For Crying Out Loud by J. Preston

34So Fucking Much

I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.

- Carter

Jenny

The morning sun dances on my face, bringing me back to reality and making me sigh with contentment.

Last night, damn. Last night was just…perfect.

I stretch my body under the cover of Aiden’s thin sheet, my eyes still closed. I should feel different. More mature, maybe, like a woman?

Is my life going to change now?

Apart from some soreness, which was to be expected, I feel exactly the same, giddy with love and excited at the prospects of what’s to come.

The ‘first time’ that everyone talks about, the one in all the movies, the one in all the books where the couple makes love twenty times during the night and orgasms simultaneously, not very possible. At least, not in our case, since Aiden is rather on the largish side.

Even though he took care of me, treated me like a princess and handled me like a breakable egg, it hurt. A lot. The only thing that made it better was knowing that it was with him.

The man I gave my heart and soul to. Am I silly giving myself to someone so completely at such a young age? In my mind, I have no doubt that Aiden and I will still be together when we’re old and gray, a thought that scares and excites me at the same time.

"Let me do this right, let me love you." His words from last night make my whole body tingle. The way he looked at me, the way he held me, the way he kissed me. The way his body felt against me, the way his cock felt inside me. Just the memory makes my insides swirl in anticipation.

Speaking of heat, I could really do with some food. My stomach grumbles in agreement, and I open my eyes reluctantly. My old room, Aiden’s room, is quiet as the sunlight seeps in through the half-drawn curtains. I slowly turn to the side, wanting to look at him, touch him, but there’s no one there. The realization jolts me awake, and I sit up in confusion.

Then I spot it, the little piece of paper with Aiden’s handwriting on it. I snatch the note with the speed of the French, trying to outrun the guillotine and scan the words, my heart fluttering.

Kitten,

I went to get some breakfast for us, and will be back shortly.

Didn’t want to wake you up, you looked so peaceful.

Last night…was the best night of my life, but I’ll tell you all about how you made me feel when I get back.

I love you…so fucking much,

Aiden

P.S. If you’re still in bed, naked, when I get back, I can’t promise I’ll be able to keep my hands to myself. Not after last night. Not ever.

P.P.S. I’ll totally take advantage of you again.

P.P.P.S. And again.

I grin and fall back onto the bed, my head hitting the pillows. I inhale his scent like a desperate sniffer dog. I’m an addict.

An Aiden addict.

There are worse things I could be.

Like an elf in Santa’s toy factory, all work and no play. Or the Devil. Ha! The She-Devil.

Ugh, Chloe.

My train of thought makes my morning seem a little gloomier, and I decide it’s best if I have a quick shower before Aiden gets back.

I walk across the hall to my room and head into the bathroom. The shower is glorious, and I stand under the hot stream until the skin of my fingertips turns into something resembling prunes. When I’m finally done, I quickly get dressed, choosing black leggings and a loose jumper with a purple happy hippo drawn on the front, finishing this dazzling outfit off with a pair of purple converse.

I’m utterly sexy, I know. Pulling my wet hair into a messy bun, I check my reflection in the mirror then head back to Aiden’s room. I make the bed and consider arranging myself into a sexy position on top of it, but decide against it. I’m still sore from last night. Plus, who am I kidding, my hippo jumper is a mood killer. My phone is still on the nightstand, so I pick it up, wanting to text Aiden, tell him to hurry back home, hurry back and kiss me senseless again.

Only.

It’s not my phone.

It’s definitely not my phone.

Because I don’t remember receiving a message like this.

And the message I see breaks my heart into a thousand little pieces.

“Stop ignoring me, you’re the father,” it says. Sender: Chloe.

Somewhere, in the back of my mind, the synapses are working overtime. They know. They know that the phone belongs to Aiden. I’m not as quick though, firstly trying to figure out how Jason’s phone got into Aiden’s room. Because it must be Jason’s, what with Chloe being his ex and all. It takes me another whole minute to accept the truth.

The message was meant for Aiden, my boyfriend.

The phone slips from my hand, and when, like a zombie, I lean down to pick it up, I see my phone lying on the floor. It must have fallen down at some point during the night.

The night I slept with my boyfriend for the first time. The boyfriend who is going to have a baby with Chloe. The boyfriend who failed to tell me about it prior to sleeping together.

Oh God, what have I done?

I pick both the phones up and place Aiden’s phone on his pillow, next to the note he wrote me earlier.

He’s the father…

So the rumors must have been true. My head spins and my chest constricts. I need air, I need to think. I need to be alone and process this whole thing.

Why would Aiden lie to me? Why wouldn’t he say anything?

Well, technically, he didn’t lie. You told him you don’t want to know what happened between him and Chloe. You told him it was all in the past, my inner voice scolds me.

It’s true. I gave him a clean slate.

Stupid, stupid girl. But would knowing that they had sex change anything? Probably not much.

However, knowing that he’s about to have a baby would… At least, until I figured out how to deal with that fact.

I make my way, blindly, through the hall and somehow I end up in Kitt, my hands gripping the steering wheel, driving around the town, trying to find somewhere where I can sit down and think.

But why wouldn’t he tell me that Chloe is pregnant? Why wouldn’t he confide in me? My brain is trying to process the information. My vision is blurry and I shake my head, trying to clear it of the fog. Why would he not tell me and then sleep with me? Surely he knows that’s wrong… Bastard!

I drive around aimlessly for what feels like an hour before I park behind the dorms.

Hayley will know what to do.

She’ll tell me I’m overreacting. It can’t be as bad as it sounds. It’s probably just another lie.

And why hasn’t Aiden tried to call me yet?

My hand is gripping my phone, and the damned thing has not buzzed once since I left the house. Maybe he’s still out, maybe he doesn’t know I left. I guess he will soon. How will I talk to him then? How will I be able to trust him ever again? I’m not ready to be a stepmother. I’m only nineteen for god's sake!

I shove the silent torture devise, aka the phone, into my pocket and barge into the dorms. Taking the steps two at the time, I run up to Hayley’s floor, stopping only when I’m in front of her room.

When I finally get there, seriously out of breath, I bang on her door, desperation making me panic again. She doesn’t answer. She’s either not there or she’s a heavy sleeper. I know that it’s not the latter. The girl gets woken up when a cricket makes a sound, so she must be out.

Resigned, I slide down the door. The tears I’ve been trying to hold back finally break out and I start crying.

Way to throw yourself a pity party, my inner voice snarls at me. You’re better than that.

I know I am, but that doesn’t change the fact that this whole situation sucks.

So you gave your heart to him, your virginity, your soul… And all the while, he knew he had a bun baking in someone else’s oven. Big deal.

Well, actually it is a big deal!

Not if it’s another one of Chloe’s lies. A sliver of hope tugs at my heart.

It can’t be… It’s not possible for someone to be so evil.

You’re right. You’ll just have to get used to the fact that the love of your life will marry an Oompa-Lumpa.

Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Tears start streaming down my cheeks again.

“Jenny? What’s wrong?”

I lift my head up and am greeted by the sight of my best friend wrapped in a towel. Her wash bag in her hand. She kneels beside me, looking into my swollen eyes. “Jenny?”

“Hayley,” I manage to say before the floodgates open again and I break into a full-on ugly cry.