Canary by Tijan
Ash
When I got there, three men were trying to grab Gus.
He circled between them. One was bleeding from the leg. A second from the arm. The last was trying to aim a gun at him.
I saw red.
Red!
Fuck these men.
Fuck Estrada.
Fuck everybody.
I was sick and tired of seeing guns pointed at my dog!
I emptied my clip toward the men.
I should’ve felt remorse. Sure, they were coming to get me, but they hadn’t actually tried for me. Yet. They were just chasing me. But Gus didn’t feel the same way, and damn if he wasn’t one of the best things in my life right now, even if he had bitten me. I didn’t hold that against him. He’d been scared.
He was more than making up for that now.
Once I started shooting, one of the guys turned his gun on me. Gus lunged, grabbed his arm, and he was down. His hand flexed, dropping the gun. He accidentally kicked it away.
Thank you, universe.
I hit one of the men, and he went to the ground, cradling his arm. The third ran off.
There was a crash through some bushes behind me.
I whirled, almost swaying on my feet, but dammit. No. I could still fight.
I would fight.
Raize appeared, and I almost fainted from the relief. A part of me had dissociated from what was happening here. That’s all that made sense because I was appreciating the hotness of his whole soldier and ghost-look, appearing through the mist, sort of experience here. I mean, it was bushes and not mist, but he’d been off taking out Estrada’s men, one after another and whoosh, he was here.
He drew up short. He was dressed in black, a gun hanging across his back.
He blinked once, taking it all in.
Then he scooped up the abandoned gun, flipped it around, and bent, bringing it down across the face of the guy fighting with Gus. As soon as the guy went unconscious, Gus stopped biting and stepped back. He looked up at Raize, waiting.
Raize repeated the action with the second man.
“A third guy took off that way.” I pointed.
Raize nodded, bringing a radio to his mouth. “Estrada has a guy running your way. Scoop him up.”
Crackle.
“Got it.” That was Cavers, and then more crackling before nothing.
Raize put the radio back in his pocket and gestured to me. “Are you going to pass out?”
“Me?” I squeaked, feeling myself weaving. “Totally fine. Peachy even. I killed a man, and shot two others. I’m A-ok.” I tried to give him a thumbs-up, but my thumb was two now. I raised my other thumb, and it was the same. I had four thumbs.
Thinking there was more than disassociating going on here, but who was I to say? I wasn’t a professional, except in gut hunches. I was getting a reputation, with my own street name. How cool was that?
Yeah. Still dissociating. Or something was dissociating. Probably my sanity.
That felt more right.
Raize cursed, crossing and putting his arm around me. “You can’t pass out. I can’t carry you this time.”
He’d carried me another time?When was that? Oh yeah. Oscar’s. Well, I hadn’t passed out that time. He’d taken me kicking and screaming.
I looked down and Gus smiled at me, his tail wagging.
There were three Guses. They were following each other in a circle.
I would’ve loved to have three Guses.
“Sit.” Raize pressed me down to the ground, his hands on my shoulders. He wasn’t rough, just assertive. He was good like that—always knowing the right touch, the right amount of pressure. And that had me remembering another time…
He knelt beside me and pushed my head between my legs. “Breathe. Don’t move until the ground stops moving.”
Yeah. Because that was happening. The ground was a constant ripple, like a gravel river. It was kinda pretty.
Raize was up and talking to someone. I ceased listening. Everything would be fine. Raize was here. He always kept me safe.
Gus licked my face. Man, I really loved my dog.
I threw an arm around him, cuddling his wiggly body up against me, and he started licking the other side of my face. He was having a grand time, cleaning all my liquids. There was probably blood there, mixed with the sweat and tears.
I lifted my head, but the trees started circling around me, so I went back to resting it against my knees.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
I could do this.
I felt a little better, but this sucked—always almost dying and then being out of whack because of it. Or killing someone…
You’d think I might stop putting myself in those situations.
But my sister. Brooke.
I was doing this for her.
I didn’t know how, but I’d figure it out. I just had to find her—or find out where she’d gone.
Raize could help me. Maybe I could even tell him about her.
Something bothered me about that… I didn’t know what.
Maybe I wouldn’t tell Raize about her, not yet.
Oh boy.
The ground had stopped its river impersonation, but now I could see stars blinking at me in the gravel.
I was about to pass out. Again.
“Bronski called you Brooke,” Raize said, as if we were having a conversation.
Oh…
No.
Had I?
Dammit.
I looked up and he was staring at me, his phone in hand.
I gulped. “Is someone on that line?”
He looked, as if he’d forgotten he was using it, and shut the screen off. “Bronski called you Brooke before. That’s the name you gave them?”
Shit.
So much shit.
“I was talking out loud?” I whispered.
He ignored that, coming closer. “What other names have you given?”
Brooke.
Miriam.
Suzie.
So many more.
All different names until Girl, then Carrie.
I didn’t reply because he didn’t understand. He couldn’t.
He wouldn’t understand.
But something transpired. He was doing his ‘watching’ thing, and he must’ve seen something because he knelt at my side.
He leaned in, but didn’t touch me.
That was good.
For some reason, I didn’t want him to touch me.
I felt raw. Exposed. I didn’t know why.
Then I was crying again. Or had I stopped? Had I been continuously crying this whole time? Killing and crying? That was kinda badass… or wasn’t it?
Everything was starting to swim around me again.
I didn’t know what was going on.
Until Raize’s voice was soft. “You asked how I knew Estrada?”
The ground was starting to settle, a little.
I heard more, “The sister he mentioned? I know her because she’s mine, too.”
My head snapped up. What?!
