A Lock Of Death by Beena Khan

16

I blinked in the darkness.

Blue’s arms still wrapped around me, and I inhaled his crispy smell. I didn’t know how long we stayed like this or why I enjoyed the company of a murderer so much.

He was far from prince charming.

A scarred dark knight.

The same way I had scars on my soul.

Damage meets damage.

I knew what he was capable of, yet I didn’t want to leave his arms. I didn’t even know why he had bothered to ask about my story. Was I still less than a human in his eyes? I stopped playing seductress with him days ago because I realized, he wasn’t just interested in my body, my physical appearance.

He was interested in me.

Substance.

He craved substance.

And I gave him that.

I gave him my story.

The truth.

I hope it was enough for him to let me go soon. My days were outnumbered, and in less than two days, I would reach my darling husband. I hoped Blue would change his mind.

His body shifted, pulling away from me.

“We have to get moving if we wanna get out of here.”

I pouted even though he couldn’t see me.

“Okay,” I mumbled.

Blue squeezed my waist one more time, sending tingles straight to my spine.

I shifted to the left, dropping my hold from him.

His warmth instantly left my skin.

He popped open the trunk slowly, and I closed my eyes, so I didn’t see anything at all. My eyes were sensitive to the sun too.

My father had mentioned he realized my condition when he took me to my first doctor’s appointment.

I was a month old back then, and the moment he stepped out of the apartment, the sunlight had hit my skin, burning the palm of my hand. I still had white scars left behind if one looked too closely. Boris and Dimitri hadn’t noticed them that night because I had clenched my hands into fists.

That day with my father, my face had been covered, but I had my hand out. He hadn’t understood at all when I cried. He hadn’t realized it was the sun itself that had harmed me. He thought it was the clothes I wore that caused the rash. That had resulted in a bigger issue. One by one he had removed the blanket, inching it away from my hand. Slowly, he’d realized the more he exposed my skin, the more the sun scorched me.

He had rushed inside immediately.

After that, I’d been homeschooled.

At the clubhouse, the bikers had been already informed by Mr. Henry that I had a sun allergy.

A perfect little plaything for them.

They’d hit a jackpot with me.

I couldn’t even escape them during the day. They didn’t even have to worry at all, and during the night, they increased their security. Each day in the clubhouse had gone like an eternity. After one biker was done, another entered. It never ended. That’s when I’d first started using.

It helped me sleep better at night. I had been used in every single position known to mankind. If it was possible to put whore on my resume, I had all the qualifications for it.

My heart was content that I left that life though.

I’d met Alexander Nikolaev and whatever mercy that was capable in his dark soul, he’d shown me. I guess finding a defiled, naked woman could make the strongest alpha show compassion. He hadn’t touched me or killed me. He’d spared me instead, and I didn’t mind working for him. He didn’t have to offer me a deal, and I would always be grateful to him for that, even though right now, I still kind of hated him.

I still had my eyes closed when Blue’s footsteps stepped outside, and he closed the trunk shut on me again.

I wasn’t afraid this time because I knew he would always be there. He’d shared his past with me too.

I cracked open an eye and darkness greeted me.

I found solace in it now.

The darkness wasn’t scarier than the world outside. Instead, it wrapped around me like a protective inner dragon, the softest of black velvets surrounding me like how the night greeted me every time. The only thing that reminded me that I was present was my steady heartbeat and the warm air in my lungs.

I calmly watched myself be erased with eyes open and seeing nothing at all. I wrapped my arms around myself, hoping I could warm my body again.

The air of the outside weather seeped in. I wore another one of my sequin sparkly dresses. They might be trashy, but I liked them. I liked the sparkle. Sometimes, I hoped my glittery clothes would help me feel better about the demons in my soul. My thoughts ran mindlessly, wondering what a close call today was.

My ears perked up at the engine rumbling outside.

It wasn’t Blue’s car though.

It sounded like someone came down the highway, and they had stopped. Maybe they had a blanket that could cover me from the sun, and I wouldn’t have to be in the trunk the entire time Blue drove. My heart filled with hope, and I was just about to speak, but someone spoke first.

I couldn’t see anything from the closed barrier, and their muffled voices came from far away.

“Hey there. Do you need any help?”

A man with a cool, calm voice spoke.

“No, I’ll be going soon,” Blue replied.

My eyebrows furrowed and I chewed on my lip.

He could ask the man for something for me. I doubted anyone carried a blanket in their car anyway.

Disheartened, I stayed quiet and instead, focused on staring into the emptiness surrounding me.

“Alright, no problem,” the man replied. “I’m Officer Robins if you need help at any time. Here’s my card.”

My pulse spiked to my throat.

Cop. He’s a cop.

Footsteps moved away and I realized the officer was leaving.

I licked my lips nervously as my vacant eyes searched in despair in the darkness. My heart filled with hope that he could help me, that I could escape from this madness.

This is my chance.

“Wait!” I yelled.

The footsteps paused.

“What’s that noise?” the officer asked, his voice laced with suspicion.

Dimitri remained quiet.

I gulped at the thought of rage churning through him.

After a second, he replied, “I have someone inside the car.”

It wasn’t a lie. Dimitri never lied. I didn’t think he even knew what that was. His voice had dropped low, and the sheer wrath echoed dangerously around it.

The lump in my throat made it hard to swallow.

He might kill me this time.

I had to take a chance though.

No matter how many times, he may have looked out for me, it could never replace the fact that I was still his assignment.

I may have shared my life with him, and he may have shared some parts of him with me, but it could change nothing.

Reality still burned through me clear as day.

I was his prisoner.

A caged songbird.

This was no fairytale.

I was no heroine, and he sure as hell wasn’t my hero.

He was delivering me like I meant nothing.

He looked exactly like how I’d envisioned a man for myself, but he was a fallen angel sent to collect me.

He would always be a monster.

The same monster who led me to my fate.

Ferocity roiled in my heart, replacing the earlier conflicting feelings I had earlier. He could never change no matter how hard you tried to humanize him. I thought long and hard, contemplating, but then I thought, fuck it.

I wanted my freedom.

I craved it like I craved air to breathe.

If no one would give it to me, I would fight for it.

I don’t belong to Boris.

I was my own person, and I wouldn’t be sold again.

I create my destiny now.

Not Alexander Nikolaev.

Not Boris Fedorov.

And not Dimitri Nikolaev.

He’s not Blue, my dear heart, Blue isn’t real, I repeated this mantra to myself.

“Officer! I’m in the trunk,” I protested. “Help me.”

And just to get his attention, I banged on the inside of the trunk a couple of times. I had no idea what was going on but then an alarming voice filled the atmosphere.

“Open the trunk!” the officer commanded. “Or I’ll shoot.”

I stopped banging. Shoot?

He would kill Dimitri…

No… I didn’t want him dead.

What in the world had I expected though?

Someone’s death was confirmed in this situation.

A tiny part of me wanted to tell the officer I had changed my mind. It was a tiny part though.

I valued myself more than anything else in the world.

My freedom, my choice, I came first.

I pick me. I choose to live.

“I said, open the damn fucking trunk!” the officer shouted.

Dimitri was silent as death, and I wondered if he had his gun out too. I could just picture them in my mind, pointing guns at each other, dominating each other for control.

“If you won’t open it, I will! I’m taking her with me. You can’t hold her captive!” the officer continued protesting.

Footsteps moved toward me, and my soul brightened that I could finally escape today.

“If you pop open the trunk, she will die,” Dimitri’s harsh voice came.

Footsteps paused.

“I can’t risk that,” Dimitri added, and I could just picture his jaw ticking, and his eyes narrowing like a human predator once again. “I won’t risk losing her.”

I slammed my eyes shut, and my eyes glittered with water.

I was thinking about escaping, and he was still concerned about my allergy.

A flash of guilt slammed through my heart.

I was such a shameless snitch, and then there was him…

“Do not threaten me. You will do what I say,” the officer commanded, “She is not yours to take. Pop the trunk. Now.”

You don’t understand, I wanted to say to the good cop, but the words were caught in the lump of my throat. That’s not what Blue means. I cleared my throat a couple of times and reached up a hand to wipe the tears from my face. I opened my mouth to speak, but a shot rang through the air.

I stilled and a body collapsed to the ground.

My lower lip quivered, and I bit down on it.

My treacherous hearted hoped that wasn’t Blue.

I blinked rapidly in the dark, too afraid to speak. My mouth opened, but I couldn’t form the words, nor could I force them to come out. I reached out a hand and rested it against the trunk. I had no idea whose corpse laid outside.

Heavy footsteps moved to Dimitri’s car. My ears followed every movement until the door opened.

A sinking feeling of uneasiness filled my heart.

Bad Blue survived, and the Good Cop died.

I should be happier, but I wondered what that meant for me now. I had tried to seek out help twice now.

I stayed quiet as a mouse. My steady heartbeat almost leaped out of my chest. I turned my body and moved closer to the side of the trunk, wondering what the hell was going on outside.

Thud.

I jumped up, startled and my head hit the trunk above me.

“Shit,” I mumbled.

I rubbed my forehead with a frown, hoping the throb in it would ease. My mind returned to the sound after a couple of moments. That had sounded awfully like a body.

Did Dimitri throw the cop’s body inside the car?

I pressed my lips together.

A few seconds later, the engine started.

Disdain boiled and churned in my chest.

He hadn’t even spoken to me.

Awareness pricked the back of my mind.

Dimitri was furious but quiet, and that could only mean one thing. Death would follow.

❖

I stayed in the car the entire time Dimitri drove.

This wasn’t Blue anymore.

Blue was the man who stayed in the trunk with me.

Dimitri was the man who killed a cop.

I didn’t know where we were anymore, but he’d made a stop along the way. The door had opened, and I could only assume he took the corpse out and disposed of it.

My fate was sealed. He was up to his neck in blood, and he wouldn’t hesitate to spill mine.

Dimitri Nikolaev killed a cop, but even I knew that the mafia wasn’t too keen on killing law enforcement officers.

Too many noses would sniff around.

He hadn’t cared though and shot down that officer.

A tremor ran through my body. It moved up my arms, creeping into my blood vessels and veins. I shook from inside out and the chilly atmosphere in the trunk didn’t help. My breath cooled in front of me, and I could see the tiny white circles I breathed out. I exhaled, my chest constricting with every breath.

It was a fight to even breathe in here. I rubbed my bare arms up and down, hoping to draw some warmth in them.

Had I known this would have happened, I would have dressed better. I wish he’d given me my bag so I could have another layer of clothes.

I guess this was the beginning of my punishment.

Dimitri had comforted me, and I had taken him for granted.

We had a moment and I killed it by involving that cop.

It cost a man his life.

My lungs constricted, and every inhale closed them more. Black spots swam in my vision. I squeezed my eyes closed, tears escaping my bottom lashes.

I wanted to save the tears for later.

Dimitri parked the car.

The door slammed behind him. Hard. I winced. I wish I could just lift the lid of the trunk and run but I was locked in, and the scorching sun would ignite me the moment I stepped outside. I was too exposed.

Living with this disease was a curse.

I could never look at the real sun in my life.

I’d never seen it anyway. It only existed in my photographs and paintings. In my childhood, the windows and drapes were always shut down to block even the slightest sunray. Growing up, I didn’t have any friends because I couldn’t go out during the day and hang out with everyone.

There was nothing normal about the way I was born.

I was born this way.

Dimitri Nikolaev had been created.

At the clubhouse, the bikers let me roam around the club, but they had barricaded the windows. Not just because they were afraid the sun might kill me but because they believed I would try to hurt myself. They took away my will to die too.

A deep sigh left my mouth and I curled up in a ball. I didn’t know how long I had been laying down. It was like being buried alive. A haunting feeling crawled through my body, coaxing my bones and chilling them.

Heavy footsteps lurked outside the trunk.

Dimitri had returned.

The quiet sociopath.

And there was his older brother.

The charming psychopath.

I guess it runs in the family.

I shifted back so the sunlight wouldn’t hit me. He didn’t give me a warning this time. Maybe he secretly wanted the sun to burn me. I hope that wasn’t true.

The lid opened partially, and a breeze of cold wind hit me.

A blanket was thrown over me.

Dimitri.

I guess, we reached a motel, and he’d gotten that from inside the place. I wrapped it around my arms and covered my face in it. Luckily, the dress reached my ankles, and I wore socks with my sneakers. Darkness cloaked me again.

Muscular arms went under my waist and lifted me bridal style. I couldn’t step out without jeopardizing myself. The blanket covered my face completely. I rested my hands against him, the crispness of him familiar to my body.

My shoulders sagged, relaxing, even though my heart increased in rhythm with each passing second. I just hope he wouldn’t drop me. I had no choice but to trust him to help me. I blew out a ragged breath, and the ground below me moved as he walked. The bell jingled as we entered the motel.

“Hey, is she okay?” someone called out.

Perhaps the woman at the receptionist desk.

“She has an allergy.”

“Are you okay Ms.?” the female asked, ignoring him.

I sensed the panic undertones in her voice.

She was suspicious. It would be so easy to tell her the truth.

She wouldn’t be able to call the police in time since Dimitri had a gun. I sighed in defeat. I didn’t want another person to die now. The more I spoke, the more people ended up dead.

Dimitri stayed silent as if he was waiting for my answer. He didn’t pinch me to force it out of me. He didn’t have to.

“I… I’m fine,” I lied. “I have a sun allergy,” I clarified.

“Oh…” she replied. “Alright. Well, have a nice stay then.”

She would never know she would have died today had I spoken the truth. I only nodded, hopefully, she saw my bobbing head and understood the message.

Dimitri’s footsteps moved forward, and he climbed up the stairs. I tried not to cringe at what punishment awaited me now.

Would he burn down this building too?

I sighed silently. Maybe he might scorch me along with it.

I broke his rule again.

I just hoped he had run out of kerosene.

Holding me up with one arm, a bing filled the air, and a door opened. He slipped inside and slammed it behind him with a harsh kick. Thud. The sound echoed through the walls. I winced, wondering if the next kick would be for me.

Before I could plead my case, Dimitri dropped me.

I yelped, and I expected to hit the ground, but I landed on a soft fabric. I slipped my hands out of the blanket and gripped the smoothness underneath me. The mattress.

Sighing, I pulled the blanket off and sat upright. I didn’t meet his eyes at all, afraid that I might either find fury or hatred.

I didn’t know which was worse.

Turns out, I didn’t have to look at him because he leaned forward and rested his hands on the opposite sides of my waist, and rested them on the bed.

A tremble ran through my spine, and I shivered when his face came before me. With hesitation, I flicked my gaze.

His eyes were beautiful. So beautiful.

Something warm flickered in my heart even though darkness lurked in those eyes. His were an ocean where the darkest and wildest sea creatures prospered. It was strange that his eyes could be so full and empty at the same time.

We locked eyes with each other.

Blue. My Blue. I wish he could always be my Blue.

My pulse tossed and turned with every passing second. I was trapped beneath the storm of those bottomless eyes.

He ran his tongue across his teeth, and my eyes followed that movement, my heart racing faster.

“You want to be set free?” Dimitri spoke in a voice so low.

Stunned, I gripped the cotton sheets underneath me.

I hadn’t expected that.

A gleam filled his eyes, and I couldn’t read him.

“I’ll see you free,” he continued.

I pressed my lips together, puzzled as to where he was going with it. My gaze imprinted into him.

His arm shot out and he grabbed my hand. A startled gasp left my lips, and I stumbled to my feet.

His jaw ticked so hard, I could count every tick in his face. He didn’t let go of my hand and instead, he walked forward, pulling me along with him. Confused, I just followed him.

Where was he going? Instead of leaving, he headed deeper into the room until he was close to the beige walls.

He dropped my hand and pushed me back.

Still not following, my footsteps faltered back until I hit the wall across from him.

Dimitri’s lip curled and my heart dropped.

Without a warning, his hand shot out and pushed the drape of the window aside, letting the sunlight burst in. The cruel sun’s brightness and radiance filled the room.

God. Please. No.

Water swam in my eyes as realization sank into my soul.

No. He would never do that to me.

“You like to escape, huh?” Dimitri mocked, lifting a black eyebrow. He leaned against the window, the sunlight did not affect him. His flesh basked under it and his skin glowed. It brought out his eyes more and they looked brighter.

I hated how comfortable he could stand there while I was a mess unraveling before him. The bright beams hadn’t touched me since I lurked a couple of feet away. My heart cracked when my eyes landed on the carpet.

I couldn’t even escape from the wall and run for the door because the sunlight had invaded the room. The only place it hadn’t touched was the corner I hid in. I shoved myself deeper into the shadows of this safe cocoon.

Now, I stared up at him.

He stared down at me.

His fair skin glowed under the radiant sun in a way that mine could never.

“You paint the sun, don’t you?”

Dimitri was taunting me, and it stabbed my soul.

I hated when he mocked me.

I hated the sun too.

“Now, you could finally feel it against your skin. Try to escape now.” His words came to swallow me with the shadows.

I stopped breathing, and his hand reached out like lightning and clasped my hand. I shook my head in disbelief and tried to pull my wrist back, but he only held on firmer.

His blue eyes weren’t pretty anymore. They were callous and filled with promises of the danger coming.

One second, he was hot, the next he was cold.

One minute, he protected me from the sun, the next, he was ready to burn me in it.

I tried to pull his death-like grip on my wrist, but it didn’t affect this cruel man. His eyes remained hard and unaffected. I pulled my wrist more toward me, but his hand only pulled it toward him, toward the light. My lips parted at the dust floating in the air of the sunbeams. Protests left my mouth, but my voice fell on deaf ears. I couldn’t see him anymore.

My dreary vision blurred, and I had no idea how close my skin was to the dangerous sun. A lightning beam zapped against my knuckles, and I shrieked. My heart froze to ice and shattered.

I uncurled my hand, objections still leaving my mouth.

His grip loosened on my wrist, and I jerked my hand back, wiping my eyes with the back of my other hand.

I glanced down at my sore pink flesh on my tingling knuckles. The shape of a thin rectangle covered that area. It stung, and water prickled my eyes again. Before I could pull it up and put my mouth over it, my hand was jerked back again.

“Asshole!” I snarled, flaring my eyes up at Dimitri.

He paid me no heed and turned my wrist over, facing him.

A crease filled his thick eyebrows, and he tilted his head. His other hand lifted and came upon mine. Shit.

He would use his full force and pull my whole body through it. I continued to shoot him glares, but he only stared at my hand and didn’t pull me into the sunlight again. Confusion invaded my eyes, and I lowered my gaze to his view.

“You don’t just have a scar.”

My tired eyes jerked up at him.

I remembered our conversation the night we met.

“You have scars.”

Dimitri’s finger lifted and traced the white scars on the inside skin of my palm that had been left behind. The same three lines when I’d been burned as an infant. My palm tingled. His hand was coarse and hardened, but his touch was gentle.

He never touched tenderly.

“Who?” His fiery blue eyes shot up. “Who did this?”

I stared at him with my mouth open.

The man had just burned me.

I looked through his darkened eyes, searching, trying to read him. The Dimitri I’d seen minutes ago had vanished. The anger that lurked in those unfathomable eyes was replaced.

Someone else was his target now.

“Are you going to punish me again?” I asked quietly.

Dimitri shook his head.

I sighed in relief and snatched my hand back from him. He didn’t try to reach for me again. I stared up, still hurt and bruised. My accusing eyes met his.

“It was an accident I had as a baby,” I replied.

His shoulders sagged, and he lost the hardness in his eyes.

“You tried to use my disease against me,” I accused, my voice laced with disapproval and coiled with vehemence.

Dimitri stayed mute now, returning to his brooding self.

I exhaled a rough breath and glanced at my burnt knuckle.

It had reddened. Another bruise to the soul.

I lifted my head and straightened my shoulders.

Staring him dead in the eye, I hissed, “You think you can hurt me?” Again, he said nothing so I continued, “I will never let your stupid species hurt me ever again.”

My eyes burned into his, his fire challenging my own.

The shadows and darkness cloaked me.

The sun and its brightness shone on him.

We were two parallels that could never meet.

A person of the night and a person of the sun.

I couldn’t even reach out and punch him.

I would get burned the second I tried.

I tilted my head and dropped my hand to the side even though I itched to dunk it under ice-cold water.

“You have the deadest soul I have ever met,” I said in disbelief. Why was I still surprised anyway? I was more disappointed in myself than him. “Just how much blood do you have on your soul?” I couldn’t resist adding. The thought fled from my lips by an unseen force. “Ever considered cleaning your hands? How many names are you going to carry to your grave?”

Dimitri blinked but he remained calm and cool as ice.

How could he switch off so fast when I flamed inside?

The sun no longer touched me, but I still fucking burned.

“You are so cruel that you have sacrificed your soul. All you have left is bones and skin. A mask to cover up to the entire world.” A bitter, hysterical laugh left my lips. I couldn’t believe that loony was me. “You will never have power over me,” I jabbed, pointing a finger in his direction. I stepped forward, toward him, toward the sun, and his body tensed.

I gave a haughty smile. “Do you know why?” I taunted, widening my eyes dramatically. “Because only I can hurt myself. It’s my fucking body. Moya.”

I threw that Russian word back into his face. I didn’t know why it had slipped out. I couldn’t even remember what it even meant but it seemed somewhat appropriate.

His eyes widened, but it was too late because I stepped into the sun with him, becoming one with him.

I closed my eyes when the sun rays fell on my body.

It caressed my arm, hands, and the side of my face. If my hair was down, it could have protected my face, but it was in a braid once again. It didn’t take long for the itchy feeling to crawl over my skin, but I didn’t care. The sting took over my flesh, and I was freaking ecstatic about it. My chest tightened and I ran out of air to breathe. The sunbeams soaked into my skin, sinking deep into me, absorbing my aura and breaths.

I could feel the sun against me.

I was no longer the moon today.

I was the fucking eclipse.

I was ready to die by my own hands than his.

The sun tingled, and it burned my insides apart with an invisible flame that stabbed into my soul. It seeped into my brain filling me with undeniable energy. It stole so much from me, and I let it. I wanted it to consume me before he could.

My personal hell. There would be nothing left for him at all.

It was life and death now. This could finally bring me peace.

The bruises came bold and bright prickling like thorns into my skin, and I was tempted to put armor on.

I didn’t know how long I stood in the sunlight before Dimitri shoved me and my back hit the shadowed wall.

Maybe seconds had passed, but each second had felt like an eternity. I remembered every caress, every touch, every burn, and every throb of the sun. I popped open my eyes and my gaze fell on the pinkness of my arms and hands. Any minute now, and this same flush will turn into deep rashes and hives.

I winced because it hurt to even blink, to even breathe, and I was sure my face swelled. I wheezed, fighting to inhale oxygen. A bitter smile formed on my lips even though I suffocated.

I chose my scars now.

Another laugh left my lips before I sagged to my feet. I rested the unburnt side of my cheek against the carpet.

Now, we were back to the beginning.

The shadows covered me, and the sun beamed on him.

A reminder that we could never be united forever.

I peeked one eye up at him. My other eye had closed shut on me, the swelling in it intensifying by the second. I could only imagine that I looked like a beat up broken doll.

My breath hitched at his handsome face. His exterior mask dropped, unveiling an emotion I’d never witnessed before.

Shock. I’d managed to shock him, and I couldn’t be happier.

Dimitri raked a hand through his hair and stared at my feeble body before his feet.

He shook his head. “Psychopath.”

I breathed hard through my clogged nose and replied with a faint smile, “Sociopath.”

What a pair we make.

I grinned but I stopped when my pumpkin like face flared.

“Sumasshedshaya. Crazy Girl.”

A bitter laugh erupted through my damn throat, anyway. I couldn’t hold it in. It hurt to even move any of my facial muscles, but I still took joy in this moment. I observed him coolly. Even though I was on the floor below him, I wasn’t weak.

I caught him off guard.

I surprised him.

I overtook him in his own game.

I was thrilled as I cheekily smiled up at him.

“Are you afraid, Dimitri Nikolaev, that you might just have met your match?”

He said nothing at all, and his gaze trailed the swelling in my face and body.

“You might be bad, but I can wear bad too.”

I couldn’t help but be proud and smug.

“You don’t hold the reins of power in your hands anymore,” I challenged with another smile, even though my jaw was killing me. “You’re not the only monster in this story. I just might be another monster like you.”

My smile didn’t lessen.

I dropped another blow.

“If I die, my death will be on your conscience today.”

He always liked to taunt me about that, now I would give him something to ponder over. My tired eyes blinked, and I plopped my face fully against the carpet, still peering up at him, expecting hostility from Dimitri.

Blue stared at me instead with softened eyes.

My dead heart came alive.

“Dikaya koshka.”

The steady heartbeat that had returned grew in tempo.

Wildcat. I hid a smile.

“My third life is gone. Six more to go,” I whispered. “Once all of my nine lives are gone, I just know you’ll miss me terribly, but you won’t be able to bring me back from the dead.”

My vision became fuzzier, and my world turned black.