Twisted Fate by Summer Cooper
12
Keily
Keily felt a cramp deep in her abdomen, something that twisted and pulled at her insides with brutal carelessness. The doctor warned her about Braxton Hicks contractions and how she might feel the false labor pains, especially now that she was in the eighth month of her pregnancy.
She’d already sent a message to the doctor’s office, and she knew she’d get a call soon, if she didn’t send another message. Logan was at work, but she was about to call him when the contraction started, long, powerful, painful enough to make her groan loudly. Thankfully, Judith heard her in the living room and came rushing in.
“It’s not Braxton Hicks, is it, Keily?” Judith asked, the housekeeper now on familiar terms with the woman that had moved in with her boss.
“I don’t think so, Judith. Can you call an ambulance for me? I think it would be best to have them take me to the hospital. And text Logan, please.” Keily whooshed the words out between the panting breaths she took, trying to ride out the never-ending wave of pain. “Fuccccck.”
It was a growl of pain, a plea for the pain to end, but it didn’t. It carried on until she thought she’d pass out. By the time the pain did stop, Keily was out of breath, wondering why she was wet.
“Your water’s broken, Keily. The ambulance is on the way. What can I get you?”
Keily looked around to see her left hand clasped in the housekeeper’s, who was kneeling in front of her. “You’re so sweet, Judith. For now, I guess nothing. Except a dry dress, but they’ll soon take that off me when I get to the hospital.”
“They will, but I’ll fetch you one if you want a dry one, Keily.” Judith let go of her hand and raced up the stairs before Keily could protest.
By the time the ambulance arrived, Keily was screaming, in a dry gown, but screaming. Judith was in tears, not from Keily crushing her hand, but from watching the young woman go through so much pain. Keily knew this was going to be painful, she’d heard her whole life that birth was a pain unlike any other, but she’d had no clue just how soul-consuming that pain was. It took every thought in her head away, centered her in a dark place where all she could do was cling to breaths and hope the pain would pass before it consumed her.
Another flash happened, a blink of her eyes and she saw Logan pull up with Rosa in his car, just as the paramedics loaded Keily into the ambulance and she reached for him. He flew out of the car, asked which hospital she was going to, and pulled out so the ambulance could back up and get on the road.
Everything became a blur after one of the paramedics put an IV in her arm. She heard words as she was unloaded from the ambulance, tried to follow instructions as Logan took her hand, his eyes huge and full of fear. He was the anchor she needed in this rushing storm of pain and confusion, and he was there, despite the red fear that flushed his cheeks, despite the tears that streamed down his face as they wheeled her into a bright white room full of sounds that only confused her more.
“I’m here, Keily. I’m here, baby. It’s okay.” He kept repeating for what felt like hours. “I’m here, baby. I’m here.”
The pain faded, the world faded, as somebody placed a mask over her face. Keily heard words that sounded like emergency C-section, but she wasn’t sure. Everything had fallen to pieces the moment she woke up in pain that morning. Her birth plan, the calls she’d planned to make to her sister and Rosa, had all gone out the window, but she’d known to expect that. This was her first pregnancy, and it was multiples, she knew better than to plan anyway.
Darkness held her in its grip, a darkness she couldn’t escape from. Her sister’s voice intruded into that darkness, pulled her back to the world, but the darkness rushed up to grab her back. Logan’s voice this time, and Rosa’s, all of them begging her to come back, to wake up, but the darkness would not let her go.
It was terrifying, how much she just wanted to give up and let that darkness take her. Even when she heard a baby’s cry, when she knew that voice was her child’s, she couldn’t break the hold that darkness had on her. Until she heard Logan’s voice, one last time.
“You can’t leave me, Keily. You just can’t.” There were tears in his voice, and she didn’t know if it was real, or another trick of the darkness, but she felt her soul move towards his voice anyway, trusting that it was him, that he was calling her back to the world. “I love you, Keily, please, come back to me.”
Her eyes popped open so suddenly it left her surprised. She was in a dark room now, Logan’s hand still in hers, his head beside her on the bed. The noise was gone and everything was…too quiet. Her blurry eyes connected with the clock on the wall and she saw it was sometime after 12. Midnight? It must be, since it was dark outside the window of her room. “Logan?”
Her voice was a soft croak that did nothing to make him move. Even the fragile touch of her hand against his hair didn’t make him move. She looked around and saw Rosa and her sister were asleep on a couch at the other end of the private room Logan had paid for before she’d even arrived at the hospital. For a moment, she felt that her body wasn’t her own, she didn’t recognize the sensations her nerves messaged to her brain, but then it dawned on her. It was the drugs. She was in the hospital.
Her hand went to her stomach. It wasn’t flat, not yet, but she didn’t feel her babies in her. “Logan?”
His name came out stronger, with more force and this time his head lifted from where he’d fallen asleep. “Keily?”
His face was exhausted, unshaven, confused, but his eyes so warm and crystal clear.
“What happened? Where are the babies?” She was almost afraid to ask the question, a fear she’d refused to allow at the forefront of her mind. She would not think it, but she’d fear it in a primal part of her soul that knew better, that knew she didn’t deserve to be happy.
“Two are in the nursery. The smallest is in the NICU until she’s out of the woods. Her lungs aren’t developed enough yet. Her pediatrician is pretty confident she’ll be okay, though. How do you feel?” He stood up to brush sticky hair away from her face, to kiss her forehead, before he pulled away.
“I’m okay. I guess it’s the drugs. Just thirsty.”
“Here’s some water,” Violet mumbled as she and Rosa got up from the couch and came over to Keily. “I’ll go get some and let the nurse know you’re awake. Welcome back to the world, Mommy.”
Keily saw her sister’s proud smile and felt pride rush into her as a flush of warmth that brought tears to her eyes. “Thanks.”
Rosa came over, pecked her cheek, and rushed out of the room, hiding a sob as she left.
“What happened?” Keily asked, confused by what had just happened with Rosa.
“You scared the fuck out of us Keily. There were...” Logan paused and looked down at where his hand was still wrapped in Keily’s. “There were complications, and you lost a lot of blood. The doctor couldn’t control it and I’m afraid he was forced to perform a hysterectomy. You won’t be able to have more children, Keily.”
“Oh.” She answered, confused about why that didn’t seem so important now. “But I’m not dead?”
“No.” Logan laughed softly. “You aren’t dead.”
“That’s why it doesn’t seem important then.” She smiled, relieved to be alive and awake. “Being dead is worse than not being able to have more children.”
“I know, that’s what I thought.” Logan stood up to sit beside Keily, his eyes examining her. “I guess the doctor can explain it better, but your uterus was damaged by the placenta of one of the girls, and the bleeding wouldn’t stop, so they had to do it, Keily.”
“I might be upset about it later, Logan, but right now, the girls are in good hands and so am I. I can’t be upset right now, I really can’t.” She looked around, hoping the babies would soon be in sight.
“Maybe it’s the drugs you’re on too.” Logan pointed up at the stand that held several bags of drugs, all dripping into an IV in her arm.
“Maybe. I want to see the girls.” She looked up at him, a plea in her eyes.
“I’ll get the nurse to bring them in.” Logan started but a nurse soon bustled in and pushed him out of the way.
“You can see your gorgeous girls once I check you over, madam.” The nurse, her name Joan according to her nametag, pulled blankets away to check stitches, looked for signs of blood or infection, and recorded Keily’s vitals before she stood back with a pleased nod. “Alright then, I’ll bring the girls in to you.”
“Except the smallest one, Logan said?” Keily said and the nurse nodded.
“Baby C, as we’re calling her for now, has been put into NICU. You may be able to see her in the morning. She’s doing well though, I checked before I came in because I knew you’d want to know.”
“Thanks,” Keily mumbled, concern creasing her forehead. The smallest baby, the one she’d worried about throughout the pregnancy, was fighting her way to life. Keily wanted to see her badly, a need unlike anything she’d ever felt before, but she controlled herself. For now.
Two other nurses brought in the two bigger girls, both still small at five pounds nine ounces and five pounds three ounces. “They’re so tiny.”
Keily was almost afraid to breathe around them. Not only were they early, they were tiny, but breathing and thriving on their own so they had been taken to the nursery. Keily followed the instructions the nurse gave her and took one baby while Logan took the other. “Let me see yours, Logan.”
Logan sat down with the little baby girl in his arms and held her out so that Keily could see her. “They’re so pretty.”
“And identical,” Logan added. “They all are.”
“That’s even more rare.” Keily laughed a little. “Maybe it’s best I had the hysterectomy. If I lucked out the first time, I’d hate to see what happened if I got pregnant again. I couldn’t do multiples again, no way.” It was a coping mechanism, perhaps, to laugh at a time like this, but she didn’t know what else to do. While she felt complete joy at seeing two of her girls, one was in intensive care and that broke Keily’s heart.
“You survived, that’s all that matters,” Logan responded and held the baby closer to his heart.
He was distracted with the girl so Keily looked at the baby she held. A tiny little scrunched-up face with blonde hair hidden under a knit cap, and tiny little limbs made up the little girl she loved instantly. She loved them all, but this was the first one she’d held. Now she had to figure out their names.
“Shall we do them in alphabetical order?” Logan asked, again reading her mind.
“Maybe. Does she look like a Zara?” Keily moved the baby so that Logan could see her more clearly.
“Definitely.” He nodded and started to soothe the baby that began to fuss in his arms. “And this little flower is Zinnia, then?”
“I think so.” Keily nodded. “And our baby in the NICU is Zoe then?”
“Sounds delightful to me, Keily. Our first joint decision as parents. Well done us.” The baby started to fuss even louder, and he looked to her for help.
“I don’t know. Hungry maybe?”
The nurse waltzed back into the room and looked at Keily. “I’m not going to give you any grief after what you’ve been through, but you have to decide. Breastfeed or formula? I’d suggest, if you don’t mind, that we at least pump milk for the baby in NICU.”
“Zoe,” Keily replied instantly. “She’s Zoe, my daughter that’s in the NICU.”
The words ‘my daughter’ felt strange but good. She liked saying them.
“I’ll put their names on their charts if you’ve decided?” Joan said, her dark eyebrows arched over her eyes quizzically.
“I have, and if I can breastfeed these two and Zoe, I’d like to,” Keily said with an uncertain look.
“You can try but we need to keep an eye on them. Let me help you.” Joan brought over a pillow that Violet had bought for Keily and put it in her lap. “Put her head here.”
“This one is Zara,” Keily said. “That one is Zinnia.”
“Very nice, okay, let’s put her here, Dad, shall we?” Joan directed Logan as to where Zinnia needed to go and helped Keily until both babies latched on and began to feed with hungry little snorts.
“Are you alright?” Joan asked, waiting for Keily’s questions or concerns.
“It just feels strange, but it’s also a relief. I didn’t realize how sore they were.”
“Is this safe with the medicine she’s been on?” Logan’s concern wouldn’t let him remain quiet.
“Yes, most of the drugs have left her system, and those still running through are alright.” Joan paused to reposition Zoe’s head a little and then stepped back. “Now, don’t be disappointed if it’s hard at first, or you don’t have a huge supply. You have had a major surgery, had to have a blood transfusion, and you’ve been through a lot. Give yourself time and be patient. And don’t be afraid to ask questions.”
“Thanks.” Keily glanced up at Joan, but couldn’t take her eyes off the babies. Her heart grieved for the baby that wasn’t there, but she managed her emotions, by some Herculean effort.
“I’m so proud of you, Keily,” Logan said and sat down to watch her with their babies. “You’ve just, I don’t know, you made my world turn upside down and then you set it right again.”
It was at that moment that she remembered how many times he’d whispered that he loved her. But was that the drugs or had he really said those things? For now, all she could do was take care of her babies and see what happened later. And maybe hope that this would all work out, somehow.
