Hold Onto the Stars by Tracy Broemmer
Chapter 16
“Crosby,can’t we talk about this?”
Something tightened in his chest when she reached for her purse.
“I think it’s best if we just say goodnight.” She spoke quietly. Peyton wondered if she was trying to be gentle with him or if the evening had upset her, too.
“But—”
“Please?”
Frustrated with her for shutting him down, frustrated with himself for spilling his guts on the first damned date, frustrated that his sixteen-year-old self had been such a dumbass back then and made a decision that might ruin the rest of his life, he bit back a groan and nodded.
“Yeah. Of course.” He turned his back to her, put the beer—mostly untouched—in the sink, and flipped the lights off. He felt her eyes on him as he crossed back through the room to pull the door open and call for Junie. His dog was an angel ninety-nine percent of the time, but wasn’t it his damned luck, she chose now not to come when he called her?
“Look, I can walk—”
“You’re not gonna walk, Crosby.” The idea of him letting his date walk home galled him. He shook his head and hurried down the back steps, whistling for Junie.
“I can—”
“Just give me a minute,” he mumbled without looking at her. He heard CJ rustle around behind him, and then she was standing at his side. “Imagine what Oak Bend would say to that. First, I struck out with Violet. And then, I fucked up our first date badly enough that you actually walked home.”
“That’s not fair,” she whispered. “You didn’t fuck anything up.”
“Right.” He avoided her eyes and called for Junie again. Finally, the retriever bounded out of the shadows at the back of the yard and zipped by him to maul CJ with sloppy licks. “Junie. Get down.”
“Hey, sweetheart,” CJ crooned. He peeked at them for a moment, but it hurt to watch CJ love his dog. Dumb, considering this was only a first date. Damned if he could help it. There was something about CJ that drew him in, like sunshine and rainbows after a dangerous storm.
“C’mon, June.” He tapped Junie on the flank and urged her back to the house. “Let’s go.” He didn’t even look at CJ as he led her back to his Jeep. He was being a dick, and he knew it, but damned if he could help that either.
Thank God the drive was short, because the tension in the SUV was thick like morning fog over a lake and threatened to smother him. He expected her to throw her door open and bail as he neared her duplex, but even after he pulled into the drive and cut the engine, she didn’t move.
The petulant teen inside him wanted to light a fire under her ass and scoot her out the door. He needed to go home and wallow in self-pity. But the rest of him wanted to gather CJ in his arms and hold her. She looked miserable, which made him feel worse. She hadn’t meant to hurt him—that much was obvious. Didn’t make him feel any better, but he couldn’t fault her for wanting something different in life than he did.
“Thanks.” She finally looked at him, though she didn’t hold the eye contact. “For dinner.”
He turned back to the windshield with a nod. There was a light on in her dad’s side of the duplex. What the hell would he do if her dad came out to talk to them?
“You’re welcome.” He picked at a loose thread on the steering wheel, counting the seconds until she opened her door.
“You know it’s not you, right?”
“It is me, though, isn’t it?” He glanced at her. “Forget it, CJ. It’s fine.”
“Fine?” she repeated softly. She worked her mouth like she might say more, but she eventually gave up and reached for the door handle.
“Goodnight.” His voice was small and tight with regret.
She nodded as she slipped out of the car, but if she answered, he didn’t hear her.
Rather than peel out of the drive the instant she closed the door—that damned petulant, jackass teen inside him again—he waited and watched her hurry up the steps to her door. Moonlight blanched some of the color from her dress. Peyton still thought she was beautiful even in silver shadows. Maybe more so because she seemed so oblivious to it.
When she let herself into the house, she turned and threw a quick wave at him. Dismissed and stung by how badly the night had gone wrong, Peyton backed out of her drive like a responsible adult. He drove in silence, though his mind insisted on replaying the night—that damned conversation—over and over in his head. It wasn’t like waiting another date or two to tell her about Erica, about his injuries, would have changed the outcome of their relationship, but it still hurt to have things fall apart so quickly.
He had asked Erica to stay, asked her to consider adopting a child. And she had. For all of a day or two, during which she had researched all of the ways adoptions could and did go wrong. The worry about a birth parent changing his or her mind and filing a lawsuit to claim the child back. The worry over adopting a child whose identity, health, and personality was a total mystery. As much as he’d thought he wanted a family then, Erica’s arguments had made it clear she wanted out. Peyton had decided he didn’t love her enough to beg, to make promises that it would work out, that they would handle anything and everything together.
But maybe that could have been different with CJ.
Junie greeted him with a loud woof and stood at the door for a moment even after he came inside.
“She’s not coming,” he told the dog when he realized she was waiting for CJ. “No more CJ coming around here.”
Junie plopped her butt down and looked at him with wide, innocent eyes.
“Let’s watch a movie, girl.” He grabbed his now warm beer from the sink and made his way to the sofa in the living room. As if she sensed he needed comfort, Junie climbed up on the couch to lay with her head on his leg. “Daddy blew another one.”
He scratched her head and stared blankly at the TV, not even bothering to turn it on.
“Maybe it’s just supposed to be you and me, June Carter Cash.”
* * *
Because Oak Bendwas a small town, Peyton fully expected everyone to know how bad his date with CJ had turned out when he left the house the next morning. He tucked his air pods in, turned up some Shinedown, and took off at a good pace with Junie by his side. But he saw the same faces, the same smiles, as he did every other morning. People still waved at him, and when he ducked into Java by Jackie, Ella treated him the same as she had the other day.
This time, though, Peyton was in a hurry. He didn’t want to stick around to fish for tidbits about a crush. He didn’t want to tease Ella about her love life. Didn’t want to rub elbows with townsfolk. He wanted his black coffee and solitude. He thanked Ella, dropped a buck in her tip jar, and headed back out to collect Junie and go home.
He half expected to find Violet on his front porch, but the house was the same as he’d left it an hour ago. Apparently, CJ hadn’t broadcast the crash-and-burn details about the date. He was relieved, and yet, it also made him wonder if she was upset about the way things had turned out or if she just didn’t care enough to make waves.
With no papers to grade, he spent his Sunday bored out of his mind and trying his best not to think about CJ. The sound of her laugh. The soft skin on the inside of her wrist rubbing his arm when they held hands. The wistful look on her face when she told him she still looked at the stars, wondering if her mom was there watching over her. The taste of her lips and her tongue on his.
He exchanged a few texts with his sister, Annie, but she couldn’t talk long because she had to take the kids to swim lessons. So, he called his mom to catch up. He needed a distraction, and he hadn’t talked to her in a while. He did miss her and knew the phone call would make her happy. The half-hour conversation ended after she mentioned that she wanted to come and visit him one of these days.
After lunch, he dragged his six-foot ladder out of the shed and then dragged his basketball hoop out. He would mount it on the front of the garage. Good project to keep him busy, and something to do for fun once he was done. With one eye on Junie, he pulled his phone from his pocket, ignoring the fact that there were no texts or calls from CJ. Why would there be? She was done with him already. Instead, he texted Leslie to see if Jonathon was up for lending him a hand.
Within thirty minutes, Jonathon Berringer was at his side, and the kids were chasing Junie around the yard, laughing with delight. He stopped what he was doing now and then to watch them. At sixteen, soccer scholarships and the game itself had mattered more to him than anything. But as he got older and spent time in classrooms with kids, he found himself thinking about family.
“You okay, man?”
Jonathon’s question drew him out of his thoughts.
“Yep.” He gave himself a mental shake and focused as he climbed up the ladder with the tape measure and pencil in hand. Would CJ talk to Violet about the date? Would Violet talk to Leslie? Did he have that to look forward to when he went back to school tomorrow?
Mondays never mattered to him one way or another. But he wasn’t looking forward to being on the spot while she lobbed questions at him. Then again, CJ would be here to work on the garage. He had no idea how long that job would take her, but she’d only just started it so odds were it would be a few days at least.
His whole body tingled a little bit with anticipation at the thought of seeing her tomorrow. Never mind that they were back to being just friends. He looked forward to talking to her. Maybe he could say something to make her laugh. At the very least, he could apologize for acting like a jerk to her when he took her home last night.