Shadow Oracle by Laura Greenwood

Eleven

I hugmy knees to my chest and search for the words I know I have to say. Maybe I should have blurted it all out in the station just to get it over with, but my room seems like a much better place to be having this conversation. Even if I can't escape if it gets too hard.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Mathias asks.

I sigh. "Yes."

"But?"

"It's hard."

"What if I ask you questions about it and you just say yes or no?"

I snort. "This isn't a game of twenty questions."

"But it could be." He sits on the bed and reaches out for me.

I uncurl myself and lean into him, letting him pull me into his arms and offer me comfort. He doesn't even know what's bothering me and he's already doing everything he can to make me feel better. He doesn't deserve what's coming his way.

"Is this about what Fielding had to say?"

I nod. "Not too difficult a guess."

Mathias chuckles. "Not when I spent the morning with you tending to Cain's ghost. I know he's annoying, but he doesn't elicit this kind of reaction."

"True."

"So, what did she say?" he prompts.

"A letter was delivered to the station for me."

I don't need to be looking at him to be able to tell he's frowning. "Did they intercept it?"

"No." I repeat everything Agent Fielding told me, though now I'm saying it out loud, it doesn't sound like much information to go on, especially when it concerns such a big decision.

"You want to go to the house on Saturday, don't you?" he asks.

"Yes. Is that bad?"

"It's understandable."

"You're avoiding my question."

Mathias chuckles. "Maybe a little bit. But I don't know the answer to whether or not it's bad. It's dangerous, but I can understand why you want to do it, even if I don't want you to."

"You don't?"

"Of course not. I don't want you to be in danger."

"And I don't want you to be either," I point out. "But that's the situation we've ended up in now."

He nods. "I know."

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "If I'd known I'd put your family in danger, I'd..."

"You'd have what?" he cuts me off. "There's no way you could have avoided this."

"I could have stayed away from you once I started here." My argument sounds weak, even to my own ears.

"That's not completely your choice. I wanted to get to know you as much as you wanted to get to know me. At least, I hope that's the case. Maybe you'd have preferred someone else."

"Definitely not." I shift onto my knees so I'm facing him. "It's just chance that the most interesting person at the academy is the one who helped show me around on the first day."

"The most interesting?" He raises an eyebrow. "Not the hottest? Or the most charming?"

"Do you really want to be the hottest?"

"I mean, it wouldn't be bad," he admits in a half-joking tone. "But it does sound like a lot of work."

"For me too. I don't think I'd be able to fight off everyone with my scythe. It's probably frowned upon."

"It is. They're for ghosts only, no fighting off the competition."

Despite the gravity of the situation and the choice before me, a small smile curves at my lips.

"I love you," I blurt before I realise I'm saying it. My eyes widen and I sit back, my shock stopping me from even considering pretending I didn't say it.

Surprise flits across Mathias' face, only to be replaced by an intense expression I can't really place.

"I love you too," he says softly.

"You don't have to say that"

"I know. I'm saying it because I want to. But there's no denying it. I don't think I had the words for it until you said them, but once you did it kind of felt..."

"Right," I finish for him.

"Yes."

"I felt the same earlier when I thought them."

He reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers brushing against my cheek and lingering there.

"I love you, Syxe," he repeats. "And I understand if you need to go to the Shadow Association on Saturday, even if I don't like it. You have to do what feels like the right option for you. You're the one who is going to have to live with the decision."

"You already know what I want to choose, don't you?"

"I wouldn't know you very well if I didn't," he points out. "But I also know that Fielding will do everything she possibly can to keep you safe."

"I hope so. I have every intention of walking out of that house alive and free."

"Good. I'm going to hold you to that. And if you don't, I'm never going to reap you and you're going to have to haunt me for the rest of your life."

A short laugh escapes me. "Can reapers even become ghosts?"

"I think so, but it's rare. I've certainly never met a supernatural ghost."

"How disappointing. I was really hoping to meet one who could shift into something cool at some point."

"It could still happen. But I think you have to be fairly high up the Reaper Guard to be assigned the really cool cases."

"Ah, that sucks. But not as much as the vampire ghost used to," I quip.

Mathias' laugh fills the room, making my heart flutter.

It takes me a moment to realise how much of the pressure and worry has been lifted just by talking to him. I don't think it's just because he's distracting me either. It's more than that. Instead of arguing with me and trying to make my decisions for me, he's supported the ones I want to make. No one's ever done that for me before.

I shuffle back towards him and lean into his embrace. Whatever my decision is tomorrow, I know he'll do everything he can to support me in it. Which is exactly what I needed from him.

And exactly why I need to go to the Shadow Association on Saturday. I don't know what they want from me, but they're not going to stop until they're made to. And Mathias' family aren't going to pay the price for me not playing by the Association's rules.

All I have to do is find a way to beat them at their own game.