number I didn’t recognise. I read the message.
Hey, Bells!
Great to see you last night! Sorry we didn’t get more time to talk. You left without saying bye… Melody gave me your number. Fancy meeting up?
Mike x
My stomach flipped. I wasn’t expecting him to text me.
Oh God.
I really wished Melody hadn’t given him my number. I’d said last night that chapter was closed, and now look.
I read his message again, zeroing in on his question:
Fancy meeting up?
No way.
One of the reasons I’d gone last night was to avoid Melody bringing him round to see me and ending up alone with him. Imagine being sat in front of him at a bar. Just the two of us. Gazing into those dark brown eyes…
I wasn’t going to risk getting sucked into the Mike Jones cyclone. I knew how charming he could be, and I didn’t want to end up getting my friendship wires crossed again.
My phone started ringing. It was Sophia. Perfect timing.
‘Hi,’ I answered quickly. I needed the distraction from my thoughts. ‘What you up to? Please don’t tell me you’re at the office, working?’
‘Working, yes,’ she said, ‘but not at the office. I’m on the sofa with my laptop.’
‘You work too much,’ I sighed. ‘Your body needs to rest sometimes.’
‘I know, I know. I’m almost finished. Just need to go over these slides again, rehearse the presentation and then I should be good for tomorrow. Anyway, enough about that. How’d it go last night? With Mike?’
So much for distracting me. It was understandable that she wanted an update, though. I’d be the same. I filled her in on everything.
‘Seriously, Soph, it was so cringey. The way all the women were swarming and fawning over him. He agreed to have a drink with Ursula last night, then see Rebecca on Monday night. And now he’s just texted me to ask if I wanted to meet up. Probably because he didn’t have anyone scheduled for the weekend.’
‘He texted?’
‘Yeah. Literally right before you called.’
‘Amazing! The fact that he wants to see you is a good sign. I reckon he likes you. If you ask me, he always did.’
‘He doesn’t. He must have called me his friend, mate and ex-bestie about a hundred times. It was embarrassing. Like, okay. I got the message ten years ago. You don’t see me like that. You’re not interested. No need to rub it in.’
‘Have you ever thought he was doing that to remind himself not to cross the line?’
‘Why? We crossed the line ten years ago with that silly drunken kiss and it didn’t work out.’
I didn’t elaborate about the fact that he couldn’t get away from me quick enough. Despite what Sophia said, I knew that yesterday, Mike was just emphasising the whole friends thing to stop me from embarrassing myself again. The way I’d thrown myself at him that night.
‘I’m sure that the fact that he kissed you back, even if it was briefly, meant that the feelings were mutual.’
Yeah, right. That’s why he left and ended up in bed with her…
I winced as more memories came flooding back. Soph didn’t know the full story, so I didn’t blame her for thinking that way.
After Mike had left that night, I’d felt awful. Embarrassed, hurt, confused. That kiss had felt like it meant something. But if it had, why had he run? Why had he left so abruptly?
Before that night had happened, we’d planned to spend the day in Brighton. So I’d told myself that even though it might be a bit awkward at first, after we’d talked it out, blamed it on the alcohol, somehow we’d find a way to get things back to normal. At that point, I’d wanted us to stay best friends.
We were due to set off at nine that morning. But Mike didn’t arrive until after nine-thirty, which was unlike him. He was always on time. That was when I really started to think that the very thing I’d been trying to avoid—ruining our friendship—was really happening. If only I hadn’t kissed him.
When he arrived wearing the same clothes as he was in last night, I knew something was wrong. I went to hug him and it was limp. Weak. Mike was the king of hugs. Big heartfelt hugs with feelings. But this one was stilted. Cautious. That kiss really had messed things up. Ever the optimist, I ignored the signs.
‘Ready to go? I’ve packed some cheese balls for us to eat on the train,’ I’d said, trying to keep things light.
‘The thing is, Bella, I’m really sorry, but I’m not coming…’ He’d hung his head. And he’d called me Bella. Not Bells like he always did.
‘Look, if it’s about last night…’
‘No… it’s just that, when I got home, Rebecca was in her car waiting for me. She was really upset and said she needed to talk, so because I didn’t want to wake Dad and Lyra up, we kind of went to her place…’
I remembered wanting to collapse on the floor and curl up into a ball when I heard he’d spent the night with Rebecca. I bet they’d done a lot more than just talking.
That was blow number one. Hours after rejecting me, Mike had jumped into bed with her.
Mike told me Rebecca said she missed him and wanted to try again. Give their relationship a proper go. And to prove it, she’d bought him a ticket to Bali. His dream destination. The one on his bucket list and the very place that I wanted to go with him. We’d always talked about going there. Together.
That was blow number two.
‘I was so shocked,’ he’d said. ‘Rebecca has never done anything like this for me before. I didn’t even realise she’d been listening when I said I’d always wanted to go. The thing is, the tickets are already booked and paid for, so I couldn’t say no…’
‘When do you leave?’ I’d asked.
‘This afternoon…’
I can still remember how hard those two words hit me. It was like a wrecking ball ploughed into my stomach. He was going. Today. And they’d be there for a month. A whole month. That must have cost a fortune. Her parents were loaded, so she’d probably asked them to pay. At most I could have only afforded to go for ten days. I wasn’t surprised that he’d said yes. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
‘Oh wow…’ was the best that I managed.
‘I’m just going home now to get my passport and pack. You don’t mind, do you? I feel bad about bailing on you today.’
Mind? I was gutted. Heartbroken. Crushed. But what could I say? Please don’t go because I’m in love with you? He’d already made it clear that he didn’t feel the same way. Maybe some distance between us would be good, I reasoned. Now that we’d finished uni, this was how it was always going to be anyway. The sooner I got used to it, the better.
‘No, course not… you’ll have a great time.’
‘Thanks for being so understanding. And, um, and about last night…’ He’d paused for what felt like hours. ‘I’m sorry, I…’
‘Forget about it.’ I was already embarrassed. Before I knew he was getting back with Rebecca, I’d wanted to talk about it. But now that had changed. Hearing the reasons why he’d rejected me would only add to the hurt and make everything worse. The last thing I needed was him launching into some speech about him being drunk, not seeing me like that, me being like a sister to him and telling me how he and Rebecca were made for each other.
I’d started to wonder if he’d told her about what had happened. I imagined her doubling over in fits of laughter. Of course someone like Mike wouldn’t be interested in someone plain like me.
Those thoughts took me even further back to the last year of secondary school. It was already challenging there. We’d moved because Dad got a promotion and I still hadn’t gotten used to the horrible big change that happened when I was thirteen, where I had to leave a school that I’d loved and where I’d had lots of friends and move to a new school where they called me Daddy Long Legs. Anyway, there was a big summer dance, and it seemed like every girl had a date except me.
At the time, my dad was also the head of year, which I was sure didn’t help. Desperate not to go to the dance alone, I’d asked a boy called Timmy and he’d turned me down. When word got out, everyone at the school laughed at me. Worse still, Dad heard about it and told me I was too young to be thinking about boys. It was so humiliating. Rejection was the worst. And being rejected by your best friend stung even more. I just wanted to forget it had ever happened.
‘Like you said, it was a mistake, so…’
‘I didn’t mean… I…,’ Mike had said. ‘Maybe we should talk about it…’ Then his phone started ringing. ‘I’ve got to take this—it’s Rebecca…’
Hearing her speaking to him on the phone made the reality of everything that had happened hit even harder. We’d kissed and Mike had said it was a mistake. Clearly I wasn’t exciting enough. I didn’t measure up to the other women Mike had been with, so he’d run. Run straight back into the arms of his ex. Not only were they back together, he was also going away with her for a month to the place I was hoping we would go together this summer.
It was at that moment that I truly understood heartbreak. All the lyrics in those sad love songs took on a whole new meaning.
I loved Mike, but now he’d just confirmed it once and for all: he didn’t love me. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and shredded into a million pieces.
I could feel my eyes beginning to water, and I knew it wouldn’t be long until I turned into a blubbering mess.
‘Well, you’d better go.’ I passed him and opened the front door. ‘You don’t want to be late. I’m bursting for the loo, so… have a great trip.’
‘Oh… right. Okay.’ Mike hung his head and slowly stepped outside. ‘Erm—thanks. Sorry again. I’ll… I’ll send you a postcard and we’ll catch up once I’m back, okay?’
‘Yeah. Okay. Bye.’ We’d looked at each other awkwardly. I could tell he was trying to decide how best to say goodbye. Normally we’d hug, but somehow it just felt weird. So we didn’t. He walked down the path and turned back to wave again, and that was the last time we’d seen each other.
True to his word, he’d sent postcards and even emailed some photos. But seeing him bare-chested in his tight trunks only made things worse. All I could think about was him lying on the beach with Rebecca all day and the two of them curled up together at night. It was too much to bear.
After his trip with her, Mike caught the travel bug and went straight off to Australia with his cousin. When he came back, I was visiting Sophia in France, where she’d returned for the summer after spending the year teaching English as part of her French degree. Then Mike decided to take a gap year to continue travelling, and I saw the light and decided I had to cut all contact.
I’d started teacher training by then, so whenever Mike did get in touch, I told him it was super intense and I was busy. Eventually he’d stopped asking and we’d lost contact altogether…
I pushed the painful memories out of my head and brought myself back to the present and my conversation with Sophia.
‘Just because things didn’t work out before doesn’t mean the same will happen this time. Why don’t you give it a try?’ Sophia said. ‘Reply to his message. Meet up with him.’
‘I went to the reunion like you and Melody encouraged me to, so that’s that. Right now I need a clear head. I need to forget about men, dating, speaking to ex–best friends, and silly old crushes and just focus on working out how to sort out my career. You of all people must understand that.’
‘True. Not the men stuff, obviously, but I know how important a new career direction is for you. Speaking of which, that was the other reason I was calling…’ Sophia paused. ‘Remember I said I had some exciting news to tell you?’
‘Yeah…’
‘Well, I hope you won’t be mad at me, but I sort of booked you onto the PEFLITC course that starts on Monday…’
‘What?’ I swallowed hard, then flopped back onto the sofa. ‘When did you do that? How?’
‘I called them last week. The last space was still available and I just… I couldn’t stand to see you spend another year unhappy in your job. I really think this will be good for you.’
I froze. I tried to process what Sophia said. When that Zainab lady had originally called me, there was over a week until the course started and I’d thought that was short notice. But if it was starting on Monday, this Monday, that meant that there was now less than forty-eight hours.
‘Bella? Are you there?’
‘Um, yeah. I’m just shocked.’ I paused. ‘That was so thoughtful of you, Soph, it really was, but there’s no way I’ll be ready by then.’
‘I know you, Bella. You’re freaking out. Making changes, even small ones, scares the shit out of you. I mean, how many times has your car broken down in the past few years? And yet you still refuse to buy a new one.’
‘I will at some point. It’s just complicated. I’d have to think about what one to get, research the different models, get a load of insurance quotes…’ Bertie, my old VW Golf, had served me well over the years. Yes, it had a few blips from time to time, but I’d had it since after I’d graduated, so it was to be expected. And it was working fine now.
‘And what about your dressing gown? I bet you still have that battered pink one that looks like it’s been through a war zone.’
‘It’s comfortable!’
‘This is exactly what I’m saying. You don’t like changing anything. You like to stay in your comfort zone. You think about doing things. You make extensive plans about taking action, but how often do you actually follow through? I say this with love, but you just keep making excuses and pushing things back. Sometimes we all need a gentle push, don’t you think?’
She was right. I knew she was. I’d thought the same thing last night.
‘Maybe…’
‘Don’t worry about the prep. I’ve ordered the books they recommend, which I’ll courier over to your flat this afternoon, and I’ve got a list of the other things they suggest you do before it starts. You’re already a grammar whizz, you’ve got loads of experience teaching English—you’re going to nail it.’
‘And what about the payment and stuff?’
‘All taken care of. Just pay me back when you can. Zainab is at the school until two today, so she said you can call if you have any questions and there’s just a couple of forms you need to send back.’
Sophia really had thought of everything. I stood up and started pacing through the living room. My heart was thudding. It was a mixture of fear and excitement. Could I really do this?
I’d said last night that I wanted to make changes with my life, face my fears and do something that I enjoyed. I’d also said I’d wished I’d been brave enough to accept the place on the course when Zainab had first called me. And now, thanks to Sophia, I had another chance. All I had to do was say yes.
I was pretty sure that the course was non-refundable too, so there was no way I could let Sophia’s money go to waste like that. And I couldn’t let her down after she’d gone to so much trouble. She believed in me, and it was high time I believed in myself too.
I was a good teacher. I knew the course would be intense, but surely with my experience, that would give me an advantage.
Now that I thought about it, the timing was good. I had zero plans for the summer holidays, other than probably going to visit my parents in Cornwall at some point. But I did that every year.
Just think: if I did this course and if I passed, that would give me a huge sense of achievement. It would also show Dad that I was capable of more.
Having that qualification could also open doors. It might help me secure the next promotion at my current school. I’d be killing two birds with one stone: doing something that I’d always wanted to do and proving myself by showing Dad I was strong and could handle pressure.
And if I did decide to leave at some point, it didn’t have to be to do something as scary as teaching abroad. That was still something I’d consider doing in a year or two when I had more time to plan. There were bound to be plenty of people wanting to learn English as a second language right here in London, so I didn’t even have to travel to make use of it.
Time to stop being afraid. Time to bite the bullet.
‘Yes,’ I said quickly before I changed my mind. ‘I’ll do it.’
‘You will?’
‘Yes.’ My heart was now pounding so much I was sure it might fly from my chest. ‘But I need you to send me your bank details straight away so that I can pay you the money back.’
‘You don’t have to do it now. Honestly, there’s no rush.’
‘I want to. Please. You’ve been generous enough by arranging all of this.’
‘Okay, hon. I’m really proud of you. I know this is a huge step, but I wouldn’t have booked it if I didn’t believe in you.’
‘I know. And thank you. Focusing on this course could be good for me. I’m scared, but I think if I work hard, I might be okay. Which means I need to do it without any distractions…’ And if I wasn’t careful, drawing myself back to the past by seeing Mike alone had the potential to become one.
Right there and then, I decided that my life would be a man-free zone. At least until the end of summer.
That meant no meeting up with Mike and no dating.
I didn’t want to be rude, so I would text Mike back, but not yet. Not today.
I’d spent too long stuck in a rut. Now wasn’t the time to revisit the past. It was time to start focusing on my new future.