A Secret to Shatter by Katie O’Connor

Chapter Twenty-Eight

After her shift at work, Honey climbed into Ira’s Jeep and kissed him on the cheek. He smelled delicious. New cologne perhaps? Different soap? She inhaled deeply. Patchouli, mint, leather, and man. Absolutely heavenly. Ira had called her earlier asking if they could spend time together. “Hi. Missed you today,” she murmured.

He hugged her tightly. “Missed you too.”

“Where are we off to?” He didn’t immediately answer, nor did he start the vehicle.

She looked at him, taking in his grim expression and the pulse pounding in his neck. “What’s wrong? You said you needed help with something? Are you okay?” she asked, worry swamping her. His brows were pinched together, his hands clenched on the steering wheel. His left heel tapped an unsteady rhythm on the floorboard. His sad countenance was so opposite to the blazing August sun it was startling.

She stroked his soft beard, trying to offer comfort without getting lost in the sensual feel of his whiskers. They tickled her palm and heated her desire. She was falling for him, more than falling for him. She was full on smitten. “Talk to me, Ira. Tell me what’s going on in your head. Please.” It was so difficult to open him up, to get him to talk about things deeply personal, and she suspected this time wasn’t going to be any different.

“It came.”

“What came?” She suspected he meant the paternity test results, but she didn’t want to assume anything or rush him to speak. His distress tore at her heart. She waited patiently for him to open up.

“The paternity test.” He pulled a crumpled envelope from between the seats and passed it to her.

She glanced down at the innocent looking white envelope. It was wrinkled and dirty as if someone had crumpled it and tried to flatten it back out. She turned it over to read the front. A huge coffee ring marred the return address. She peered up at him. “What happened to it?”

“It came yesterday. I picked it up at the post office on my way home from the ranch. I couldn’t make myself open it. I threw it on the table.” He sighed heavily, as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

“And?” Getting the story from him was like pulling teeth, or taming a feral house cat. Time and patience were needed. She waited for him to go on.

“And I just stared at it for hours. I couldn’t sleep not knowing, but I couldn’t open it either. It just sat on the table mocking me.”

He did look exhausted. He was pale and had dark circles under his eyes as if he wasn’t sleeping well. She smoothed the envelope on her knee and traced her finger around the stain, waiting.

“I set my cup on it. Trying to hide it. Make it look like any other envelope. It didn’t help.”

She stroked his arm. “It’s going to be okay. Do you want me to open it?”

“No.” His voice was low and shaky.

“Are you going to open it?” She reached over and flipped the ignition to accessory so she could roll down her window and let some heat out before she melted. The temperature in the Jeep was rising fast under the afternoon sun.

“No.” His worried expression didn’t ebb, and indecision darkened his voice.

“Do you want to let Robert open it?”

“No.”

Okay, this was getting out of hand. He had the results. The issue would resolve itself and his tension would dissipate with the results. How dreadfully stressful for him this must be. She couldn’t even imagine what he was going through. She had no similar experience. Still, she empathized with him even though she knew the anxiety of not knowing could be worse than a disappointing solution. “You have the results, why not look at them? What’s the worst that can happen?”

* * *

“What’sthe worse that can happen?” Ira parroted and pivoted to glare at Honey. Was she insane? How could she not see what was at stake here? She was usually so sympathetic and understanding. “Everything can go wrong.”

“Walk me through it,” she urged, squeezing his hand in hers. “Tell me what you’re thinking. Maybe we can puzzle out a solution together.”

Her support meant the world to him, but didn’t ease the fear dragging him down. He felt heavier than when he had carried his wounded buddy and two packs to safety. The emotional burden and the fear echoed that horrible day. All he lacked was the determination he’d had then.

Troops supported each other, but they didn’t pressure each other about their issues. Honey was different. She wasn’t going to let this go. But how did he reveal he was frightened he might not be Robert’s son.

It shouldn’t matter. He’d spent his life without a father. His mother had been enough. Almost enough. Sure, as a kid, he’d wanted a father; but he’d lacked for nothing during his childhood. They’d gotten along fine without a male role model. As a young adult, the military became his family.

Then, he was drummed out of the service and his mother died leaving him alone. He maintained his relationship with many of his squad mates, but it wasn’t the same.

Until he held the lab envelope in his hand, he didn’t realize how hard he was clinging to his new family, his father’s family. Or how much he needed to know he wasn’t alone in the world. He needed to belong.

“What if…” he trailed off. He couldn’t ask. He could barely think the idea, let alone voice it aloud. His stomach cramped and he bit down a wave of nausea.

Calling on his sniper training, he inhaled deeply through his nose and blew it out slowly through his mouth. A small measure of calm returned, but not enough.

“What if what?” She asked, turning his face to look at her.

He looked down at their entwined fingers. He couldn’t meet her eyes. What would a lovely woman like her want with an ex-sniper who didn’t even have a family? Nothing. That’s what.

“You know what? I think I better just go home.” He tugged his hand.

She refused to release him. “Look at me, Ira. Look at me,” she squeezed his fingers. “I think I get it. You’re worried about the results. Ask yourself this. What if you are related to the Flints?”

Warmth blossomed through him. He liked the Flint family. They were kind and welcoming. They gave him a sense of family and companionship he’d lost with his discharge. Rather than force an answer past the lump in his throat, he nodded.

“What if you aren’t?” she pushed. “Does it matter? Does it change who you are?”

She’d hit the nail right on the head. “I don’t know. That’s the trouble.” The results shouldn’t matter, but they did. Being accused of lying when he honored the truth above almost anything else would cut deep and leave scars almost as ugly as those from his military memories.

“They’ll think I’m a liar and after their money.”

“I didn’t know they had money.” She sounded surprised. “Did you ask for money?”

“No! Is that what you think of me?” He smacked his palm on his thigh and rubbed the sting away.

“Of course not. If you’ve never given any indication you want their money, and you agreed to the paternity test, why would they think the worst? It doesn’t make sense.” Her voice was filled with compassionate logic. Maybe she was trying to be soothing.

“I suppose.” He wasn’t convinced they’d be so kind, not even close.

“So why don’t we take this letter,” she waved it at him, “and go see Robert and Sue. Let them open it. Let the chips fall where they may. You can’t change what is inside here, and you don’t have a way-back machine so you can’t go back in time and not come to visit them. Why not strap on a brave face and get it over with?”

“I could lose everything. My family, my pride.” She was probably right, it was best to get it done, but what if something was wrong? What if his mother was mistaken?” He voiced the last question aloud.

Honey chuckled, a huge smile wrapping her face. Her giggles turned to breathless laughter. Tears of laughter ran down her face. She gasped for air before apologizing. “I’m sorry. It’s not funny, but it is.” She patted his cheek. “Have you looked in the mirror? I mean really looked?”

“Every morning.” His lack of understanding came through in his voice.

“Look now.” She flipped down his visor and opened the mirror. “Look hard.”

He stared in the mirror. Same old face. Scruffy beard, dark hair. A few small scars. “I don’t get it.” She was driving at something, and for the life of him, he didn’t know what.

“Look at your bone structure. Look at your eyes.”

“Same old me.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake.” She pulled out her phone and fiddled with the screen. “Look at this.” She thrust the phone in his face.

The screen held an image of him alongside Robert and two of his brothers.

“I took this shot the other day. Look hard,” she urged. He recalled the gathering they’d gone to together on one of their dates.

He looked, but didn’t see what she was getting at. He shook his head. They were all dark haired. So what?

“Good grief,” she exclaimed. “You boys could be triplets. And you’ve all got the same eyes. Those Flint green eyes. I suspected a connection the first time I saw you with Robert. Any fool can see it. I didn’t need a DNA test, and neither should you.”

He stared at her. She couldn’t be serious. He looked back at the phone in his hands and tapped the screen before it went dark. He zoomed in on the faces. It was right there, in living color. Four men, all clearly related. If he had stumbled upon this picture, and it was of strangers, he’d know they were family. Beyond doubt. He’d known there were similarities, but their likeness was uncanny.

He blinked stupidly at Honey. “How did I miss this?”

“Beats me,” she grinned. “Half the town is talking about it. Stop being afraid of what you can’t change. Go for it. Open the danged letter. Confirm what we all already know. The truth is right in front of you.”

He started the jeep with a smile. Before putting it into gear, he leaned over and took her mouth in a kiss that left them both breathless. “What would I do without you and your logical mind?” It was hard to believe he once thought she was an airhead. The more time he spent with her, the more he realized she was anything but stupid.

She smacked him lightly on the shoulder. “You’d be lost, of course. Now, let’s go open this letter and then we can celebrate the official news of your new family.”

The idea was excellent. He could think of several ways to celebrate with Honey, and none of them involved his family. His girl was something else. Whistling softly, he put the jeep in gear and pulled out of the parking lot.

* * *

“You ready?”Honey asked as Ira parked in front of the Flint’s large, buttercream yellow home. His unease seemed to have fled after realizing how much he looked like Robert.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, thanks to you.” Gratitude rang in his voice. The tension had fled from his shoulders and his hands now rested lightly on the steering wheel; white knuckles gone.

“Then, let’s do this.”

She leapt out of the truck and hurried around to open Ira’s door and yank him out before he changed his mind. Slinging her arm around his waist she urged him forward.

“No need to stress out. There’s not a rush, you know.”

“Yes, there is. Get it done. Let the celebration begin.” She winked at him and giggled at his startled look.

Robert answered when they knocked on the back door. “Son, how many times have I told you this is your home? You don’t need to knock.”

Sue bustled up to them. “Honey, nice to see you. You’re in luck. I just finished icing a maple chocolate cake and there’s fresh coffee.”

“That sounds delicious.” Honey slipped out of her shoes; her feet glad for the freedom after a busy six-hour shift.

“I’d love a slice,” Ira said.

“I hear a but,” Sue said. Pausing half way to the coffee pot.

“Can we sit and talk for a minute?” Ira asked as he toed off the cowboy boots he’d been wearing lately. He had confided to Honey on the way out that they were more comfortable than he expected. Everyone settled at the table. “I’m, we’re, here because I got the results back from the lab.”

“And, you’re my son,” Robert declared as if Ira’s parentage had never been in doubt.

“Oh, of course he is.” Sue reached over to pat Ira’s arm.

“And I haven’t opened them. Yet.”

Honey pulled the envelope from her purse and set it on the table between Robert and Ira. She was grateful that nobody commented on the state of the envelope which revealed the truth of Ira’s reluctance to open it.

“Why is the world not?” Sue and Robert asked in unison.

“I wanted to do it here. With my family.” The hope in his voice mingled with a question.

He was so vulnerable and uncertain, but trying to be strong. He wanted to be the man the army had trained him to be.

Why did men think emotions were best hidden? Honey wondered. Sure, stoicism had its place. But not here, and not now. She reached under the table and squeezed Ira’s leg reassuringly and nudged him with her knee.

“I’d like you to open it please.” Ira slid the letter toward Robert.

“I’d sooner burn the damned thing.”

“Ira, dear.” Sue said. “We don’t need a letter to tell us you are our child and no matter what is revealed in this envelope, you are welcome in our home. As our child.”

Ira swallowed audibly. “Thank you.”

Honey sensed his nervousness rising again. She’d never been in a situation like this, but the tension must be draining on everyone involved. It was even getting to her and she was just an interested bystander.

“You’ll always be my son. You’ve been mine since I learned you existed. I was wrong to keep out of your life. Can you forgive me?”

Honey sniffed back a tear. All this emotion was draining and exhilarating. She was witnessing the birth of a family. A family she wanted to be a part of. A family and a man she could call her own, after years of being alone.

“No need for forgiveness,” Ira said, his voice sounding thick.

Robert picked up the envelope, staring at it like it contained a bomb. “Here goes nothing.”

“Here goes everything,” Ira muttered under his breath. Honey doubted anyone else heard him.

Envelope in one hand, Robert slit the edge with a jackknife he pulled from his pocket. Without hesitation, he pulled the paper from inside and glanced at it. “Hmph.” He snorted.

“What?” Ira blurted.

“The analysis says there is a 96.4% chance you are my son. I knew it. Never a moment of doubt in my mind.”

The statement sounded more like a relieved observation to Honey. Perhaps there had been a sliver of doubt in the family patriarch’s mind.

Robert stood and rounded the table to embrace Ira. “Welcome to the family, son. Welcome to the family.”

Tears streamed down Honey’s face at the sight. The relief flooding the room was palpable.

“This demands a celebration!” Sue jumped up and grabbed the cake from the counter.

“What are we celebrating?” Justice asked, stepping in from outside, Ken right behind him.

“The paternity test is positive. You have a brother.”

Justice seemed happy enough; but Ken’s expression was neutral. But then, she’d never known him to be overly emotional, except about his ex-wife. He shook hands with Ira and welcomed him to the family.

After a moment, Honey leaned over and whispered in Ira’s ear. “They’ll come around in time. There’s bound to be an adjustment period.” She slipped her arm around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder. She felt, rather than saw, his nod. He would get through this day, and the adjustment period. She fully intended to hold his hand, every step of the way.