Unexpected Trouble by Lauren Wood
Steven
Ipulled away, not sure what the hell I was doing. I came there to make peace with Tracy, not anything else. It didn’t help that I wasn’t seeing Ashley anymore. She had helped keep my needs at bay. It wasn’t too hard when I had my mind on other things. Now though, sex was all I could think about, and Tracy just looked so damn good. I couldn’t help myself.
It was confusing though, I knew that. I was hot to cold, kissing her with passion and then pushing her away. She touched her lips like they were burned and then finally met my gaze. It was an almost hurt look that she was giving me.
“No, I guess, a kiss wouldn’t be so bad, if that’s where it ends.”
Damn it, I’d upset her. I could see the emotions on her face, confusion being the biggest one. Why was I so hot to cold? I wanted to feel again, even though I avoided it like the plague. Feelings had never gotten anything good to happen. It just made everything more complicated than it had to be. I didn’t need more complications than I already had.
“Sorry, Tracy. Shit, I didn’t mean to. I don’t know why I did. You are just so damn beautiful…”
Tracy didn’t want to hear it. She was instead coaching me on what to do next. After I got started cooking the meat and veggies, she excused herself to go to the bathroom. I didn’t know what she was doing in there, but she was in there a while and dinner was done before she came out. I went to the bathroom door to say something to her, and I heard her crying softly. I’d kissed a lot of women, but never had one cry from it. I’d read the situation far worse than I ever could have imagined.
When she came back out, her eyes were red and clear of makeup. She wouldn’t meet my gaze but thanked me for finishing up in a small voice. It was clear that she was trying to hide her true feelings from me, but it was also obvious that it was a waste of time. Tracy was upset and I’d done it. I felt obligated to make her feel better again.
“I am sorry if kissing you upset you, Tracy. It wasn’t my intentions. You were just looking so, you know, damn good. I lost my head for a minute, and I will make sure that it doesn’t happen again.”
She shot me a look that said she didn’t appreciate that comment either. What was it about her that made me feel so different? Tracy was like all other women. She was pretty, nice body, and she wanted me. That was the same, but the other side of it, the way I felt back to her, was startling different. I didn’t care about the women I was with anymore, hadn’t before or after Anna. I was just void of all of that, so much so that I’d been accused of being cold. It wasn’t that I just didn’t feel anything. I never wanted to hurt anyone, whether I felt anything for them or not.
Tracy was just different though. She’d crawled into my heart somehow, and I thought of the adage of getting to a man’s heart through their stomach. Is that what had happened? Or was it just the fact that even though I was short with her, she’d ignored it and still helped me in a way that wasn’t intrusive? She tried chatter, but when that hadn’t worked, she’d just left plates and notes. She was so different from other women in that way as well. She had been so unobtrusive that I hadn’t realized how she was getting to me, how close she had become.
“Why do you look mad now?”
She sighed. “Men just don’t get it, do they?”
I told her that I couldn’t speak for all men, but I sure the hell didn’t understand what was going on.
“You pulled me into your arms and kissed me without….”
I stopped her because that was the exact reason that I was apologizing to begin with. I’d lost my head.
“I know that I shouldn’t have kissed you…”
“You really don’t get it, do you? I am trying to tell you, Steven, but you already have your mind made up about it.”
“I just want you to know that I’m sorry.”
She sighed and then went back to what she was doing. We sat at the table, and I finally asked her what she was going to say. I knew what I thought she was going to say, but I didn’t like the idea of that being true. I wanted there to be another way to look at it. I was desperate for it, actually.
“You kissed me, woke me all up, and then apologized, twice. I am just saying, that’s not the best thing for a girl’s ego.”
I scoffed and she glared at me. “Come on. You can’t be serious. I mean, look at you.”
Tracy took offense. It seemed like everything I was saying, was making her take offense. This night was quickly turning into a mess, and I wished that it was different, that I was different, and I hadn’t said anything to upset her. But come on, there was no way that Tracy was worried about whether men liked her. She was the kind of woman that every man was chasing. If I would have been chasing women, I would have gone for someone like Tracy, everyone would if given a choice. I truly believed that.
“I am sorry, Tracy, I thought you were joking. I just thought a woman like you wouldn’t have to worry about that kind of thing.”
That wasn’t the right thing to say either, damn. I wasn’t usually so bad at this, but I was out of practice. I hadn’t tried to make it right in a while, and it looked like I was failing miserably. At the moment, the only thing that seemed to be going the right way was that damn kiss that was still tasting good on my lips.
I was watching those full lips while she talked, though I will admit I didn’t think I heard anything that she had to say. It was all just a dream. I wanted her again, I wanted more, but the reaction I’d gotten was one that was going to keep me with my hands to myself.
“Everyone needs assurances every once in a while. I haven’t had a guy ignore me like you have or push me away when they were in the middle of kissing me. I don’t know where I stand with you, Steven. I have no idea and you don’t make it any easier.”
“I thought that we could be friends. That was the idea I had.”
“Friends don’t kiss like that, Steven.”
Sighing, I had to agree. I knew that I wanted more than a friend’s relationship with Tracy. I needed her and before too long, I was sure that I wouldn’t be able to stay here much longer, not the way I was feeling, dying inside for her. It was all I could do to think about it. Tracy was always going to be on my mind in a way that would make friendship pretty much impossible. It was especially impossible when the taste of her lips was still on mine.
“You’re right. I don’t think we would be very good friends. Though there are different types of friends.”
My mind was on one thing, the same thing that it had been on the whole time. All I had to do was convince her and then everything would be fine. I needed her, needed Tracy. I moved close again because Tracy wasn’t paying me the attention I wanted. I could still see the need in her eyes. How had I missed it before? She wanted me to finish.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m about to kiss you.”
“I thought we said that we shouldn’t do that, because friends don’t do that?”
“Like I said, there are different kinds of friends. We just need to be the different sort, that’s all.”
