Always, in December by Emily Stone

Chapter Fifteen

Max cleared his throat, feeling like a complete and total idiot. ‘Hi.’ Jesus, what the fuck was wrong with him? Hi? Hi?

Josie nodded, then pulled her gaze away from him again, that fixed smile of hers slightly faltering as she flicked a quick glance up at Oliver, then around the room. Bradley looked from Max to Josie and back again, a mildly interested expression on his face. ‘Oh, so you two know each other, do you? England really is delightfully small, isn’t it?’ He turned to Oliver, lowering his voice and leaning in, absentmindedly handing his empty champagne glass to a passing waiter. ‘Ollie, I’ll catch up with you in a bit, yes? I’ve just got to go and say hello.’ Oliver nodded, his arm still around Josie, while Bradley waved a hand in the direction of two middle-aged men who had just appeared on the second floor. As soon as Bradley left, Oliver turned to stare at Max in a way that stopped ever so short of a glare, and his arm tightened enough on Josie that it seemed to force her closer against her side. So, he had placed Max, then. At the same time, Tim stepped in to take Bradley’s place, manoeuvring it so that he was next to Liam and immediately starting up a stream of instructions to him. Liam nodded along, grimacing at Chloe apologetically.

His sister didn’t notice, though. She and Erin were both watching Max, Josie and Oliver, clearly trying to work out the connection. Erin frowned. ‘So, you two know each other then?’ For some reason, Erin’s Scottish lilt seemed particularly pronounced right now, when usually he hardly even noticed it.

Josie’s bottom teeth came out to graze her lip in the way he’d seen her do when in London, when she was trying to think of what to say or trying to get out of a situation. She caught him looking and for a moment their gazes met. Her teeth retreated immediately, like she’d just figured out what she was doing. ‘Yes,’ Josie said, clearing her throat. ‘We met at Christmas, in London.’

Oliver didn’t seem to react to this, only skimmed his gaze over Chloe and Erin, like he was trying to work out their side of the puzzle. So, Josie must have come clean to him then, must have admitted that they weren’t, in fact, long lost friends. He wondered what, exactly, she’d told him, how she’d made it sound.

Chloe’s eyes widened a fraction and Max tried not to grit his teeth. She’d clearly cottoned on. He shot her a look, and in response she took a big gulp of her wine, then immediately fixed her gaze on Josie, eyes assessing her as they did a quick scan up and down her body.

Erin’s frown lingered. ‘At Christmas?’

Fuck. Max cleared his throat again. He’d make it sore soon if he didn’t stop. ‘Yeah.’ He tried to smile at Erin like it was all no big deal. ‘When I missed my flight, do you remember I told you about that?’

Oliver, who only came up to the bottom of Josie’s chin, nodded vigorously at that, and gave a somewhat unconvincing grin. ‘Right, I remember you now.’ Max tried not to narrow his eyes at the prick. Pretending he’d only just figured it out – it was a boring trick. ‘Didn’t you come to the Christmas party?’ Josie gave Oliver’s back a little stroke, like she was soothing him. A movement that would probably have gone unnoticed, if Max hadn’t been staring so hard. Josie and Oliver’s eyes met for a second and when she gave him a small smile, he nodded back – some shared communication that no one else was privy to.

Oliver had got a job in New York, Max remembered. So was Josie just here visiting? He felt Erin’s eyes on the side of his face and took a sip of his drink, looking very deliberately at it rather than at anyone in the circle.

Oliver turned his attention to Chloe and Erin, and Max thought that, when he spoke, his tone was overly jovial. ‘What about you two then?’

‘I’m Max’s sister,’ Chloe said easily. Josie’s gaze flashed to her, and when Chloe grinned, Josie smiled in that same tight way. He’d made them speak to each other, hadn’t he? Chloe had been all worried about Max going off the deep end, had been paranoid, thinking that being alone at Christmas would be triggering for him, so had been a little obsessive about pestering him to make sure he was ok. Did Josie remember speaking to her, he wondered? Not that he’d told her the ins and outs of it, had more just put her on the phone to make light of it all to Chloe, demonstrate the fact that he’d managed to find a pretty girl to hang out with while he was stranded.

‘You both live here then?’ Oliver flicked his gaze between Chloe and Max, seeming particularly interested in trying to connect the dots. Josie took a sip of her drink – white wine – but when he met her gaze over the rim of her glass, she looked away. Was she wondering that too? Wondering why he was here?

‘Not really,’ Max said. His voice came out a little husky and he wet his lips. ‘I wasn’t supposed to be, anyway – was just coming out here for Christmas initially.’ He directed that last part at Josie. He wanted her to know that he hadn’t been lying to her – about that, at least. ‘But I got offered a short-term contract with Liam here at his architect firm, so I decided to stay on for a bit.’ He gestured to Liam, who was only just returning to the conversation now that Tim was leaving. Liam nodded, glancing between them all as he tried to catch up.

‘And I’m just visiting,’ Chloe piped up. She glanced around. ‘So do you reckon there are any snacks coming out?’ No one answered her, though Josie looked around too, as if grateful to have an excuse to divert her attention elsewhere. Max ran a hand through his hair. Jesus.

‘I’m visiting too,’ Erin said firmly, inserting herself into the conversation. Max saw Oliver’s eyes linger on her for a second, and he felt his free hand clench into a fist. Not because Erin was his or anything like that – she was beautiful, and other people were entitled to appreciate that – but because Oliver was with Josie, so he shouldn’t even be sparing anyone else a second glance.

‘You’re from Scotland?’ Josie asked, focused exclusively on Erin and shifting her weight, making her earrings sparkle in the change of light.

Erin nodded. ‘I met Max at university there.’ She put her hand on Max’s arm lightly, gave a little squeeze, so though she didn’t actually say she was his girlfriend, it was heavily implied. Max saw Josie’s eyes flicker towards Erin’s hand, and knew she’d clocked it. He felt his body stiffen. He couldn’t move away in case that offended Erin, but he wanted to, just so that Josie knew it wasn’t like that. Or at least, it wasn’t when he’d met her, anyway. He forced himself to let out a slow, silent breath. Fuck.

Josie nodded, cleared her throat. ‘That’s nice.’

Erin let her hand drop from Max’s arm but shifted a little, so the side of her body brushed against his. ‘And how did you two meet?’

Josie glanced up at Oliver, but though his arm was around her he was now doing a quick scan of the room. Clearly, whatever threat Max posed had been assessed and dismissed. Maybe he was just so confident in his and Josie’s relationship that bumping into him was no big deal, a funny story they’d tell the grandkids. Prick. ‘At work,’ Josie supplied.

‘Seriously, are there no snacks coming out?’ Chloe blurted out. She gave Max a look as if to say let’s move, clearly sensing the awkwardness. And she was the only one on his side of the circle that would understand why. He didn’t want to move away yet though – what if Josie disappeared immediately after and he didn’t get the chance to speak to her again?

He looked at Josie instead. ‘So, how are you?’ He took a sip of his drink, tried to make it casual. Tried not to let on that he’d been thinking about her since he left, wishing he’d said more in his note to explain. Or that he hadn’t realised how much he’d regret it until he was on the plane and it was too damn late to change it.

She gave a little shrug of her bare shoulders. ‘I’m good, thanks.’

‘Still into your photography?’ He was thinking of the photo she’d taken of him, the one on the beach that she’d given him for Christmas.

She nodded. ‘Yep.’ She let her arm slip from Oliver and curled a strand of her hair back into her bun. She paused, glanced at Oliver again. ‘Actually,’ she began again, her voice firmer now, ‘I’ve started up an Instagram account for it, now that I’ve got the time.’

Oliver squeezed her shoulder, bringing his attention back to the group. ‘She’s taking the world by storm, my girl.’ Max tried hard not to grit his teeth.

‘Well, I’d love to see,’ Erin said graciously – though whether she meant it or not, Max couldn’t be sure. Josie hesitated, doing that lip-bitey thing again. Then she seemed to relent and got out her phone, showing it around to general compliments. The top photo was one in Central Park, posted yesterday, and it looked more beautiful on her phone screen than it had done in real life. So, it could have been her he saw, then. Not that he could ask – it would raise too many alarm bells for almost everyone in their little circle.

‘Honestly, you don’t have to keep looking, it’s really not that exciting,’ Josie said quickly, reminding him of when she’d shown him her photos on the beach, how reluctant she’d been to do so. But Erin kept scrolling down, with Max and Chloe looking over her shoulder and Liam clearly trying to look interested. Josie shifted her weight a little awkwardly and he wished he could cross to her, squeeze her hand reassuringly, or just run a hand down her arm.

‘The photos are incredible,’ Max said, causing Josie to glance at him. ‘You know, I’ve got a friend who’s a photographer – I could introduce you if you like?’ Chloe’s eyebrows shot up and Max shrugged as if to say what? He was just being friendly, that was all.

‘No thanks,’ Josie said, a little too quickly. ‘It’s just a hobby really, I’ve got my freelance work in the meantime.’

‘Well, they’re cool anyway,’ said Chloe, taking the phone from Erin and handing it back to Josie. ‘How long have you been doing it?’

Josie seemed visibly relieved to have her phone back. ‘Well, I started this account when I got to New York.’

‘So you live here now?’ Max asked, before he could help himself.

She nodded, and that same weird smile was back. ‘That’s right. Oliver and I moved out here in January.’

There was a beat where everyone seemed to be waiting for Max to respond, resulting in a slightly awkward beat of silence when he didn’t. ‘That’s cool,’ said Liam, stepping up. ‘Are you loving it?’

Her smile seemed genuine this time, a hint of that open warmth he remembered from Christmas. ‘I am. We’ve done all the touristy things and it’s been so cool, right?’ She looked up at Oliver, who once again had been browsing the room.

‘Huh?’ Oliver said. ‘Right. Yes, that’s right. It’s been epic, right, babe?’ Babe? Josie raised her eyebrows at him, though whether at the ‘babe’ or at him just repeating the same question back to her, Max wasn’t sure. ‘Look, I’m really sorry all,’ said Oliver, in what Max considered an overly pompous voice, like he was playing up the English for the American audience, ‘but I’ve just got to speak to a couple of people – here for work, after all.’ He gave a rueful headshake, like he wasn’t just loving that fact.

‘And I’m going to have to go to the ladies,’ Josie said immediately, as if she’d just been waiting for the opportunity to get out of the conversation. To be fair, Max could hardly blame her – it wasn’t exactly riveting conversation here. Oliver nodded, gave her shoulder one last squeeze, then strolled purposefully round the other side of the bar. Josie turned, hesitated, then looked back at Max. ‘It was nice to see you again – sorry, I should have said that earlier.’ She smiled a little, her gaze flickering quickly to Erin and back again. ‘You’re well?’ She added it like an afterthought, and he could only nod. ‘Well. I hope you all have a lovely time – and enjoy New York, if you’re visiting.’ She directed the last part to Chloe and Erin, like she was setting up stakes here and not just a visitor herself.

Chloe raised her glass to toast Josie. ‘Cheers.’

Josie walked away with quick, long strides and Max watched her retreating back for a moment, downing the last dregs of his drink.

‘Actually, I think I need to go to the loo too,’ Erin said. She finished her drink, put it on the bar behind her. ‘Be back in a min, ok?’ She squeezed Max’s arm as she swept after Josie. Max took half a step after her, almost thinking to stop her – what if she cornered Josie or something? But Chloe swung round to face him, closing him, Liam and her off from the rest of the room.

‘Who on earth was that, and why do you look so worried about it?’ Max looked towards Liam for help, but he just shook his head, still looking faintly bemused. Fat lot of bloody help he was. ‘She’s the girl, isn’t she?’ Chloe pressed.

‘What girl?’ He set his empty glass down behind him. From the look on his sister’s face, he knew he wasn’t quite pulling off the nonchalance.

‘The girl.’ She nodded when he said nothing, his silence apparently answer enough, then folded her arms, tapping her fingers against one elbow. ‘She’s cute.’ To Max’s eye, ‘cute’ seemed like an incredible understatement for the way Josie looked tonight.

‘Hang on,’ Liam said. ‘What am I missing here?’

When Max just shook his head, Chloe turned to Liam. ‘He fell for this girl in London when he was stuck there last year, and then he just left her, and hasn’t spoken to her since. That is said girl,’ she added unnecessarily.

Liam’s gaze flickered between Max and Chloe. ‘Right,’ he said. ‘And, umm, why did you leave her, exactly?’

Max gave Chloe a do not say anything look, and she huffed out a breath. Liam looked between them. ‘Right,’ he said again. ‘Well, I’ll get us more drinks, shall I?’ Max nodded gratefully. God bloody love Liam – he never pushed, not when it was clear you didn’t want to talk about something. It was part of what made their friendship so easy.

His gaze shot to the corner of the room. Josie was coming out from where the loos were now. Was it just him, or was there more of a tightness to the way she was holding herself? He did a quick scan of the room, located Oliver chatting to another old guy in a suit, intently focused on what the guy was saying and apparently oblivious to Josie. Now was the time, then.

He’d barely taken a step, when Chloe swung round in front of him again. ‘Do you really think that’s such a good idea?’ He said nothing. ‘What are you going to say?’

He spared Chloe a brief glance. ‘I don’t know. I need to explain.’

Chloe huffed out a breath. ‘She’s with someone else now, there’s no point in confusing the issue.’

Max scowled. ‘That guy’s a dick.’

Chloe scoffed. ‘That’s hardly the point. And what about Erin?’ Max could only glare at her. Liam stepped towards them and handed them both a drink, looking very like he was trying to think of something constructive to say, which, in all fairness, was more difficult when you had very little idea as to what was going on. Chloe sighed. ‘It’s not fair, Max. To anyone. I just don’t think you should open it all up again.’ She tapped her fingers on the stem of her wine glass. ‘Though you didn’t have to make it so bloody dramatic when you left – what happened to the good old petering things out over WhatsApp?’

Max narrowed his eyes, then turned to Liam. ‘Did I ever tell you about the time Chloe told a guy she actually had a twin, and the twin and her had been swapping with him and now she had to come clean – just to get him to dump her?’

Liam raised his eyebrows. ‘A twin, hey?’

Chloe flushed. ‘Look, it wasn’t that bad, I just . . .’

And with that, Max took his exit. He caught up with Josie and reached out to take her elbow before she could clock him. She stumbled a little and when she looked up at him, colour flooded her face. She wrenched her arm from his a little forcefully.

‘Sorry,’ he said quickly. ‘I just . . . Can I just talk to you for a second?’

She hesitated, studying his face like she was deciding something, then gave a single, jerky nod. ‘Alright.’

She followed him to the nearest corner, one where the light barely reached. To lead her downstairs might be a bit too suspicious. Once there, she crossed her arms, waiting, and he cleared her throat. ‘I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.’

She raised her eyebrows. ‘Well, that makes two of us,’ she said.

‘I just . . .’ Jesus, get a fucking grip, Max. ‘I wanted to apologise for how I left things with you.’

Her eyes stayed cold and even, but when she nodded slowly, her expression flickered. ‘Yes. It wasn’t ideal, I’ll admit.’ He winced at her tone.

‘I just . . .’ he tried again, but she shook her head to cut him off.

‘Look, it’s alright. It was just a bit of fun, wasn’t it?’ She sighed. ‘And ok, maybe I got caught up in the romanticism of it all, but it was really just a fling, wasn’t it?’ She dropped her arms to her sides and straightened her shoulders. ‘You don’t owe me anything, so don’t worry about it, ok?’

He scowled, tried to think of something to do with his hands that wasn’t balling them into fists. He wanted her to be angry at him. Somehow, this ambivalence was worse – because if it had just been a fling, then why couldn’t he get her out his damn head? He took a breath, tried one more time. ‘I wish—’

‘Look, Max, we’ve both moved on, haven’t we?’ She gave a pointed look across the room and Max saw Erin gliding over to Chloe, who was beckoning her over, clearly trying to keep her distracted.

Max looked back at Josie and frowned. ‘You haven’t moved on. You’re moving backwards.’ He was trying to get a rise out of her, but other than a slight tightening of her lips, he got nothing. He wanted to shake her, to snap her out of this weird composure and back to the real Josie, the one he’d met at Christmas, not this cardboard cut-out version who he couldn’t get a read from.

Josie shook her head firmly. ‘You might think that, but I don’t.’

‘What?’

She lifted her chin. ‘I haven’t moved backwards. I’m living in New York, aren’t I?’ She gestured around the room, then cocked her head in that way of hers. ‘As I seem to recall, you thought I was secretly the adventurous type. So, maybe you were right.’ The way she said it, it was like he could hear the shrug in her voice, but then their gazes locked and he wondered if she remembered that evening as vividly as he did. The cocktail bar, her eyes dancing in the candlelight. The taste of her when he’d kissed her later.

‘Is that her?’ Josie asked abruptly, glancing again at Erin, almost like she couldn’t help herself. When Max frowned, she added, ‘The girl who broke your heart?’ He stared at her for a moment. Well, what had he expected her to think? He’d allowed her to think that he’d had his heart broken, as an easy and less complicated explanation for why he’d been so off with her at the start. He remembered it in excruciating detail, the weight of what he’d been feeling, and how she’d pulled him out of it, even though he’d been downright rude when he’d first met her. He started to shake his head, to explain that yes, she was his ex but no, she wasn’t the reason he’d been like that. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Chloe sneaking glances over at them, and he could almost hear her telling him to leave it alone. Then Josie raised a hand to someone across the room, smiled and nodded, and Max turned to see Oliver looking over at them. Just like that, his time was up.

Josie curled a strand of hair around her ear and took a step way. He saw her hesitate, turn back. She blew out a breath. ‘Look, Max, I can’t say it’s not a little strange, seeing you here. But honestly, just so you don’t feel bad or whatever, you leaving, in the way you did, was probably the best thing that could have happened to me.’ Her gaze flickered over to where Oliver was waiting for her, then briefly to the ground before meeting his again. ‘It made me realise what I had with Oliver,’ she said firmly. ‘Made me realise I wanted to give it another go.’

‘He cheated on you,’ Max said flatly.

‘I’m well aware of that, thanks,’ she said tightly, in a way that made him regret it. ‘But everyone can make a mistake.’ That head-cock again. ‘Or are telling me you never have?’ He said nothing because no, he obviously couldn’t tell her that, could he? ‘And I got to come out here,’ she continued, ‘and we’ve been going to Broadway and Central Park and everything – things I never would have dreamed I’d do, which has been just . . .’– she waved a hand in the air – ‘amazing.’ She nodded, like that was the word she’d been searching for. ‘It’s been amazing,’ she repeated.

So maybe he’d just been a rebound – some fun that she needed to get out her system. He remembered that, on their expedition to that damn Winter Wonderland place, they’d run into Oliver, and it had been clear that the two of them had only just ended things. So then he’d thought there would be no harm – she was on the rebound, just looking for some fun, so why not have some himself? And the fact that she was gorgeous and intelligent and could make him laugh was obviously a plus. But then . . . He hadn’t realised, until just now, that maybe it really had just been a bit of fun – for her.

Josie sighed, and he watched her chest rise and fall with the moment. ‘So maybe,’ she continued, ‘maybe that’s the reason fate or whatever made me run into you that day – because I might not have given this a go otherwise.’

Max shook his head, feeling suddenly weary. ‘You really believe everything happens for a reason and all that bullshit?’

She raised her eyebrows at his tone, then shrugged. ‘Not really, no.’ Her face darkened a little at that, and some of her seemed to retreat inwards. He wondered if she was thinking of her parents and immediately wished he hadn’t said anything. ‘But it doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate it when things work out. So maybe I should be thanking you. But for now, I have to go, sorry.’ She stepped away a little hurriedly on those spindly heels, and he reached out to grab her hand. She looked back at him, and didn’t pull away. But he didn’t know what the fuck he wanted to say, what his parting words should be.

He cleared his throat. ‘I’ll see you around?’

She pulled her hand from his, slowly, and he didn’t take his eyes off her face as shadows in her eyes seemed to flicker. She blew out a breath, shook her head. ‘Somehow I doubt that – don’t you?’

And then, without giving him a chance to think of a response, she was walking away, back to her boyfriend, leaving him standing there alone.

He took a long pull of his beer, saw that Erin was watching him now. She was frowning, and he couldn’t blame her. Couldn’t blame Josie, either – she had every right to move the hell on. She was right, it had been just a fling – because he’d made sure of that, hadn’t he? He’d refused to allow himself to believe it could ever have been anything more, had convinced himself that they’d both be better off that way.

His drink tasted bitter on his tongue when he lifted it to his lips. Another cruel twist of fate, he supposed, that now he realised he wanted something more, it was too late.