Canary by Tijan
Ash
Raize was on edge. I mean, more than usual. He was always on edge.
But he wouldn’t talk to anyone, even me.
We drove to Baltimore and took up residence at a motel with two connecting rooms. We could park right outside the doors. No one watched anyone at a place like this. There were a few girls working the corner, so Raize sent Cavers to find out who their pimp was. After that, he laid a bunch of papers out on one bed in his room, his hands on his hips as he studied them.
He’d been studying them for an hour now. Maybe two.
Cavers came back and reported who the pimp was, but Raize only grunted when he told him. He never looked away from those papers.
I was standing and watching Raize, trying not to be obvious about it. He shut the door, then motioned for me to follow him. Jake came over. Gus as well.
“What’s going on?” Jake asked in a whisper.
“No fucking clue,” Cavers said. “He told me at a gas station to get a car for him tomorrow, make sure it was fully gassed, and put all the weapons in the trunk. He wanted a nondescript car. I don’t know if I want to know what he’s planning, because whatever it is, it ain’t like anything we’ve done. Or I’m guessing anything he’s done—”
“I have twelve targets.”
Raize stood in the connecting room’s now-opened door. His hands were balled into fists at his sides, his eyes shining with a fierceness I’d only seen in a few private moments.
“And I have two days to hit them. Two. Days. And none of them are in the same fucking city.”
I started for him, but he jerked his hand up, his head twisting to the side. “No. Don’t touch me, not now.”
I ignored him, going right to him and plastering myself to his chest.
My hands tunneled up into the back of his shirt, letting him feel my skin against his.
He didn’t hug me back. I didn’t expect it.
But he did groan, and I felt that through his chest.
“I have to commit mass murder tomorrow night—enough to classify me as a serial killer,” he said. “You do not need to comfort me.”
I tipped my head back, finding his eyes. Some of that fierceness was gone.
Good.
Some of my Raize was back, and a rueful look flashed over his features as he put a hand on my back, pulling me close.
“Hey, man,” Jake said, gesturing around the room. “We’ll help. We’re like the Criminal Squad. You know, we’re elite and tight and…” Gus lifted his head from where he’d jumped up on one of the beds, his tail thumping on the blanket. “We have our own Rocket, except he’s not hella smart and he can’t assemble weapons, but he’s the literal dog to beat in a fight. Which might not be a good thing, but you know, works for us.” He clapped his hands together, smiling. “Am I right? I’m right. Everyone knows I’m right.”
Gus woofed.
“Gus knows I’m right.” Jake went over and sat on the edge of the bed.
Gus wiggled close, putting his head in Jake’s lap. So much petting. Gus was in heaven.
“Who are the targets?” Cavers asked.
Raize went down the list, and yep, that was a lot, and none of them were small.
After a pause, he looked down at me. “Bronski is the last one.”
Bronski.
Ice was starting to settle in my chest. “You got the all-clear for him?”
He nodded. “I did.”
“I want to do it.”
“Not a chance.”
I zeroed in on Raize when he said that, but I could feel Jake and Cavers sharing a look.
They liked to do that now. It was their thing. They’d bonded.
I stepped farther back, folding my arms over my chest. “Excuse me?”
Raize sighed, and I didn’t need to see him rolling his eyes to know he was rolling his eyes. He moved back into our room. I followed. He shut the door behind us, and I heard Gus whining.
I was focused right now. I’d let Gus in later.
Raize went back to studying the papers. “I can’t entertain this conversation. It’s not going to happen, and you don’t want it to happen. You’re just not admitting that to yourself.”
My mouth dropped open. Rage shot up my spine. “Excuse me?!”
He groaned. “You’re good—like, good good. You hate when I kill someone. You’re traumatized from the two guys you did kill, and you don’t like to talk about them. You killing Bronski—”
“My rapist.”
He got quiet.
He couldn’t say it, so I would. “I am not who I was when I started in this world. Things are different. I’m harder. Too many people have been killed in front of me, and it affects me. Every night.”
“I know.” His tone was soft. “I feel you jerk in bed, and shake, and I know you cry in the shower.”
Right.
All that.
He knew all that?
I was blown away, but man, I shouldn’t have been.
I closed my eyes, took one breath, and went back at it. “Have you ever been raped?”
“What?”
“I’m aware that men get raped, so I’m asking you if you ever have been?”
“No.”
“Then you can’t tell me who I do or don’t want to kill. You cannot make that decision for me.”
He leaned down, his eyes going tender, and I almost couldn’t handle it.
It made my heart thump in a weird way.
“You killed in self-defense,” he said softly.
“I didn’t.”
“You did. If you hadn’t attacked that guy, he would’ve killed Gus, and you knew you couldn’t just distract him because he would’ve killed you next. You made a decision, and you told yourself it was in defense of a dog. You hate when innocents get caught in the crossfire. No one enjoys that, but it’s part of this job. Yet it torments you. I know you’re worried I’ll go back and kill that officer and his family, and that’s the good in you. You. Are. Good.” He tapped my chest. “I am not. I’m a killer, straight up. Nothing good about me. All bad. I get told to kill, and I do it. You’re the closest thing I’ve got to a conscience, and even you know the bad guys gotta go.”
He didn’t get it.
He never would.
“If you don’t plan for me to pull the trigger on Bronski, I’m going to slip away and do it myself. He’s not the top of my list, but he’s not far down.”
Because I was a little petty, I went to take a shower and left the door open. He could hear me getting naked, and he knew he wasn’t welcome in here. But once I stepped in the water, all that went down the drain, and it was just Bronski.
Me feeling him.
Me hearing him.
Him, him, him.
He was everywhere, and I couldn’t fight against him.
He was… I gritted my teeth, raising my face and letting the water pound down on me.
Raize didn’t get it.
