Raging Fires by Candace Camp
Chapter Twenty-two
Kelli stayed in her room the rest of the evening. She knew it was pathetic and cowardly, but she simply could not face Jake. Not now. Not while she was still lit up like a Christmas tree inside and afraid she would jump on him like a sex-starved maniac even though her stomach already churned with humiliation at her loss of control.
What was the matter with her? So, yes, it had been months—okay, almost two years, if you wanted to get technical about it, since the last time she had sex. The two short-lived relationships and a handful of dating attempts after her divorce had all fizzled out like wet fireworks, leaving her afraid that her failed marriage had ruined her sex life forever. But the thing that was really the matter with her was that Jake’s mouth and hands and rock-hard abs had set off a storm of desire that proved it wasn’t her failed marriage, it was Jake that had ruined her sex life forever.
She’d forgotten what a good kisser he was. How expertly his hands found all the little spots that turned her hot and wet and fuzzy-minded. Kelli let out an exasperated sigh—just thinking about it was doing the same thing to her all over again.
The man was a menace. Of course, he had doubtless had lots of practice since they broke up. She’d seen the pictures of him with models and actresses and random media ‘influencers.’ He’d been spreading himself around all over Miami after their divorce while she’d been spending her first year alone and crying and coming to the realization that Jake was never going to come after her and win her back by being the man she’d first fallen in love with.
After that she’d tried dating, but she’d finally given up and deactivated her Tinder and Bumble accounts last year.
Then Jake returned to Phoenix. And now all those little nerve endings were standing up and sizzling like crazy. Just looking at him made her get that heavy ache deep in her abdomen, and when he’d whipped off his shirt this afternoon, she’d been flooded with desire. You’d think she’d never seen him shirtless before. Although, actually, that was probably because she had seen him shirtless—an ingrained Pavlovian response.
Kelli had thought she was long over him. Her mind was over him. It was just her body that wasn’t.
She should have had more control. But Jake had been nice when they talked about her mother yesterday, and it had been fun the other night when they watched Halloween H20, and then she’d seen that he had bought Not Toby the food and bowls and that dog house… She’d let herself slide into an old feeling. From when Jake had been the old Jake.
That was the problem. She’d let her guard down, ignored her own rules and boundaries. She had relaxed, fallen back into that comfortable role. Which had been a bad mistake, an error she had to keep from committing again.
Because he wasn’t the same old Jake. He was bitter, and he hated her. He was with her only because he’d been forced to; he blamed her for the way he’d messed up his career. And the fact that he’d made out with her this afternoon—and doubtless would have been willing to do a lot more—didn’t mean he’d changed his feelings for her. It was just that she was here and available and he hadn’t had sex in weeks.
At least as far as she knew. That thought brought her up short. Had Jake actually been following his wedding vows? He didn’t consider himself married. He was frequently gone, and maybe it didn’t have anything to do with that promise he’d made to maintain his distance. Maybe he wasn’t always working out at the stadium or hanging out with Asa and his teammates when he wasn’t here. Or maybe he was hanging out with them in bars, drinking and talking to girls. After all, she was nearly always at work until 2:30; he had plenty of time to hook up before Kelli saw him.
Not that she cared. She didn’t consider them really married either. There was nothing to say they couldn’t see someone else. Kelli could date, too, if she wanted; the fact that she wasn’t interested in it didn’t have anything to do with any feelings for Jake. It was just that it would look bad—which, of course, was something that Jake wouldn’t care about. She would feel guilty even though their marriage vows were merely a sham. But Jake wasn’t into guilt. He had that necessary sports player ability to forget past errors. ‘Don’t let one mistake create another.’
Why was she even thinking about this? She needed to focus on the issue that mattered: how to avoid a repetition of what had happened this evening. She had to stay away from Jake, not allow the little slips she’d made the past few days. She shouldn’t turn to him again with a problem or try to be friends. She had managed it at first. It had been lonely and uncomfortable, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was protecting herself from the inevitable pain that accompanied a relationship with Jake Riley.
Jake wasn’t there the next day when she got up. He had been gone last night, too, when she had finally slipped down the hall to the bathroom before she went to bed. Kelli wondered if he had stayed out the whole night. And where.
She walked across to the Blue Shack earlier than she had to, as she did most days. Kelli used the excuse of eating lunch there and getting her paperwork done before the bar got noisy. She had hired a new waitress, Ashley, the day before to replace one who had quit without notice last week, so she spent some time training her before turning her over to Carly to trail around after the experienced waitress, watching Carly work. Kelli hoped Ashley was a quick learner because on Saturday a popular band would be playing and the place would be crowded.
Kelli went to her office and opened her laptop. There wasn’t really any business work to do, so she decided to check the Blue’s social media. She posted about the up-coming performance, then went to her phone to post on Instagram. She ought to take a picture of the latest addition to their beer list and put that up tomorrow. Maybe she’d ask the new waitress if she wanted to be the one holding the can. People were probably getting tired of seeing her or Naomi, and Ashley was pretty.
She wondered if Jake had an Instagram account. It didn’t seem like something he would do. She put in his name, and to her surprise, he had an account. Kelli scrolled through the photos. They seemed to be recent. There he was in front of the stadium. Then there were several pictures of him working out. Well, she guessed that was like Jake; he’d always loved the attention, and clearly that hadn’t changed.
Kelli switched to Instagram on her laptop so the pictures were larger. This was really stupid. She’d just vowed she was going to go back to her living-with-Jake rules, and here she was, looking at all these pictures of a shirtless Jake pumping iron. The next picture was of Jake and some blonde woman with flawless skin and a strapless dress. Had that been here? It was among his recent shots. Who was she? And when had he gone to some fancy party? She’d have remembered him going out in a tux because he looked really hot in a tux.
She leaned closer. No, this looked more like a red-carpet photo. A premiere or opening of some kind. Surely she would have heard about that. There was a sign there on the right. She squinted. MI and a little slanted leg of a letter. Okay. It was Miami. So this was an old photo he’d thrown up there, which for some reason made her feel better. Although she had to wonder why he’d chosen to post this particular shot.
She scrolled down. More workout, something at a beach, him with some weird contraption on his leg—must be him rehabbing after his injury. His face was strained, like it hurt. Another pic of him and some girl. And that was it. No pictures of him and her, of course.
But then, what would he put up? A photograph of him and her in their wedding t-shirts with soda in their hair?
Kelli snorted a laugh and made herself close the app. She leaned back in her chair and twirled it around to look out the window. Still no sign of Jake’s SUV. Clearly, he wasn’t going to help her take the dog to the vet’s. Not that she had thought he would. Keeping appointments was not one of the things Jake did. Of course, to be fair, she hadn’t actually asked him to go with her. She’d just assumed he would. Which was stupid and another sign that she needed to create the old distance between them.
They weren’t really a couple.
She tried to think of some reason to call Gran. Gran loved to talk—she’d given Kelli a complete rundown of one of the O’Malleys taking their pet to Dr. Sam’s. In the course of chatting, Gran might say something about Jake spending last night at her house. The problem was that Kelli couldn’t think of any good reason to call Jake’s grandmother again, and besides, the way Gran was, she’d figure out something was going on and try to worm it out of Kelli. Hopefully Gran’s spy Tiny hadn’t caught sight of her and Jake cavorting around in the yard.
Kelli flushed with embarrassment even though she was by herself. How could she have been so careless? What if someone had seen them? They’d been hidden from the bikers who’d come in from the side entrance, but someone coming around from the front entrance would have had a full view of her and Jake.
Worst of all was knowing that she was one who had started it. She was the one who suggested they wash the dog together. She was the one who’d poured water over Jake, knowing what he would do. And she was the one who had kissed him, literally jumping at him. She was the one who had been this close to coming just because of his touch.
And no doubt now Jake would be all smirky and conceited and acting like she was the one who was into him—as if his wet shorts hadn’t been highlighting a very definite erection. As if he hadn’t kissed her back like a man who was starving.
Kelli let out a wordless noise of exasperation and jumped to her feet. She might as well leave early for the vet’s and take last night’s cash to the bank on the way. She sure wasn’t getting anything done sitting here and replaying yesterday’s mistakes. And when Jake came back, she’d be the one who was gone.
Toby was somewhat hesitant at the open door of her car, but after a pat or two of the seat, he jumped in. As she got into the car, he turned to look at her, shivering a little and his big brown eyes on her face. He was scared. She wondered if he had been taken for a ride in a car and abandoned, and her heart nearly broke.
“Don’t worry,” she told him, putting her hands on either side of his head. “I’m not going to leave you anywhere.” She rubbed behind his ears. She paused, then admitted, “I’m just going to take you to be tortured a little.”
He licked at her face, his tail beginning to wag, and she decided he was reassured. She headed out of the parking lot and rolled the dog’s window down despite the fact that it sucked out the air conditioning. He stuck his head out the window in doggy bliss, and when she went through the drive-through at the bank and the teller sent a dog biscuit with her receipt, whatever fear the dog had had was gone.
Kelli pulled into the parking lot at Dr. Sam’s, who did apparently have a last name, and put on his collar and leash. She was definitely going to get one of those dog-bone tags for him to annoy Jake. He hopped out of the car and trotted unsuspectingly up the sidewalk and into the building.
There was a tiny dog in the reception area that started barking at the top of his little lungs, which reminded her of Howard’s Princess Fleek. A cat in a carrier began to hiss. Kelli’s dog immediately ducked behind her. Okay, so not exactly a guard dog.
She went up to the desk and gave the receptionist her name. The woman, who looked like the kind of woman Justin Kowalski would date, typed in her name, then asked, “And your dog’s name?”
Kelli sighed and said, “Toby.”