A Blessed Song for Their Love by Olivia Haywood
Chapter Fifteen
Thomas lay awake in his bed staring at the ceiling, as he’d become accustomed to doing after waking up every night from his occurring dream. Every night in his dream he ran and tried to call out, but the woman holding the pieces of his busted guitar would not turn.
His thoughts drifted to the real woman in his life. Life on the ranch had settled into an easy rhythm in the past month. Rosaline had managed to bond with Robbie, and bounced him happily on her hip as she did all her chores throughout the day.
Pushing back the covers, he got out of bed. He hadn’t had a drink in over a month, something that was he both proud of and annoyed at. His lips were parched, and he needed a drink of cool water.
Thomas gingerly made his way down the hall. There was a gentle light pouring from the nursery. Inside he could hear Rosaline speaking in a quiet voice. He wondered if his father was up. He had noticed that his father had taken a fatherly interest in her.
He crept up to the slightly ajar door and peered inside.
Rosaline was kneeling by the side of her bed. Her beauty in the light of the candle took his breath away. Her white night dress made her look like an angel. Her hair was hanging down to the floor, the candlelight highlighting the auburn strands, and she had a look of serene peace on her face. He could just make out the words she was whispering into the night.
“Lord, thank you for calling me to this beautiful family and for giving me the strength to carry out my role. Please help Thomas find his way back to you. He has a kind heart beneath all of his hurt. Let your light shine through me and show him the way.”
Thomas was deeply touched by her thoughts about him. He’d thought she saw him as a tyrant, not a kind man that had lost his way. The floorboards creaked under his weight as he shifted.
Robbie began to cry in his crib, startled by the sudden noise.
Rosaline looked up and noticed him standing by the door. She quickly came to her feet. “I’m sorry if I woke you,” she said apologetically and made her way to the crib. Lifting Robbie out, she soothed him against her chest.
Thomas came in as if it were a completely natural thing for him to do and stroked the top of Robbie’s head. “I’m sorry I woke him.”
“Not to worry,” she smiled reassuringly. “He will drop off again soon enough.” She swayed him gently back and forth. “Would you like to hold him?”
Thomas was taken aback and began to protest when Rosaline gently lifted Robbie into his arms. He awkwardly cradled his son against his chest as Robbie began to fuss.
“Why don’t you rock with him? He likes that,” she gestured towards the rocking chair.
Thomas felt a tug in his heart. The last time he’d sat in that chair, it had been beside his wife’s bed on that fateful night.
Robbie began to cry in his arms, startling him from his thoughts. He gently backed into the chair, his previous misgivings evaporating as he attempted to soothe his son.
“It helps if you sing to him,” Rosaline said kneeling beside the rocking chair and stroking Robbie’s soft blond curls. She began to softly sing.
“Rock of Ages, cleft for me
Let me hide myself in Thee
Rock of Ages, cleft for me
Let me hide myself in Thee…”
Thomas was surprised at how beautiful Rosaline’s voice was. He noticed how Robbie stopped fussing and closed his eyes.
“Let the water and the blood
From Thy riven side which flowed
Be of sin the double cure
Cleanse me from its guilt and power…”
He felt a growing peace in his chest as he rocked his sleeping son against his chest to the sound of Rosaline’s sweet, melodious voice. Thomas felt his eyes closing.
“Nothing in my hand I bring
Simply to thy cross I cling
Nothing in my hand I bring
Simply to thy cross I cling…”
***
Thomas opened his eyes and looked around the nursery. The last thing he could remember was cradling Robbie in his arms while Rosaline sang to him. Rosaline... He hadn’t known she had such a beautiful voice.
He rose from the chair, half expecting to be stiff from a night asleep in the chair. Stretching, he was surprised that his body felt completely relaxed. It was the first time in a very long time that he had fallen asleep so easily again after having a nightmare.
The nursery was empty. Rosaline’s bed was already made, and the appetizing smell of coffee was wafting from the kitchen. Thomas made his way to his room where he dressed and shaved, before going into the kitchen.
“Good morning, son,” Arthur greeted from the table with Robbie on his lap.
Rosaline was standing at the stove with her back to him but turned and smiled warmly when she heard him greet his father. “Good morning, did you sleep well? I was worried you would be stiff this morning, but you looked so peaceful I didn’t want to disturb you.”
She came forward and poured him a cup of coffee.
Thomas smiled up at her. “Like a baby,” he said, taking the cup from her.
“A letter came for you early this morning. Buena sent it over with one of her sons.” She retrieved the letter from the table by the door and handed it to Thomas.
Thomas took the unmarked envelope and read the single sheet of paper that was inside.
“I thought we could take a look at the herd this morning,” Arthur addressed Thomas. “I thought some of them were looking a little listless yesterday. We probably need to rotate the feeding pastures.”
He folded the letter and tucked it into his breast pocket. “I just have to see somebody after breakfast and then we can take a walk down and see. It’s probably nothing. They got spooked the other night after the storm, and it will take them a while to settle completely again.”
***
Thomas pushed open the doors of the Three-Guns Saloon. He had not set foot in the building since the night he had been dragged away by the Sherrif. He licked his lips and looked around, the smell of hops making him queasy and thirsty at the same time.
The man with the scarred face was sitting in the corner of the saloon, his bowler hat tipped askew on his head.
Striding over, Thomas pulled out a chair and sat down across from him and folded his hands on the table in front of him.
“I’m surprised to see you here,” the man growled in his gruff voice.
“You summoned me here in your note. I’m surprised you don’t remember that. Or were you too pickled when you wrote it?”
The man threw his head back and laughed, a nasty guttural sound that sickened Thomas. He lifted his hand to summon a barmaid. “A pint each for me and my friend,” he called out and turned back to Thomas. “After you ignored all my previous notes, I thought the only way I could get you here was to go through other channels.”
“I ignored your notes because I’m almost squared with your employer. I only need to the end of the next calving season to repay the rest. I’ve been making good.”
“So I have heard,” he said in a mocking tone. “Thomas Stratton has found God again. Or so the rumors are flying around town. And all because of the pretty little thing you brought back to be your wife.”
Thomas clenched his fists and tightened his jaw. “I have not found God. He was never lost. I just don’t keep his company anymore.” The mention of Rosaline made his heart beat with fear. “I told your employer I’ll have the money. There’s no need to involve my family, and that includes the Gideons.”
He threw his head back and gave another sickening laugh. “That’s a good one. God was never lost.”
They were interrupted by the barmaid who brought their pints and laid them on the table in front of the men.
Thomas looked at the suds foaming over the sides. It was taking every inch of his willpower not to take just one sip. The problem was that he knew it would not stop there. He tore his gaze away from the glass and looked at the thug sitting across from him.
The man gulped half the beer down in a single swig, streams of beer running down his unkempt beard. Banging the mug on the table, he glared at Thomas. “God may not be lost, Thomas Stratton, but you and I know that you are. My employer is getting impatient. You had better come up with the rest of the money and do it fast, or your family is going to become very much a part of this problem.”
“I’ll get the money. Just leave my family out of this.”
The man stood, scraping the chair across the bar floor. He picked up the pint of beer and chugged the rest. “Drink up, Thomas Stratton. This one is on me,” He retrieved two gold coins from his pocket and tossed them onto the table. “You’re as much a changed man as I’m a fairy princess.” He laughed and walked out of the bar.
Thomas sat staring at the pint of beer in front of him. He thought of all the money he still needed to pay, all the danger he was putting his family in through his own mistakes.
He closed his hands around the handle. The suds were dripping over his fingers in the comforting way he had come to rely on in the past when things were looking tough. One sip was all he needed to make his problems disappear for a few hours.
He thought of Rosaline’s voice, the soft curve of her lips and the way his son smiled whenever she lifted him up. He thought of his father and the way he was starting to slow down and the proud look in his eyes when Thomas had announced he was trying to change.
He pushed the glass away and walked out of the saloon.
***
Thomas dismounted from his horse. There was chaos on the ranch, the hands running back and forth with buckets of water. Rosaline was standing at the back door, nervously bouncing Robbie as they watched the scene.
“What’s going on?” Thomas called to her, panic rising in his chest. Had Jack made good on his word and come to the ranch? Perhaps the man decided not to wait after all. He hurried towards her.
“It’s the cattle. Your father went out this morning after you left. Some of the herd have fallen ill. I don’t know what to do.” Her voice was choked with tears.
“Just look after Robbie,” he said, gently touching the boy’s cheek before he started off at a run towards the corrals.
Arthur was on his knees with a bucket of water in the middle of the pen. He was using a wooden spoon to ladle water into the mouth of a listless cow that was laying on her side.
What’s happened Pa?” Thomas called out to him after hopping the wooden fence in one swift motion.
“They’ve fallen ill. We need to separate the sick ones from the healthy ones. We can use one of the empty pens for quarantine,” Arthur hurriedly explained. “I have the hands moving the other herds already.”
Thomas nodded and called out to the hands. “Take the cows out of the barn and move them to the stable. We will have far better room in there to see to the sick cattle. Fill the throughs in the barn, we will have to see them through the night if they aren’t drinking. We will take it in shifts.”
The lads scrambled to carry out his orders as he assessed the number of cattle that had fallen ill. He cursed under his breath. This was all he needed right now.
His moment of reflection was short-lived as the herd began to panic amidst all the commotion, and they had to scramble to calm them down to prevent any of the sick animals from being trampled.
***
Thomas stood in the middle of the barn with arms crossed tightly over his chest. They had managed to move the dairy cows to the stable, and fresh hay had been brought in for the sick animals to lay on.
The ranch hands had been sent home to rest. He would take the first watch tonight to make sure that none of the animals became dehydrated. Rosaline had insisted that she too take a turn to nurse them, a suggestion that Thomas had declined. She needed to see to Robbie.
“Thomas,” he heard her voice call gently to him.
He turned to see Rosaline standing behind him. “You should be resting, it’s been a long day.”
“I wanted to see how you were doing out here.”
He turned back to the cattle. “We haven’t lost one yet.” He cursed God under his breath. “If we lose these animals, we are done. The ranch won’t survive. God keeps punishing me.”
Rosaline walked up to him and gently lay a hand on his arm. “God is not punishing you, Thomas. These things happen so that God can see the veracity of our faith.”
He clenched his jaw in anger but bit back his words when he saw the sincerity in her beautiful green eyes. Deep down in his heart, he felt that her words held some truth. Even if it wasn’t in the way she meant, Thomas knew that he was being tested.
“Blessed are those who believe without seeing, Thomas. Jesus told us this. I believe with every fiber of my being that we will pull through this as a family.”
She looked deep into his eyes, her earnest gaze making his pulse race. Thomas felt the urge to lean down and kiss her lips. Instead, he drew back and gently shrugged off her arm. “You should go and get some sleep,” he said without looking at her again. He didn’t want to see the hurt expression he knew would be written all over her face.
He listened to her footsteps as they grew fainter. It was better for Rosaline if she didn’t get any closer to him, he reassured himself. Something tugged at his heart when she referred to them as a family. They were becoming a family, he admitted to himself and that more than anything, scared him to death.
***
The lamp lit the path to the barn. Thomas had slept for a few hours and was now making his way back to the barn. As he approached, he could hear Rosaline’s gentle voice. Holding back he stood behind the open door and watched through a crack.
The crochet blanket from her bed in the nursery was wrapped around her shoulders and her hair hung down to her waist, the way it had been when Thomas had interrupted her prayers the night before.
She was praying as she walked from stall to stall, gently touching the head of each sick animal. “Heal them, Lord. From the top of their heads to the tips of their hooves. I plead the blood of Jesus over this herd and this ranch.” She came to a stop in the middle of the barn where Thomas had been standing earlier that evening and she lowered herself to her knees.
“Father, please help Thomas in his unbelief. I want nothing more than to see him happy,” she prayed.
Thomas felt a lump growing in his throat. He didn’t deserve her care and her prayers. He looked up at the stars strewn across the black sky. I don’t know why you brought her here, but I do not want this. I can’t have feelings for anyone else. You have taken far too much from me already. She will not be another person who gets taken from me, he vowed, before quietly making his way back to the house.
***
Thomas awoke to a hurried voice calling his name. He opened his eyes to see his father shaking him, and Rosaline standing in the doorway with Robbie on her hip.
“Get dressed quickly and come with us!” his father commanded.
Thomas jumped out of bed. “What’s going on? What’s happened?”
“Just hurry up and come with us!” Rosaline excitedly called before disappearing.
He threw on a fresh shirt and struggled into his boots. He was half asleep, but adrenaline was pumping through his veins. What had happened now? He stumbled and steadied himself on his bedpost. Not bothering to comb his hair or wash his face, he ran out the door after his father and Rosaline.
They were almost at the barn as he rushed to catch up with them. “What is it?” he called out to them.
“Just hurry up!”
Thomas was out of breath when he eventually reached the barn. Bent over double, he struggled to catch his breath. His head snapped up when he heard a cow bellow in full steam.
All of the cattle were upright in their pens and chewing on hay. He lifted his hands to his head and ran his fingers through his hair. “I can’t believe it...” he said through welling tears.
“Isn’t it marvelous?” Rosaline danced and swung Robbie in a circle. Robbie giggled with pleasure and flapped his chubby little arms as he swung through the air.
Arthur came up behind Thomas and placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s a real miracle.”
“Yes, it is,” he said, not taking his eyes from Rosaline’s bright smile.
***
A few days had passed since the miracle of the herd. Thomas had started closing his eyes during prayers and not objecting whenever Rosaline or his father suggested they read a few passages from the Bible together.
He was sitting peacefully in his study writing in his leatherbound book when Rosaline came in.
“I’m sorry.” She hesitated and turned to leave when she saw what he was doing. “I’ll come back later.”
“No it’s alright, come in now,” He said, and opened the drawer to put the book away. “Actually.” He paused and looked at her. Thomas had begun to trust her more and more over the past two months. The cheerful way she went about her chores and her growing relationship with his son thawed his heart. “I wanted your opinion on something.” He hesitated but opened the book and placed it on the table, gently pushing it towards her.
Rosaline seemed surprised and puzzled but came into the room and picked up the book.
He watched as she read, Her lips falling slightly apart. Regret was beginning to grow in the pit of his stomach. What was he thinking? Even worse, what was she thinking as she read?
“You don’t have to...” He stopped mid-sentence with his hand raised towards the book.
Rosaline was looking at him with an astonished expression on his face. “Thomas, did you write this?”
“Yes,” he said bluntly, lowering his hand. It was too late now, she knew what a fool he was.
“Are these songs?”
“Yes.” He stared at her, waiting for the scorn and derision he felt sure was coming.
“These are beautiful.”
He looked up to see the honesty he heard in her voice reflected in her eyes. She looked excited.
“You have to play these so we can hear them, Thomas! The words are so beautiful.”
“I’m not sure, maybe sometime later,” he said sheepishly, running his hand over the back of his neck where he could feel the heat rising. Relief replaced the fear he felt in his gut.
“I can’t wait.” She smiled earnestly at him. “I know your father will feel the same.”
They chatted for an hour about the songs he had written before Rosaline excused herself when Robbie began to cry. Thomas sat thoughtfully in his study. He couldn’t deny that there was a lightness in the house that was entirely thanks to Rosaline. She had brought a burst of sunshine that he hadn’t felt since the passing of his wife.
A pang of guilt shot through his heart. It felt disloyal to think that of another woman. He pulled his book towards him and began to write again.
***
Thomas was running towards the house as it crumbled into the dust, sweat pouring from him as he struggled to reach it. He stopped running and looked back to see the mystery woman picking up the pieces of his broken guitar.
He called out to her, knowing in his heart that the words would catch in his throat. To his great surprise, he heard his voice carry to where the woman was crouching.
She stood and turned, the pieces of the broken guitar nestled in the crook of her arm like a baby. She smiled warmly at him. Peace grew in his heart.
Thomas opened his eyes and looked at the book that was laying before him on the table. He’d fallen asleep while writing a song. He lifted his head and ran his hands over his face. The hard wood of the desk had left patterns etched into his cheek.
He frowned. Usually, when he woke up from the dream he felt exhausted. This time he felt rested, albeit a bit groggy from the impromptu nap. He searched his sleepy mind for the last thing he could remember. The dream had started as it always had, happily dancing with his wife in the sunshine before a sudden gust of wind blew her away. He chased after her and watched the house crumble into dust despite his best efforts. He called out to the woman and she turned...
Thomas’ breath caught in his chest as he remembered the final moment of the dream. Rosaline had smiled at him. It had been her all along. But what did this mean? She was there to help rebuild his family and look after his son. He already knew all of this. Why would he dream of her night after night? Had she not already fulfilled the role she had come here for?
Her words of encouragement and excitement came back to him as his eyes fell on the open book. An inexplicable feeling came over him, something he hadn’t felt in a very long time. He felt the need to play his guitar.
Standing, he walked over to the guitar and picked it up, the varnished wood cool beneath his fingers. Gently running his fingers over the length of the strings, he picked out a silent tune in his mind.
Making his way back to the desk, he sat and positioned the guitar in his arms, ready to play. He positioned his fingers over the strings and strummed. He frowned. Something had shifted inside the guitar.
Thomas lifted the guitar above his head and gently shook the neck and base. There was a glimpse of something white peeking through the strings. He continued to gently shake the guitar until the corner of an envelope fell out of the hole. Gently parting the strings, he pulled it out.
His heart was in his throat as he recognized the handwriting. The beautiful letters curled across the paper were written in his wife’s hand.
Slumping back in his chair, he opened the letter and began to read.
My dearest Thomas,
It’s been a few days since I’ve fallen ill. We both know that very few people make it through this. As much as it pains me to leave you and Robbie behind, I know that God has a plan for all of us. I want you to be happy, my love. Move on with your life and don’t be held back by any sense of loyalty to me. Know that it is my deepest wish that you be happy. You have such a big heart, with so much love to give. I know that Robbie will be the luckiest boy alive to have you as his father. Tell him about me and how much his grandmother and I loved him, and always will love him. I'm asking God to send him another mama who will love him on earth and watch over him, just as I will be doing from heaven.
With all my love, be happy.
-Your loving wife.
Thomas dropped the letter onto the desk in front of him and lowered his head into his hands. He couldn’t hold back the tears that were streaming down his face. “Oh my love,” he wept bitterly. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you so much.”