The Mistletoe Pact by Jo Lovett
Now – July 2022
Dan
Dan scrunched his coffee cup and aimed at the bin in the corner of the waiting room. In in one. Nice. He looked again at the large clock on the opposite wall. 3.30 a.m. Hopefully there wouldn’t be too long to wait now. A lot of babies were born in the early hours. He remembered the midwives talking about it when he’d been on the obs and gynae ward as part of his rotation.
The baby might be a bit smaller than average because she was a couple of weeks early. He hoped she’d be okay. No, of course she would. No reason to panic.
Waiting was very stressful.
God, he was tired. And that was exactly the kind of thought that people always despised fathers-to-be for. Hannah was in the delivery room, labouring away, and had been doing so for a long while now, and his sole contribution was to stay up all night. He should really not even think that he was tired.
What if he nodded off, though?
He got his phone out and started scrolling through news feeds. It was definitely easier to stay awake when you had something to do.
* * *
What time was it now? 3.45 a.m. The minutes were barely even crawling by. Swiping through his phone wasn’t helping. He put it back in his pocket and rubbed his eyes.
What was happening in there? He did understand why Hannah hadn’t wanted him to be in the delivery room – they were still near-strangers really after their few weeks together in the autumn involving a lot of sex and huge ramifications – but he was the baby’s father and he was a doctor and he’d have happily stayed up Hannah’s head end, obviously, and he’d have liked to have been there. His own child was making its way out into the world and Hannah was labouring with her mother as birthing partner, and he was just sitting here on a tasteful grey crushed velvet sofa in the swish waiting room of the private maternity wing of his own hospital.
‘Dr Marshall?’
Dan said, ‘Mmph,’ and sat up. A midwife was standing in front of him. ‘Yes?’
‘Your daughter was safely delivered half an hour ago. Three point four kilos. Seven pounds seven.’
‘Oh. Wow.’ Wow. His daughter had been born. Wow.
He sniffed and blinked hard because his eyes were suddenly damp. ‘Could I see her? I’d really like to.’
The midwife nodded. ‘Yes. Hannah’s mum’s gone home to get a little bit of sleep.’ She indicated for him to follow her and started walking.
The baby was swaddled in hospital sheets and lying in Hannah’s arms.
Dan moved automatically to the basin in the corner of the room to wash his hands, craning over his shoulder as he squirted the soap and rubbed it off.
Then he turned around properly.
There were people and noise in the room, maybe someone addressing him, but Dan didn’t have the head space to work out what they were saying. He was walking towards the bed, towards his tiny little daughter.
Wow.
She had the most beautiful face he’d ever seen in his life. Just amazing. Perfect. There were really no other words.
‘She’s perfect. Could I hold her?’
Hannah didn’t say anything but she held their baby out to him.
Dan took her and sat down in the chair next to the bed. ‘She’s perfect,’ he said again. God, he wanted the world to be perfect for this little girl. He wanted no-one ever to be cruel to her, for her never to be unhappy in any way, for her never to be disappointed.
It was like his heart was going to burst with love and fear all at the same time. How could you love someone so fiercely so fast? He’d only been in the room for a couple of minutes.
He looked up at Hannah. He knew that she hadn’t been seeing anyone else since they’d split up straight before she found out she was pregnant. And he was single. So he hoped they could spend some proper time together as a family.
‘Thank you,’ he said, suddenly overwhelmed by the miracle of women being able to grow babies. ‘So much. For having her. Thank you.’
‘She’s worth it.’
‘Yeah.’
They smiled at each other.
Dan looked back down at the baby and stroked her tiny hand.
‘Do we have a name?’ he asked. They hadn’t discussed anything before the birth. Hannah had been too busy at work.
‘Katie.’
He nodded. ‘I love it. Katie. Wow.’
He didn’t want to leave. Ever. He wanted to be around Katie as much as possible.
Katie was having a little wriggle in her sleep. Was it possible to actually melt with love for a person who’d only been born for less than an hour?
‘I’d like to see her as much as possible,’ he said. When was Hannah going to make her final decision on New York? She’d said recently that as they all got to grips with new hybrid working practices it still wasn’t clear-cut where senior staff should be based. ‘If that’s okay. I mean, whatever you think. But I’d love to spend time with her.’
‘Yes, of course,’ Hannah said. ‘I’d like that too.’
The thought of them leaving London, the country, was terrifying. What if he hardly ever got to see Katie? That would be devastating.
He was spiralling, he realised. But he just hated the fact that he had so little control over the situation.
He looked down again. Katie had a very symmetrical face. Maybe that was what made her the most beautiful baby ever born. She wriggled and gave a tiny mewling cry and moved her little head from side to side.
‘She’s rooting, isn’t she?’ said Hannah.
‘I think so.’ Dan nodded.
‘Oh, God. Breastfeeding. What if I can’t do it properly?’
‘You’ll be brilliant. I mean, you’ve just given birth to the most amazing baby ever. You are brilliant.’
‘Thank you.’ She smiled, a bit tearfully. ‘Do you think a midwife would help me?’
‘Definitely.’
When the midwife arrived, Dan said, ‘So, I’m going to leave you to it.’ He looked at his watch. ‘It’s five thirty. You must be exhausted. Would you like me to keep an eye on her while you get some sleep after you’ve fed her?’
The time that Dan sat with and cuddled and watched and marvelled at Katie in the visitors’ room along the corridor from Hannah’s room were possibly the shortest two-and-a-half waking hours he’d ever experienced. He now knew that you’d literally be able to watch a baby twenty-four/seven and not get bored. Well, not any oldbaby. Your baby.
At around nine o’clock, Julia showed up.
‘Good morning,’ she said. ‘I don’t want to intrude, so please do just tell me to go away if that’s how you feel, and I also don’t want to be rude, but you do look tired, so would you like me to take my beautiful granddaughter while you go and get some sleep?’
Dan didn’t want to relinquish Katie but he had in fact now been awake most of the time for twenty-six hours. It would probably be better for everyone if he had a rest and came back later. He also needed to take a few minutes to tell everyone he knew about his daughter. Shout the news from the rooftops, basically.
‘That’s such wonderful news,’ his mother said. He’d called her the second he left Katie. ‘I can’t wait to meet her. Tell me everything.’
At the end of the call, she said, ‘Darling, I don’t want to interfere, but I just wanted to let you know that I do think that for your sake you should probably tell your father, even if you don’t really want to speak to him.’
Yeah, Dan had been thinking about that. ‘I might text him,’ he said. ‘With a photo.’
‘That’s a good idea,’ his mother said. ‘Perhaps do it this morning? Do you think?’ Yep, she was probably right. So right that he wasn’t even annoyed that she was interfering so much. While saying that she didn’t want to interfere. He’d include his father on the group text he was going to send to friends.
He called Lucie and Sasha to tell them in person, and then Max too. He always found it hard to talk to Max but that wasn’t Max’s fault and Dan would never want to hurt his feelings. By the time he’d finished the three calls, his ear was almost ringing from his siblings’ loud excitement.
Going through his phone to decide who to include in his group text, he hesitated on Evie’s name. It felt like she was someone who he should tell about such a big event. Given that he had her number. But at the same time… she wasn’t exactly his friend; she wasn’t even really an ex. Sasha would tell her, anyway. He carried on scrolling down without adding her to the list.
The congratulatory replies started flooding in pretty much immediately, obviously.
There was one from Max.
So many congratulations!!!!!!! I was too overwhelmed on the phone to say that Greggy and I would love to visit SOON to meet my NIECE!!!!!!! Today????? Let me know when would suit.
And one from his father.
Congratulations.
Quite a contrast. Dan bashed out lots of replies – other than to his father – and then put his phone on silent to grab some sleep.
Sasha was FaceTiming him when he stepped out of a fast shower after a three-hour nap.
‘There’s a group of us here having lunch,’ she said. ‘We had to phone and congratulate you again. My first niece! I’m putting the phone in the middle of the table so everyone can say hi.’ She disappeared from view and was replaced by first a pepper pot and then a view of several faces, including Evie’s, which gave Dan a jolt.
He said a lot of thank yous and then set off back to the hospital.
Becoming a father was mind-blowing.