For Crying Out Loud by J. Preston

30Mile High Club

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times just to be sure.

- Aiden

Jenny

“First thing I did when I got back to the hotel after that magical afternoon was text Hayley and Carter, obviously. I mean, saying the ‘L’ word to each other is major news, and they deserved to be the first to know. Besides, I only ever said it to my family and Jake before. When Aiden said that he loved me, the rush I felt was incomparable to anything I’ve ever experienced before. Suddenly, all the colors were brighter, all the sounds clearer, and everything seemed…just…so…good. And happy! I finally understood the meaning of the song lyrics to all the love songs. They all make sense now…you know?

“Hayley was obviously ecstatic for me. We spent hours on Skype analyzing every single detail, probably over-analyzing. But that’s what girls do. It’s totally normal. Trust me. Anyway, Carter is the one I’m worried about. Normally, I can’t swat the guy away with a fly swatter thingy for the life of me! This time…it took him hours to reply to me and all he said was, ‘That’s great, Jenny. I’m happy for you.’ No emojis, no exclamation marks, no sexual innuendos, no making fun of me, and most disturbingly of all, he called me JENNY. He never calls me that. EVER!

“I guess what I’m trying to say, or ask, is why do you think he would act like that?” I turn my face to the guy sitting next to me by the bar on the transatlantic flight. His expression is bored as he twirls a glass drink stirrer around in his martini glass. I look at him expectantly, clutching my empty champagne glass like my life depends on it.

The guy shrugs his shoulders.

“Oh, come on! You must have some insight!” I exclaim.

“Lady—”

“Jenny,” I interrupt him.

“Jenny,” he starts again. “I don’t know. I just want to peacefully have a drink before I land and have to see my family again. I’ve got my own problems. My wife is divorcing me, my sixteen year old daughter just decided she wants to drop out of school and pursue a career in street dancing, and my brother’s wife made a move on me this Christmas,” he spits out in one breath. My jaw drops. Okay, dude has his issues. “Last thing I want to do is listen to a teenage drama about why your boyfriend hasn’t texted you back sooner.”

“Not my boyfriend.” I cross my arms. “My best friend! You need to learn to listen.” I shake my head. If you ask me, that’s probably reason number one why his wife is divorcing him. I wave my empty glass at the lady behind the bar. She comes over and looks at me directly.

“Maybe he’s got a thing for you?” she says.

“Him?” I whisper, motioning to the guy sitting beside me, the one whose life is in pieces. Same one who needs lessons in listening etiquette.

“Your best friend,” she corrects me. “Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear.”

“No, no, it’s okay! Any input is good, but you couldn’t be more wrong. My best friend is the biggest Casanova out there. I mean, he’s better at chasing tail than Jake!”

“Jake? Is that your boyfriend?”

“My dog. He’s amazing. Well, he’s actually my boyfriend’s dog, the hunk of a man sleeping so peacefully over there.” I point in the general direction behind me. “My stupid brother named him after Jacob Black. I mean the dog, not the boyfriend. He wanted to continue the Twilight theme, you see. All because we’ve got this bread he called Edward…but I digress. That’s definitely not the reason for his silence. There’s absolutely no way Carter likes me that way.”

The woman looks me up and down, then takes my empty glass away, handing me a glass of water instead. Oh well.

She leans on the counter. “Maybe he was busy then, chasing tail, as you’ve nicely put it.”

“Hmmm, maybe. But why would he call me Jenny?”

“That is your name, no? Jenny?”

“Well…yes, but—”

“Look,” she interrupts me. “Guys are simple. Don’t read into things. Most likely he was tired from all that ‘tail chasing’ and just typed your name for lack of better ideas.”

I consider that for a moment. It’s quite plausible, I guess. I open my mouth to speak when the woman’s eyes grow large and her pupils dilate. Uh-oh. Here comes trouble.

“Please tell me this hunk of a man is not your boyfriend,” she whispers, motioning her head to someone behind me. I turn to take a look.

“Nope.” I say, smiling while she exhales, opening the top button of her blouse. Jason comes over and slides into a seat next to me. He looks sleepy, like he’s just woken up. His hair spikes in all different directions and there’s a rumpled, pillow-shaped indent on his right cheek. I guess the woman likes what she sees, because she leans over towards him, exposing her prominent cleavage even more.

“Hi,” she purrs. “How can I help you?” she finishes the sentence suggestively. Eeew.

I sigh. “Jason, this is…” I nod to her expectantly.

“Mary.”

“Mary. Mary, this is Jason, my brother.” God help her. Jason’s eyes focus on her boobs, and he licks his lips in approval.

“Hi Mary.” He takes her hand, flashing her a grin and turning her hand to kiss the top of it, lingering for way too long, in my humble opinion. I decide to break it up. I seriously don’t need to be witness to the circus that’s about to happen.

“And this is my friend…” I nudge the guy to my left who has just finished his drink. “John? Stan? Bob? Ludlum? Darth Vader?”

“Mark,” he sighs.

“Mark,” I exclaim happily. “Mark has had it pretty rough lately.” I nod my head solemnly. “Go easy on him,” I say, getting up and making my way back to where I can see Aiden, who’s just waking up.

Mark huffs and pushes past me back to his seat. Rude!

I jump and land on Aiden’s lap, covering his face with sloppy, energetic kisses, making him laugh in response.

“Kitten,” he chuckles. “Please stop. I just woke up and I totally need to use the toilet!” Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are we at this stage of our relationship already? Can I burp in front of him? Are we sharing things like that?

Aiden grabs a hold of my waist and lifts me up, placing me right next to him. He gets up, kisses my forehead, then whispers, “Don’t move. I’ll be back in a sec.” I squeeze his bum in agreement as he walks away.

A second it is not.

I inspect my fingernails, check my hair for split ends, pick fluff off of my t-shirt. Finally, mister, who definitely needed number two rather than number one, makes an appearance. His face is red, and he is holding back a laugh.

“What?” I ask, curious.

“You’ll never believe,” he shakes his head, “why I took so long.”

“Number two?” I mutter.

“Huh? No.” He smirks. “Jason.”

“You locked yourself in the toilet with Jason?” I gasp, aghast. Joining the mile high club might just be on my bucket list, and this news is a mood killer.

“What? No! Jason was in the toilet….”

“Oh yeah, his bowel movements are unpredictable when flying. His stomach gets dodgy at high altitude,” I reply knowingly.

Aiden bursts out laughing. Ha! I knew I was hilarious.

“God, kitten, you’ve got it all wrong. You’re just too innocent,” he chuckles.

Hell no! Innocent is the last thing I want him to think of me. Not when, as soon as the wheels of this plane hit the tarmac and we get back home, I want him naked in my bedroom.

“Vagina!” I blurt out quickly, making him spit out the almond he just popped into his mouth. Ha!

“What?” His eyes are wild as he looks around, checking if anyone heard my outburst.

“Nothing.” I grin. “Not so innocent now, am I? Now tell me, what did Jason do?”

But before Aiden has a chance to reply, I spot Jason, kissing and groping…Mary! And it all clicks into place. All those times when we flew and Jason disappeared in the toilet, coming back disheveled and claiming a dodgy stomach. That little whore!

Jason saunters back towards us, looking all kinds of satisfied I do not want to know about.

“Dodgy stomach?” I ask, narrowing my eyes. Jason looks at me, confused. I can basically see a freaking lightbulb lighting up above his head.

Finally, he replies, holding his stomach. “Oh yes, you know me. Flying just makes it…reeeaaaally bad.” He nods gravely.

Bastard is lying. Damn him and me for eating up his lies all these years!

Not fair!

It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the fact that my boyfriend was hell bent on wearing his iron chastity belt. Locked with twenty bloody padlocks… Keys thrown away… In the moat of Edinburgh castle… Or something like that.

That’s it.

I don’t see any other way out of this. I am going to convince him to lose the freaking belt no matter what. I’ll use a chainsaw if I have to!

Forgetting all about Jason, I yank Aiden to me and kiss him hard, running my hands under his shirt, nibbling his lower lip, and pulling his body closer to mine. He instantly responds, sneaking his skillful tongue in and out of my mouth, letting out a little growl. I can feel his reaction through his sweats, and it takes everything I have in me not to moan like a grade-A porn star at the magical sensation that erupts in my belly.

“Guys, ewww! Please, stop! This is disgusting. You’re making me sick!” my brother exclaims. “Dodgy stomach over here.”

I break away from the Deity that is my boyfriend—seriously, I’m two minutes away from building a shrine for him—and look at Jason. He’s pointing expectantly at his stomach.

“Dodgy stomach.” I shake my head in disbelief. “Can’t believe I ate that shit up all these years…”

Jason just grins and shrugs. I’m about to punch the smug monkey when the seatbelt sign lights up and the pilot’s voice booms through the PA system, telling us that we’re about to land.

Brilliant! All the closer to home, to my bed. The sooner we get there, the sooner I can make my ‘Take advantage of Aiden’ plan a reality, and this time I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.

And if he thinks that I’m rushing again...well, tough. I’m not. Even through the ups and downs, my heart has been his for a long time. There’s no one else for me and, more than anything, I want him to know that. I want him to know that I am sure of us, of how strong our love is. He’s my ‘one’ and I just don’t want to wait any longer.

I sit in my seat and buckle myself up, masterfully plotting in my head all the steps I’m going to take to seduce my boyfriend. Gah…I sound so desperate!

“Are you okay?” Aiden takes a hold of my hand and squeezes it. What? Of course I am. I’m just planning how to get you out of your clothes, silly.

Then it hits me. I’m ‘supposed to be afraid of flying’. Damn it, Jenny! Sloppy! So sloppy… I knew I was forgetting something. I squeeze his hand, hard.

“Mmm-hmm.” And the Oscar goes to…

“It’s okay,” he says, kissing my hand. “Just breathe, it’ll be over soon.”

But breathing is hard when his emerald eyes are focused on me.

When we land, I text my dad to let him know that we landed safely and make my way over to sit on the plastic chairs in the baggage reclaim area. I spot Jason and Aide talking, and I smile. Who would have thought that my life would turn out like this? Not me.

This boy makes me so happy it’s unreal.

I smile again, even though, for some reason, a sick feeling starts up in my stomach. Jason’s and Aiden’s movements are animated. I squint in their direction and notice Aiden is clutching his phone in his hand, looking down at it and then at Jason. I hope everything is okay…

That sick feeling grows, but I ignore it.

Jason takes the phone away from Aiden and looks at the screen. I can see it from here. His face loses all color and his eyes are ready to bulge out of his sockets.

I stand up just as Jason leans over and whispers something in Aiden’s ear.

They both look at me.

The sick feeling grows and grows, and I squish it.

I’m sure it’s nothing.

I take another step towards the guys.

The thing is…when you’re this ridiculously happy, something is bound to hit the fan eventually, right?