Twisted Fate by Summer Cooper
13
Logan
Having children changes the world for you, Logan thought eight weeks after the world turned completely upside down. He’d spent so many days in the hospital with Keily and Zoe, their smallest little girl that he’d come to think of the hospital as his second home. Things were looking up though, and there would be no more daily trips to the hospital because they were bringing Zoe home, at last.
“I’m so happy.” Keily sighed with a smile full of bliss on her face. She’d had that look often since she came home from the hospital, but this time it wasn’t marred by the shadow of worry she’d carried around with her since the day the girls were born.
“I am, too. It’ll be nice to be home with all of our girls.” Logan glanced over to catch Keily’s reaction, but she’d turned her head away to look out of her window of the Bronco. Zinnia and Zara were in the backseat in their car seats, dreaming baby dreams.
All the girls put on weight at a surprising rate, and Zoe had improved quickly over the days. Keily had problems feeding all of the girls at first, but once she’d started the girls on formula to supplement their intake that seemed to work wonders for them all. Zoe had gone from the NICU to a regular room and now they were going to bring her home, at last. Their little family was complete.
Even if, at the back of his mind, he wondered when Keily would tear their family apart and move back to the trailer. She hadn’t mentioned it, seemed content to play house at his house, and he wasn’t about to bring the topic up. If she was happy at his place, then he wouldn’t rock the boat.
They arrived at the hospital and went up to the pediatrics floor. Zoe no longer had tubes and wires connected all over her body and she was looking around, kicking her tiny little feet in the onesie she had on. Her blonde hair and gray eyes matched her sisters’ and her mother’s. They were the spitting image of Keily, and he adored them more for that, perhaps, than if they’d looked even a little bit like him. He adored their mother, so it was only logical he’d adore her three little clones.
Logan picked Zoe up when the nurse said everything was done and asked Keily to sign some papers. He stared down at her, his heart expanding in his chest until he thought it would burst with love. Love was a word he’d long been uncomfortable with but now that his girls were in his life, well, that had changed. He told all three of his babies that he loved them, every chance he got. Which was often since he had started working from home most days.
He’d go into the office if he needed to, and he put things Wally couldn’t handle on hold in California so that he could help out at home. Judith was around a lot, as were Rosa and Violet, but he wanted to be there with his children, so they’d know from day one that they were loved, wanted, and special to him. He didn’t want them to grow up as he’d done, knowing he was nothing but a mistake and a burden.
“She’s so much heavier now,” Logan said to the nurse as he brought Zoe up to his heart and laid her against his chest. Her tiny little head nuzzled at him for a moment before she sighed with contentment. He and Keily both had spent hours with her, skin to skin, learning what it was like to care for a preemie that was only four pounds when she was born.
He’d never felt so big and ungainly as he had the moment he’d held Zoe for the first time. Her sisters were small too, but Zoe had been the smallest, the most fragile of them all and he’d learned quickly how to be as gentle as he could possibly be. It was all overwhelming at first, but he’d learned, and he was an expert now at not only telling them apart but picking up even the smallest change in each girl.
“She is, and a happy girl too.” The nurse replied before she took the papers from Keily. “I guess that’s all. We’ve all said our goodbyes to Zoe, all of us that have taken care of her over the last few weeks, and we all wish you the best. It’s been a pleasure.”
“Thanks.” Keily and Logan said together, only Keily had tears in her eyes.
“Shall we go home?” Logan asked and Keily nodded. Logan put Zoe in her car seat and picked up Zara in her own seat. Keily latched an arm under Zinnia’s seat and they finally left the hospital together, all of them.
“I can’t believe it’s finally over with,” Keily said as she buckled Zinnia’s seat in and got in her own seat. “I thought this day would never come.”
“It was hard, but you’ve done well and so have the girls. We can relax a little now, I hope.” Logan laughed before he went on. “Not that there’s any time to relax but we can breathe easier, I think, knowing they’re all well enough to be home.”
“I know what you mean,” Keily reassured him. “It’s going to be controlled chaos, I think.”
“We’re used to that,” Logan said and for some reason that night she’d soothed him back to sleep after the nightmare woke him up came back to him. He hadn’t had that awful dream since that night and he wondered if Keily had healed him. She’d given him a new purpose in life, brought him the three most wonderful gifts he’d ever been able to call his own, and the nightmare was over.
Now, he just had to convince her to stay.
“You’ve got it under control,” Logan added and meant it. She was efficient but so loving with the babies. He’d never seen so much love on her face as he had when she was with the girls. Keily was a good mother and he was glad for that.
“You and Avery help a lot with that, you know?” She countered, her smoky gray eyes on him, full of pride. “You are surprisingly helpful.”
“Because I’m a man? That’s sexist, Keily.” He sniffed imperiously as he pulled into the driveway but spoiled it all with a laugh. “No, you’re right, I’m more hands-on than I thought I’d be. I’ve always heard women say how they fell in love the minute they saw their babies, but I didn’t know it happened to men too.”
“I guess it doesn’t always happen that way, for men or women. Our girls are lucky you’re their dad.” She climbed out once he’d turned the car off, and had her handbag, the diaper bag, and another bag slung over one shoulder while she wrestled with the seatbelt to get Zinnia out.
Zinnia was the most cheerful of all the girls, while Zara was quiet, serious, often looking at him with such serious scrutiny that it made him laugh. She seemed to be judging him and finding fault with him most of the time, poor girl. But she would cuddle up with him when he tried to soothe her, the few times she’d fuss, and always smiled at some point, as if to take away the sting of her judgment.
Zoe was a mixture of the other two girls, cheerful and full of smiles most of the time, she would sometimes slip into Zara mode when she was tired or cranky. Still smaller than her sisters, Zoe would probably always worry them the most, but she was catching up, so maybe there wouldn’t always be this dread in the back of his mind that something was about to go wrong. Or maybe not, he decided as he managed to get Zara and Zoe out of the car and up to the nursery. He was a father now, a real one, and he somehow doubted that dread would ever leave him.
“We’re all home, Avery,” Logan called out and the nanny he’d hired burst out of her room with a face wreathed in smiles.
“Oh, I’m so excited to meet Zoe.” She said with an Irish lilt in her voice.
Avery was the newest edition to his staff; one he’d hired the minute he figured out they needed help with all three girls. He’d called a staffing agency and looked through files until he found the right woman to help them. In her 50s, Avery was a tall, plump woman with soft hands and laughing eyes that could be firm when they needed to be and soft when that was called for. He’d interviewed her the day after the girls were born and found her to be perfect for the job.
Keily had protested having a nanny at first but soon came to agree, they needed help. Neither one of them knew anything about taking care of babies and Avery came armed with knowledge that Keily had kept asking Violet for. She’d eventually seen that calling Violet every five minutes was going to make her a nuisance, so she’d given in to the idea.
Avery headed straight for Zoe and took her out of the car seat with wide, gentle hands. “Oh, aren’t you a pretty little thing?”
Logan smiled as Avery cooed over the little girl and took Zara out of her seat. Zara laughed with delight and kicked her feet as her daddy put her up against his chest. “And how are you, my little angel?”
She laughed as an answer before he realized all her kicking and giggling had led to a dirty diaper. He was an experienced diaper changer now and had her changed and buttoned back up in no time. He looked around to see Keily was feeding Zinnia which meant it would soon be Zara and Zoe’s turn.
Zoe, unlike her sisters, had never managed to latch on properly so she was bottle-fed milk that Keily pumped for her. Feeding the girls was something Keily had been passionate about, and that hadn’t changed. They were getting more and more formula as time went on, but Keily was logical enough to admit that she couldn’t keep up with feeding all three of them.
Zoe started to fuss, and Avery moved to prepare a bottle for her. The nursery was set up to handle anything the girls might need, except for a washer and dryer. There was even a small kitchen to one end of the large room filled with three rocking chairs, three changing tables, three cribs, and three of everything else Logan thought the girls might want or need.
It was only later that day, after the girls were in bed for the night and Keily had changed into a set of pink pajamas, that he finally looked at Keily with anything more than concern over how she was feeling. She’d lost a large portion of the baby weight she’d picked up, her eyes were no longer outlined in dark smudges, and she looked happy. She had no makeup on, her hair was in a messy bun, and her socks didn’t match, but she’d never looked more beautiful.
To him, she was a goddess, a woman who’d given life to three of the most beautiful girls on the planet and was more than capable of taking care of them. He’d only supplied the help because he didn’t want her to struggle and they both needed the knowledge Avery came armed with.
“How are you feeling?” He asked and sat down on the small couch in her bedroom. Their relationship had relaxed enough after she came home from the hospital that he’d walk into her room, as long as her door was open, without knocking. If the door was closed, he’d knock or leave her alone. She did the same with him.
“I’m tired, but happy, Logan.” She sighed and leaned back against her headboard; the book she’d been reading forgotten. “It’s so nice, knowing they’re all home now.”
“It’s wonderful, really.” He agreed and sat back, ready for a long talk, if she was willing.
“What’s up, Logan?” She looked at him quizzically, her eyebrows arched together. “Is everything okay?”
“It is, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” He waved off her concern, not ready to ask her to stay, to be his wife, to spend the rest of her life with him and only him. Well, he was ready, but she wasn’t, and he knew it.
“Such as?” She leaned forward to put her arms around her knees as she sat up, her head tilted to the left.
“Just, what the future holds for all of us.” He shrugged, knowing he should broach the subject more carefully, but the words had slipped from his tongue without him even thinking about them. “Where will we be next month, a year from now, ten years from now?”
“I don’t know, Logan.” She paused, looked down at her knees, covered in pink flannel, and frowned. “Everything’s upside down at the moment, isn’t it?”
“It is. And you haven’t really had time to recover from it all. Oh, I know it’s been eight weeks, but your body is still healing, as is your mind.” He paused, wondering if he’d overstepped his bounds. She didn’t protest, just looked at him with curiosity, so he went on. “Everything has changed for you. You’re a mother, but you can’t have any more children now and well, that has to be hard for you.”
“I guess it’s not an issue right now. I have three girls to take care of, more than I ever thought I’d have, you know? I wasn’t planning to have babies, not until it happened.” She paused this time, frowned deeper, but then looked up at him with clear eyes. “Maybe one day I’ll be sad over what happened, but my girls came out of it all. I can’t regret that.”
“I’m glad you feel that way.” He came to a stop, not sure what to say next. “If you want to talk about it, I’m here, you know?”
“I know, Logan, and thank you, but really, it’s not an issue at all right now. Like I said, maybe one day I’ll have time to sit down and regret not being able to have more children but right now, it’s more of a relief than anything. I can’t imagine going through all of that again, honestly.”
“Okay. Well, I guess you want to get back to your reading.” He got up and went to the door. “Good night, Keily.”
“Good night, Logan. Thanks for checking on me.” She smiled at him and for a second, he saw longing on her face, as if she didn’t want him to go. The look faded though, and he left her to her peace and quiet.
Another week or two, that’s what he’d give her, then he’d show her how much he wanted things to change for them. He’d show her he could be the man he should have been all along.
