For Crying Out Loud by J. Preston

27You

I don’t expect everything to be handed to me. Just set it down wherever.

- Carter

Aiden

I look down, trying hard to believe my eyes. Jenny is squeezing my hand frantically. My eyes trace back up to her face, searching. Hers are shut tight and her lips tremble.

“Are you scared of flying?” I ask quietly, looking over my shoulder. Jason is snoring quietly, his seat reclined fully.

Could have something to do with the Benadryl I slipped into his juice when we were in the lounge…

I know what you’re thinking: Oh My God, did he just drug his best friend?!

Please, hugs not drugs!

But well…

Yes and No.

It’s best if I explain.

Jason hates flying—that’s not right. He’s okay once we’re up in the air, but at take off? A whole different story. Some sort of instinct kicks in and he outright panics, a trait I pray his sister does not possess. And, looking at her white knuckles wrapped tightly around my fingers, one can only hope. Ever since we started flying together, Jason and I have had a deal. This has a lot to do with a certain incident following one of said panic attacks. I slip something into his drink that will make him fall asleep. He sleeps happily throughout the flight. We don’t get kicked off the plane. We don’t get thrown into a small holding cell for suspicious behaviour. He doesn’t get strip-searched. I don’t get strip-searched. Simple.

Why would I need to slip him something? You see, Jason doesn’t like to swallow pills. Seriously. He makes a massive deal out of it, like someone should build a shrine to him when he manages to get one of the little things down his throat. I kid you not, his eyes are watering, arms flailing, weird animal noises come out of his throat, and he does this thing with his neck, throwing it back and forth violently. I call it the ‘chicken dance’, which he doesn’t appreciate. I stand by my opinion that that is exactly what it looks like.

So since we want to avoid the show every time we fly, we have a deal. I slip him something when he isn’t looking. He unknowingly takes it, then falls asleep. Everyone is happy and everyone stays dressed and retains their dignity.

I look back at kitten. Her breathing is shallow and the hand that’s not gripping mine is digging into her armrest.

“Jenny,” I soothe, pulling her small frame towards me. “Don’t be scared. I’m here. I would never let anything happen to you.”

Her head whips in my direction, her whole body shifting to angle towards me. She lets go of the armrest and her free hand shoots towards my chest, fisting my shirt. Her huge eyes look desperate.

“How can you say that, how can you promise me such a thing?” she whispers. Her voice is shaky, and I wonder if she means more than just the flight.

“I promise,” I reply. “I will keep you safe. I’ll never let anyone hurt you.” My words carry so much weight behind them. I, for sure, am making a much larger promise altogether, one that I will fight hard not to break.

“What about you?” she whispers, her breathing steadying a little. That’s it, kitten, stop thinking about the flight and relax, I think as the plane rolls down the runway.

I take a deep breath. I’ve already hurt her so many times. “Kitten…” I start, my voice coming out needy and pleading at the same time. “I’ve already hurt you so much…” I drop my eyes. “Last night I—I—”

“Last night was a mistake, the whole thing was a mistake,” she interrupts me quickly. “You did something stupid. Things happened.” Her words are rushed. “It’s not like you belong to me.”

You belong to me… How I want her to say those words instead…

“I saw you kissing that guy and I went crazy,” I try to explain as best as I can. “I didn’t realise how drunk I got… And when I woke up this morning….”

“You woke up in Chloe’s bed. I know,” she finishes quietly. “Wait, kissing what guy? I didn’t kiss anyone.”

“I saw you…” I start and play the scene I saw the night before once again in my head. Could I have imagined it all? “He leaned down to kiss you…” I say tentatively.

“And I pushed him away. I didn’t want him to kiss me,” she says as hope makes a happy dance in my chest. “I don’t ever want to kiss anyone…” Her voice is back to a low whisper. My breath hitches in my throat as my heart breaks in half. I’m the cause of that. I’m the reason behind her words. Me and the awful kiss I subjected her to when we were younger.

“I’m so sorry.” I hang my head. “It seems all I do is hurt you…”

Jenny’s soft fingers touch my chin, and she pushes my face up until our eyes connect.

“True, but—” she says, her lips forming a half smile.

“All this dancing around…” I shake my head, interrupting her. “I screwed up, didn’t I? You’ll never be mine.”

“Yours,” Jenny says the word slowly, and my heart flutters at the sound. “So do you like Chloe?” she asks out of nowhere.

“What? No, it was a drunken mistake! Kitten, if I could, I’d erase it all. All I want is—” I stop. Am I really doing this, putting my balls and my ego on a plate and handing it over to her so she could just stomp all over it? I am. “You,” I finish without hesitation.

Her eyes don’t waiver from mine and her breath doesn’t hitch. She’s silent for what seems like eons. Her one hand is still gripping mine while the other drops from my chin and rests on her lap. I notice we’re in the air already. At least I’m a good distraction. Jenny takes a breath, and I ready myself for the blow. Here we go, she’s going to say I’m just not the person she wants or needs, that I’ve screwed up over and over, and that, frankly, I’m just embarrassing myself with my confessions.

“I want you. I want to be with you. I always have. I always will, Jenny. You’re the one for me.” Words spill out. I guess, somewhere along the way, I decided more embarrassing confessions are needed, and I might just add my heart to the mix on that plate above which her foot is currently hovering.

“You never answered my question…” Jenny says, completely off the subject, startling me. What question? I guess I should be happy she didn’t just outright reject me; although, isn’t deflection basically a rejection?

“Question?” I ask.

“Will you hurt me?” she says quietly, blushing and dropping her gaze. It’s my turn to lift her chin up to force her to look at me. I want her to see the sincerity of what I’m about to say.

“Never,” I say, all the conviction I can muster behind my words. “And if you’ll let me…I’ll show you. I’ll do everything in my power to never hurt you again. Ever.” She’s quiet once again, and I count my heartbeats, willing my aching heart to keep on beating.

“When I said I don’t want anyone to ever kiss me again,” she says, and I wince involuntarily, looking away from her as the world crumbles around me. “No, wait, let me finish,” she rushes, seeing my expression. I force my head to face her again. She’s so beautiful it hurts to even look at her. Especially knowing that she’ll never be with me. I squeeze my eyes. I can feel her shift in her seat; she’s much closer to me now. “Aiden,” she sighs, her breath tickling my cheek just to the left of my lips. Her strawberry scent fills my nostrils, and I try not to inhale too deeply. I try not to think that this could very well be the last time we’re this close to each other.

Why would someone do this to me? Create my ideal woman, parade her in front of me, then pull her away from me with one quick movement. “Aiden. Stop being stubborn and look at me.” Her hand connects with my cheek. I open my eyes to see her smiling down at me. She’s kneeling in her seat, facing me completely. Her hips within easy reach and her body radiating heat that warms me on the inside. “There, not too hard, was it? Now can I please finish what I started saying?” I nod for fear that if I open my mouth, I’ll say something even more embarrassing.

“When I said that I don’t want anyone to ever kiss me again,” she says as my heart stops beating, waiting for her to just slide a dagger straight into it. I’ll welcome the pain, I deserve it. “I meant, I don’t want anyone to ever kiss me…but you.” Her voice is barely audible, and I have to focus, replay her words in my head, process what I’ve just heard.

Thump.

My heart starts up again slowly, tentative but conscious of itself.

Thump, thump.

She said ‘anyone but you’.

Thump, Thump. Thump, Thump.

Blood rushes around my veins freely, happily, because I think what kitten just said was exactly the opposite of what I was expecting.

“You mean,” I say, my voice hoarse, staring at her. The corners of my mouth slowly lift into a small smile.

“I want…you,” she replies simply, shrugging her shoulders.

I grin then, dimples and all, and pull her to me, hugging her.

“Kitten…” I murmur into her hair. She pushes me away and runs a hand through her hair, which I messed up with my exuberant show of affection.

“We need to get things straight first,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. I nod. I’d agree to anything she’d ask of me right now because she wants me.

She wants…me!

“Go on,” I grin.

“This,” she motions between us, “starts from the beginning, and properly this time. No dancing around, no playing hot and cold.”

I nod eagerly. “I’ll take you out on dates. And all the misunderstandings from before…” I hold my breath.

“We start from a clean slate,” she says. “But that also means I need to trust you again. You can’t keep things from me. We’re friends first and foremost.”

“Of course.” I reach out my hand and touch her shoulder, giddy with the thought that this whole thing is happening. She puts her hand on top of mine.

“Great.” She smiles. “Now, I’ve got the rest of Star Wars on my laptop. Want to watch them all?” I grin at the perfect woman in front of me and nod, leaning over to kiss her on the lips, because I can.

The kiss is chaste and sweet, maybe a few seconds too short. When I pull away, kitten is beaming at me. I pull her onto my lap and cover us with a blanket as we settle to watch the best movies ever made. The rest of the flight is too short for my liking. We talk, we sleep, we watch a movie and fall asleep again.

When a jolt wakes me up, I realise we’ve touched down, arriving in London. I pull Jenny closer to my chest, inhaling her scent, one that I’ll hopefully get to smell every day If I play this right.

“Wake up, beautiful,” I murmur into her hair and lean over to kiss her lips as she huffs disapprovingly. That’s when I decide that I want to wake her up that way every day for the rest of my life. I am never letting this girl go. She kisses me back, then suddenly pushes me away. “Jenny, what’s wrong?” I ask quickly as she puts her hand over her mouth, her eyes huge.

“Morning breath!” she mumbles through her fingers, making me burst into laughter. I stop as soon as I see her pissed off expression.

“I don’t care about that, I just want to kiss—” I start but am interrupted when a shadow looms over us.

“You guys ready?” Jason yawns from behind me. “I slept like a beast!” he beams groggily. We nod in response and grab our things, getting off the plane and slowly walking down the long corridors of Heathrow Airport.

After a long while, we’re finally through passport control and getting our bags. Jenny slips on one of her warm jumpers, and we all put scarves and jackets on. December in London can be brutal even though we hardly ever get snow.

When we go through to arrivals, I look around for John, my family’s driver, but, instead, I’m surprised to see my father standing to the left leaning on the wall, too busy to pay attention as he furiously types into his Blackberry.

I walk over to him, confused by his presence. “Father? What are you doing here?”

“Aiden!” He looks up briefly from his phone before looking back down. “How’s my lawyer son doing?” I wince at that comment, but it’s not like he can see it, not looking at me and all. “I just flew in from Zurich and decided to surprise you. John is waiting in the car.”

“Well, I’m certainly surprised,” I reply.

“Aiden?” I hear Jenny’s voice from behind me and I turn to her. “Our dad should be here in a couple of minutes, if you need to go.”

“Great,” my father mutters, looking up again. “Have you got all your luggage? Let’s go then. I’ve got a meeting I need to be at in a couple of hours.” He doesn’t even look at Jenny or Jason.

“Father, this is Jennifer and Jason Cowley, my friends from University. You met them when I was in Grammar School, remember?” My father’s head lifts up again, away from his Blackberry, and he slowly looks them up and down. I can see the instant judgement forming behind his eyes. “Jennifer is the one who talked me into studying law,” I blurt out.

“Jennifer?” Jenny mouths, confused. I just shake my head at her and continue to watch my father’s face. As soon as he hears my last words, his whole demeanour changes. He instantly smiles at Jenny and reaches out with his hand, taking hers into his large one and shaking it vigorously.

“Jennifer,” he booms, smiling. “James Vaughn. So pleased to meet the voice of reason in my son’s life.”

Jenny seems a little confused, but does a good job of covering it with a smile. “Pleased to meet you, sir.”

“Please! Sir, makes me sound so old. Call me James.” Well, that’s new. My father never lets any of my friends be this familiar with him. He turns towards my best friend. “You must be Jason. Are the two of you siblings?” Jason nods and shakes my father’s hand. Wise move. Best not to speak in front of my father.

“They’re here for Christmas, visiting with their father,” I interject this abnormal behaviour. I’m starting to sweat a little. Fortunately, my father’s phone rings and he steps away from us, excusing himself. “That was weird…” I say, patting Jason on the back and turning to Jenny to say goodbye.

“He seems…” Jenny starts, scrunching her face a little. “Nice?”

I chuckle. “Trust me, my father is anything but nice.” I envelop her in a hug, inhaling her scent one more time. “I’ll see you tomorrow, kitten?” I ask hopefully, pulling myself away from her and looking into her eyes.

“And the day after,” she replies, winking at me. My heart skips a beat.

“And the one after that. I’m going to show you that I meant every word.” Jason makes vomiting noises behind us. I wave him off.

“I can’t wait,” she says, smiling. I lean down and place a kiss on her lips.

“Until tomorrow then.”

As I reluctantly pull away, my father makes another appearance, his gaze drifting between Jenny and I.

“Jennifer, Jason,” he says, looking only at Jenny. “It seems I should probably try to get to know the both of you better. Why don’t you come down for dinner on Boxing Day?” he asks, authority ringing through his words. He will not take ‘no’ for an answer. Shit.

“That’s very kind,” Jenny says quietly. “But we’re here with our father and we wish to spend as much time as possible with him. We don’t get to see him enough.”

“Obviously, he is invited too. That’s sorted then. The three of you shall join our family for a small get together on Boxing Day.” He nods to himself. “Perfect.” He turns on his heel and starts for the exit. “Aiden, please hurry. I’m on a tight schedule here.”

I look apologetically at both Jason and Jenny and mouth ‘sorry’ before placing a kiss on Jenny’s cheek and running after my father.

He’s quiet throughout our drive, typing away on his phone. His jaw is set and I can see a muscle twitch in his left cheek.

“Son, I’m not against you dating anyone, but I wish for you to focus on your studies. I don’t want any distractions for you,” he says finally.

I take my time forming a reply. This is a delicate subject.

“She’s not a distraction,” I finally say. “To the contrary, she makes everything come into focus.”

My father nods once. “We can discuss this later.”

I breathe steadily. I’m not going to let him destroy what I have only just put back together.

“You’ll just have to come to terms with this, Father. She’s clever, driven, and very, very important to me,” I say through clenched teeth.

“So it seems,” he replies as his lips form a small, barely visible smile.