Hold Onto the Stars by Tracy Broemmer

Chapter 19

Damn her dad.If he had made tea, he’d done it just to come out and offer some to Peyton. But CJ doubted there was anything in his place to drink other than coffee and light beer. She was relieved when Peyton sat down again; only this time, he sat closer. She wanted to push him away. Well, really, she wanted to lean into him. Rest her head on his shoulder and press her face to his neck.

But she couldn’t. That was decidedly not friendly behavior and would’ve been just as bad as the things she had done the other night before she got herself under control.

“So, he knows?”

CJ jerked her gaze to his when he spoke. His voice was gruff, and his eyes were so intense, she felt like he could see the tangled mess of emotions inside her.

“Knows what?”

That she was terribly attracted to Peyton? That even more, she liked him? That she wanted to get to know him better, but unfortunately, just like every other guy on the planet, he wanted kids?

“That we went out.”

She shrugged his question off but eventually nodded in answer.

“And you told him what, exactly? About why the date sucked, and we’ll never go out again?”

“The date didn’t suck, Peyton.” She nudged him with her elbow. “I just don’t see the point in getting involved. Not when we want different things in life.”

“Okay, first of all, I like you. And I like being around you. So, there’s that for a good reason to get involved.”

“But—”

“And second,” he continued, “yes, I am very attracted to you, but no, that’s not what I was upset about the other night. I don’t think you led me on.”

She glanced at him but looked away quickly.

“Violet wants a house-full.”

“Don’t.” He hooked his fingers around her chin and forced her to look his way. “This is between you and me, and we’re too far down this road to play games.”

“I’m not playing games, Peyton,” she whispered. “I like you. But I don’t want what you want, and it’s not fair for either of us to go into a relationship thinking we can change each other’s minds.”

“You like me?” He tipped his head to the side and studied her face. She laughed out loud when he offered her a sheepish grin and reminded herself that, as his friend, it was a bad idea to kiss the dimple under his lips.

“Yes.” She groaned. “I do. I didn’t mean to hurt you the other night. I just…”

“What?” He leaned into her and angled his head closer.

“I don’t wanna get hurt either.” She shrugged.

“You think I’m going to hurt you?”

“What happens if we get involved? What happens when you decide life’s great, but boy, wouldn’t it be even better if you had a little boy to play catch with? Then, you pressure me to adopt a baby or a school-aged kid. I don’t want that, Peyton, and if I ever did agree to it, I would end up resenting you—”

“Slow down.” He draped his arm over her back.

“What?”

“I’m still liking that you like me.”

She snorted sarcastically. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me,” he argued.

When she turned her head to look at him, he leaned in and stole a kiss before she could protest.

“What’re you doing?”

“I missed you,” he told her. “And even though I was a dick when I brought you home, you’re all I’ve thought about since then. I couldn’t wait to get home from work today to see you and apologize to you, and then instead of your sexy ass in cargo pants and steel-toed work boots, I find a dude working in my garage.”

She laughed softly.

“He’s a good electrician.”

“Might be, but he doesn’t light me up.”

CJ rolled her eyes again. When he kissed her this time, she was ready. She parted her lips when he touched her mouth and lost herself in the tingling awareness in her belly and her fingertips as their tongues touched.

“That did,” he whispered when she pulled away from him.

“I can’t do this, Peyton.”

“I never said—”

“You did. When you told me about your ex, you said you wanted children.”

“I don’t want some future possibility of children if it means I don’t get a chance to know you better.” Peyton smoothed his thumb over her lips. CJ’s belly flip-flopped when his eyes followed the movement of his thumb. “To fall in love with you.”

His whispered words rendered her breathless. CJ ducked her chin when her eyes filled.

“And what happens if we do fall in love, and you change your mind? If your family pressures you? If your family pressures us to have a family?”

“My family doesn’t get a say in this,” he promised. “It’s between me and you.”

CJ swallowed hard and turned her face away from him again.

“Crosby?”

She laughed softly and shook her head. “I dated this guy when I was twenty-two. We were friends all through school. When we graduated, Mark moved away. Went to Cleveland. He moved back, and we started hanging out. I thought things were good. Felt like maybe there was someone in Oak Bend for me after all the years of thinking no one would get me. That no one would respect my feelings about this.”

“What happened?”

“His older brother’s wife had triplets at the same time his younger brother announced his wife was pregnant with their first. It was okay until we left his parents’ that night. We were…” She blew out an embarrassed sigh. “In bed. And he decided we should try to have a baby. Promised me he would do all the things with me. The appointments. The ultrasound. The delivery. Told me not to be scared of it. Promised he would be a good dad. That he would help with everything with the baby.”

“And yet, he didn’t respect you in the first place after you’d shared your feelings about it with him.”

She nodded.

“Crosby, I’m not that guy.”

“I don’t…dislike kids.” She shrugged. “I just don’t want to be a mom. I grew up without a mom, and I don’t know anything about being a mom. I can’t—”

“I want to be with you,” Peyton said simply. “You matter to me.”

“I’m not afraid of failure. Of delivery. I’m not worried about my figure. I get tired of defending my choice—”

“I’m not asking you to defend your choice. I’m asking you to give me a chance.”

CJ leaned closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Are you sure? Because I get that it’s not fair of me to ask you to change your mind for me.”

“Again, it’s not even like I have to change my mind. Being here with you, giving this a shot with you is what matters to me.”

Head still on his shoulder, she nodded.

“Yes?” His eyebrows shot up with surprise.

“You’re adorable. Do you know that?” She lifted her hand to touch his face and brushed her fingers over his lips.

“Puppies are adorable.” He shook his head. “Speaking of puppies, I think Junie misses you.”

“I’m pretty sure my dad didn’t make iced tea.” Peyton kissed her forehead. “He just wanted to come out and meet you. He thinks I’ll outgrow this no-family thing. That the right guy will come along and change my mind.”

“What if the right guy was here and was thrilled just to be with you?”

“I’d like that,” she whispered.

“Can I get a do-over on the date?”

“Sure.” She grinned.

“What if you come to my house, and I fix dinner?”

“Depends.”

Peyton kissed her again, this time on the cheek, but when she lifted her head, he trailed kisses over her face to her lips. CJ kissed him back, forgetting that her dad might come back at any moment to make sure neither of them needed a cold drink.

“What does it depend on?”

“If you’re making dessert. We didn’t have any on that first date.”

Peyton pulled back to look at her.

“Are you asking me to make dessert, or are you suggesting something else?”

“Maybe both.”