I Hated You First by Rachel John

Lauren

 

 

 

How would I rate kissing Clay Olsen? Five stars. Two enthusiastic thumbs up. Fireworks. Everywhere. He had wrecked me for all other men with one kiss, and I’d made sure he knew it the way I’d clung to him.

I gripped my hair as the embarrassment of it all washed over me again. One kiss wasn’t exactly accurate. It had been a lot of kissing. Several times, he’d pulled away, and each time I’d reeled him back in, like I couldn’t get enough, because… I couldn’t.

What if this became just another blip in our weird history? That one time our flirting got out of hand and wasn’t that so funny? He’d have a new reason to tease me, to keep his distance so my dad and Parker wouldn’t find out we’d ever spent time together.

My comforter smelled like him even after a fitful night’s sleep. Thanks to his pronouncement that he’d be here at seven, I’d set my alarm for six, but now it was six-fifteen and I couldn’t get my body to cooperate and actually get out of bed. It was Saturday morning for crying out loud. I finally reached over and picked up my phone from the nightstand, sending him a text.

Lauren: I’m rescheduling this mysterious meeting we’re having until ten. Because… reasons.

Clay: No need. I’ll just come snuggle with you until you’re ready to get out of bed.

Lauren: You will not.

Clay: <Grinning emoji> See you at 7.

I smiled in spite of myself. What was I supposed to do about Clay? I’d been there when my dad called him and talked about me not dating people in the company, and Clay didn’t even know about the stupid clause I was supposed to sign to make it official. We could not date. He knew it. I knew it.

But was this dating? We didn’t have to define it. No labels required. We were just two people who liked spending time together because it was forbidden. I groaned at my own stupidity and rolled out of bed. I needed a shower before Clay got here.

I passed Jenny’s room and ducked my head in to talk to her, but she wasn’t there. What the heck? I quickly texted her and was relieved when she responded right away.

Lauren: Where are you?

Jenny: It’s a long story. Noah from work invited me to go on a hot air balloon ride this morning. His date bailed on him. The tickets are two hundred bucks!

Lauren: Awesome! I want details!

Jenny: I’ll spill later. Gotta go.

It must have been really last minute. The two of us had stayed up way too late squealing and speculating about Clay, and there was no mention of hot air balloon rides.

Speaking of Clay, I’d better hurry. I ran back to my room for my shower comb and then locked myself in the bathroom for a long shower. Too long.

I was heading back to my room in my bathrobe when a knock sounded at the door. Of course he’d be early, the stinker. Or maybe he was right on time. I tended to lose track of time when glorious hot water was raining down on my head.

I’d just text him and tell him to wait. I tiptoed back to the bathroom thinking I’d left my phone on the counter, but it wasn’t there. Had I left it in Jenny’s room? Her room was slightly below tornado level of messy and the thought of searching it had me sighing.

Surely Clay would text me something snarky by now and I’d hear the chime. I stood in the hallway listening.

The knock came again, and I rushed to the door and checked the peephole. Clay was waiting patiently with his arms loaded down with canvas bags. I wasn’t even sure how he’d knocked. Maybe with his forehead?

I opened the door a crack and stuck my head out. “Hold on. I’m still getting ready. Wait a full minute so I can run back to my room. Then come in and wait in the living room.”

“Sure thing.” He grinned at me, and I couldn’t help grinning back before shutting the door.

I took off like a woman on a mission, but my big toe caught on the edge of the carpeting, and with a little scream, I went sprawling, giving my knee a nasty rug burn and almost losing my robe.

“Are you okay?” The door cracked open.

“Close your eyes! Stay right there!”

I got up quickly and tied the robe back around myself before turning to make sure he was obeying, which he was. He stood frozen in the doorway with his eyes squeezed shut, half the bags now at his feet, and half in his arms. One bag had spilled over, revealing its contents—a roll of store-bought cookie dough and his kiss the cook aprons. What kind of adorableness had he planned for us today? I snuck a little closer and studied his face while he had his eyes shut tight. He was freshly shaven and smelled really nice. I almost kissed his perfect mouth before common sense took over, and I dashed back to my room and shut the door behind me.

My eyes zeroed in on my phone peeking out from under my covers like a little traitor.

Dressing as quickly as possible, I came out to find him in my kitchen, examining my house plants sunning themselves in the window above the sink. He turned and studied me, looking amused. “I’ve been trying to piece together what just happened. Did you fall?”

“Yes. I tripped.”

“And why did I have to close my eyes?”

“Um, because I was… there was a wardrobe malfunction, okay?”

He laughed so hardI reached out and smacked his arm.

He smirked. “But while I had my eyes closed, you came up to me. What was that about?”

“I didn’t come up to you.” I turned away from him and peered in one of the canvas bags. He had a bocce ball set inside. That couldn’t have been fun to hold for five minutes at my door.

“I could feel you breathing on me, Lauren.”

“I was spying in your bags.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“Okay, what did you think I was doing?” I crossed my arms, hoping to look mature and calm, and not like he was totally on to something.

“Well, I didn’t find a ‘kick me’ sign on my back. And I checked for a marker mustache. Did you drop itch powder down my back that hasn’t kicked in yet?”

“Hold on, I’m taking notes.” I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and began typing in his suggestions. I was doing it as a joke. Mostly.

“Come on, Lauren.”

I looked up from my phone. “Let me get this straight. You think I tripped in my bathrobe on purpose? All so I could prank you while your eyes were closed?”

“You were in your bathrobe?”

I pressed my palm into my forehead. “This conversation is officially over, dude. Now what are we doing in my kitchen?”

“Making omelets.” After going through my lower cupboards, he found a frying pan and set it on the stove. “Unless you have other breakfast ideas. I’m okay with whatever you want to eat.”

“You had me at omelets.” I got out the salt and pepper for him and pulled the butter and milk out of the fridge. “What else do you need?”

He rummaged around in our fridge and pulled out various things I had never considered putting in eggs before and chopped them up small before mixing them into the bowl. I was preparing myself for the worst, but the final product was amazing. I almost licked my plate.

I looked up and caught him staring at me, and was suddenly self-conscious about my damp hair and lack of makeup. “I’m gonna go get ready for the day.”

I retreated to my room and got to work blow drying my hair before putting in a little bit of curl. Then I started on my makeup.

Clay came in and sat on the edge of my bed, watching. He picked up my hairbrush and twirled it in his hands. “Are you ready to have a real conversation?”

I met his eyes in my mirror. “What do you mean?”

“I thought you might need some time to process after last night. I know I did.”

He was being so serious, which was so unlike him. His serious face was even more handsome than his mischievous one.

“I like you, Lauren.”

I bit my lip to hold back a smile. “I like you, too.”

It felt too much like middle school, where even that little admission was enough to send both of us off to consult with our friends about what the next move was. Exchanging friendship bracelets perhaps? Sitting by each other on the bus?

“Are you laughing at me?” He reached out and lightly poked my side. “I like you. We can say that now, right?”

“Yeah, we can say it.”

“Can I say I want to spend as much time with you as possible? Because I do.”

I stopped putting on blush and flipped around to face him. “Why?” I wasn’t even sure what kind of answer I was looking for. All I knew was that before this week I thought he hated me.

He leaned forward, putting his hands out like a plea. “I’ve spent a lot of time and energy, more than I want to admit, making sure nobody ever suspected I’ve had feelings for you. And I’m tired. I’m tired of pretending this isn’t what I want. The biggest reason I felt like I had to hide it was because I figured you wouldn’t… reciprocate.”

He was afraid of rejection. Wow. My throat closed off and I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I covered his hands with mine and traced the lines across his wrists with my thumbs.

“Say something,” he whispered.

“Okay. I have a confession. A small one.” I wasn’t ready to reveal everything I was feeling, but I could give him this.

“I’m all ears.”

I met his eyes, though I knew my face was growing hot. “I did sneak over to you at the door, but not to peek in the bags. I thought about kissing you and then chickened out. Or came to my senses. But we’re not talking about the bathrobe thing again, okay?”

I’m sure whatever he’d been about to say in response would have been good, but Jenny chose that exact moment to come barging through the door to the apartment and stomping down the hall to my room. From the look on her face, either she was about to ugly cry or shout in anger.

“I hate Noah Edgeworth. I never want to see him again!” She burst into tears.

Ah, so it was both. “What happened?”

Clay moved out of her way and motioned that I should call him. A fist-sized ache started in my chest, but I ignored it and patted the spot on the bed he had just vacated. Jenny didn’t act this way over nothing. A breakdown from her like this was rare.

Jenny collapsed into the spot next to me, laying back with her hair fanned out. “You don’t have to go, Clay,” she hollered. “Just pretend to watch TV or something for a few minutes.”

There was a muffled, “okay,” in response, and Jenny and I laughed, her through the tears streaming down her face, and me in relief. I didn’t deserve such a good friend and roommate.

“What did Noah do?” I asked, reaching over to my desk and retrieving my tissue box. I handed it to her and waited while she blew her nose.

Jenny sniffed. “His date, the one who cancelled, called while I was standing there with him and asked if it was too late to come, and the hot air balloon pilot guy said he didn’t care as long as she got there in the next ten minutes. So we waited for her. I should have left right then, but like an idiot, I went on a date with another girl competing for his attention, and she was playing to win, let me tell ya. She spent the entire time clinging to him, pretending she was scared. Okay, maybe not pretending. We were all scared. What was I thinking going up hundreds of feet in the air in a wicker basket? I was terrified and miserable, and he kept trying to make the situation better, and like a dude, he totally made it worse.”

“I’m so sorry, Jen.”

“Me too. And I woke up at the crack of dawn to get all ready and now I’m—” she let out a yawn that seemed to go on forever. “I’m so tired.”

“Are you hungry? I could make you something.”

She shook her head. “I’m going to climb back in bed and pretend I don’t have to see him on Monday for carpool. Go be with your man.”

“Are you sure?”

Jenny climbed off my bed and stretched. “Yes, I’m sure. But if you wanted to bring me back donuts I wouldn’t complain.”

“Done.”

Jenny reached back and stole my fuzzy heart pillow she’d been laying her head on and escaped to her room, closing the door after her.

A minute later, Clay’s head peeked around my door frame. “Noah sounds like a real jerk. What did he think was going to happen if he took them both?”

“I doubt he thought that far ahead.”

“Truth. So, what do you want to do today?”

“You tell me. After all, you brought all the bags full of stuff.”

Clay came closer and took my hand, tugging me up off my bed. “I have a couple different ideas. How special is this super-secret running spot you’ve been keeping from me?”

“Really special. But I don’t want to jog today. I’ll take you there, and we can play bocce ball or lawn bowling or whatever the game is called that’s in your bag. And then we can come back here with donuts for Jenny. How does that sound?’’

His smile warmed every part of me. “That sounds perfect.”

If he didn’t kiss me in the next three seconds I planned to remedy that, but then his phone rang, startling us both. Clay pulled it from his pocket and frowned, tilting the screen so I could see. It was Parker.