I Hated You First by Rachel John

Clay

 

 

 

Of course, Lauren wanted to hear the conversation. It was like me talking to her dad while holding her all over again. Lauren’s breath on my neck was quite distracting, along with her hands resting on my lower back, but I tuned her out the best I could and answered, trying to sound casual.

“Hey, Parker.”

“Hey, where are you?”

I had to assume the question stemmed from him showing up at my house and not finding me there, or planning to go to my house, and in either case, I needed to decide where I was. “Running errands.” It was as close to the truth as I could give him right now. I had filled up my gas tank on the way over, and I was now on my most important errand of the day—spending as much time as possible with Lauren.

“So, I had this idea. I got these broken-down four-wheelers for a song, and I thought it might make a good little niche business if we actually rented these out. You know, going into recreational equipment in addition to construction equipment. But I’d need your help seeing what all this entails before I tell John or Lauren I bought them. You can only imagine the grief she’d give me. I’ve worked on these types of engines a little bit, but you’re better at cost and time breakdowns. I want to know the damage before I go into battle on this.”

Why couldn’t he just be asking to borrow money like a normal friend? I glanced at Lauren. She may have only caught half of what he said, but it was enough that her expression had turned wary. For the last little bit, we’d been living in a Clay and Lauren bubble, the type that could pop at any moment.

Well, I wasn’t going to make the same mistake that Noah idiot did. I had my priorities straight for once, and if there was anything I’d learned from hearing Lauren’s roommate storming in here, it was that you couldn’t please everyone, and if you tried, it was a sure way to please no one.

“I can’t today, Parker. But that does sound promising.”

“Not at all today? What’s going on?”

“I’ve sort of got a secret project of my own, and I can’t tell you about it yet. But maybe I can help you work on those tomorrow?”

“Crap. What do I do with the four-wheelers until then? I was hoping to hide them in your garage.”

Of course he was. I kept my garage clean and organized. It was something I was almost obsessive about. The last thing I wanted was a bunch of dead four-wheelers likely crawling with spiders parked in my space. Spiders loved the undersides of broken-down vehicles. You could almost hear their thinking. I’ll just live here since you’re never getting around to this. But compromises would have to be made.

“I have a key hidden in a fake rock behind the hibiscus bushes. Go put the four wheelers in my garage. But don’t make a mess, okay? How many did you buy?”

“Five.”

Five? I’d kill him later.

Lauren’s eyes widened, and I shook my head at her. I knew the lecture she was dying to give. Heck, I had it memorized. So did Parker, not that it did any good.

After I hung up, I dropped my phone on the bed and pulled her into me, hugging her tight. I wanted to kiss her so badly, but after her panic last night and the lackluster response she’d given to me telling her how I felt about her, I realized I needed to dial it in a little.

“You told him you had a secret project of your own,” she murmured against my throat. I held in a groan. Her lips were like heat-seeking missiles. Or maybe mine were, and I had to change their trajectory before I got myself in trouble.

“At some point we have to tell him,” I said, immediately regretting even saying that much. I felt her tense against me. “But not today. Let’s go. Are you driving or am I?”

It was the perfect question to get her moving. Lauren had an unholy love for her truck. She immediately ran for her keys while I gathered up what we’d need.

She helped me carry everything down, and once we loaded up, I hopped in the passenger seat of her truck and put my seatbelt on. As much as I’d enjoy a tug-o-war over making me wear it, I wanted to show her my guard was down. Today, I wasn’t Parker’s annoying friend who liked to tease his little sister. Today, I was boyfriend material.

“Contemplating the universe over there?” Lauren asked, before starting up her truck.

“Something like that.”

I paid attention to the route she took, trying to guess our destination, and I finally realized we were heading for Star Tower Park. I’d only ever been there once, to watch a friend’s soccer match years ago.

It was a good running spot. Mature trees for shade, grassy hills, and not too crowded. She parked on the far side, away from the playground and skate park. We were lucky to have a bit of a breeze today, making it cooler than it would usually be this late in April.

I hopped out and retrieved my bags from the back of her truck. Lauren came over and relieved me of several of them, taking the opportunity to study what I’d brought while we walked. She fingered the thick quilt in the top of one of the bags. “What’s this for?”

“Picnic?” I shrugged. “Don’t you remember it from Fourth of July a couple of years ago? We played cards on it before the fireworks started.”

Lauren thought for a moment. “I was with someone at the time, wasn’t I?”

“Payson Grimes, the physical therapist. He didn’t want to play cards so he just sat behind you and played with your hair.”

Lauren stopped walking. “I’m not sure if I should be creeped out by that.”

“Definitely creeped out. You couldn’t see the expression on his face while he touched you.” I grinned, knowing that wasn’t what she meant. Although, I was totally not lying. Payson Grimes was a creep. Getting her to break up with him had been some of my finest work.

“Clay, I meant whether I should be creeped out by you holding onto those kind of details. Last I checked, you don’t have a photographic memory.”

“The fact that I remember the guy better than you says more about you than it does about me.”

Lauren huffed out a breath and kept going, heading toward one of the large trees.

I lengthened my stride to keep up. “What would you like me to say?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m just mad, I guess. And I’m not sure if I’m mad at you or me. Maybe it’s a bit of both.”

“Why would you be mad at yourself?”

“You said it, didn’t you? What does it say about me? That I dated the creepy physical therapist, and he’s barely a blip in my memory.”

“The two of you only went out for a few weeks.”

“You’d know.” She elbowed me lightly but didn’t back away. In fact, her head came to rest against my chest. “Why didn’t you just ask me out yourself?” she murmured.

“You know why. It was easier to pretend I didn’t want to.”

She tilted her head to look up at me. “And scare away my boyfriends?”

“I got pretty good at it.”

“You told me Payson smelled like bacon when he sweated.”

“Didn’t he?”

She laughed, and then couldn’t stop. “I couldn’t un-smell it once you said it, and I was so mad at you. It was July in Phoenix! We were all sweating to death.”

I couldn’t put my arms around her with all the bags in my hands so I nudged her to keep us walking towards our destination.

We reached the tree, and I pulled the quilt out of the bag she was carrying, shaking it out until it unfolded and I could place it on the ground in the shade.

Lauren plopped down, crossing her tan legs in front of her. She had on a pair of khaki shorts that hit mid-thigh and a white blouse that billowed a little in the breeze, as did her hair, though it was pulled back into a loose ponytail.

“I do remember this quilt now. You told us we could never say a word to your Grandma about using it outside, because as far as she knows, you sleep with it every night.”

“It’s one step above tarp-level comfort. It’s not meant for snuggling. She probably intended it that way.”

Lauren tilted her head. “I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve heard you talk about your grandparents, and it’s never with fondness."

Her words stabbed me, although I knew there was more curiosity on her side than reprimand.

“They’re good people. I should talk better about them.”

“When was the last time you saw them?”

“This morning. I was there at five mowing their lawn.”

Lauren blinked. “Oh. Now I feel like a complete sloth for not being able to get out of bed at six.”

“You’re up early most days for work. Wanting to sleep in occasionally is not a crime. At least, not last I checked.”

She fingered the corner of the quilt. “There are a lot of things about you that have always been none of my business, and therefore a mystery to me. Because you were Parker’s best friend, and I was just his irritating sister hanging around.”

As if she sensed the apology about to come out of my mouth, she held her hand up. “I’m not trying to call you out on it, I’m just… I don’t know what I’m doing exactly.”

“What about me is a mystery to you?”

She shook her head, backing away from the walls I already knew I was ready to let down.

I smiled and took her hand. “There’s obviously something you’re wondering about. Just say it.”

“I’ve never seen the inside of the house you grew up in. Parker could go over there to get you, but not me.”

“I think that was more about Parker being territorial than anything else, and maybe he was worried you’d ask something uncomfortable. It’s not unheard of to live with your grandparents, but I did get asked about it a lot by other kids.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Would you like to?” I asked. It felt like the right thing to say, but my face started to heat at the thought.

“Would I like to what?” Lauren turned our clasped hands over and studied them, like the curious specimen they were. Holding her hand felt completely natural and yet very, very new.

“Go over there. To my grandparent’s house.”

“If you’d like me to, yes. And if not, that’s okay, too.”

“I don’t really go visit them without a reason.” I forced my jaw to relax so I wasn’t gritting my teeth while trying to keep my hold on casual. This opening up thing had felt nice in theory. But pulling back the curtain and letting Lauren dig around and take a look made me feel a lot more exposed than I’d thought.

“Like needing to mow their lawn?”

“Yeah.”

“What do they do for fun?”

I stared her down. My grandparents didn’t believe in fun. It was my immediate reaction, and one I would have said aloud if Parker had asked, but Lauren watched me carefully, like she expected a real answer, so I gave it real thought.

“My grandmother reads the Reader’s Digest magazine cover to cover. But nothing else. I tried buying her books for Christmas, but I don’t think she read any of them. Grandpa likes to bird watch. Silently. I have a lot of memories of sitting next to him in a lawn chair for what felt like hours for one glimpse of a robin.”

Lauren nodded. “That’s right. Mom likes to bird watch, too. I think she and your grandpa talked about it once at a neighborhood watch meeting.”

It was probably the one and only time the two of them had talked, but I didn’t mention that.

“Do your grandparents have any hobbies they do together?” Lauren asked.

“They play Scrabble at night while they watch the news.”

“Well, there you go. Have you ever played with them?”

I shook my head. Never. No way. They were ruthless scorekeepers, and would never have stopped to teach me the rules. I was a horrible speller anyway. Autocorrect and I were tight.

She got to her feet and tugged on my hand, probably sensing my discomfort. “We’ll talk more while we play bocce.”

I picked up the set and carried it over to a flat spot before tossing out the golf ball I used as a target about thirty feet in front of us.

Lauren tested the weight of one of the red balls from the set. “You’ll be happy to know I’m horrible at this.”

“Really? When was the last time you played?” I got out the green balls and dropped them at my feet.

“Um, on a date in high school. So I guess it’s possible I’ve improved since then.” She went first and rolled her ball about ten feet short of the target. “Never mind. I’m still horrible.”

I rolled mine and knocked into her ball, sending it closer to the target while my ball bounced uselessly off to the side. I hadn’t done it on purpose, but she turned and looked at me, completely appalled.

“What?” I asked.

“Don’t let me win.”

I stared her down. “Is that in the rules or something?”

“It’s in my rules.”

“I think you’re giving me more credit than I deserve, and also less. I did not do that on purpose. I’m not sure I could if I tried.”

“Oh.” She turned an adorable shade of red. “My bad.”

“Throw your next ball already.” I nudged her with my hip, and she turned and threw her arms around me, burying her head in my chest.

“Are you hugging me or wrestling me?” I asked with a laugh.

“I haven’t decided yet.” She looked up, resting her chin on me. “This feels weird. Does it feel weird to you?”

“Which part?”

She let me go and picked up her ball, giving it a concentrated throw. It landed a lot closer to the target this time, but she didn’t celebrate. “I don’t know. Being out on what feels like a formal date with you. This point of no return.” She bit her lip. “I’m overthinking again, aren’t I?”

My stomach dropped, but I picked up my next ball, acting as if her words didn’t bother me. “If you just want to be friends, it’s okay. Or we could go back to hating each other. If that’s what feels natural.”

“Clay.” Lauren said it like a reprimand.

“What?”

She took my hand and dragged me back to the tarp blanket. “Sit.”

Great, another sit-down discussion. I already felt sliced open from the last one.

The second I was sitting, she climbed into my lap and took my face in her hands.

Her touch threw my senses into high alert. “I’m very confused right now.” I closed my eyes, trying to lock down my feelings as her fingers skimmed across my neck and through the back of my hair.

“Clay, I don’t want to backpedal. I don’t want to hate you anymore. And I’m good with friendship as long as we get this, too.” She kissed me, and with my eyes closed, all my focus went to the way it felt, the plumpness of her lips, the heat, the taste.

Two teenage girls walked by giggling, and Lauren scooted off my lap, wrapping her arms around her knees. We stared at each other and tried not to laugh. We’d totally just become that couple. The one nobody could take anywhere.

And then Lauren tensed again. A little wrinkle appeared in her forehead, and she reached out and covered my hand with hers. “Point of no return was a bad choice of words. I’m not worried about having a relationship with you. I’m worried it’s not really what you want, and I can’t seem to let go of that fear. I can’t help testing you to see if you’re gonna wink at me and take it all back.”

“Go back to teasing you like I used to?”

“Yeah.”

“I guess I deserve that.”

“You don’t. And I’ve been nosy about your grandparents for no reason at all. I feel like we need a do-over.”

“No do-overs. Things are going to be weird. For a lot of reasons.” Like her dad, and Parker, and being coworkers. The ownership thing we still hadn’t talked about. But right then wasn’t the time to get into all that. “I think what we need is a friendly wager to make this game more interesting. If I lose, I’ll call up my grandparents and tell them we’d like to come over and play Scrabble.” Maybe Lauren and I could play as a team. I was familiar enough with her precise note-taking to know she was probably good at word games.

“And if I lose?” She bit her lip. We both knew, chances were pretty good I’d be cashing in.

“If you lose, you won’t freak out over Parker buying all those four wheelers with company money.”

“It’s another bad business decision. I can’t offer up how I feel about it on a bet. In fact, I’ve been thinking about this a lot. You and Parker should change positions at work.”

That took me aback. “Wait, what?”

“You should take over acquisitions. He should stick to maintenance and repair.”

“Have you told him this?”

“Of course not. I figured I’d introduce the idea to the less stubborn of the two of you and go from there."

“He’d see it as a step down in position, you know. He already does repair. All you want to do is cut his purse strings and hand them over to me.”

“I know.” She deflated, and I pulled her into me. As hard as it was to work with friends, it had to be a lot harder to work with family. “That’s why I haven’t brought it up, even though I’ve thought about it for years.”

“So, back to our wager. What are you offering if you lose?”

“You get to drive home?” she asked.

Ah, her magical truck. I’d have fun with that. “Deal.”

We started our game over, with Lauren throwing the target this time. She tossed the golf ball a lot lighter than me, which would be to her advantage. Or so she thought. My short game was pretty good, and I took the round, getting two points for being closest, and one point for second closest.

Lauren was focused though, and even though I tossed the target farther on the next round, she gave it her all and took all the points, tying us up at three.

When we were tied at ten to ten, I really started to get nervous. We were only playing to twelve.

“Watching you sweat over this is a reward in and of itself.” Lauren bounced up on her toes as I took my next turn.

My ball veered left and just kept going. My second ball fell short. Not good. Lauren would have to choke or it was over.

Unfortunately, she learned from my mistake and tossed her ball a little to the right to miss the dip in the grass my ball had fallen into. She was taking first place. She threw her second ball and it skimmed passed my short one and kept going until it hugged the target. First and second. Thirteen points to my ten.