8

Alix

“This is an adventure.” Holly skipped between them as they walked through the airport and occasionally launched herself into the air and swung from their hands. “It’s fun. Don’t you think it’s fun, Aunty Alix?”

Alix’s shoulder was aching, but she wasn’t going to give Zac a single reason to doubt her abilities. He was not going to be better at this than she was. “I can’t remember when I last had such a good time.”

Zac thought she couldn’t do this, and she was determined to prove him wrong, and not only because she’d made a promise to Christy.

“I saw snow from the plane.” Holly swung again, almost yanking Alix’s arm from its socket.

“There’s no shortage of snow, that’s for sure.” The child had been bouncing with excitement since they left the cottage and hadn’t slept on the flight. Alix couldn’t believe her energy levels. They’d done drawings and puzzles, read books and played I spy until Alix was exhausted. In the last round she hadn’t been able to think of a single object beginning with the letter m.

How did her friend do it?

She was ready to sleep for a week. Maybe Holly was the reason Christy didn’t message her so often. Why hadn’t that occurred to her before?

“Do you want me to carry you for a while?” Zac’s voice was deep and velvety, and she glanced at him in irritation.

“No, of course I don’t want you to carry me. I’d sooner lie down and die on the spot than have you carry me.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I was talking to Holly.”

“Oh I know that.” She made an attempt to retrieve her dignity. “I was joking.”

He smiled and swung Holly up into his arms without asking the question a second time.

Annoying, aggravating man.

They’d reached the baggage area, and the suitcases were already starting to appear on the belt.

Holly wriggled in his arms. “I want to ride on it.”

“No.” Zac held her firmly. “You’re going to stay right here, along with your fingers and toes.”

And now she understood why he’d scooped Holly up. To protect her.

A woman standing near them gave a wistful smile. “You have a beautiful family,” she said, and Alix bared her teeth in a vague approximation of a smile.

Seriously? Did they look like a family? The mere idea of her and Zac being together except under duress was absurd. The woman was clearly no reader of body language.

Holly, in the meantime, had suddenly run out of energy.

Exhausted, her head flopped onto Zac’s shoulder. “I want Mummy.”

Alix’s stomach lurched. Those were the three words she’d dreaded hearing.

She sent a nervous glance toward Zac, but he didn’t appear to share her panic.

He curled an arm round the child, holding her steady. “Close your eyes and sleep a little.”

“I’m not tired.” Holly’s breath hitched. “When’s Mummy coming?”

“She’s going to be joining us soon, but first we have to get to our cabin and make it all cozy. Maybe build a big snowman for her. She’s definitely going to want a snowman.”

Holly’s eyes drifted shut, but she forced them open again, her head swaying slightly as if her neck couldn’t hold the weight of it, her determination to fight sleep almost comical. “Will she come soon?”

“Very soon. And you and the snowman will be having too much fun to even notice she isn’t there.” Zac fixed his gaze on the conveyer belt of luggage and then jerked his head. “There’s one of ours. If you step out of the way, I’ll—”

“I can lift a suitcase, Zac.” Alix stepped forward and swung it off the moving belt, so intent on proving her strength and capability that she almost lost her balance.

Zac grabbed it with his free arm and loaded it onto the trolley.

Alix rolled her eyes. “I could have done that, but if you need to be macho man, that’s fine.”

“Macho man?”

“Prove your macho credentials. I’m sure your ego is suffering from not being able to wrestle at least two polar bears before breakfast.”

“There aren’t too many polar bears in London.” He hauled the final case onto the trolley. “You think I’m macho?”

“I don’t think of you at all. I doubt I’d recognize you if I passed you in the—” She gasped as he closed his hand around her wrist and pulled her close.

“You wouldn’t recognize me?” His gaze was fixed on hers, his mouth a breath away from hers. “You don’t think about me, Alix?”

Her heart was pounding so hard she was afraid it might burst out of her chest. “Never.” The word emerged as a broken croak, and still he looked at her, his gaze searing and intense.

The noise and bustle of the airport faded into the background, and there was nothing but the rapid whoosh, whoosh of her pulse as it thundered out of control.

“How long are we going to keep up this pretense? For one short moment, let’s be honest, shall we?” His head lowered, and her breathing grew shallow. Was he really going to… Yes, he was going to—right here—right now—

“Want Mummy.” Holly lifted her head, and Zac released his grip on Alix’s wrist.

“Go back to sleep, honey.” No velvet tones this time. His voice sounded raw and rough, and it was at least some consolation that he was obviously as unsettled as Alix was.

Her whole body was in an extreme state of alert.

He’d almost kissed her. Right here in the airport.

Would she have pushed him away? Of course she would. She might even have slapped him, which would have given that woman with the romantic notions something to think about.

“Let’s go.” His mouth set in a grim line, he shifted Holly more securely and then grabbed the luggage trolley. “I’m loaded down here, so you’re going to have to sort out the car rental.”

“No problem.” Anything to get away from him.

They walked in silence through the airport, signed the necessary forms and picked up the keys to their car.

Alix helped maneuver the sleeping Holly into the car seat. “We should have accepted Robyn’s offer to pick us up. Given that we landed on ice and snow, I’m assuming the roads will be the same.” And the thought of being trapped in the suffocating confines of a car with Zac for a couple of hours did nothing for her stress levels.

“It seemed like a waste of her time. And we might need our own vehicle.” Zac loaded up their luggage and then slid into the driver’s seat, and she settled herself beside him. “Don’t worry. All cars here are equipped with snow tires, and I’ve driven these roads before, and Christy thought it might be better for Holly to meet Robyn when she’s rested. Holly doesn’t love being strapped into a car for long. She gets bored. Christy says her latest thing is to unfasten her seat belt.”

Oh joy.

“Maybe I’ll sit in the back. It will be safer.”

He turned to look at her. “For you or for her?”

“You’re not funny.” She unclicked her seat belt, ignoring his laughter.

“I can be funny, Alix. But you’re always too tense around me to notice.”

He had to be the most aggravating man she’d ever met.

“I’m sitting in the back because of Holly. Don’t flatter yourself that this has anything to do with you.”

“Of course it doesn’t.”

“You are so annoying.”

“I try my best. Annoying you turns out to be surprisingly entertaining.”

She slammed the car door so hard Holly’s eyes flickered open. Alix stroked her hair gently and felt a pang because the little girl looked so like Christy. The irritation drained out of her. What was her friend doing right now? Was she sad? Stressed? She hated the idea of Christy struggling with a problem alone. Of being unhappy without her support. And she hated not knowing what was wrong.

Why wasn’t Christy talking to her? Had Alix been a bad friend to her?

Her throat thickened.

Suddenly it felt like too much. Her head throbbed, she was tired and not at all sure she was up to handling what lay ahead. She had to be on her guard with Zac, and she already felt exhausted from it.

Wrestling with misery, she stared out the window, watching the landscape slide past.

It was stunningly beautiful, but it felt wrong to be enjoying this without Christy. How many times had they talked about Lapland when they were children? Santa lives there.

Alix had always known there was no Santa, but she’d fiercely protected her friend’s magical belief.

The road was snowy, the world shrouded in a strangely beautiful light, the sky tinged pale pink. Zac drove with quiet confidence, as comfortable in this icy wilderness as she would have been on the streets of London. And although she would never have admitted it, she was grateful for that confidence. There was no way she would have wanted to do this journey by herself, especially alone with Holly.

For the first time since Christy had broken the news to her that she wasn’t taking this trip alone, she felt relieved that Zac was with them.

As long as he didn’t know that, there wouldn’t be a problem.

Feeling more in control, she settled back in her seat, enjoying the warmth and soft purr of the car. Beside her Holly slept, eyelashes a dusky crescent against creamy cheeks. The road wound through forest, through sleepy villages where pretty red houses nestled among snowy trees. Here, finally, was the winter wonderland Holly had longed for, and she wasn’t awake to see it.

Zac glanced in the mirror and caught her eye. “Is she all right?”

“Sleeping.” She felt a pang of envy. “Don’t you wish you could sleep like that?”

“You don’t sleep?”

He already knew more than enough about her. She wasn’t about to confess her sleeping problems, too. “This close to Christmas? I’m way too excited.” She thought she saw him smile.

“I didn’t have you pegged as a Christmas-lover, Alix.”

“Are you kidding? Christmas is my job.”

“Exactly. Your job.”

“I’m extremely good at my job.”

His gaze met hers in the mirror. “I’m sure you are. I’m sure you know everything there is to know about the commercial side of Christmas. But what about the rest of it?”

“The rest of it?”

“It isn’t about what you buy, it’s about what you give.”

“Oh please.” Instantly, she filed away that phrase to use in the following year’s Christmas ad. She could see it now. A small girl wrapping a gift for her sleeping parents. It isn’t about what you buy, it’s about what you give. “I never guessed you were so sentimental.”

“It’s not sentiment, Alix. It’s emotion. And unlike you, I’m not afraid of emotion.”

She was pretty sure that if she took the lid off hers right now, he’d be afraid. “I know plenty about giving. Selling is all about giving, by the way. I sell products that people buy and give to other people. Giving.”

There was a long pause.

“Tell me about your best Christmas gift.”

That one was easy. “The year I was given a pony.”

“A pony.” He nodded. “That’s a big present.”

She heard her mother’s voice in her head. You were supposed to be having her this Christmas, Anthony. This is inconvenient. And her father replying, Don’t worry. I’ve brought her something special. I can guarantee you won’t have to spend time with her.

She had loved that pony, but she’d spent most of Christmas crying into its neck.

And what she didn’t tell Zac was that she’d had the pony for all of a month before she and her mother had moved house. The pony had been sold.

The memory was uncomfortable. “What was your best Christmas?”

He hesitated. “I don’t know.”

She sensed he did know. Why wouldn’t he want to say? “Tell me.”

“The one where my dad took the day off work.” They were driving through a village now, and he slowed his pace. “He was a doctor, and he worked every Christmas when I was growing up. I’d written to Santa telling him that all I wanted for Christmas was to have my dad home. And sure enough, on Christmas morning, there he was, sitting under the tree with a mug of tea. To someone looking from the outside, there was nothing particularly special about the day, but to me it was the best Christmas I could have had. And my dad knew that. His gift to me was his time, and that was precious.”

She felt as if an elephant was sitting on her chest. “You obviously come from a close family. That’s great.”

“You’re upset.” All traces of humor were gone from his voice. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

The fact that he knew personal things about her made her uncomfortable. This was why she shared as little as possible about herself.

“I’m not upset. I’m fine. I don’t have a problem with other people’s happy families, Zac. I love to see happy families. Gives a person faith and all that.”

She stared hard out the window. She knew exactly what his Christmas would have looked like because she’d seen it multiple times. When she was young she’d walk down her street, staring into the windows of other people’s houses. She’d seen flickering fires, decorations, families gathered together. She’d seen laughter and love. And she’d wonder what people would see if they walked past her house and stared in through the window on Christmas Eve. A little girl sitting with a book, alone, with no Christmas stocking hanging in readiness because neither of her parents believed in what they called perpetrating a lie. And even now, when she knew that the whole family-togetherness thing was mostly a myth and that plenty of people found the festive season stressful, she still struggled with that same sense of smothering isolation and aloneness that had been part of her childhood.

She pushed it away, reminding herself that her feelings were her responsibility. Thanks to Christy, she’d had many happy Christmases. She didn’t believe in Santa, but she believed in the power of friendship. “Do you know where we’re going, by the way?”

“Yes. We’re almost there. When did you and Christy start spending Christmas together?”

The question took her by surprise. “I was around eight years old.” And she tried never to think about that particular Christmas.

“So it was a couple of years after your parents divorced?”

She felt a flash of anxiety. “I don’t remember telling you that.”

“You were upset.” His voice was even. “Very upset.”

“And you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you could forget that whole conversation—the whole evening—that would be good.” What else had she said? What else had she told him? That night was a blur.

He flicked a switch, and a light glowed on the dashboard. “Why do you need me to forget it? You’re afraid that me knowing something personal about you makes you vulnerable, but that’s what a relationship is, Alix. That’s what knowing someone is all about.”

“We don’t have a relationship.”

His gaze met hers in the mirror. Brief. Unsettling. “You think keeping people at a distance protects you, but by shutting out the bad stuff, you also shut out the good.”

“When I want advice on how to live my own life, I’ll ask, thank you.”

“Tell me about the divorce. Was it tough?”

Why wouldn’t he let it go? Most people wanted to avoid other people’s problems and baggage, not delve into them.

“That question proves how little you know. My parents divorced wasn’t that much different to my parents married.” She felt sweat prickle at the back of her neck. She’d dreaded Holly waking up and yelling, but now she almost wanted it to happen. Anything to shatter the stifling intimacy of this car ride. “They’d always lived pretty separate lives. They both acknowledged that they never should have been together. The atmosphere at home was perfectly calm. They didn’t exchange a single angry word that I can remember.” In fact, she had no recollection of any interaction between them that wasn’t of a practical nature. Alix has a violin recital on Thursday. Can you attend? “They’re both academics, focused on their own field of study.”

“Which is?”

“My father is a physicist. He lives in California. My mother’s field of study is Russian literature, and I really don’t understand why you want to know this stuff, anyway.”

He ignored that. “Your Christmas stocking was filled with bound copies of Tolstoy?”

“No. I was allowed to choose my own presents. They gave me a catalog every year, and I was allowed to pick ten things. They were generous.”

“You didn’t write to Santa?”

She checked Holly was asleep before she answered. “My parents didn’t encourage that kind of thing. Don’t worry, I’m not going to blow it for Holly.”

“I’m not worried about that. I know you love Holly.”

“Oh.” Braced to defend herself, his comment threw her. “Yes, I do. And I have every intention of making her Christmas wishes come true if it’s within my capability.”

“So you do have a sentimental side.”

She frowned. “Practical. She asks for something, I make it happen. My entire job is about making people’s Christmas wishes come true.”

“But with Holly you’re doing it because you love her. That’s emotion, Alix.”

This conversation was starting to make her uncomfortable. “What’s your point?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe that you can’t get through life without feeling emotion even if you wanted to. And who would want to?”

She would want to. “We were talking about Holly.”

“We were talking about Christmas. So if your job is making other people’s Christmas wishes come true, who handles yours?”

“I make my own wishes come true. Always have. Next you’ll be telling me that you believe in Santa.”

“I do.”

She couldn’t help smiling. “Then I hope he delivers everything you want.”

“I’m hopeful.” He slowed as the road narrowed. “How did you come to spend that first Christmas with Christy?”

Sheer luck.

“My parents both had research trips planned at the same time one year. My mother asked Elizabeth, Christy’s mother, if they’d have me to stay.” She watched the snow through the window. Endless snow, like something from a Christmas fairy tale, picked out by the car’s headlights. “It was like stepping into another world. Christy’s family did Christmas in a big way. Wreath on the door, lights on the house, huge fir tree, stockings hanging from the fireplace. A drink and a biscuit left out for Santa.” She could still remember the wonder of that first morning when she’d tiptoed downstairs with her friend and seen the lumpy stocking waiting for her. It even had her name on it. Alix. Despite what she knew to be true, in that moment she’d almost believed in Santa. “I spent every Christmas with them after that. My parents didn’t like the festive season, and Christy loved having me there. You’re probably thinking it was a big ask, an imposition—”

“I’m thinking you probably did them a favor. Christy was an only child. I’m sure Elizabeth was pleased for her to have company.”

“You knew Elizabeth?”

“No. I’m guessing, based on what I know about Christy. I met Elizabeth once, at the wedding. She seemed like the kind of person with a very definite idea of what she wanted.”

“Elizabeth’s life was a thing of precision. Everything scheduled and controlled. But she was kind to me.” She felt a stab of emotion as she thought about Elizabeth. You girls are lucky to have formed such a strong friendship. No matter what happens in life, you’ll always have each other.

Alix had assumed that was true. But what if it wasn’t? She’d never considered that their friendship might change, but it had.

What did it mean?

The only person who had ever loved her unconditionally was Christy. Christy had been there for her at the worst point of her life, and Alix felt an unwavering loyalty. But now, it seemed, Christy didn’t need her anymore, and the thought of it ripped at her in a way nothing else had. It wasn’t only the profound sense of loss she felt, it was also anxiety. If her problems were with Seb, who was Christy talking to? Who was supporting her?

She discreetly checked her phone, but there was nothing from Christy.

Alix sent her a message to say that they’d landed safely and that Holly was fine.

She wanted so badly to fix things, but she had no idea how. It wasn’t as if she could undo the past; although, if she could have done that, then she would have.

“So you were the sister Christy never had.”

Alix had almost forgotten Zac’s presence. “Yes, I suppose. We’re close.” Her mouth was dry. Right now they didn’t feel close. “And I know you think I interfere, but I want her to be happy, that’s all.”

“And you don’t think Seb makes her happy?”

“I don’t know. All I know is that if there are problems, then it’s unlikely to be Christy’s fault. She’s the warmest, kindest, most loyal person I’ve ever met. In fact, she’s pretty much perfect.” She waited for him to say something in response. “You don’t agree?”

He shrugged. “No one is perfect, Alix.”

“Christy is.” How could he not see that? “Even as a child she had high standards. Do you know she used to tidy her bedroom every day? She was never late with her homework, never spilled food on her clothes and never forgot anything.” Alix smiled to herself. “I remember one Christmas, Elizabeth gave her a special notebook with pages for planning and to-do lists. I thought it was the most boring gift imaginable, but Christy loved it. She still makes lists now, exactly like her mother. Every year she has a new notebook.”

“What about the other stuff? Smoking? Drugs? Teenage rebellion? Staying out late? Dropping her clothes on the floor and never picking them up?”

“Not Christy. She and her mother were more like friends. They rarely disagreed on anything.” Apart from that one time, of course, but Elizabeth’s concern had been understandable. Alix had shared it. “And she’s still perfect. I don’t know how she does it all, frankly. She’s a great mother, she manages to make a perfect home, cook from scratch and still work. If you ask me, Seb’s the luckiest guy alive.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Not that I have any experience of perfect, but I would have thought it would be hell to live with.”

“You— What?”

“Where do other people fit into this perfect world? Presumably Seb has to be perfect, too.”

“Now you’re being ridiculous.”

“Am I?” He glanced in the mirror. “You’ve already said that Christy has life planned out. That she wants things to be a certain way.”

“There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want and going for it.”

“As long as the other person’s goals are aligned and you’re both going the same way. But what if you’re with someone whose goals are different? Who wants their life to be different? What happens to compromise? Also, we all know life never does work out the way you plan it, so what happens then? Sometimes the best things that happen in life come from the unexpected.”

“And sometimes it comes from good planning. Stability and predictability are important for a child.” She should know. She hadn’t had any.

“But such rigid planning can lead to stress when it all goes wrong.”

“Rigid planning means it’s less likely to go wrong.”

He glanced in the mirror. “But this is life, and life goes wrong. It’s a fact. What happens when Christy’s plans get interrupted?”

She gets stressed.

“She handles it. Regroups. Crosses out things on her list, and makes a new one. There’s nothing she can’t cope with.”

“Sounds as if she’s a classic only child.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It can be tough. There are a lot of expectations riding on one person.”

“Maybe, although that wasn’t my experience.” Alix thought about Christy’s upbringing. Piano practice. Homework. Mealtimes. All of it scheduled in. Occasionally Alix had thought it seemed a little exhausting never to have time to simply flop on the bed and do nothing, but mostly she’d envied her the structure and parental interest.

He glanced at her. “You’re an only child?”

“Yes, but I’m probably not typical.” She shifted the subject away from the personal. “The houses are pretty. I love the red color. They look like Santa’s cottage.”

“It’s Falu Rödfärg, or Falun red. First used in the sixteenth century. It contains a mineral by-product of copper mining and acts as a preservative for the wood.”

“You’ve been here before? To this part of Sweden?”

“Many times. I first came here on a college trip. Sweden has some of the best hiking. Have you heard of Alleman-srätten? It’s the right to public access, literally the freedom to roam. In Sweden, you are free to explore nature, as long as you don’t do damage. And obviously you’re expected to use common sense. No litter. Respect people’s property and privacy, that kind of thing.”

She was intrigued. “So up here in the wilds, you can pitch a tent and camp under the stars without being yelled at or moved on?”

“Generally, yes.” He smiled. “Of all the questions you could have asked, I never would have anticipated that one. You don’t strike me as a tent kind of girl, Alix.”

“But then, you don’t know a single thing about me.”

His gaze flickered to hers. “I know a few things.”

She ignored that. “Where did you hike?”

“The first time I was here, I did the Kungsleden trail trek, the King’s Trail.” He told her about it, and for a few minutes she forgot that he was the last person she would have chosen to be with, absorbed by his descriptions of the Arctic landscape and his obvious passion for the place.

She leaned forward in her seat as the road curved its way through endless snow-covered forests of spruce and pine, mountains rising in the distance. “Good to know they don’t have a shortage of Christmas trees.” It was a frozen, snowy wonderland, and then suddenly the trees parted, the landscape opened up, and she sucked in a breath because there, right in front of her, was a lake, the surface glassy with ice. Nestled near the edge of the lake was a large cabin, painted traditional Swedish red. Falu Rödfärg. She knew that now. Snow coated the sloping roof, and lights glowed in the windows. Alix thought she’d never seen anywhere more charming and welcoming. She felt a pang, thinking of the times she and Christy had talked about Lapland, and wished her friend was here to see it with her. “This is it?”

“Looks like it.” He glanced at her. “Too rustic for you? Remote? You want to head back to the nearest town?”

He was teasing her, but it was easier to handle than his sympathy.

“What are the chances of you going for a stroll and being eaten by a wolf?”

He grinned. “Also remote. But I’m sure there are other accidents that might befall me.”

“One can but hope.” She opened the car door and caught her breath, unprepared for the biting cold. Immediately, she closed it again and tucked Holly’s thick coat more firmly round her. She felt her inexperience keenly. Was it too cold for such a young child? What other layers should she be wrapping her in? Presumably people who lived in the Arctic had children, so it must be possible to keep one alive in these temperatures.

“And here comes our host.” Apparently undaunted by the cold, Zac sprang from the car and walked to greet the woman who had stepped out of the lodge.

Aunt Robyn, presumably.

Alix didn’t know exactly what she’d been expecting, but it wasn’t this warm, friendly, normal-looking woman who approached with a welcoming smile on her face. She looked slim despite the layers of outdoor clothing, and moved with confidence. A curl of blond hair sneaked out from under the fur of her hood.

Ever since they were children, she and Christy had whispered and speculated about wicked Aunt Robyn and what she might have done to cause such a major rift between her and her sister.

Checking that Holly was still asleep, Alix slid out of the car just as Robyn reached them, and a large dog streaked out of the lodge and bounded toward them.

Alix took one look at the thick fur and pale eyes and froze. “Is it a wolf?”

“Not a wolf. Siberian husky.” Zac stepped in front of her and let the dog sniff his hand. “Hello, beautiful.”

“Her name is Suka. She’s friendly, but overenthusiastic.” The woman gestured with her hand, and the dog sat. “We’ve had her since she was a puppy, and she was supposed to stay indoors because I didn’t want her to scare the child.”

It didn’t seem Suka was about to savage anyone, so Alix reached out her hand, too. The dog nudged her, tail wagging. “She’s pretty.”

“And energetic.” The woman gave the dog an affectionate rub. “I’m Robyn. You must be Alix and Zac. Where’s Holly?”

“Crashed out, fast asleep.”

Robyn stepped tentatively toward the car and gazed at the sleeping child.

Up close, Alix could see the family resemblance. She had the same slim, athletic frame as Elizabeth. Christy’s blue eyes.

“The journey tired her out, and she’s been asleep since the airport. Probably a good thing. I was worried she’d be tired and missing her mother, but—” Alix stopped midsentence. Robyn had her hand pressed against the window, and her eyes were shiny with tears.

“She looks like Christy did at the same age,” Robyn whispered. “Exactly like her.”

She’d met Christy? Alix hadn’t known that. When? She was pretty sure Christy had no idea.

It hadn’t occurred to her that this meeting might be in any way emotional, but now that she thought about it, how could it not be? Robyn hadn’t seen her family for three decades. And she, Alix, was supposed to handle this sensitive moment. How? She wasn’t great with emotional stuff at the best of times, and this wasn’t the best of times. For the millionth time since they’d driven away from the cottage, she wished Christy was with them.

She was floundering, trying to figure out what to say, when a man approached from the lodge, following Robyn’s footsteps in the snow.

He smiled briefly at Alix and then pulled Robyn against him, saying something in Swedish.

Robyn gave a nod, pressed her gloved hands to her cheeks and managed a smile.

“Sorry.” She glanced at Alix, embarrassed. “It’s just that—”

“It’s fine. It’s okay. I get it.” Actually, she didn’t get it, but that wasn’t Robyn’s fault. “She’s going to be excited to meet you.” Hopefully that was true, and Holly wouldn’t have her first-ever moment of being shy with strangers.

Zac introduced himself, and Erik shook his hand.

“You spent time in Svalbard. I read your work on ice-sheet dynamics.”

Great, Alix thought. Even in this wild, snowy wilderness, the man had street cred. She was the one who felt out of her depth, but that was mostly because of Holly.

Zac didn’t seem to share her anxieties. “This place is spectacular. Almost no light pollution. You must be inside the auroral oval here.”

“Yes. All we need is clear skies, and you will see the aurora.” Erik glanced at Robyn. “It’s cold. We should get indoors.”

Robyn seemed to pull herself together. “I thought you’d want to settle yourselves in as soon as possible. If you drive two minutes along the track, you’ll see Wolf.” She gestured to a snowy track that wound its way deep into the forest.

Alix felt a flicker of alarm. “Wolf?”

Robyn smiled. “Your cabin. You can park right outside. The door is open. I’ll follow, and we can talk inside where it’s warm. Erik will take Suka back to the lodge. I don’t want to start my relationship by scaring Holly.”

Alix didn’t think for one moment that Holly would be afraid of the dog, but she could see the logic of not introducing too many new elements at once, so she simply nodded and slid back into the warmth of the car.

Zac drove slowly along the bumpy, snowy track that led into the forest.

“She seemed nice,” Alix said. “Not scary.” And it was good to know she wasn’t the only one who was uncertain about how to handle a child.

He shot her a look. “Scary?”

Should she confess that as children she and Christy had made up a dozen different stories to explain why Aunt Robyn’s name was not to be mentioned?

She’d smoked inside the house: a sin for which Elizabeth would definitely ban someone.

She’d been repeatedly late for dinner: another offense that would have struck deep at the heart of Elizabeth’s values.

She’d stolen something precious: they’d argued over what this could be. Christy had bet on a piece of jewelry. Alix had thought it was more likely to be clothing.

And then as they’d grown older, the guesses had grown darker.

Obviouslyshe’d had sex with someone she shouldn’t. Or maybe even murdered someone. Had sex with someone and then murdered them? The possibilities were endless.

Now, with the benefit of age, Alix understood that a rift could result from something much less dramatic. A tear in the fabric of a relationship that had never been mended. A misunderstanding. A comment, made with the best of intentions, that created a wound that festered.

She felt a moment of helplessness as she thought about her own situation. She’d convinced herself that she had been doing the right thing by expressing her misgivings to her friend. But her conversation with Zac had made her wonder if the anxiety she’d felt had been based on her own childhood experiences rather than any particular action on Seb’s part.

She hadn’t known for sure that Seb was a bad choice for Christy, had she?

She closed her eyes. If she could wind the clock back, she would.

Top of her Christmas wish list would be for her relationship with Christy to be the way it used to be.

“This must be it.” Zac’s voice disturbed her thoughts, and she was grateful for that because she hadn’t been enjoying them.

She hadn’t given much thought to where they’d be staying. Like Christy, she’d seen pictures of the Snow Spa, the lodge and some romantic cabins that looked perfect for honeymooners.

“Oh.” She stared at the pretty cabin that came into view, a splash of red against a background of snow-laden trees. Lights glowed in the windows. “It’s—”

“Romantic?” Zac’s shoulders shook with soundless laughter. “It’s the perfect place for you to propose to me.”

“In your dreams.” Was she really going to be trapped there with him? No. She’d explain the situation to Robyn. Explore alternative options. There were guest rooms in the lodge, weren’t there? Either she or Zac would move into the main lodge. “There is not enough room in that cabin for both of us. No way am I staying in that confined space with you.”

He parked the car. “Why? Worried about your virtue?”

“It’s more of a health and safety issue. My health. Your safety.” She undid her seat belt and smiled sweetly. “I might kill you. And if I dragged you into the forest, they might not find your body for weeks.”

He turned to her, maddeningly relaxed. “I’m more likely to survive in that forest than you are. I have knowledge of the Arctic. Talking of which, you should probably change into snow boots before walking to the cabin.”

“I think I can manage to walk as far as the door, thank you.”

“Have it your own way. But before the day is out you’re going to be begging for my help and expertise, city girl.”

“I hate you. And don’t call me city girl. It’s patronizing and it irritates me.”

“I know.”

“You admit that you’re irritating me on purpose?”

“Better irritated than sad. I assume you don’t want to talk to me about whatever it is that’s upset you, so I thought I’d annoy you out of your sad mood.” He reached across and pulled a bag out of the footwell. “And anyway, I’m helping you with Holly. You can’t afford to hate me.” He gazed into the forest, a gleam of anticipation in his eyes. “Look at that snow. Play your cards right, and I’ll teach you to ski.”

“I can already ski.”

“I didn’t know they made skis with heels. It must be a whole new invention. Ski-lettos. But seriously,” he said, glancing at the cabin, “I can imagine that a city girl like you would be freaked out by somewhere this remote. No one is going to hear you scream.”

“If you call me city girl one more time, you’ll be the one screaming.”

“What can I call you?”

She fastened her coat. “You won’t need to call me anything because we are barely going to see each other.”

He glanced from the cabin to her face. “How do you figure that?”

“It doesn’t take two of us to care for Holly. We’ll take it in turns.”

“Why are you going to scream, Aunty Alix?” A sleepy voice came from the back seat, and Alix glared at Zac and turned to Holly.

“Because I am excited to be here. Look! Have you seen the snow?” She slid out of the car and gathered Holly into her arms, jiggling her and pointing to the trees and the pretty red timber cabin, the whole time thinking, Please don’t let her cry. “Robyn said the cabin was open, so let’s go and see, shall we?” She strode toward the door and immediately lost her footing and fell hard to the ground, cradling Holly against her.

Pain rocketed through her hip and up to her jaw.

Holly gave a shriek of delight. “We’re skating!”

Alix made a mental note not to go skating. Wasn’t snow supposed to be soft and fluffy? “Glad you enjoyed it.”

“Again!”

“Probably not the best idea.” Zac scooped up Holly from her arms. “Be careful. It’s slippery underfoot.”

She staggered to her feet, wondering if she was going to need a hip replacement. “You don’t say.”

“You should have taken my advice and changed into those snow boots.” He shifted Holly onto his arm and held out a hand to Alix.

“I’m fine, thanks. No help needed.”

“Oh Alix!” Robyn appeared. “Are you hurt? I should have warned you to be careful on the path. I should have fetched boots for you. You’ll find several pairs inside the cabin.”

“Thanks. Providing I can walk tomorrow, I’ll definitely be wearing them.”

Oblivious to her pain, Zac strode up the path toward the cabin. “This is idyllic, Robyn.”

“Isn’t it? We love it.” Robyn walked alongside Alix, ready to grab her if she slipped again. “It’s our best cabin. When Christy emailed me about the change of plans, I was worried it might not work for you, but once I knew you were together, I thought it would be perfect.”

Together?What did she mean by that?

“We couldn’t possibly take your best cabin.” Determined not to stay under the same roof as Zac for any longer than necessary, Alix tugged off her shoes, stepped over the threshold and fell in love.

One of them needed to stay somewhere else, that was true, but it wasn’t going to be her.

The place was perfect.

The floor was white-stained pine, the minimalist look softened and warmed by a thick sheepskin rug. There was a small kitchen area in the corner, with windows overlooking the forest. Alix loved the classic Scandinavian interior, all clean lines and neutral colors.

“It’s stunning.” It was like being part of the forest, thanks to the wall of glass overlooking the snowy trees. The other walls were painted a bright white to reflect the light. The color came from the bright blue cushions piled deep on the sofa and from the large photographs on the walls. Alix stepped forward to take a closer look. They were a series of wintery scenes from the Arctic. Snowy forest, the sky illuminated with a ghostly swirls of blue and green. A close-up of an arctic hare. A wolf, its fur picked out in glorious detail by the camera. The wildness of it made her shiver. “These are gorgeous. Local photographer?”

“Me.” Robyn turned pink.

Zac studied the photographs and then their host. “Wait. You’re R. R. Svennson?”

“Yes.”

“I love your work. I have two of your photographs on the wall of my office.”

“Which ones?”

“Morning Light and Nature Undiscovered.”

Robyn smiled. “I remember those. I had an exhibition in London.”

“Four years ago.” Zac nodded. “That’s when I bought them.”

Robyn had been in London four years ago? Did Christy know that? Elizabeth had still been alive then. Had she known her sister was in London? It didn’t make sense that Elizabeth, who put family first in everything, hadn’t stayed in touch with her own sister.

Alix didn’t want to think that such a powerful bond could be easily broken.

She had a thousand questions, none of which she felt comfortable asking.

“We designed the space to be flexible.” Robyn opened a door. “This is the master bedroom. It has views right across the lake, and it’s private. There’s a small sleeping shelf tucked in here.” She opened another door. “We thought Holly might find this cozy. I added a few toys.”

It was cozy. A stack of cushions and soft toys were piled against the pillows. A warm throw encouraged the occupant to snuggle and enjoy the snow falling past the windows.

Robyn smiled tentatively at the child, and Holly smiled back from the safety of Zac’s arms.

“I like it.”

With that seal of approval, they moved back into the living room. Holly seemed reluctant to let go of Zac, so Alix let herself relax for a moment.

“It’s spectacular.”

The prospect of spending ten days in this snowy wonderland lifted her flagging spirits. She imagined herself waking early and drinking her first coffee of the day on that sofa, wrapped in that blanket, enjoying the peace of the forest.

The only stressful element was Zac.

She needed him to stay somewhere else.

She opened her mouth to explore that option, but Robyn spoke first.

“I’m glad you love it because this is all we have available right now. When Christy called to say Zac was joining you, I panicked about the accommodation, so it was a relief to find out you were a couple.”

A couple?

“This cabin is perfect.” Zac was reassuring. “And Alix and I are grateful, aren’t we, Alix?”

Wait—wasn’t he at least going to—

“Alix?” He shot her a warning look, and she managed a smile.

“So grateful. Thank you, Robyn.”

“You’re welcome. It’s bigger than it looks. There’s a ski room at the back, so you can ski to the door, and also a sauna.” Robyn opened a door to show them. “Do you ski, Alix?”

“Downhill. Never cross-country, but I’m excited to give it a try.” A couple? What had Christy said to Erik, and how could Zac be so relaxed about it?

Robyn opened the door to the sauna. A wood-fired stove nestled in the corner.

“This is incredible.” Zac stuck his head inside and slid his hand over the wood. “Aspen?”

“Yes. And the floors are pine planks.”

Holly finally lifted her head from Zac’s shoulder. “Do you have a dog?”

Robyn nodded. “Two. Nova and Suka. Both huskies. You’ll meet them tomorrow.” She glanced at Alix. “She’s fine with dogs? No fur allergy or anything like that?”

Fur allergy?

Alix looked at her blankly, and it was Zac who responded.

“To the best of our knowledge, she is fine with animals. Why?”

“It’s something we like to check.” Without elaborating, Robyn turned back to Holly. “Do you have a dog at home?”

Holly shook her head.

“I think you’ll love my dogs, and my dogs will love you.” Robyn walked through to the kitchen. “I’m sure you’re tired, so I’ll leave you to settle in, and I’ll come over tomorrow morning and we can figure out how you’d like to spend your first day. You have a fully stocked fridge and freezer.” She opened the door to prove it. “There’s wine chilling. Reindeer stew for tonight and a loganberry dessert. Cooking instructions in the file on the counter and a list of other meals that you can order. There is plenty of good coffee, and we deliver a basket of fresh pastries every morning. If you need anything, you can call me over at the lodge. I’m taking a small group of guests on a snowshoe walk in an hour to see the aurora, but after that I’ll be in all evening. If you take a look in the ski room, you’ll see plenty of outdoor clothing. I suggest you wear that over your own, but I don’t suppose you’ll be going out tonight. You probably want to get Holly fed and to bed.” She smiled at the child. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Do you like hot chocolate?”

Holly brightened. “Yes!”

“Good, because it’s the perfect way to warm up when we’re out in the snow. Tomorrow we’re going to find the perfect Christmas tree and maybe see some reindeer.”

Holly almost bounced out of Zac’s arms.

Alix felt something tug in her chest. She could see him as a father. He’d be fun, engaged, interested. He’d mastermind the best outdoor adventures. He’d never close his study door with his child on the other side.

Unsettled in a way she didn’t fully understand, she turned away and walked to the window.

Against her will, her mind drifted to her own father. She’d had a text from her mother, but nothing from him. Which wasn’t unusual. He rarely remembered specific events like birthdays or Christmas, and her mother didn’t consider it her job to remind him. Occasionally she’d receive a random card from him, but all that did was rip open a part of herself she preferred to keep safely sealed away. It was easier to hear nothing. She went weeks, months sometimes, without thinking about him, and then boom, he’d get in touch, and she was reminded how low down she was on his list of priorities.

Why was she thinking about her father? Maybe it had something to do with her changing relationship with Christy. She felt more vulnerable than usual. More alone.

Holly wriggled out of Zac’s arms and went to take another look at her bedroom while Zac walked Robyn to the front door.

Alix stayed close to the window.

She stared at the snowy forest through the generous expanse of glass. It reminded her of the fairy tales she used to read as a child, like “The Snow Queen.”

“I think I’m in love.”

“Understandable.” Zac’s voice came from behind her. “Don’t beat yourself up. You’re not the first.”

She turned slowly, her attention drawn by his satisfied, slightly smug tone. “You can’t possibly think I was talking about you.”

“No need to feel awkward about it.”

“I was talking about the cabin. This place. I’m in love with this place.” She emphasized the words carefully, but he simply smiled and walked back across the living room to check on Holly.

“Of course you are.”

She glared after him. “You’re infuriating.”

“It’s the reason you love me. Isn’t it time for bed?”

Heat spread through her body. “If you’re seriously suggesting—” She broke off, realizing he’d been talking about Holly. Grateful to have avoided another embarrassing mistake, she turned back to look at the forest. She leaned her burning forehead against the cool glass and wondered how she was going to survive being closeted with Zac.