Lucky Bounce: Game On, Part 2 by Jennifer Lazaris

28

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Eli struggled to sit up from his spot on the couch. He rubbed the grit from his eyes and swung his legs over the side. What the fuck was that hammering?

Bang. Bang. Bang.

His phone, abandoned on the floor, lit up with a text message from Ryder.

Eli, open this door before I call the cops and have them break it down. I know you read my other texts. Open. The. Fucking. Door.

Shit. He glanced around the messy room, then down at his wrinkled, crusty t-shirt. How many days had he worn the same clothes? He didn't even know what day it was.

Trudging to the front door, he flicked the deadbolt and yanked it open.

Ryder stood in the hall, along with Shaw and Brandon.

"Jesus Christ." Ryder gaped at him, and his sandy-colored brows shot up in the air. "Eli... what the hell is going on?"

"I was sleeping."

He stared at them as he scratched his scraggly beard. They were all clean-shaven, with no lingering traces of their playoff beards. He hadn't gotten around to shaving his off yet.

He hadn't gotten around to a lot of things lately.

"Were you sleeping in a dumpster?" Brandon asked, brushing his shaggy dark hair out of his face. He gestured at the stains on Eli's shirt. Wrinkling his nose, he took a step back. "Fuck dude, have you even showered in the past few weeks? Goddamn. You reek."

"If all you're going to do is bitch at me, then you all can fucking leave," Eli snapped, abandoning his post at the door and walking toward the kitchen. "I don't need this shit."

The three men followed Eli toward the kitchen and stopped short.

"Oh my God." Shaw stared in horror at the piles of boxes, unwashed dishes, empty beer cans, and open snack bags. "D, this is..."

"A fucking travesty," Ryder finished. "You've avoided us for three weeks, Eli. And it looks like there's about three weeks of pizza crusts and half-eaten sandwiches in here. When was the last time you showered?"

"I don't know." He grabbed a beer from the fridge. "Don't remember. What is this, some kind of cleanliness intervention? I'll take one when I take one."

Shaw crossed his arms. "Maybe it is. You've ignored all of my texts. You're ignoring everything and everyone. We're here because we're worried about you, D."

"I'm fine."

Brandon held his arms out at his sides. "How the fuck is living in this dumpster fire fine? It stinks in here, Eli! There's rotting food on your counter and moldy dishes everywhere. And you smell worse than all of it. Talk to us. We're your friends. We want to help you."

"You can't help me," he muttered through gritted teeth.

"We can sure as hell try," Ryder said. "This isn't healthy, buddy."

"You've had a lot going on lately," Brandon told him. "Your mom being ill, all this stuff with your family, and now Holly being pregnant. It's a lot to deal with, even when you have good stuff like the Cup win."

"Have you talked to Holly?" Shaw asked.

"Just drop it, okay? I don't want to talk about any of this shit." He looked down at the floor. "Just leave me alone."

Ryder walked over to him and gently placed his hands on his shoulders. "I need you to look at me, Eli."

The gesture, steeped in concern, broke something loose inside of him. Tears pricked the corner of his eyes, and he swallowed hard.

"Eli, look at me."

"No," he choked out. "Get the fuck out of here."

"That's not going to happen," Ryder said patiently. "We're not going anywhere, and you need to understand that. We're going to help you, buddy."

He stumbled backward, jerking away from Ryder. "Stop it. You can't help me! No one can fucking help me!"

The panic and anxiety he'd been battling for weeks reached up and swallowed him whole, and this time there was no escape.

His chest grew tight, and he struggled to breathe as his heart began to pound. Feeling suddenly woozy, he sucked in gulps of air before falling to his knees on the kitchen floor.

"Eli!" Brandon yelled. He yanked his phone from his pocket. "That's it. I'm calling 911."

"No." Ryder held up a hand as Shaw raced over to join him at Eli's side. "He's going to be okay. He's having a panic attack."

Shaking uncontrollably, he leaned his head against his hands. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the strange, spinning sensation that overtook him. But it was no use. His stomach pitched violently, and he vomited on the floor, over and over again until there was nothing left.

Hot tears streamed down his face as he fought through the dry heaves, clutching his head in his hands.

"Easy," Ryder said softly. "Easy now. It's okay. You're going to be okay."

His friends helped him sit up, and he collapsed back against the fridge.

Brandon handed him a bottle of water. "Sip, don't gulp."

He tried to remember what Holly had told him all those weeks ago, when this had happened the first time. Closing his eyes, he forced himself to slow his breathing.

In. Out. In. Out.

A few minutes passed before he opened his eyes to see his friends hovering over him like three worried mothers.

"Are you ready to talk?" Ryder asked. "Because if you aren't, I think there's more of that waiting around the bend."

"What can I say?" Eli shook his head. "It's everything. My mom. My dad, finding out I had sisters, me and Holly. And now, now that she's...”

"Pregnant," Brandon finished.

"Yeah." He dragged the back of his hand across his mouth. "I just feel like total shit. I've got to put my mom in a facility any day now, and I can't stand the thought of it. This whole thing with me and my father, it's just totally fucked up. I'm trying to approach it logically, but I'm so fucking pissed off. " He shook his head. "Me and Holly are in a bad place, and we wouldn't be, but now that she's..."

"Pregnant," Ryder said, nodding. "You're struggling big time with that. You can't even say the word, bud."

"No, I can't say it. I don't even want to think about it." He covered his face with his hands. "Guys, I can't do this. I can't be a father. I just fucking can't." He leaned his head back against the fridge, then waved a hand. "Saying that out loud makes me feel like a horrible person. Maybe I am a horrible person."

He felt the panic and anxiety building back up again, and he balled his hands into fists. "And because I can't handle it, I'm going to lose the only woman I've ever loved. I'm going to lose everything.”

Eli ran a hand through his hair. "I figured if I had Holly, I thought I could get through all this stuff I'm dealing with, you know? But now that's gone. Because I can't get my shit together. Because I can't handle the idea of being a dad."

Ryder sat down on the floor and let out a heavy sigh. "I'm not going to give you any advice, but I am going to say something. I hear you saying that you can't be a father. But this shit all sounds tied together. Like a bowling ball-sized mess of Christmas lights you have to untangle." Ryder shrugged. "I'm not sure that what you're feeling is truly, ‘I can't be a father.’ I think it's a lot of things that are making you feel like ‘can't’ is the number one word in your vocabulary." Ryder gestured at the kitchen. "You're overwhelmed. Majorly overwhelmed. Anyone would be. But it looks like you're sliding right down into full-blown depression. You're going to have to talk to someone about all of this before it takes you down."

"I'm fucking terrified," he choked out, glancing down at the floor. "The idea of raising a human being? Me? I never had a real father to show me how to do anything. My stepfather was an asshole, and my real dad wasn't in my life. Kids don't come with a handbook. I don't know how to be a father."

"Yeah, but that's just it," Brandon pointed out. "Even if you think you're prepared, you're not. I've got two kids, and if you think I know what I'm doing, you're sadly mistaken."

"But you had a good role model," Eli argued. "Your dad is a fantastic guy."

"He is," Brandon admitted. "But when Briar is screaming and crying because her hair isn't the same color as one of her favorite TV princesses, do you think I have any fucking clue what I'm supposed to do?" He snorted with laughter. "There's no handbook because the problems are infinite. All you can do is roll with it and try to do the best you can. And if you're lucky, you have someone by your side to help navigate the uncharted waters of parenthood. I've got that with Hannah. And I'm pretty sure you'd have that with Holly."

Eli rubbed his forehead. "I know I would have that with her. But I wasn't prepared for the legit, sheer terror I feel when I think about being a father. I sweat through my shirt if I even try to picture it."

"You've been dealing with a lot of your own father issues recently, D. I think that's a huge part of this. But I also think Ryder has a point when he says a lot of your fear is tangled up in other things." Brandon paused for a second, running a hand down over his jaw. "I'm not going to lie, Eli. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. It's not for everyone, and there's very good reasons why people choose to not have kids. But for me, it's been worth it. There's nothing like seeing my kids' faces light up when I come home from a road trip, and I'm attacked with hugs. Or telling them bedtime stories and making them laugh. There's a lot of good times. It's not all serious business. I just think you ought to consider that."

"How about we start cleaning up while you jump in the shower?" Shaw asked. "Have you eaten yet today?"

His stomach rumbled loudly in response, and his friends laughed.

"Gonna take that as a no." Ryder gave him a wry grin. "Go grab a shower while we clean up. Then maybe we can order in some food and watch some shitty TV. Unless you want to go out?"

"I wouldn't mind going to Callahan's, if we can hang out upstairs away from the crowd. I'm sick of breathing the same air."

"That's because the air in here is not fresh, my friend," Shaw mumbled. "It's not fresh at all."

"What day is it?" Eli asked.

"Thursday," Ryder replied. "Callahan's it is, then."

He stood up, wobbly on his legs, and glanced around the kitchen.

Fuck, it really was a disaster.

"I'm not cleaning up any puke," Shaw told them. "Forget it."

"I'll do it. Doesn't bother me at all. You get used to it when you're a parent," Brandon told him. "All right, D. Go get cleaned up so we can get the fuck out of here."

* * *

He had to admit, it felt good to be out of the house. Having his friends come over and talk to him had helped. It didn't solve his problems, but at least he felt less alone.

They were tucked into a corner upstairs at Callahan's away from the hustle and bustle of the bar, and it was a welcome respite from his penthouse.

The last hour or so they'd been shooting the shit, munching on appetizers, and eating their dinners. He'd gotten something healthy for dinner—chicken, steak, and veggies—since he'd drowned his misery in pizza, wings, and assorted carbs the past few weeks.

"Dinner is on me, boys." He tossed his credit card down on the tip tray. "I owe you guys."

"You don't owe us shit," Ryder said, waving a hand. "You would have done it for any of us."

Eli nodded. "You're right, I would have."

"Hey." Shaw peered down at his phone. "West is here. He was at the movies with Penn. Asked if we want to play some pool downstairs. Table's empty if we do."

"I'm game." Brandon slapped his hands down on the table. "What do you guys think?”

"Same." Ryder glanced over at him. "Let's head down. Are you coming, D?"

"Yeah, I'll be down after I pay this. The waitress said she would be back up here in a few minutes."

"Cool, see you down there."

The three of them headed downstairs as Eli sank back against the booth with a sigh. He'd barely had a chance to take a breath before Penn walked up to the table.

"Hey, Eli." She lifted her hand in a wave. "I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute."

"Uh, yeah. Sure." He frowned. "Is everything okay?"

"I wanted to talk to you about Holly."

He twisted the napkin in his hands, then gestured for her to take a seat. Penn had to know everything that had transpired between him and Holly. They told each other everything.

Penn pulled her curly blonde hair back into a ponytail, then glanced across the table at him. "I know you guys haven't talked in a while."

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "No, we haven't."

"Well, she's been job hunting. After what happened with Lyla, she needs a new job. I know she negotiated for some of the money she was promised for the feature, but she's hell-bent on finding work as soon as possible because it's not going to last long."

"I knew she was looking for work. Is she short on cash or something? Does she need help?"

"No, no," Penn said, shaking her head. "It's nothing like that. It's just that she's been through a round of interviews at this one magazine, and in a few days, she's doing a final interview. If it goes well, she's going to get the job."

"That's good news, isn't it?"

"No. The job is in California, Eli. If she gets it, she's moving."

His heart leaped into his throat. "California? She can't move."

"Yeah, well, tell her that," Penn muttered. "Lyla got her blackballed from working at any publications here and a few neighboring states. You know her dad is some big publishing mogul. She's got connections. Holly feels like she doesn't have any choice but to move. And now with the baby coming..."

"She can't fucking move," he repeated.

"I don't want her to go. This is crazy. I know you guys are going through some rough stuff, but she'll do it, Eli. She'll leave. I know Holly. And you know her, too. She's headstrong and independent. She'll go if she feels there's nothing here for her."

"Even if we aren't on the same page right now, you're her best friend. You're like her sister. Why would she leave you?"

"I don't know. Until she met you, I was the only person she was really close to. Please, Eli. You have to talk to her."

"She's not going to listen to me."

"Do you want her to move to California? You'll never see her again. And I'm not sure how you feel about everything, but that also means that you'll never see your child."

He was sure that the sweeping panic and anxiety he'd felt for weeks would come roaring back after hearing that. Instead, he felt numb.

What the fuck was happening to him? What was with all of these extreme highs and lows? None of it made sense anymore.

"I'll talk to her," he told Penn. "I don't know if it will make a difference, but I'll try."

She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Eli."

"Don't thank me yet."

"Maybe between the two of us, we can get her to stay." She looked down at her watch. "I better get going. I have to let the dog out. West can grab a ride home with one of you guys."

"Okay. See you later."

After Penn left, the waitress came and processed his card, and he headed downstairs.

Suddenly, he felt the overwhelming urge to talk to his mother. It was only a little after 5:00 pm, so she should be awake. It was time to tell her what he'd been putting off for weeks.

Even if she didn't remember tomorrow, he would. And he had to hope that it would be enough to hold on to when things got rough.

* * *

Eli unlocked his mother's front door and saw his father standing in the hallway, looking at the photographs on the wall.

"Eli?" Troy's eyebrows rose. "How are you doing?"

"Been better," he replied, closing the door. "Thanks for taking care of things here lately. I didn't realize how much I needed a break."

"It was no problem."

"When are you headed back to Tampa?"

"In a few days. You came for a visit at a good time. Katherine is having a pretty lucid day today."

"That's good to hear. Where's Jessie?"

"She ran out to grab some coffee. Katherine is in the living room."

Eli shoved his hands into his pockets. "I'm going to talk to her tonight about the facility. She probably won't remember anything later on, but I will. I need to get this over with. It's been weighing heavily on my mind."

His father nodded. "I'll give you some space."

"Actually... it might be nice to have someone else around while I tell her. That is, if you don't mind."

"Of course not. Do you want to do it now?"

"Yeah. Might as well."

He walked into the living room and found his mother sitting in her chair, watching television.

"Hey, how's my favorite lady?" he asked softly.

"Eli!" His mother's face lit up when she saw him. "I'm so glad you're here, honey."

"I'm really sorry I haven't been over in a while. I've been pretty busy. Forgive me?"

"You're here now, and that's all that matters." She squeezed his hand as he bent to kiss her cheek. "Troy's here. I'm so happy the two of you are talking."

"That's all because of you, Mom. And the letters. I read all of them. And I read yours, too."

He sat down on the couch, leaning forward as he spoke. "I know you feel guilty, but you don't have anything to feel bad about. I’ve told you that before. I know why you did what you did. And I love you no matter what."

His mother grew teary eyed. "I was so scared to lose you."

"I know. But it's all in the past now."

His father sat on the opposite end of the couch. "That's right. The past is the past," Troy said. "What matters is now."

Eli hesitated, feeling the familiar surge of panic and anxiety begin to build, but he fought through it. He had to do this. He had to talk to her now, while she was here in the moment with him.

"Mom, I know we don't talk much about your Alzheimer's, but you need to know that it's getting worse. And your nurses..." He paused, trying not to let his emotions get the better of him. "It's tough for Jessie and Irena to do everything by themselves. You need more care. I wish I could help more, but my job makes that really difficult."

"So I need more nurses?"

"No, Mom. You're... you're going to have to move to a new home. One where they have more staff available."

His mother was quiet for a moment. "Because my memory... it's bad now."

"Yeah," he said softly. "It's getting very bad. And you need to be somewhere where they can give you more help than Jessie and Irena can give you. More than I can give you."

"When?" she asked, glancing over at him.

"Soon. I just want you to know that I've been there to see the place. It's nice, Mom. It's a good place, and they can help you. And it's here in Vegas, right nearby, so I can visit all the time. You're not going to be alone there, okay? You can always reach me, and I'll come see you every chance I get, as long as I'm not on the road playing hockey." He let out a shaky breath. "I just want you to know that I'm doing this because I love you, and I want the very best for you. Right now, living here isn't the best thing for you. And my mom deserves the best, so we have to do this, okay?"

His mother reached across the arm of her chair and grabbed his hand. "Don't worry. I'll be fine there, Eli. I understand."

He swallowed hard. "I'm going to make sure of that. I'm going to take care of everything."

"Of course you are," she said, looking surprised as she patted his hand. "You've always taken care of me. You're the best son a mother could ask for."

Jessie came in with a tray of beverages, diverting his mother's attention.

"Hello, Eli," she said, waving. "Nice to see you. Mrs. Donnelley, I brought you a cup of tea."

"Eli, why don't we go out on the porch for a bit." His father slapped his thighs and stood. "Let the ladies have their tea in peace."

"Sure." The conversation had taken a lot out of him emotionally, and he could use a break. His mother might not even remember their talk ten minutes from now, but still, he felt relieved. She'd understood in the moment, and he had to hang on to that.

He followed Troy out onto the porch and sat down on the railing as his father took a seat on the glider.

"Are you okay?" Troy asked.

Eli glanced out over the yard. "I'm glad that's over, but no, I'm not okay."

"It's a lot to handle. It's a very big step getting her moved into a facility. I know it has to be really hard on you, making that decision."

"It's fucking awful. I feel guilty, and the whole thing just sucks."

Troy nodded. "Sometimes, doing the right thing is the hardest thing."

"I guess." He paused, then glanced over at his father. "My girlfriend, Holly, is pregnant."

His father's face lit up before realizing it might not be something to be celebrated.

"You're not happy about it," his father said slowly.

"How can I be? I don't know how to be a father. I grew up with a stepfather who treated me like trash, and a biological father who I never knew. I know jackshit about being a dad."

"Do you love Holly?"

Eli swung his ball cap around. "Yeah, I do. Earlier tonight, I found out she's planning on moving to California if she gets this job she's been interviewing for."

"What are you going to do?"

"What can I do?" he snapped. "I can't force her to stay."

"I'm sure Katherine never told you this, but you were a surprise to me and Camilla."

Eli stared at his father. "I was?"

"Yep. When Camilla got pregnant with you, we weren't married. We were crazy about each other, but we hadn't made any long-term plans. And then boom, she was pregnant."

His father shook his head and smiled. "Jesus, I was fucking terrified. I nearly passed out when she showed me the positive pregnancy test."

Eli raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

"Oh, yeah. I loved your mother, but no way was I ready for that news. I didn't know how the hell I would make enough money to support a wife, let alone a kid. I didn't know the first thing about being a parent. I was practically a kid myself." Troy shook his head. "I spent the first few months of the pregnancy in a state of sheer panic. Literally sweating through my shirts, worrying."

"What changed?"

He smiled at Eli. "I finally went with your mom to one of her doctor's appointments, and heard your heartbeat for the first time. I bawled like a baby right then and there."

Eli slowly turned around to face his father.

"All I could think of was, holy shit. We did that. We created that little person with the strongest heartbeat I've ever heard." Troy smiled at him. "At that moment, everything changed. You became my kid. Our kid. You became more than just a fear that I'd felt for months. You were this little person that we made because we loved the hell out of each other. And then I couldn't wait to meet you."

His father hung his head for a moment before speaking. "I sure as hell am not going to win any father-of-the-year awards. We both know that. But, Eli, before everything went bad, those were the greatest years of my life. You, me, and your mom. We were a family. My biggest regret in this life is losing my family."

Troy looked over at him. "You need to know that you were the best thing I've ever done. I lost so much time. I did so many things wrong. And I have no right to give you parental advice, but I'm going to do it anyway. You think you know nothing about being a dad, but that's not true, son. You've had two men teach you exactly how not to be a father."

Troy leaned forward, clasping his hands in front of him. "You already know what not to do. How not to act. You know how you felt when Ethan Donnelley was cruel to you. How you felt when you didn't get a birthday present from me. What it was like to not have a father show up at your games or to help you with your homework. To never get praised for what you did right from men who should have been guiding forces in your life. Now, you have to take those experiences and learn from them. And then you do the exact opposite of what we did. All you have to do is love your kid, Eli. Let them know just how loved they are. If you do that, you're going to be an amazing father. You've got the money to raise a child. You're smart as hell. You've got a girlfriend you love. You're so far ahead of the game, son. I know you can do this."

"How do you know?" he asked, then swallowed. "How can you know that?"

"Look how you've cared for your mother all this time. Looking out for her welfare, her best interests, and going above and beyond every step of the way for her. That's real love. That's caring. And you'll do the same thing for your child. But there's much more joy in that journey than the one you're facing with your mother. And a lot more rewards. You already know how to do this, Eli. I promise. When it comes to the important, big things, you know how to do them. And the little stuff? Well, you'll learn as you go. I have faith in you. You just need to have faith in yourself."

Eli swallowed hard again, then glanced out at the little yard. "When you first saw me... did you love me?"

"I loved you before that." His father stood and walked over to him, then gently put a hand on his shoulder. "I loved you when you took your first breath, and I'll love you when I take my last." Troy shrugged. "All the stuff in between has been my fault, but maybe someday you can forgive me. It doesn't have to be now, but maybe we can figure out how to move forward when you decide the time is right."

Eli drew in a shaky breath. "I think we're figuring that out now. And I'm willing to try."

His father's eyes grew watery, and he squeezed Eli's shoulder. "I'm definitely willing."

They stood silently for a few moments, before his father asked, "So what are you going to do, son?"

He met his father's eyes. "I guess I'm going to be a dad."

Troy smiled. "And your girlfriend?"

"She's not really my girlfriend. Not officially, anyway. It's... complicated." Eli sighed, then gave his father a wry look. "Any advice for that scenario?"

His father chuckled. "Sorry, son. You're going to have to solve that one yourself."

"Yeah, I guess so."

He needed to figure out how to proceed, and fast. And he was damned sure it wasn't going to be easy.

* * *

When he got back to his condo later that night, he stopped to get the mail and found a small package in the box.

"What the hell?" he muttered, glancing down at the address.

It was from Holly.

Once he was inside the elevator, he ripped it open, finding a USB key and a note.

Eli,

I know things are weird between us, but I want you to have this. Just watch the file called "movie." (I learned how to use the video editor on my new computer)

-Holly

After letting himself into the apartment, he got a bottle of water out of the fridge and took his computer into the living room. He settled on the couch and popped in the USB key.

What unfolded on his screen were the final moments of the third period before the Kingsnakes won the Cup and a split screen of his mother's reactions to it all.

Her happiness. Her love. Her cheering him on from her favorite chair—it was all there, as plain as day.

Jessie was next to her, explaining everything as his mother clapped in excitement.

The interview he gave after the win came onto the screen—the one where he'd talked about how he wished his mom was there to see the win, and how he appreciated all the sacrifices she made to get him to this moment. The split video showed her crying and saying how much she loved him.

How proud she was of him.

That's all he had wanted to hear that night—her telling him that she was proud of him.

And hearing it now had him blubbering like a fucking baby.

"You did it," she said, blowing him a kiss. "Eli, you did it!"

"No, Mom. We did it," he murmured, drying his face with the bottom of his t-shirt. "We did it."

He'd never have gotten as far as he had without her support and sacrifice.

The video ended, but it took him five minutes to get his shit together.

He'd have never known about any of this if it hadn't been for Holly having the forethought to arrange filming her that night.

Suddenly, he started to laugh. Holly had a bad habit of keeping things from him, and while it frustrated the fuck out of him, sometimes—just sometimes—it turned out to be a pleasant surprise.

Like this one.

And now that he'd finally wrapped his head around it—like the baby. He wouldn't have been able to say that a few weeks ago. But now he could truly say he felt that way about his child.

Their child.

If she left for California, it would break him. He had to prove to her that he wanted her. That he wanted them both in his life.

And he had to do it now.