A Lock Of Death by Beena Khan

18

I’m being delivered today.

Now that I had rested enough, Dimitri continued this road trip. We had crossed into Texas, and in less than ten minutes we would cross Mexico.

Dimitri had stopped by a motel, and I wasn’t sure why because night still fell outside. We only went indoors when the sun came out. I still didn’t know where we would get the dope to export though. I hadn’t been given anything yet.

I sat on the bed and stared up at Dimitri.

Black jeans. Black cotton t-shirt. Black boots.

Black as his dead soul.

His hair had grown out in the past couple of weeks. He didn’t spare me a glance and remained focused on rummaging through his belongings. His muscles strained under his tight shirt, and I tried not to ogle him too much.

His fair Russian skin was so different from my tanned brown one. His nose was straight, and I hid a smile that I’d thought of it as a weapon. Often, I thought of myself as a ditzy schoolgirl with a crush on the bus driver who was dropping her home.

He was the most fascinating man I’d ever met.

I didn’t know why I felt this way, and I wish I didn’t.

I wish he looked at me the way those members of the MC had. I didn’t want it then, but with Blue… I did.

This man had ruined my life, yet I was still drawn to him. I had never seen him smile nor crack a joke. He was just quiet, always lingering in the room with me like my own shadow.

Dimitri let Boris strip me.

Then, he shielded you.

He put the tracker in my skin.

And then he took it out.

Boris ordered him to punish me.

He lied for you.

He shoved me into the trunk.

To protect you, and he joined you.

He burned my hand.

Then, he nursed you back to health.

I should stop talking to myself, but my mind wasn’t getting the message. I guess my mind liked him too.

I had hoped he might stop the trip after I’d burned myself, but I had aimed too high once again.

It didn’t crush me this time. I’d expected it.

He caught me looking and his eyes landed on me briefly before they fell on my long hair. It hung loose and free behind me, spilling around, forming a protective halo around me. I liked how it wrapped around me like a cocoon. I hadn’t braided it. It required too much effort and I had zero patience today.

Looking away, Dimitri pulled out his pistol and pocketknife from his clothes. He flicked open the pocketknife and the blade popped up. It was the same blade that once pierced my neck. My hand shot to my neck and his eyes followed.

“The tracker needs to go back in.”

I stared at the floor instead, refusing to reply.

“I won’t make you,” he continued.

My hopeful eyes jerked back up at him.

He shrugged. “I’ll just tell him you took it out.”

With my hope crushed, I could only stare as he leaned forward and stabbed the blade into the bottom of his black bag, sliding it down. The rip pounded into my eardrums, and my gaze zeroed on the substance lurking underneath the covering.

Pure white power in its purest form.

Heroin.

The Bratva’s specialty.

So illicit and addictive.

The purer it was, the stronger the high.

I’d never used it before.

They were already in the balloons. All too familiar to me.

Clear balloons made of multilayer condoms.

Ready for me to swallow.

Dimitri’s eyes jerked up, noticing my surprise.

He was smart though. Too smart.

He’d never once let me know he had the supply on him. I thought he would pick it up at a warehouse along the way. In a way, I almost wanted to clap. If he had told me, I would have tried to destroy it. No supply meant no destination.

“How many deaths is that going to consume?”

It slipped out, and I wish I could swallow my words back.

It was the first time I’d spoken in two long weeks.

Dimitri eyed me and arched an eyebrow.

“No one is forcing anyone to buy it.”

Miffed, I countered, “It makes people addicts.”

The blue in his eyes softened. “Like you?”

I admitted, “It stops the… nightmares.”

His eyes narrowed but he kept quiet.

I wonder if he knew about those.

I changed the topic.

“How come I’ve never seen you snort it?”

In our time together, I hadn’t seen him drink, snort, or much less smoke anything.

His eyes hardened. “I don’t like losing control.”

Oh. I should have expected that reply from him.

A tiny part of me wanted to make him lose control though…

I crossed my legs together so the tingle in my core would disappear again. I checked him out again. I’d never been with a man his size. Okay, not that kind of size. I hadn’t seen that anyway. I smiled to myself. He was as tall as a skyscraper.

I wonder what it would be like being underneath him… My cheeks flamed red. I scolded myself for my internal thoughts.

Dimitri handed me an item from the bed.

My eyes glanced down, and I lost my smile.

Anesthetic oral spray.

I knew what was coming.

My eyes dimmed, and I hope he would look at me, but he didn’t. Dimitri avoided my eyes completely as he took out the twenty clear balloons.

Twenty.

It was less than what I’d swallowed before.

The oral spray made it easier for some girls to swallow up to one-hundred and twenty balloons. Taking the spray from him, I opened my mouth and sprayed the back of my throat thrice.

I coughed a couple of times before I cleared my throat. I waited for a few seconds for the numbness to set in my throat, avoiding his gaze as I gulped the balloons, one by one. I almost vomited when they hit the back of my throat. My eyes brimmed before I blinked the tears away.

This is really happening.

My eyes watered again, and not because of the balloons this time.

And he’s not stopping it.

Dimitri Nikolaev didn’t care about me.

He could never feel for me.

I cleared my throat when I finished swallowing, and my stomach became full. I rubbed a hand against it.

“How far is Boris’ place from here?”

“Thirty minutes.”

I nodded curtly.

That would give me ten minutes to spare. The faster the containments were out of me, the faster my chances of survival.

I looked up and met his eyes.

I hated how my heart raced every time he looked at me.

Keep me.

I wanted to scream at him.

Dimitri looked away and picked up a white package.

I couldn’t see what was inside of it.

“Boris made a request. He wants you to wear this dress when you arrive.”

I only blinked and took it from him.

“Did you pack a coat?” he asked, avoiding my eyes. “It’s chilly outside.”

You can’t even look at me.

I wish he would let me look into his beautiful eyes again.

But you don’t feel shame or guilt.

I blew out a breath.

“No, but I have a long, thick cardigan. It should work.”

Dimitri gave a curt nod.

“You’re expected to wear makeup and heels.”

I wasn’t surprised by anything that came out of his mouth now. Gone was the man I once knew. My Blue I once recognized… Now, a heartless mobster who did his everyday job stood in front of me. It stung that I was included too.

With a silent sigh, I turned around and grabbed my long, black cardigan and makeup kit along the way to the bathroom.

Closing the door behind me, my wavering fingers ripped open through the package. I cringed at the flimsy nude and golden mesh lingerie set before me. To call it an outfit would be a shame. It was completely lacey and see-through.

I guess my slavery days had returned.

I couldn’t escape from my past after all.

With a disappointed heart, I quickly changed into it and slipped my soft cardigan over my body, cinching the belt on it so it hid everything. The cardigan reached my ankles, so I was safe… for now. I couldn’t help but wonder if Blue would have allowed such a request if he truly knew what was inside of it.

He called it a dress.

In the mirror, my empty hazel eyes stared back at me.

Gone was the brightness in them that I once held. I didn’t recognize this girl anymore. Only gloominess existed.

Squaring my shoulders, I applied some light foundation and powder onto my shallow skin. I kohled my eyes thick and black and stroked mascara onto my long lashes, lengthening them further. I finished with a nude lipstick.

It matched the outfit.

When I stepped out, his cold eyes met mine before trailing my made up face. I hadn’t covered the scars on my skin. The redness in it had dimmed, leaving a splotchy pinkness behind. The skin would regenerate, and it was slowly healing.

The scars reminded me of what I’d been through.

What I’d survived.

They were a part of me now, so I didn’t bother to hide them.

I picked out the black heels I had packed into my bag and slipped them on.

Dimitri packed his belongings, but he left his pistol, pocketknife, a bag of ammo, and tape out. Grabbing those, he looked around the place before moving forward.

Curious, I followed his movements. He crouched below the bed and pulled the bedsheets up. He plastered his weapons on the invisible platters inside the bed with the tape. When he finished, he stood up. He caught me looking and only replied, “I can’t take those across borders. I’ll return for them.”

I nodded in understanding.

He would return without me too.

Dimitri moved forward again and threw the tape back into his bag. Zipping it, he tossed his bag over his shoulder, ready to leave like a man fulfilling his mission.

He turned around, giving me his back.

My heart thudded.

Today would be the last time I would see him.

I opened my mouth to say goodbye but instead, I croaked, “The first night we traveled together, you wanted to know what Boris said.”

He paused but didn’t face me.

I didn’t know why I still tried. Perhaps, because I would never get the chance to tell him the truth.

I exhaled roughly. “’I’ll have my men fuck your pretty cunt, and if that’s not enough, I’ll bring… my dogs out to fuck whatever is left of you’. That’s what he said.”

My voice was low and monotone as I spoke.

Dimitri’s shoulders tensed but he didn’t face me.

“Will… you come visit me?” my voice cracked.

My heart cracked with it too.

My request sounded absurd to my ears.

I longed to hear his voice, to hear him speak with me for one last time. Seconds passed before he moved forward again and opened the door. I slammed my eyes shut and a tear rolled down my cheek. My heart bled, staining the floor with my suffering.

I wasn’t even worthy of his words.

❖

At the customs border, Border Patrol Agents had checked our passports and identifications. Everything of mine was fake though. They didn’t even know my real name.

Once they’d finished, they checked through our bags.

I sat there silently.

I could have alerted the authorities right then and there.

Dimitri didn’t have any weapons on him. I guess, he had ditched the kerosene too. We were asked to step out of the vehicle, and they’d used body heat scanners on us.

Primarily, they were used to check if any contraband was hidden in our clothes. It couldn’t see inside my human anatomy though, so the supply was safe.

I kept my mouth shut instead, staring into the blankness with my vacant eyes. I couldn’t see a way out anymore.

Something clawed at the corner of my chest, screaming at me to run and never look back. My escape was right in front of me, but I couldn’t form the right words out of my mouth.

Why… Why…?

I should’ve.

My mind remained quiet like it had given up hope too.

Hopeless.

I sighed silently in my mind.

Soon, we moved forward, and I closed my eyes, resting, trying to find peace and solace in the quietness. We didn’t speak one word to each other at all. No music played.

Dimitri wasn’t into music, I realized that a long time ago.

He preferred the quietness.

I didn’t know how he could live in noisy NYC. He seemed like the type to live in an isolated part of the jungle, in the middle of nowhere and without any people.

Still thinking, I lulled off to sleep.

The car jostled to a stop.

Opening my tired eyes, I looked into the quiet night.

A large white mansion greeted me.

It was three stories tall with mahogany doors. Beautiful with a large flower garden in the front yard. A water foundation stood in the center like the perfect centerpiece.

My darling husband’s residence.

My new home.

It was fancy and lavish, but it stirred absolutely nothing in me. A pretty facade of whatever filth lay in it.

I glanced at the time.

7:25 PM.

Twenty-five minutes had passed.

We arrived earlier, and I had ten minutes to spare.

I didn’t turn to look at Dimitri as I exited the car.

I had nothing left to say to him. I slammed the door behind me, and I hoped it broke. My bubble burst when it didn’t.

A spark of irritation flickered through me, hating that fate wasn’t on my side. I huffed and puffed under my breath when I reached for the bag to pull it up.

Footsteps moved behind me and I felt him before I even saw him. His crisp scent still lingered around me. I turned my face partially but still didn’t look at him.

“Let me.” His low voice a caressing whisper against my skin.

I nodded and Dimitri leaned forward to reach for my bag. His chest brushed against the side of my back and bolts of electricity ran through my veins.

He paused.

My shoulders sagged against his chest, and he didn’t pull away. I rested my back against him, soaking in this one last moment. A moment we would never have again.

Could he feel what flowed between us too?

The spark often threatened to overwhelm me.

I’d never felt this way about someone before.

I’d never met a man who didn’t take.

Maybe it was just me. Maybe it was only one-sided.

He seemed immune to me.

I created stupid fairytales in my mind about us.

This fairytale could never have a happy ending.

Fairytales didn’t exist in the crime world.

Dimitri Nikolaev had made himself the villain of my story.

Death. Demolition. Destruction.

The type of quiet and mysterious man who entered your life and without even touching you, he marked you as his forever, corrupting you for another man.

He had hopelessly shattered me in every way possible.

The brute hadn’t even ever smiled at me. Every time I had been naked in front of him, I’d seen more than just lust and desire in those blue eyes of his.

Substance. He saw substance in me.

I hadn’t even kissed him even though we shared the same bed countless times. We’d both slept in it, but it hadn’t gone further than sleep every single time.

He touched me before even touching my body.

I was terrified to admit anything, afraid that he might not feel the same. He didn’t want me though. If he did, we wouldn’t have ever crossed the borders.

I should hate him.

After all, he’d committed atrocities against me.

I glanced down at my pink knuckles, a reminder of his heinous crime.

I still wanted to defend him, still stubborn.

Dimitri Nikolaev had done that.

Blue would never…

Maybe, I was trying to bring peace and hope into my heart.

His hand landed on the handle of my bag before lifting it. He pulled away, and I instantly missed the warmth of his body. I turned around and he walked in front of me, carrying my bag in his hand toward the gateway to hell.

Perhaps, he would want me tomorrow, but it would be too late because, by tomorrow, I would have nothing to give him, but today I did, and he couldn’t see that.

I kept my gaze straight ahead as one of the bodyguards keeping watch outside let us inside. My heels clanked against the marble floor, and I stared closely at the shells encrusted below it. I moved forward, and I glanced up, meeting my husband’s eyes.

Two bodyguards followed behind him.

I didn’t see anyone around his castle.

Another black suit adorned Boring Boris.

Too bad, it couldn’t do much for his shitty, poor soul.

His stupid beady eyes fell on me all over again. I wanted to gauge his face out for staring lustfully at me. He stood there, clean and polished before me wearing his smug, arrogant smile.

I returned a stonily look.

Dimitri dropped my bag onto the floor.

“The transaction is complete.”

I sulked inside, another wound to my soul.

No miracle would save me tonight.

Boris’ gaze landed on me, and his leery eyes made my skin crawl. “Her scars don’t look too bad. She should be good as new in a few months.”

That’s the first thing my darling husband said to me.

His wife.

Well, hello to you too, asshole.

I kept my head cool and my expression blank. I didn’t need a beating on my very first day either. Inside, I died as his words slowly ripped me apart. My throat was scratchy, and I hoped the supply inside of me burst, saving me from his brutality. Maybe, my stomach acids would melt the plastic inside of me.

Maybe, there was hope for me after all.

I didn’t have a watch on me to check the time.

How many minutes had passed?

It could have been just a couple.

Dimitri wouldn’t help me at all. That much was confirmed, and I expected nothing from him. Time to be my own savior once again. I would be my own knight.

An idea popped off in my head.

If I could delay Boris and Dimitri with my chatter, I would be free of this life. I just needed one balloon to burst and rupture my stomach, decaying my insides out. I was willing to kill myself to escape this life once again. Maybe I was fucked up, but I didn’t want Boris’ hands on me.

He wasn’t the man who I wanted to be touched by…

He never could be.

I met my husband’s eyes and spoke clearly.

“Thank you for the wedding gift.”

Boris raised an eyebrow.

I blew out a little breath and untied the belt on my cardigan, unveiling my body to him and revealing his first gift to me.

Fucking lingerie. How fucking romantic. Not.

“The dress,” I purred with a smile even though my voice was laced with venom.

Time to be a seductress again.

I avoided Dimitri the entire time even though he stood only a few feet away from me.

I couldn’t focus when I looked at him.

Boris’ smile widened, my talk clearly egged him on.

What a fucker.

I wanted to chide him and shake my head.

“It’s beautiful,” I lied. “I can’t wait to see what else you want me to wear for you.”

I flashed a pearly full smile and ran a hand down from my collarbones to my breasts. I didn’t feel any shame at all. My husband’s filthy gaze followed me the entire time.

Ignoring the two guards behind me, I reached up and shoved my cardigan off my shoulders, stepping out of it, and letting it drop on the floor.

Boris’ surprised gaze fell on me before he waved a hand to his guards. They nodded curtly before they slowly disappeared.

He looked ready to screw my brains out in that spot.

Imagine if he took me right here and I died.

That would be a fantastic sight.

Let him fuck a corpse instead.

I didn’t know how he would react to me stripping with Dimitri present. I still didn’t know why that Russian mobster still lurked around. He should have left by now.

I opened my mouth again to spit out some more lies.

“That’s not a dress.”

Nothing came out of my lips.

My smile vanished, and the flirt in me disappeared.

A familiar harsh voice had spoken instead.

The one I’d longed to hear since we’d left the motel.

We were in a whole different country now.

My heart thudded, the vibrations ran through my body like an firestorm. I was afraid I’d misheard, yet I didn’t look at him.

“You wanted her to wear that?”

Now his voice wasn’t directed at me.

My darling husband lost his smile too, and his confused sleazy eyes moved away from me and to the man next to me who’d spoken. My hands dropped limply by my side, contemplating my next move. My throat ran dry, and my treacherous eyes turned to the left to steal a glance.

Dimitri’s eyes blazed.

The blue in them glowed and shone as they stared dead at my face. I stepped back at the hostility in them.

A whole inferno laid in there.

No softness. No emptiness. No vacantness.

A real emotion.

Jealousy.

I pressed a hand to my heart to stop the increasing thumping. No longer hopeless and steady.

Now, it roared… for him. Again.

I searched his eyes again.

Possessiveness.

Boris’ eyes narrowed. “She’s my wife, Dima.”

Dimitri shook his head slowly. “The hell she is.”

My heart flew in the sky.

Keep talking.

Boris fell silent and I glanced over at him.

He was dead silent as he took in Dimitri and gave a knowing look. “It makes sense why she calls you Blue.”

Startled, I took a step back.

How the hell did he know that?

Boris ignored me and continued to glare at Dimitri.

A mocking smirk formed on his lips.

“That same night after I finished my meeting, I returned for her,” Boris continued. “She was too high, and she kept calling me Blue,” he snarled before he glanced at me.

Your eyes are my sky.

Dumbfounded, I could only stare as the blood inside my veins thumped and swirled around me.

No. That couldn’t be true.

Madame Gospel had said no one had returned later that night. It had all been a dream.

You’re my sky.

Memories of that night flashed into my mind.

Boris returned his attention to Dimitri.

“She let me fuck her because she thought I was you.”

He smirked crudely.

I slammed my eyes shut, hoping I misheard him. I shook my hair like a lunatic, my hair flying with every shake. I never hated fucking smiles so much until now.

I was glad Dimitri never smiled now. If smiles were as evil and vile as Boris’, I never wanted to see them.

Boris had said strange things that I didn’t see Dimitri saying.

“So, I pretended to be you. She would have never let me touch her otherwise,” Boris finished.

I popped open my eyes, but I couldn’t see anything.

Silk.

Beard.

Long hair.

It had all brushed against me.

None of those things had been Dimitri.

I had been too out of it to focus.

My vision blurred. Uneven exhales left my breath as I fought to inhale. I wrapped my arms around myself. A small cry left my lips before I could stop it and my legs gave out under me.

I collapsed to my knees, my hair swaying as I fell. It scattered around me, piling around the floor. I shivered even with the heated air. With no fight in me, harsh tears burned through my soul. Stars swam together and sparkled like diamonds. My eyes searched through the fog, but my eyes were hidden behind the haze of this new stars.

I didn’t want to believe it.

No one should have harmed me in that skyscraper.

The tower had been my home. Maybe it had been a pretty cage, but I was safe and protected in there.

Alexander had given me his word.

I’ll give you a home to stay in where no man can touch you.

Dimitri had given me his word.

Your safety won’t be compromised with me.

Everything was compromised.

It didn’t matter right now what they’d planned for me later.

What mattered was that I wasn’t supposed to be compromised in that skyscraper.

Not in my home when I didn’t expect it.

It wasn’t Dimitri that night.

Another cry tore out of my lips, and I bit out on my knuckle to stop the tears. The same sore knuckle that had been burnt. The pressure of the bite tingled, breaking into my skin.

Blood flooded my mouth, and I stopped biting. My teeth clattered, but I couldn’t stop them. The tears rolled down my face like a dam, refusing to stop. I couldn’t focus on what Boris said anymore. Only despair greeted me.

I had prayed for my insides to be twisted and gutted, and my prayer had been answered. It just didn’t happen physically.

Madame Gospel lied.

No way could anyone had sneaked in without her knowing. She guarded the door like a hawk. When she wasn’t present, she always locked it from the outside with a lock of death.

A sob left my mouth and I cried.

I hadn’t wept this hard in years.

I’d stopped crying a long time ago in the clubhouse.

Shouts filled the air, and I didn’t glance up to see what had happened. Cuss words dropped in the air, and I couldn’t tell whose voice was who now.

I closed my eyes, hoping I could shut them out.

I lifted my hands and dug them into my hair, pulling on my strands, wanting to stop myself from hurting, from feeling. My scalp burned as I yanked on them harder.

A body collapsed on the floor and my eyes opened.

I almost cowered back at the sight.

My husband lay a couple of feet away from me.

I blinked back tears, trying to clear my fuzzy vision and I focused on his eyes. Those eyes that once haunted me were filled with dread. I recognized that emotion all too well.

Fear.

My tired eyes moved to the right.

A large black boot pressed down on Boris’ throat.

I didn’t look up to meet the person’s eyes.

I already knew who it was.

A bitter smile formed on my lips.

It was a little too late.

More voices came from different angles of the large living room. I glanced up at the two bodyguards who’d come earlier returned.

Pop. Pop.

Two shots filled the air.

I thought Dimitri got shot.

He didn’t have any weapons on him.

Imagine my surprise when the guards fell.

Curious, my dazed eyes looked up and fell on the tattooed pale hand holding a pistol. Maybe it was Boris’ gun. He’d probably disarmed him. I focused on the floor again, meeting my husband’s eyes. His eyes pleaded at me, and I felt absolutely nothing for him. Dimitri’s foot pressed harder against his trachea, and his face reddened.

My darling husband choked to death in front of me.

I didn’t stop it.

Instead, I watched with a sick satisfaction growing in me.

Footsteps came around the corner and more bullets rang through the air.

Two more bodies collapsed to the floor.

I didn’t know if there were other guards in this mansion.

I’d only seen four.

Blinking, I finally lifted my head.

Death greeted me.

Murder laid in that gaze.

Dimitri’s beautiful blue eyes had hardened and turned so stormy, they blackened with every passing second. Today, his resentment wasn’t for me at all. I waited for him to say something. I didn’t know why he hadn’t killed Boris yet.

He wants me to watch.

Something passed between his eyes before his pistol lifted and he aimed at my husband’s legs.

Pop.

He fired at Boris’ leg.

Boris shouted like a gutted pig, and my eardrums almost purred, wanting to hear that sound once again. My eyes gleamed at the scarlet blood oozing out of his wound. A bitter metallic aroma filled the air and my eyes widened when I sniffed.

Pop.

He shot at the other leg, leaving Boris crippled.

Boris’ screams filled the room and my pounding heart calmed.

My eyes stared at the sight before me.

Blood would be shed today.

Dimitri let go of Boris’ throat and Boris sighed in relief, clutching his reddened neck.

It was short-lived because Dimitri pressed his foot against the veins on Boris’ wrist, forcing his hand to lay flat.

Pop.

He shot his hand.

More gutted squeals.

I blinked at the gaping hole in his palm.

He’s prolonging his death.

He did the same pattern to his other hand.

Pop.

His foot returned to Boris’ trachea.

I held my darling husband’s gaze before resting on Dimitri’s.

Not one word was exchanged between us.

We never had to speak to each other when our eyes spoke for us instead.

Still holding my gaze and ignoring Boris’ protests, he looked into my eyes the entire time as he crouched. With his foot never leaving the windpipe, he looked away and his gaze landed on Boris’ face. Now, he replaced his foot with his knee.

With his lip curled up in a snarl, his hand reached out and latched onto Boris’ tongue. Once he held a firm grip, his intense gaze fell on me, watching me. His sky like eyes said so much to me. Then, probably without second guessing himself, he yanked on the organ, pulling it upward like lightning with all his strength like a savage. My lower lip jutted out and my eyebrows creased in disgust yet… I was fascinated.

I watched the entire time when he tore Boris’ own cunning, lying tongue out his mouth and threw it to the side.

Blood erupted from the spot, trailing and trickling down his throat, and I never once looked away. I forced myself to keep looking as my tormenter was punished.

A vow of silence.

Boris still lived even though his eyes rolled back into his head. My eyes narrowed when Dimitri’s hands reached for my wounded husband’s mouth again.

This time, placing four fingers of each hand on the opposite sides of Boris’ mouth, he stretched it wider.

Realization dawned in my heart, and I swallowed roughly.

There would be no mercy shown for my darling husband.

None at all.

My eyes narrowed when Dimitri yanked my husband’s mouth wider until a muscle snapped. The sound filled the quiet atmosphere. My breathing intensified.

More muscles cracked and Dimitri split his jaw into two.

My dead husband stared at the ceiling with frightened, wide eyes. His death was far better than I had ever imagined.

Content filled my soul.

Dimitri Nikolaev killed my husband.

He made me a widow.

I’d been many names in my lifetime.

Whore.

Slave.

Junkie.

Wife.

And now…

Widow.

I still stared at Boris’ corpse when Dimitri moved.

My gaze jerked up to meet his harsh eyes before eyeing his blood soaked hands.

Those hands could never be clean. He’d killed today for me, almost wiping away his previous sins. Almost.

I blinked but he distracted me again when he rose to his feet.

His eyebrows furrowed and he moved toward me. Wide-eyed, I dropped my hands to my sides and my ass plopped against the marble floor.

Resting my hands on the floor, I crawled back from him.

Hesitation lurked in his eyes, and he paused.

I didn’t want to be around him, and I kept crawling back from this monster before me.

Dimitri tilted his head before moving for me again.

I shook my head like a lunatic, my hair dancing in the air, but that didn’t stop him.

“Nine,” he murmured in his grave voice.

I wish he would shut up.

He stepped across Boris’ corpse and continued moving toward me. “We need to get the supply out of you.”

Understanding dawned on me, but I still didn’t want him around me. “Go away,” I demanded as my wild, tormented eyes met his.

His eyes were calmer and softer now.

Dimitri licked his teeth slowly.

I noticed every single time he did that.

“He can’t harm you anymore, Nine.”

My eyes watered. “You broke your word.”

I hated how my voice cracked.

His body stilled.

“My safety was compromised. You lied,” I accused. He tilted his head. “Madame Gospel lied to me that night too. She said no one returned after you guys left.” A sob left my mouth. “She let him come up.”

His eyes hardened.

“Goldie,” he murmured, moving toward me again.

I kept crawling from him, even though my heart ached at the little nickname. I wanted him to repeat it.

“I thought it was all in my head, a dream,” my voice cracked. “I thought… he was you. I wanted him to be you.”

I think he had enough of me trying to escape because his footsteps rushed toward me before he kneeled before me. He dropped the pistol to the side.

My eyes widened and I swatted his hands away.

“Jerk!” I yelled. “You’re a dick!”

I shouldn’t be cursing at the man who killed the other man who’d harmed me.

I didn’t get to scream at my dead husband myself.

I guess Dimitri would be my target.

He only ignored my hands that continued to swat him in his chest before he picked me up like I was a weightless feather.

His frantic eyes searched the room even though I tried to squirm in his arms.

“You can hate me later. Right now, I need to get that shit out of you,” he muttered, looking around.

His eyes fell on a white door a few feet away, and he stormed into it. “I need a bathroom.”

Shoving his shoulder through it, it opened, and we burst in. I stayed quiet now, wondering how much more time I had left.

“Vomit,” he commanded, placing me on my feet on the hard floor next to the toilet.

My wobbling legs shook as I stared up at his giant frame, still accusing him through my eyes. I crossed my arms in defiance. “No,” I huffed out. “You’re just going to sell me to another buyer now.”

My eyes watered again, and my soul cracked with it.

“I rather die,” I declared.

His stormy eyes returned, and they narrowed into slits.

Then, Dimitri lunged for me.

He grabbed my cheeks with his hands, forcing me to make a circle before shoving a bloody hand down my mouth. I guess we didn’t have time for clean up.

My eyes brimmed when his fingers hit the back of my throat and rubbed against my tonsils. My face grimaced and I gagged.

Swiftly, Dimitri took out his fingers and turned me to face the toilet again.

I crouched and vomited.

Colored bile and multiple balloons came out.

“Three.”

Dimitri.

I hurled again, and my stomach roared.

“Seven.”

My eyes blurred nauseously.

I couldn’t even see where I was aiming now. My hair moved with me as I puked again and again.

“Twelve.”

Just as the strands were about to touch the toilet water, a hand shot out and pulled them toward my back.

I definitely hadn’t imagined him touching me like this.

I never had anyone hold my hair up while I vomited.

Much less a man.

I would have smiled if my mouth could do anything else besides vomit.

“Sixteen.”

He counted every single time.

I was too much of a mess and my dreary vision couldn’t see.

I heaved instead of retching like a storm now.

The vomit had come and gone.

The waves of nausea added to my newfound misery. My stomach screamed at me to stop. It had already lurched and gurgled. I thought my brain would swell because I was choking on my dry tongue.

I wish I had some painkillers.

The dehydration was obvious in my body. I closed my heavy eyes only halfway only for them to shut. Spit dribbled down my chin, and my legs almost gave out under me.

Tired. I was so damn tired.

Black madness dripped into my subconscious. Its inkiness comforted and calmed me. It whispered to me, telling me never to wake up ever again.

“Vomit.”

A deep voice commanded.

Dimitri.

I only heaved.

Dimitri’s hand turned me around while holding my hair. I winced when his other hand reached for my mouth again.

I shook my head, pleading. It was too much. I didn’t have any energy, and my damn meatloaf legs fought to stand.

Tears ran down my face at the effort of vomiting. I could never get over it no matter how many times I had tried.

Often, as a mule, I used laxatives, but I had two emergencies in the past where I had to force myself to vomit.

His fingers shoved down my throat anyway.

Brute.

Bile crawled up my trachea and he spun me around.

I emptied the remaining contents from my sore stomach.

“Twenty.”