Their Broken Pieces by Jessica Gomez

Chapter Forty-One

Alex

 

 

Jasmine falls asleep in my arms just a few minutes after the best sex of my life. My breathing has finally returned to normal; my senses no longer heightened to the max. The smell of Jasmine’s shampoo invades my sinuses as I inhale deeply. I knew this was a bad idea. Just thinking about leaving her is ripping my heart out of my chest, stepping, and grinding the organ beneath cleats, tearing it to shreds. She’ll never let me go, no matter the consequences.

I groan, replaying every second of the night, still tasting her on my lips, the feel of her silken skin against my rough fingers. How nervous I was to take her. I’ve never been so out of my mind scared. The little gasp she let out, the pain she must have felt. Her soft words, “I’m all right. Just go slow,” glide over me like satin, caressing my memories of her.

I cried. I can’t believe I cried, like such a panocha. Jasmine didn’t seem to mind. She didn’t see me as weak or unmanly.

After that, it was as if we’d been together a hundred times. Our bodies moved together like the wind in a wheat field, bending and folding to each other’s whim. Being with Jasmine surpassed all of my other sexual experiences combined. She’s perfect in every way.

I couldn’t believe I said, Te amo con todo mi corazón y alma to her. I love you with all my heart and soul. It’s times like this I’m relieved Spanish is not her first language, even though she should be able to speak it, being around Marisol and me growing up. A line like that would keep her around forever, and as much as I want forever, I know I have to break her heart and walk away.

When she reached her end, the way she cried out sent me over the edge. I was so weak with ecstasy, I collapsed on top of her. She stroked my back moments later, relaxing my body further. Once I recovered, I withdrew from her body and fell to the bed.

Now, I’m lying with her asleep in my arms, wondering how I’m ever going to leave her. As ridiculous as it sounds, she makes me feel safe, at ease. As I watch her sleep, her long eyelashes are lying on her cheeks, and her breathing is slow and even. I reach over and brush a strand of hair out of her tranquil face, giving me a perfect view of my sleeping angel. She sighs at the touch and snuggles under my chin.

I stay up most of the night, thinking, coming up with a plan to send her on her way without me. It’s a dickhead move, especially after what she’s shared with me. But my world is too dangerous, and I love her too much to risk her safety. Her mom has already threatened her and proven she’ll take it to the next level. Between her mom and my enemies, it can never happen. We can never happen. If another gang found out about her, the things they would do to get to me are unfathomable. The thought of someone touching Jasmine, causing her harm, pisses me off to the point of murder. I know what I have to do, and it will not be pretty. Breaking it off with Jasmine is going to hurt her, crush her, even. It’s crushing me now, but I can’t risk it. I can’t risk her. The game needs to rear its ugly head and keep her away for good.

For now, I’m going to indulge myself and enjoy the last night I’m going to hold my girl. The last night I can breathe in her scent. The thought of losing her brings more tears to my eyes, and I let a few slip free before I lock down my emotions. The game will never work if I look like I regret my actions.

~~~~~

In the morning when I wake, Jasmine is still sleeping snuggly against my side. I decide it is time to put my plan of distancing myself into action.

I slide out from underneath her and use the restroom, trying to pump myself up. “You can do this Navarro,” I say to myself, leaning on the counter to look at this monster I’m about to become to the only person I give a shit about.

After getting dressed, I get us breakfast; bagels and cream cheese. When I return and the door clicks closed behind me, Jasmine looks up from dressing, pulling her pants into place.

Jeez, I’m glad I missed that part of the morning.

I glance away and watch my feet while I walk over and hand her the bagel from the restaurant downstairs, avoiding conversation. If I speak, I’ll be tempted to tell her I love her again, and beg her to stay.

Instead, I move to the little table by the window and sit down. Jasmine’s watching me with searching eyes, but soon she joins me, sitting next to the open window. I remain silent and refuse to meet her eyes.

“Are we okay?” Her voice is timid, nervous.

“Yep,” I answer, hiding all genuine emotion, trapping it down so deep there’s no chance of resurfacing, locked away in the vault of my heart.

She’s still probing, I can feel her gaze tracing over my face. My heart is pounding against my chest a million miles a minute, and I’m sure she can hear it.

“What do you want to do today?” she asks. Her voice is still unsure of herself, insecure.

“I’m going to hang with my boys today.” I leave it at that. I don’t tell her what we’re doing, or invite her to come with us. This is the first part of my plan.

“All right. Well, what about tonight?” Emotion is emanating from her shaky voice. She’s understanding the game is rearing its ugly head.

“I’ll be with them most of the night.” I still haven’t looked at her.

“Alex, what is this?” Her throat is thick, her words hard to form.

“Nothing. We’re good.” I finish the last bite of my bagel and wipe my hands on my pants, trying to keep my nerves in check.

She places her bagel on the table and looks out the open window to the ocean, watching the laps of waves hit the warm sandy beach. I’m watching her out of the corner of my eyes and can see she’s swallowing more than normal. My plan is working, but it’s killing me to do this… I need to leave.

I stand up, only hesitating for a second before I say, “I’m going to take off.” I point toward the door over my shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”

She doesn’t speak, only nods.

I toss my garbage in the trash and walk out the door. The loud, CLICK, CLACK the door makes behind me sounds like the breaking of my heart. Once I’m in the hall, my throat swells, and my eyes water, I feel like a complete and utter piece of mierda. How could I have slept with her last night? It takes all my energy to keep myself upright as I walk away from her.