I Hated You First by Rachel John

Lauren

 

 

The sun was setting, showing off with a blaze of pink and orange as only an Arizona sky could do. It was time to go. I hated how comfortable I felt with Clay, because I knew it wouldn’t last. I could count on one hand the number of times it was just the two of us together, and things were different when other people were around. Parker would not be hearing about us hanging out together this afternoon. Not from me, and certainly not from Clay.

“Water break?” I asked, heading towards my truck.

Clay jogged over and jumped up into the bed of his truck where he kept a cooler with cold water bottles. The dude was prepared for anything, I’d give him that.

He came over and leaned against my truck door next to me, drinking water and staring at the sunset.

“So, where’s your super-secret running spot?” he asked.

“Not telling.” I knew he’d ask, and I had no intention of sharing, if for no other reason than because he wanted to know.

“That’s fair. I’d hate to ruin it with my presence.”

“How’s your knee?” I leaned over to have a look. “I guess it is too hairy to throw a Band-Aid on there.”

“You’re calling my knees hairy?” He covered them up so I couldn’t hurt them anymore with my insults.

“You called my neck red and blotchy.”

“Your neck is beautiful in any color and you know it.”

I looked away so he wouldn’t see me smile. “Thank you, I guess.”

His phone rang, and he gave a deep sigh when he checked the caller ID. Glancing at me, he finally flipped it around to show me it was my dad calling. He put his finger to his lips and answered.

“Hey John, what’s up?”

“Hey, Clay. I wanted to pick your brain about something.”

Clay glanced at me, and I knew he was nervous about where this was going. He hadn’t taken it well when I’d brought up the company ownership thing.

“Go ahead.” To his credit, Clay didn’t move away from me. In fact, he shifted closer, leaning into me with his arm braced against my truck so I could hear better. Now I was the one feeling nervous. Clay smelled like grass and clean-scented deodorant and warm skin.

“It’s about what Lauren said today.”

Clay’s eyes met mine and widened. “Okay.”

“I can’t stop her from meeting someone new, and after what she said I realize I shouldn’t. But maybe I could introduce her to… I don’t know. Someone decent. Someone I wouldn’t mind having around. Someone safe.”

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. The man hadn’t learned anything. He’d listened and then taken all his controlling ways and channeled them in a new direction. I’d tell him exactly where he could stick his matchmaking. I moved to take the phone from Clay’s hand, but he blocked me and wrapped his free arm around my waist, pinning my arms at my sides. I could have broken the hold he had on me, but then he would have moved away and I still wanted to hear.

“John, that sounds like the opposite of what she’s asking for. Don’t you want Lauren to trust you?”

“Of course I do. It’s just, you remember what happened with Boyce.”

“That was a long time ago. I don’t think Lauren’s planning to date anyone in the company again.” Clay stared down, not meeting my eyes. He adjusted his hold on me, but didn’t let go. In fact, I could have sworn his thumb caressed the edge of my wrist before settling again. I watched his eyes follow the curve of my neck from my earlobe down to my collar bone. “Did you have someone in mind?” he asked.

I thunked Clay in the chest with my forehead to let him know exactly what I thought of that question. Of course my dad had someone in mind. Why else would he call to get a second opinion?

“Well, there’s a young man Melissa was telling me about. He just graduated from ASU, and she says he’s church-going, doesn’t party. And he’s been too focused on his studies to date.”

“Then let Melissa set them up.” Clay finally met my eyes, his look full of sympathy.

“Oh, I will. I was just wondering if you could, I don’t know, keep an eye on things at work. If she’s determined to do her own thing, I’m afraid she’ll pick someone at work just to spite me. Like date Evan or something.”

“Evan has a girlfriend.”

“See, this is exactly what I needed to know. I won’t worry about Evan now.”

“John, we can’t have these kinds of conversations. Lauren will kill us both. I really need to go. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay. But I had one other thought.”

Of course he did.

“Do you think you’d be up for a double date? If Melissa got her to go out with this young man, could you go with them and report back to me?”

“Report back to you? No, I can’t do that.”

“Nothing in depth. Just a thumbs up or thumbs down so I don’t worry. That’s all I’m asking.”

Clay sighed, blowing warm air across the side of my head. I gave a little nod, letting him know he could agree. My anger was building, and rather than shut this thing down, I wanted to know how far it would go. How much would my dad try to use Clay to check up on me?

“I can give you a thumbs up or thumbs down. But that’s it. You need to let Lauren live her life without spying on her.”

“I understand. Thanks for your help.”

Clay hung up the phone and stuck it in his back pocket one-handed. Breathing deeply, he stared off in the distance. “Sorry.”

Now that we didn’t have the phone call to share, Clay still holding me held more and more meaning the longer he did it. And my anger was easier to deal with than an attraction that I didn’t fully understand, on his side or mine.

I pulled away from him and walked away from the truck. “I’m having a hard time believing these conversations don’t happen a lot. What is wrong with the two of you?”

“Lauren, I swear, before last week, we’ve never discussed your dating life. I have no idea why he’s suddenly decided to use me as his confidant.”

“So, this push for us to be friends? That doesn’t have anything to do with him?”

The hurt in Clay’s eyes told me I was over-reaching, going into conspiracy-theory territory, but was it so far-fetched? Dad would be all for it. Easier to hear my thoughts this way rather than asking me directly.

“I need to go.” I waited for Clay to move away from my driver door and then got in without saying anything else. He watched me drive off, his arms folded, looking stoic.

I called Jenny as soon as I couldn’t see Clay in my rearview mirror anymore.

“Lauren? You’re supposed to check in with me when you go running. I was worried ‘cause it’s been like an hour.”

“I was with Clay.”

“Oh.” She swooped the word, injecting all sorts of expectation into it.

“Yeah, it was … I don’t know. I’m feeling all sorts of things right now and they’re having a boxing match in my head. My head hurts.” My heart hurt. I knew I’d projected my anger at my dad on Clay, but I wasn’t ready to remove it either. I still had to see both of them first thing in the morning, and I wasn’t convinced they didn’t talk about me more than Clay was willing to admit.

“Come home and I’ll feed you. And you can tell me whatever parts you want to share. I’ll try not to get too excited about it.”

“Why do you like Clay so much?” I asked, feeling grateful and grumpy. “You barely know him.”

“I like what he does to you. You sit up a little taller when he’s around. You feel more.”

“Right now I want to feel less.”

“Feelings are good.”

“Not these ones.”